Aa
32 weeks pregnant and this has got to be the end
I have been taking pain pills for about 5 years now. A 7.5 would get me high for about a year or 2 and then when I met my husband it got worse. He liked taking them on the weekends, just for fun just like I was doing. We had a great hook up so they were always available. We would take hydro or percocet 10's on the weekends and then none throughout the week. Of course it got worse and then we were on to taking them ALL the time. The money we spend on these things are ridiculous. I found out I was pregnant in June 2011. I stop taking them for a week because I was so high off the fact we were having a baby and didnt want to do anything to hurt it. We decided to get 4 perc 10's one night and then never take them again. He had 2 I had 2. Well that started the roller coaster back over. Since I have had a healthy pregnancy and the baby is growing exactly like he is suppose to (he is actually measuring a week bigger than he is suppose to be) it made me feel like it was OK and the baby wasn't being affected by all of this. I know I shouldnt be taking pain pills and the only problem I have found is risking the baby being addicted and going thru withdrawal once it is born. I want to stop my last 8 weeks to ensure baby be born pain free. Today is my first day without a pill. My doctors have no clue I take these pills. I go to all my appts and everythings is always great. I have had a 4d ultrasound and he is the prettiest little boy EVER. His heart, kidneys, all his organs are perfect via ultrasound. I just know this has to be the end of it all. I can't take anymore. I have tried my whole pregnancy to quit and never made it past day 1. My husband and I have talked and we are doing this together. We know in order to have a healthy baby this can not go on! I have been taking up to 30mg of hydro's or percs a day. Whichever we had. I take 15 mg at a time mostly a dose in the morning and a dose at night. Some days 45mgs but that is only like once a week. I do chew the pills when I take them to get a faster high. This is the first time I have admitted this and I feel terrible just writing it. I feel like I can't get up in the mornings without a pill just to clean, cook, play with my daughter or even have a good day. I have went maybe 2 days without a pill through my whole pregnancy and I do have withdrawals but I dont think they are as bad as most go through. I think mine is more mental and that is where my problem is. The physical is not great tho, I dont want to do anything, even be nice! And of course I am the sweetest person EVER when im high. No one knows about this besides my husband. I just need to STOP and I am so scared of not getting high anymore!!!!! I dont need preaching on withdrawals and pre term labor, or that I need to talk to my doctor. I am no doing that. I have tried weening myself off by cutting down the mgs everyday and I always do good until I am about done and then I just give up and do 15mgs again. I have to quit cold turkey there is no other way, I just need support, someone that was in my shoes. I hate these things, they consume my life, I live around them and this has to be the end...it has to be!!!!!!
You're definitely right, we all do care. I think the cases you speak of are of "normal people" coming clean with their doctors about addiction. It's an entirely different ballgame when the patient is pregnant, trust me. I can't even count anymore how many pregnant women I've been through this with - doctors have to, "to protect their own @$$es", treat pregnant women differently when it comes to addiction because "firing a patient" or "cutting her off" could have devastating effects on the baby, and doctors do NOT want that liability.
I do believe in supporting someone who is struggling, and I have been supportive of her the entire time. But I also believe in honesty, because you don't get much more honest than addiction during pregnancy; it's a very cold hard reality that can't be ignored or wished away.
I DO hope that in 6-10wks she delivers a healthy baby and no complications arise. I hope that the baby is perfectly healthy, and she is healthy, and no drug screens are run. I do! I don't WANT anything ill to occur.
But I believe we are doing her a GRAVE injustice by not being real and honest about the dangers....because a positive drug screen without the doctor's prior knowledge could be DEVASTATING (no baby is not likely to be taken away, but all the "what ifs" you just described...those are far more likely to occur with a surprise positive drug screen than if the doctor knows what to expect when the patient is pregnant). honest. blunt. period.
If I were in her shoes, and no one warned me about what could happen, and I delivered a child who was given a surprise drug test that showed positive, and all of a sudden my life was turned upside-down by CPS....I would turn to the people who KNEW what could happen and go "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!??!" I would, because if I KNEW someone could've warned me, could've helped me avoid the trouble in the first place, and DIDN'T..I would feel betrayed.
So that's why I'm blunt about it. I really really wish her well, and I've invested a lot of emotion and heart into her story and I would be very sad if we never had an update and never found out what happens with her and the baby - but I, personally, would take that risk if I knew that my message had gotten through to her that this isn't something to risk.
but that's just my two cents...I truly believe that honesty is the antithesis to addiction. they cannot co-exist.
I do believe in supporting someone who is struggling, and I have been supportive of her the entire time. But I also believe in honesty, because you don't get much more honest than addiction during pregnancy; it's a very cold hard reality that can't be ignored or wished away.
I DO hope that in 6-10wks she delivers a healthy baby and no complications arise. I hope that the baby is perfectly healthy, and she is healthy, and no drug screens are run. I do! I don't WANT anything ill to occur.
But I believe we are doing her a GRAVE injustice by not being real and honest about the dangers....because a positive drug screen without the doctor's prior knowledge could be DEVASTATING (no baby is not likely to be taken away, but all the "what ifs" you just described...those are far more likely to occur with a surprise positive drug screen than if the doctor knows what to expect when the patient is pregnant). honest. blunt. period.
If I were in her shoes, and no one warned me about what could happen, and I delivered a child who was given a surprise drug test that showed positive, and all of a sudden my life was turned upside-down by CPS....I would turn to the people who KNEW what could happen and go "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!??!" I would, because if I KNEW someone could've warned me, could've helped me avoid the trouble in the first place, and DIDN'T..I would feel betrayed.
So that's why I'm blunt about it. I really really wish her well, and I've invested a lot of emotion and heart into her story and I would be very sad if we never had an update and never found out what happens with her and the baby - but I, personally, would take that risk if I knew that my message had gotten through to her that this isn't something to risk.
but that's just my two cents...I truly believe that honesty is the antithesis to addiction. they cannot co-exist.
In this case, it appears that the mother deems it is worth it..and so we go from there. I never stated anywhere that Ashelen was uncaring in her response. I believe she cares, I believe we ALL care very much and that is why we are here. She isnt going to uproot her life and her families life because of what strangers post on a forum urging her to do otherwise, even if it is the general concensus to do so. Its not going to happen and it is what it is
There is ONE thing every single poster here has in common, no matter what they disagree on, agree on,even if their is not one other thing in common with this person who is radically different than us and would most likely never give them a second look on the street.. The one thing we ALL have in common : We all care. Very, very much.
So lets not poke and prod her until she gets so disgusted and annoyed she never logs back in again and we never know what happens to her OR the baby.
There is ONE thing every single poster here has in common, no matter what they disagree on, agree on,even if their is not one other thing in common with this person who is radically different than us and would most likely never give them a second look on the street.. The one thing we ALL have in common : We all care. Very, very much.
So lets not poke and prod her until she gets so disgusted and annoyed she never logs back in again and we never know what happens to her OR the baby.
You are correct in that Dr.'s can do things. However, I work in this field and that includes working with many many Dr.'s. The majority are concerned with one thing and one thing only. Ensuring that mom and baby are both healthy. Yes, CPS may get involved. In fact, it's likely that they will. But they too are only concerned with everyone involveds welfare. They do not just take kids from parents who are struggling with addiction. If there is no neglect or abuse (and most times there isn't), they tend to approach the family as a whole and try to find community supports, etc. to work through the issue. They know (all of us in this field know) that the best way to help the children is to help the parents. It is NOT in a childs best interest to take them from their parents unless the child is in danger. Again, rarely the case.
Struggling with addiction does not mean you are some horrid neglectful parent. It means you are struggling with addiction.
As for permanent records..again yes, it's possible. What I have found more often then not is that pain meds will still be prescribed, but increased monitoring is required, and smaller amounts are given forcing more frequent Dr.'s appointments. The medical field is not in the business of making people suffer needlessly. Some Dr.'s are difficult. If that is the case, then I promise you there are more that are not. THere is nothing wrong with switching Dr.'s. I have offered to help find a place like the agency I work with where I KNOW they are not judgemental and that the environment is supportive. That offer stands.
I too believe she loves that baby heart and sole. That has nothing to do with her addiction. But I think we all know that part of recovery is taking responsibility for actions, doing your best to correct them, then putting them behind you. Until a problem is acknowledged and responsibility taken, you cannot possibly begin to resolve things.
I am glad the baby you speak of is fine. I also have seen things turn our well. I have also seen them turn out not so well. That is a bit like saying, it's ok to play Russian Roulette, cause chances are I won't get the chamber with the bullet in it. Is it worth it?
It is not martyrdom to come forward to your Dr. It is a sign of being serious about recovery, and doing what is responsible for the well being of your child. She will do what she feels is right. Personally, I will support her regardless. But I will not say that not coming forward to the Dr. is ok. It's not the best way to do this. It has nothing to do with judging. Patting someone on the back and saying it's ok is not honest, and it's not helpful. Often we have to tell people things they may not want to hear.
Everything Ashelen said is dead on correct and trust me, said in the spirit of caring cause that's who she is.
Struggling with addiction does not mean you are some horrid neglectful parent. It means you are struggling with addiction.
As for permanent records..again yes, it's possible. What I have found more often then not is that pain meds will still be prescribed, but increased monitoring is required, and smaller amounts are given forcing more frequent Dr.'s appointments. The medical field is not in the business of making people suffer needlessly. Some Dr.'s are difficult. If that is the case, then I promise you there are more that are not. THere is nothing wrong with switching Dr.'s. I have offered to help find a place like the agency I work with where I KNOW they are not judgemental and that the environment is supportive. That offer stands.
I too believe she loves that baby heart and sole. That has nothing to do with her addiction. But I think we all know that part of recovery is taking responsibility for actions, doing your best to correct them, then putting them behind you. Until a problem is acknowledged and responsibility taken, you cannot possibly begin to resolve things.
I am glad the baby you speak of is fine. I also have seen things turn our well. I have also seen them turn out not so well. That is a bit like saying, it's ok to play Russian Roulette, cause chances are I won't get the chamber with the bullet in it. Is it worth it?
It is not martyrdom to come forward to your Dr. It is a sign of being serious about recovery, and doing what is responsible for the well being of your child. She will do what she feels is right. Personally, I will support her regardless. But I will not say that not coming forward to the Dr. is ok. It's not the best way to do this. It has nothing to do with judging. Patting someone on the back and saying it's ok is not honest, and it's not helpful. Often we have to tell people things they may not want to hear.
Everything Ashelen said is dead on correct and trust me, said in the spirit of caring cause that's who she is.
Ashelen, doctors "do" things all the time,and there is much to fear.
They can cut her off and say "sorry cant help ya" and fire her from the practice, baby and all. Put it in her medical records, do a medcheck on her and call and tell all her other doctors INCLUDING DENTIST, file a report on her at the DEA,and when her new doctors call to get the medical records faxed over, then they tell the new doctor. Most doctors will not tolerate abuse of medication because they dont WANT to, they have to cover their own ***..and yes, im speaking of personal experiance..and things worked themselves out and I found a new,less rigid doctor where when i AM ready to come clean, i know i can tell him and he wont act like its the most disgusting and unheard of thing on the planet.
It will go in her medical records and God forbid, i nthe future if she hurts herself or breaks her leg, they most likely won't prescribe her anything for pain meds.
I believe that needstostop loves her baby..and I believe that if she thinks something is wrong, really wrong, then she will say to hell with the above and then come clean to her doctors or tell them or something..but that hasnt happened yet, and it may not.
My esthetician adopted a baby a few years ago and the mother took large dosages of lortab everyday..and the baby was fine. Healthy,perfect..He is now 6 years old and starting kindergarten and STILL fine.Now, i know this is just one example but...I think she needs to do whats right for her and her situation. If being the martyr and valiantly coming forth to her doctor and everyone around her will bring her a ration of **** when the baby turns out to be okay, then I don't think she should.
They can cut her off and say "sorry cant help ya" and fire her from the practice, baby and all. Put it in her medical records, do a medcheck on her and call and tell all her other doctors INCLUDING DENTIST, file a report on her at the DEA,and when her new doctors call to get the medical records faxed over, then they tell the new doctor. Most doctors will not tolerate abuse of medication because they dont WANT to, they have to cover their own ***..and yes, im speaking of personal experiance..and things worked themselves out and I found a new,less rigid doctor where when i AM ready to come clean, i know i can tell him and he wont act like its the most disgusting and unheard of thing on the planet.
It will go in her medical records and God forbid, i nthe future if she hurts herself or breaks her leg, they most likely won't prescribe her anything for pain meds.
I believe that needstostop loves her baby..and I believe that if she thinks something is wrong, really wrong, then she will say to hell with the above and then come clean to her doctors or tell them or something..but that hasnt happened yet, and it may not.
My esthetician adopted a baby a few years ago and the mother took large dosages of lortab everyday..and the baby was fine. Healthy,perfect..He is now 6 years old and starting kindergarten and STILL fine.Now, i know this is just one example but...I think she needs to do whats right for her and her situation. If being the martyr and valiantly coming forth to her doctor and everyone around her will bring her a ration of **** when the baby turns out to be okay, then I don't think she should.
I'm sorry you felt judged, but I always say that the easy answer is rarely the honest answer, and the honest answer is rarely easy.
Please keep us posted with what's going on with you...and I'm glad you found a place that you feel is giving you support, but remember that an addict's brain is good at lying - if you think everything is easy and all you have to do is "try"..chances are you're missing something. If "trying" is all it took, NO one would be an addict.
Anyway....I really can;t wait for your update, 8wks is so close! I am due with #3 in the beginning of April and I'm already getting excited :-).
Please keep us posted with what's going on with you...and I'm glad you found a place that you feel is giving you support, but remember that an addict's brain is good at lying - if you think everything is easy and all you have to do is "try"..chances are you're missing something. If "trying" is all it took, NO one would be an addict.
Anyway....I really can;t wait for your update, 8wks is so close! I am due with #3 in the beginning of April and I'm already getting excited :-).
COMMUNITY LEADER
We all just want you and the baby to be safe and only you know how you are feeling. Keep us posted on how you are doing and let us know when the baby is born!!
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