Afraid of WD but want to stop pain killers

[Scot77]

I have been taking Norco/OXY for about a year now consistently. I have come to the realization that if I don’t stop im never going to be happy and also may die. It started with major ankle surgery and believe me the pain was almost un bearable. But now, the pain is fine and almost non existent.  I only take it because of the “high”. It puts me in the best moods. Like I’m superman and can tackle anything. When I’m off of them I am the worst person to be married to be around and the worst father to my children. I get extremely irritable, grumpy whatever, and at the end of the day I HATE myself. Can’t even get through this post without crying/being upset with how I let this get out of control. I have lied to my wife/best friend about it and am afraid to come clean yet again with her and lose all trust or worst yet, my marriage/kids. I am scared beyond all reason. I am at a loss. I never in my life thought I would get to this point. Worst yet is the fact that I went without for about 10 whole day…it sucked but I made it. But then I played a softball game and to be honest…I ached afterwards. So guess what first came to mind? Yes…Norco. And the fact that it is so easy to get doesn’t makes things better. So not only did I re-lapse but I am taking more now than I ever did…..I am up to 35/30 5mg oxy’s or 15-20 norcos per day. I know…it’s bad. But I have it in my head to quit once and for all and made my friends swear they wouldn’t give me any more. They are very helpful and the fact that I don’t pay for it makes me believe that they will truly stick by their word. I also told them that my Doctor thinks it’s eating a hole in my stomach. I told them this t scare them into not giving me anymore as well. It worked =)

So now I want to quit but am terrified. I could use some support. I understand I am a bad person and have made peace with the fact that I made mad decisions as well. I am ready to start over. Not just for my but for my 4 and 6 year olds as well. My wife deserves someone better for sure, but I am sure as hell going to try. Please don’t feel bad for me as I brought this on myself. I need only your support and suggestions please. With all my heart, please help. Thanks

[Scot77]

WD's are upon me...sweats...aches and pains, tummy issues, flu like symptoms =(

[Pat1956100]

Wow, I thought I was losing my mind.  What happened to Wilson, lol???
Glad you straightened that out and also that you sound so good.
Day 4 already.  Now you just need to get your energy back and take on the world.
You are doing great.

[Missshawn]

Hey how are you today. You're not a bad person at all..just have a small issue that will soon be a memory. Just think ,before you had the meds,where you able to go threw life,(yes). Taper down & quite!!

[Scot77]

=) Sounds good. Thanks again

[toothfairie]

thank you!!  and you will get there!!  i am looking forward to day 60 now!  you're doing all the right things.....i have kept mine a secret from family/friends too for now....when i get more clean time i will tell them i think but everyone is diff....some want to tell right away....but i just can't...but that's JUST ME!!   good luck to you as well!!  keep posting and letting us know how you are doing!  i'll be on and off here all thru the holidays.....i'm on here every day at some point.

[Scot77]

Thank you very much for the kind words. I am very proud of your 36 day spree! good job! I hope to get their as well. I think I will -=) Thanks again and good luck to you!!! =)