Afraid of WD but want to stop pain killers

[Scot77]

I have been taking Norco/OXY for about a year now consistently. I have come to the realization that if I don’t stop im never going to be happy and also may die. It started with major ankle surgery and believe me the pain was almost un bearable. But now, the pain is fine and almost non existent.  I only take it because of the “high”. It puts me in the best moods. Like I’m superman and can tackle anything. When I’m off of them I am the worst person to be married to be around and the worst father to my children. I get extremely irritable, grumpy whatever, and at the end of the day I HATE myself. Can’t even get through this post without crying/being upset with how I let this get out of control. I have lied to my wife/best friend about it and am afraid to come clean yet again with her and lose all trust or worst yet, my marriage/kids. I am scared beyond all reason. I am at a loss. I never in my life thought I would get to this point. Worst yet is the fact that I went without for about 10 whole day…it sucked but I made it. But then I played a softball game and to be honest…I ached afterwards. So guess what first came to mind? Yes…Norco. And the fact that it is so easy to get doesn’t makes things better. So not only did I re-lapse but I am taking more now than I ever did…..I am up to 35/30 5mg oxy’s or 15-20 norcos per day. I know…it’s bad. But I have it in my head to quit once and for all and made my friends swear they wouldn’t give me any more. They are very helpful and the fact that I don’t pay for it makes me believe that they will truly stick by their word. I also told them that my Doctor thinks it’s eating a hole in my stomach. I told them this t scare them into not giving me anymore as well. It worked =)

So now I want to quit but am terrified. I could use some support. I understand I am a bad person and have made peace with the fact that I made mad decisions as well. I am ready to start over. Not just for my but for my 4 and 6 year olds as well. My wife deserves someone better for sure, but I am sure as hell going to try. Please don’t feel bad for me as I brought this on myself. I need only your support and suggestions please. With all my heart, please help. Thanks

[Scot77]

Hey guys. New nickname -Scot77. I can google wilson4pack and this forum comes up. Just another step keep this secret. Sorry for the change

[toothfairie]

and yep....ibuprofen is my friend....lol  

[toothfairie]

hi Scot!  just wanted to lend my support.....so glad you decided to take your life back....this site was a God send to me as well 36 days ago....i was on pain killers (hydro) for many many years and if it wasn't for this site and the people on here, i honestly don't think i would have made it this far....the support is awesome and i want to pay it forward.....ANY time you need to just vent or have questions just post away and we will be here for you....i admire you so much for working thru your WDs....i had the luxury of taking off 2 wks from both my jobs to get clean.....i could not have worked that first week for sure.....but i am alot older than you...hahaha!  anyway....thanks for keeping us updated and just know you can PM if you have any questions you don't want on here.....good luck and oh yea....Happy Birthday late!  my son's bday was the 20th :)  

[Scot77]

Oh...and I feel every ach and pain as if I ran a marathon and was in a car accident later that day....*****. Ibuprofen.....to the rescue

[Scot77]

Day 4

Not too bad at all today. I had some weird cold sweats last night but they didn’t last too terribly long. I have been living on vitims lately and that seems to have been helping. My energy is the worst thing so far…I have 0. Just want to sleep all day. Today is my last day of work before Christmas. I will be back at work the following day (Dec 26th). I will post ASAP on that day.

So far so good. I was at my wits end when I logged on to this site the other day. Maybe it’s ignorance, or who knows, but I seemed to think I was alone in the world struggling with this. It’s funny, I watch Intervention pretty religiously these days and just completely feel for each individual. I watch their sobriety efforts and what it takes to get them clean. Seems to always be the same thing for the successful ones….MONEY. If you got money you can get clean and afford the help you need. But thank God for local meetings and free support like this site. Thank you all again for helping through what’s no doubt been the best decision of my entire life. I won’t go back…I can’t. Not after this. I have passed the point of no return mentally and want nothing but to move forward. I think about my kids a lot these days.  I think about their future as adults and then worry about them getting exposed to pills or some other form of narcotic. Makes me want to put them both in a bubble and stand guard. LoL. I love my kids. More than I have ever loved anything. My new self appointed treatment is to stay clean and be a good Dad for my kids and a better husband. I have missed a lot this year and it makes me sad to think about it. But I am going to attempt some sort of mental block on the year and simply move forward (we’ll see).

Oh and guess what?. I told my mom….. She could not have been more understanding and more supportive. I figured her for a complete freak out. But I knew she would keep my secret. She has offered to keep this between her and me with the exception that I come straight to her in the event of a craving. Wow, what a great Mom….something funny that all mothers will probably say to you if you tell them…”I kinda knew honey.” LoL. Anywho, Thanks to you all for pointing me in the right direction. You are all Angels. I will keep you posted as much as possible. Love ya

[Lovemomof2]

You really have a great attitude. You are helping yourself along with all of us. Good for you for taking your life back for your kids and family. You are approaching all of this so well and you are going to make it! I was really achy too. I just took Tylenol and ibuprofen and that helped some. You are doing great....maybe it won't be as bad as you think it will be. It seems like this is the case most of the time. :)