Craving!!!

[bandnmom]

So i am having a craving from h*** today. I have a cold, had a bad week and the weather is screwing with my arthritis! I know i can make a call, which i already did, and get some pills. She called back but i didnt answer. I have never had a craving this bad. I am shakey, and i have that feeling in my stomach...im sure you all know that feeling! Like my stomach is waiting! God i hate this. I am 9 months clean....9 flippin months.....and this is happening. My mind is playing tricks on me and i'm fighting with all i have!!! But its like the pill demon is sitting on my shoulder wispering in my ear....so what you can start again....no big deal!!! I keep smacking him away....lol!!!! I cant use, i cant do it!!! I have come so far and i keep telling myself that. I would also be the biggest hypocrit! I try to help so many here and then i turn around and do it! S***!!!!! I hate this!!!

[cocobeanlisa]

YES I have been right where you are at.......

I suffer from chronic pain and there are ddays that
the pill demon is riding my back so bad...I do just what you did
I post about it..I found that sharing how I feel helps take away the
cravings.  I also check out AA meetings....OH and I forgot
the biggest help CHEESECAKE AND CHOCOLATE....

HANG IN THERE...you have come a long way to pick up now..

You are doing great...remember just because your mind  says something
does not mean you have to do it....

coco

[gizzy32]

Glad you posted. This sounds like a monster craving, but you will get through it now. there is a reason she did not call back and be thankful for that. You have come so far, so fight this with all you have. You know im always here for you:) . Ive been worried about you today. Your a strong women and 9 months clean is amazing. Hang in there and this will pass. NO PILLS. take your phone off the hook and lock the doors:)

[fengirl09]

You have the power to get thru this, you already didn't answer the phone when she called you back and that took a lot of strenght right there. You are doing everything you need to be doing already and you don't even realize it.:)))) Gizzy is right 9 months clean is amazing and you know all the work it took you to get as far as you are. You will get thru this, YOU ARE AMAZING, YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE WORTH BEING SOBER, AND YOU ROCK!!!!!! JUST HANG ON!!!!!!

Love and prayers sent your way
Vickie

[Sunnyd210]

Cheese cake now im going to have to remember that next time I want a pill :) Im sorry you are having such a bad day BUT you will get through it you have come sooo far. The pain is the worst right I kick myself so far in the butt on the bad pain days that I couldnt just be a normal person and only take the pills when I really needed them and now I have to suffer :( You are stronger than the pain and the cravings its just a test u will pass though with flying colors :)

[K Todd]

Hey..

THROW THE PHONE OUT THE WINDOW!!!!

You have come way to far....your craving from h ??? well past....just remember, you made the best decision in you life 9 months ago......and keep going with that decision not matter how hard and fast this hits you,......you know it will go away!

Good Job on not answering!  The mind, and compromising back in forth is a battlefield ! - But you have control over the field now...So throw all those mind games and temptations right up to God and let Him take them from you....and you just walk...and dont look back!

You ROCK, and are great!  You fight with all of your heart, and you will overcome this very quick!

My prayers are with you!
Stay Strong...as you have for 9 Months!
God Bless,
Love
Todd

[Kova]

wow, 9 months is amazing!  it can be so hard even then!  i've been reading your posts and think you are way cool and very supportive and if you can help me get through this then i hope i can help you too!

sending you strength,

Kova

[joann1975]

Hey girl....I'm glad you posted! That shows your strength and dedication to not wanting that pill...and you know what the right decision is!!!

Keep talking here girl! You are going to do this...you will keep your 9months. I know it!

Hugs & Love to my cuz!
JoAnn

[sadinmichigan]

Jen..don't do it!! You know how much you will hate it. I have had intense cravings as well and actually went the extra step and took a handful.I didn't post and i should have but i guess i didn't want to. I know it was stupid and I really am fighting, but I can tell you that I have felt so bad about taking them..It's just not worth it. I am glad you posted ,and I am sorry that your not feeling good. Remember that this will pass. Don't screw up like I did. It only makes a bad situation worse. By the way..I am not still taking them..thankgod..Love ya girl..Lisa

[bandnmom]

Thank you everyone for the support!! I am still craving BIG TIME!!!! Its just not getting any easier. I thought if i would keep myself busy and that would help. If i ever post again that i am craving someone please remind me not to go grocery shopping with a kid!!! OMG!!!! Well the pills got delivered to my house but i have not taken any ...yet! I know i dont want to but a piece....ok a big piece of me wants to. I cant flush cuz its alot of money to flush. I want her to come pick them back up. She came to my house and i hide...LOL!!! She text me and let me know she left them under the mat!! WTF!!! Still havent taken them but they r in my purse! Thank you all for the help......it meens so much. I just need to make it threw tonight cuzi know tomorow will be better................right?????

[worried878]

Whatever reason u can think of not to use is good enough...if letting down those u have helped makes u not wanna use then so be it.....whatever it takes....maybe take a look at the cravings list in the health pages...reminds me of the reasons i quit...u have made it so far...dont cave now...dont do it as then I will be scared!  if that will keep u from doing it then cool cos it will scare me...when people who have been clean for a long time go down...it is scary to me....please try hard not to do it as we know where it leads..it is just a big doomer..big big doomy place that we never want to go to again..this craving will pass...tomorrow u will wake up and it will be gone..i know how u feel as my joints have been killing me as well..it is so easy to just say "who cares, I hurt" and use...it is just so much harder to stop it at that one time of use...it can start a whole cycle...ur dopamine receptors are asleep at 9 months...Dont wake em up....ok i am grasping here just trying to think of anything i can to get u to make it thru tonight without caving

[gizzy32]

I have a really selfish reason on my part for you not to use, lol. i cancelled poker now u can't use, haha. I'm sorry this is such a big craving, they are scary and with pills there it's even worse. Keep fighting this with all you have and tomorrow you will feel so good. You need to get the pills out of there. hang in there, 3/4 of a year, it's not worth it and you know that. im still looking for movies here, need a funny one. fight fight fight

[Soon2BMrsTurner]

Hey love,

you can do this, hang on , get a movie or take a walk and it will pass, you have come so far and you will pass this test also

[avisg]

Hey girl,

I really know what you are going threw right now .I have had some major leg problems and I know as well it would just take one phone call.We dont want to do that get out take a walk ,go shoping, something talk threw it .  The craving will go away .... I am here if you need to talk

[road2recovery]

Gosh i wish i could just give you a hug....I SO know what you are feeling...But i know you can do this...Maybe a nice hot bath, something to just relax...Some music, ..
Also , the last time i had one really bad, i read on this forum like never before...I am here for you!!!!
r2r

[NautyOne]

What would you rather pizz away.......Nine months clean, or the Money?????....What has more value?.....the money, or you life & dignity?......

I am really afraid for you right now.  Having them in your possession during a "huge" craving.......If you don't get rid of them, the chances of you taking them is 99.99999%

Put a value on your Success & not the pills.

Do you really want to go though that again?  

I wish you the best through this day of Test.

Luv,
Nauty...............

[bandnmom]

Thanks all!! You all are great and i appreciate all the support! Chris....ur my rock right now, without you i would have used hours ago! TY! The craving is starting to ease a bit! UR right Nauty...omg i never pictured myself saying that!! LMAO!!! My clean time is priceless!

[bobby139]

Jen....you are so strong to even post, if you know what i mean, im not that strong right now....dont know if i should even be commenting with the cravings im having...same as you girl, shaking belly going crazy....but you are strong and you have come so dam far 9 mos wow i cant even imagine...please hon dont throw it away all those days and nights you have faught dont do it for nothin stay strong...tomorrow is another day...it will pass..
all my love girl
bobby

[bandnmom]

aww bobby...u mad me cry! if i can help you just say the word!
hugz,
jen


everyone!!!!
thanks again. i know i wouldnt be this far wiothout every single one of you. yes my clean time is priceless and i think all of you are to. i am so lucky to be part of this forum. when im in trouble i come to you and every time i have ever asked you have all helped me threw it and for that i owe you all so much. i try to return it anytime i can.
hugz to you all,
jen

[K Todd]

bobby is so right, and me being on day 13 myself....you have won way to much, and we value and look up to you for your courage and inspiration!

Most of us in here can only dream of being 9 months clean...but you are there, and so shall it ever be sweetie!

Your a big help and inspiration to alot more than you know....never give up!

Glad your feeling better.
May God Bless You,
Love,
Todd

[wanttobeclean]

Jen,

Hang in there. I'm sorry things seem to be snowballing for you.  THROW them away...flush them.  You are worth a million times more than those stupid pills.  Walk yourself through it...you'll take one or two or three and feel wonderful for about 2 hours.  Then you'll be right back to where you are now, and worse.  Cause you'll know you let them win.  And you are not a loser..you are amazing.  Fight.  Walk, clean, whatever it takes to scare that demon off your shoulder.    I know you can do it.  

[addict3]

I hope by now you have flushed them, I see you post on a regular basis, and you know what advise you would give to someone else. The money is not worth waiting for her to come pick them up!
PLEASE FLUSH!
I justified taking one last week because I was hurting so bad, but I did not do it and I felt soo much better the next day.
Prayers sent!

[bandnmom]

Ya know...i just said something to Kim that makes so much sense to me. I am gonna look at today like it was a reality check! Never let my gaurd down. I am so proud of myself that i fought. And i fought with all i have. I didnt think after all this time a craving could be so bad. I pray it never happens again but i know in reality not to be so silly. That is why addiction is a lifetime fight. I think i get a little smarter every day when it comes to my addiction. I dont know...maybe not. Maybe its things i have always know but just never experienced. I am so lucky to have all my friends here. I would have never made it threw today without all the help and support and kind words i received from each and everyone one of you. So....from the bottom of my heart......thank you all. I am crying now. LOL!!! From the moment i opened my eyes this morning i knew and now before i close them for the night i am proud. Proud that the pill demon that staked out on my shoulder all day finally gave up and left me.
So i am going to put my ticker on my comment here. I am proud! Proud of myself and proud of all you. We are all learing and growing everyday. For anyone that is new here this post will show you that no matter how bad the craving is it is possible to get threw it and all the wonderful people here will help you do it!
Love and hugz to you all,
Jen

[kim715]

Hon,you have every reason in the world to be proud of yourself.You're a great lady who showed a lot of strength and willpower today,as always.So CONGRATS on being 9 months plus clean.YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!   BIG HUGS.....Kim

[K Todd]

Jen,

YOU WON AND BEAT THE FIGHT FROM HELL TODAY !!!

We all are so proud of you !!!

This whole thing really makes me realize, how much we can easely take the gifts in life for granted sometimes.....I am so glad that you learned from today...just has I have.

May you sleep well, and God Bless You,
Love,
Todd