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Day 12.. Learning how to live Clean!
Hey all,
I wanted to start a new post with positives!
So Day 12 here and WOW!!! What a difference!
For those of you that have followed my journey, we move in 2 Days!! While my anxiety is high, I do beleive a lot of it is due to the move! 2 hours from here back to my old stomping grounds, which we love! Closer to family for support! My girls will be going to new Schools which, again is a good thing but I am a Mother, of course it stings! Not to mention my baby girl will be a Freshman in High School! While not packing, I have enjoyed riding my bike with my girls to our neighborhood pool. Soaking up the Vitamin C feels great! Life is so much clearer and honestly it's rather sad looking back now that I was numb to my own children, never taking the time to hear about their days or simply chat! I see now why everyone says my 14 yr old is hilarious! Man she makes me smile and really, she has become my best friend in this past week! I went to another meeting this morning and while I chose not to speak, it was very Therapitic!! I have an apt scheduled with a psychiatrist next wed and looking forward to that!
With all that said, I want to say this: someone on here once told me
" that there will never be a good time to detox "... Something in your life will always be going on and make you feel like you can't do it " right now "... Well, here I am going through this massive move with a moody husband that doesn't get what I have and still am going through! My girls starting new schools 3 weeks prior to what they would have if we wouldn't have moved! I did it and I am still doing it! While I know I still have a long way to go, I will never let my guard down!! I have good days and bad days but, I am learning to live again..
PILL FREE!!
I send my utmost Love to every single person that ever responded to any of my post! That Live goes out to the ones that have me tough love when I needed it the most, even if it hurt!! For that I Thank You!.... You know who you are!!
While I will be busy the next few days I will check back in daily!
Right now, I am going to go back and soak in the Vitamin C with the 2 most important people in my life.... My beautiful girls!!
I sincerely give all of my love to every single one of you who got me through the worst Days of my life!
Love,
Ashley..DEDICATEDTOSTOP
I wanted to start a new post with positives!
So Day 12 here and WOW!!! What a difference!
For those of you that have followed my journey, we move in 2 Days!! While my anxiety is high, I do beleive a lot of it is due to the move! 2 hours from here back to my old stomping grounds, which we love! Closer to family for support! My girls will be going to new Schools which, again is a good thing but I am a Mother, of course it stings! Not to mention my baby girl will be a Freshman in High School! While not packing, I have enjoyed riding my bike with my girls to our neighborhood pool. Soaking up the Vitamin C feels great! Life is so much clearer and honestly it's rather sad looking back now that I was numb to my own children, never taking the time to hear about their days or simply chat! I see now why everyone says my 14 yr old is hilarious! Man she makes me smile and really, she has become my best friend in this past week! I went to another meeting this morning and while I chose not to speak, it was very Therapitic!! I have an apt scheduled with a psychiatrist next wed and looking forward to that!
With all that said, I want to say this: someone on here once told me
" that there will never be a good time to detox "... Something in your life will always be going on and make you feel like you can't do it " right now "... Well, here I am going through this massive move with a moody husband that doesn't get what I have and still am going through! My girls starting new schools 3 weeks prior to what they would have if we wouldn't have moved! I did it and I am still doing it! While I know I still have a long way to go, I will never let my guard down!! I have good days and bad days but, I am learning to live again..
PILL FREE!!
I send my utmost Love to every single person that ever responded to any of my post! That Live goes out to the ones that have me tough love when I needed it the most, even if it hurt!! For that I Thank You!.... You know who you are!!
While I will be busy the next few days I will check back in daily!
Right now, I am going to go back and soak in the Vitamin C with the 2 most important people in my life.... My beautiful girls!!
I sincerely give all of my love to every single one of you who got me through the worst Days of my life!
Love,
Ashley..DEDICATEDTOSTOP
Hey again Dedicated,
No one but you knows the level of your pain and whether or not this is something that you can deal with in other ways.
Since I'm not feeling the pain it's easy for me to say that the best thing is not to use.
I think the thing you really have to examine as deeply as possible is whether or not it's the addiction that's pushing you to feel like the pills are necessary.
I'm sorry this is so tough.
No one but you knows the level of your pain and whether or not this is something that you can deal with in other ways.
Since I'm not feeling the pain it's easy for me to say that the best thing is not to use.
I think the thing you really have to examine as deeply as possible is whether or not it's the addiction that's pushing you to feel like the pills are necessary.
I'm sorry this is so tough.
All,
Thank You so much for all your comments. I am still here and still clean!
I am sorry that I haven't been posting much, I have just been so busy trying to unpack, organize etc! My girls start school on Monday as well so I am also trying to get them ready for that!
I REALLY NEED SOME HELP!!
my pain level is well above a 10 right now!! Stupid me, I had been feeling pretty good but I took advantage of that and have tried taking on too much with getting the house together! I have been to 2 meetings since I have been here but I have still not talked much, I just listen. Yesterday I also went to see the pain management doctor that I used to work for when we lived here before. The imaging center where I have had all of my MRIs done and sent them to him yesterday. I chose to go see him for a second opinion because I trust him from being his nurse for so many years. I also told him my whole situation and that I became addicted to the pills and that I was currently in recovery that I had been clean for three weeks and also attending meetings.
After reviewing my MRI my surgical notes and my most recent MRI, he said he was completely taken back that I was managing the way I have been and doing it with the move and all the stress that comes with it. He actually said he was very impressed. Let me add that I did not go in as a patient I just went in to sit and talk to him and get his opinion since I worked for him for 7 years! I discussed with him what my current pain Dr said about going back on the pills for just a couple weeks until things get settled here. We also talked about my MRI and he too agreed with my neurosurgeon that I needed a spinal fusion. Let me also add that I received a second opinion while still living where I was from another neurosurgeon that also agreed that I need a spinal fusion. I saw that doctor for the sole purpose of getting a second opinion. This all came about in March when I was in more pain than I was prior to surgery. My Neuro surgeon ordered another MRI and it showed that all of my disc that I had surgery on were blown back out including an additional one with extensive nerve damage. So, with all that said, I have told all 3 of them that I would not do the fusion until that day I can no longer walk. Working as a pain management nurse I have just seen too many people that have had the fusion that are now in wheelchairs or completely worse than they were prior to the surgery. I suppose my problem is that I have always been very athletic and very very active.
Going back now to seeing the doctor here that I used to work for. Again I went in to mainly discuss with him all that I have been through the pain I am having now and my MRI to get his professional opinion. Again, not as a patient but more as a friend. I actually went to see him after his clinic hours.
Long story short, he agreed w my Neurosurgeon about the fusion even knowing that I wouldn't do it. He also agreed w my pain Dr that I should go back on the meds for a couple weeks until I am settled in here. He said it could be very short term then I could come back off of them and see how I felt after life is settled w this move. What he told me was that not even an addict deserves to have to suffer:( I told him I didn't think I could bear going through the withdrawals again. He told me that if I put them as prescribed just for two weeks and had my husband dispense them to me that I shouldn't have severe withdrawals. However I am unsure of that.
I have made an appointment to go see my actual pain doctor later this afternoon and discuss all this again. I don't know what the hell to do guys because I have been so proud of how far I have came. What I do know is that right now I am absolutely miserable. I woke up at 5 AM this morning in so much pain that I seriously, honest to God could not even sit up. I had to wake my husband up to get me up and out of bed.
I have no idea what to do, I am really looking for everyone's opinion especially on going back for two weeks and going back through withdrawal. I did not have any kind of injury or fall to flare this app I guess I have just been up moving and trying to get too many things done at once.
PLEASE HELP,PLEASE TALK TO ME!!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
I need to wrap up this post bc I am going to have to get ready to make the hour drive to the Dr. I am not saying that I am going do the pils, I am goin to sit down and talk to him about what to do:(
Thank You so much for all your comments. I am still here and still clean!
I am sorry that I haven't been posting much, I have just been so busy trying to unpack, organize etc! My girls start school on Monday as well so I am also trying to get them ready for that!
I REALLY NEED SOME HELP!!
my pain level is well above a 10 right now!! Stupid me, I had been feeling pretty good but I took advantage of that and have tried taking on too much with getting the house together! I have been to 2 meetings since I have been here but I have still not talked much, I just listen. Yesterday I also went to see the pain management doctor that I used to work for when we lived here before. The imaging center where I have had all of my MRIs done and sent them to him yesterday. I chose to go see him for a second opinion because I trust him from being his nurse for so many years. I also told him my whole situation and that I became addicted to the pills and that I was currently in recovery that I had been clean for three weeks and also attending meetings.
After reviewing my MRI my surgical notes and my most recent MRI, he said he was completely taken back that I was managing the way I have been and doing it with the move and all the stress that comes with it. He actually said he was very impressed. Let me add that I did not go in as a patient I just went in to sit and talk to him and get his opinion since I worked for him for 7 years! I discussed with him what my current pain Dr said about going back on the pills for just a couple weeks until things get settled here. We also talked about my MRI and he too agreed with my neurosurgeon that I needed a spinal fusion. Let me also add that I received a second opinion while still living where I was from another neurosurgeon that also agreed that I need a spinal fusion. I saw that doctor for the sole purpose of getting a second opinion. This all came about in March when I was in more pain than I was prior to surgery. My Neuro surgeon ordered another MRI and it showed that all of my disc that I had surgery on were blown back out including an additional one with extensive nerve damage. So, with all that said, I have told all 3 of them that I would not do the fusion until that day I can no longer walk. Working as a pain management nurse I have just seen too many people that have had the fusion that are now in wheelchairs or completely worse than they were prior to the surgery. I suppose my problem is that I have always been very athletic and very very active.
Going back now to seeing the doctor here that I used to work for. Again I went in to mainly discuss with him all that I have been through the pain I am having now and my MRI to get his professional opinion. Again, not as a patient but more as a friend. I actually went to see him after his clinic hours.
Long story short, he agreed w my Neurosurgeon about the fusion even knowing that I wouldn't do it. He also agreed w my pain Dr that I should go back on the meds for a couple weeks until I am settled in here. He said it could be very short term then I could come back off of them and see how I felt after life is settled w this move. What he told me was that not even an addict deserves to have to suffer:( I told him I didn't think I could bear going through the withdrawals again. He told me that if I put them as prescribed just for two weeks and had my husband dispense them to me that I shouldn't have severe withdrawals. However I am unsure of that.
I have made an appointment to go see my actual pain doctor later this afternoon and discuss all this again. I don't know what the hell to do guys because I have been so proud of how far I have came. What I do know is that right now I am absolutely miserable. I woke up at 5 AM this morning in so much pain that I seriously, honest to God could not even sit up. I had to wake my husband up to get me up and out of bed.
I have no idea what to do, I am really looking for everyone's opinion especially on going back for two weeks and going back through withdrawal. I did not have any kind of injury or fall to flare this app I guess I have just been up moving and trying to get too many things done at once.
PLEASE HELP,PLEASE TALK TO ME!!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
I need to wrap up this post bc I am going to have to get ready to make the hour drive to the Dr. I am not saying that I am going do the pils, I am goin to sit down and talk to him about what to do:(
hey Dedicated, great work staying clean. I was outta town for the last 5-6 days and just saw your post about the dr. suggesting you go back to the pills for a couple of weeks. Jeez that seems like a horrible ******* idea unless you're in just unbearable pain.
I've never had that level of pain so I can't really speak from experience but going through all the worst of the wd's just to start again would be really unfortunate.
You must be feeling really good to have gotten through without using. Keep toughing it out and looking for other pain management techniques. I think the longer you're off the opiates the more your pain will decrease and also the more effective other pain management stuff will be.
I've never had that level of pain so I can't really speak from experience but going through all the worst of the wd's just to start again would be really unfortunate.
You must be feeling really good to have gotten through without using. Keep toughing it out and looking for other pain management techniques. I think the longer you're off the opiates the more your pain will decrease and also the more effective other pain management stuff will be.
RIGHT ON!! I almost fell over when I saw you were thinking of the pills again stoked to see you got through it!! those are the moments that build recovery that tough time where the pill was the cure and from now on the tough times will be met with strength and in time that old life will be far in the past.... the problem is the pain that got you hooked will always be there bugging you but for most of us the minor pain with the pill buzz was a no end street atleast now some minor to moderate pain with freedom is better than the old way best of luck and stay strong PILL FREE ..
OH MY GOSH YAAAYYYYY!!! I am so proud of you girl!!!! Way to push through it. You deserve some happiness and peace my friend so enjoy your new home. I am glad to hear you are doing some non pharm things. Let me know how it goes!!You should be so proud of yourself!!
Thanks Tina!!
I was just now sitting down to post an update on here.
First and foremost.. I am STILL CLEAN! 3 weeks now!! :-) I have been so very busy trying to unpack, organize and everything else that goes along with moving. I have been so busy that I don't even have the time to sit and think about pills! It's all a distant memory, more so with each passing day.
To answer your question in regards to other non narcotic meds, the answer is yes. I have tried everything. Even the Dr mentioned that. Ibprofen 800mg usually works well for me. The pain I was having a couple days ago is because I am trying to do too much at once. I have finally forced myself to take small breaks throughout the day. I even told my husband to remind me to sit down and rest if I get caught up doing things for too long. We are here and all of our stuff is here so hey, it's all good.
I am on cloud 9 sitting on my upper back deck with the view of beautiful trees and the sound of nature. It's so tranquil!! It's been 5 years since I have even heard the birds chirping and all the sounds of nature! I know that may sound pretty odd to some of you but I didn't have that in the suburb:)
So, I have always had a green thumb and absolutely LOVE planting flowers, landscaping, keeping my flowers watered etc. Last summer, I had my back surgery on July 2nd so I didn't but any annuals at all. Not even hanging baskets. I had not done so this year either...... Until yesterday!!
I think I have about 20 pots ( some annual some perineal's ) that I am getting ready to plant now! My husband is actually waiting in me so he can help. One of my favorite things about Summer has always been taking care of my beautiful flowers every day. It makes me so happy as I enjoy it so much!
It's going to rain here soon and I need to get at least a few if these done before it rains but I just wanted to check in and let everyone know that I am still doing well and going strong. One day at a time.
I will check back in this evening and will be on much more often once we get more settled in our new home. I love the new home and I feel very Happy. But again one day at a time. I don't think about tomorrow I only think of today for Tommorow has yet to come. Oh, and Tina... I have an appointment on Thursday for acupuncture. I have yet to try it and am actually looking forward to it. Sorry I haven't posted much lately, I have just been really busy. I am still clean, happy and remaining guarded.
Xoxo
I was just now sitting down to post an update on here.
First and foremost.. I am STILL CLEAN! 3 weeks now!! :-) I have been so very busy trying to unpack, organize and everything else that goes along with moving. I have been so busy that I don't even have the time to sit and think about pills! It's all a distant memory, more so with each passing day.
To answer your question in regards to other non narcotic meds, the answer is yes. I have tried everything. Even the Dr mentioned that. Ibprofen 800mg usually works well for me. The pain I was having a couple days ago is because I am trying to do too much at once. I have finally forced myself to take small breaks throughout the day. I even told my husband to remind me to sit down and rest if I get caught up doing things for too long. We are here and all of our stuff is here so hey, it's all good.
I am on cloud 9 sitting on my upper back deck with the view of beautiful trees and the sound of nature. It's so tranquil!! It's been 5 years since I have even heard the birds chirping and all the sounds of nature! I know that may sound pretty odd to some of you but I didn't have that in the suburb:)
So, I have always had a green thumb and absolutely LOVE planting flowers, landscaping, keeping my flowers watered etc. Last summer, I had my back surgery on July 2nd so I didn't but any annuals at all. Not even hanging baskets. I had not done so this year either...... Until yesterday!!
I think I have about 20 pots ( some annual some perineal's ) that I am getting ready to plant now! My husband is actually waiting in me so he can help. One of my favorite things about Summer has always been taking care of my beautiful flowers every day. It makes me so happy as I enjoy it so much!
It's going to rain here soon and I need to get at least a few if these done before it rains but I just wanted to check in and let everyone know that I am still doing well and going strong. One day at a time.
I will check back in this evening and will be on much more often once we get more settled in our new home. I love the new home and I feel very Happy. But again one day at a time. I don't think about tomorrow I only think of today for Tommorow has yet to come. Oh, and Tina... I have an appointment on Thursday for acupuncture. I have yet to try it and am actually looking forward to it. Sorry I haven't posted much lately, I have just been really busy. I am still clean, happy and remaining guarded.
Xoxo
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