Desperate and ashamed

[ChillyDanger]

Been taking Percocet for years. Started out with a couple here and there for fun. 10 years later they are ruining my life. They do not make me happy. I was a functioning addict for 9 years but now I am starting to mess up. My job and my family and wife are suffering because of me. I want off so bad brut I am so scared of the withdrawal symptoms and the embarrassment of telling everyone. My wife know and my dad and sister but that's it. Everyone else just thinks I'm depressed and sick. I went two days without and the feelin was unbearable. I guess I'm a wimp but I felt terrible. Shakes. Nausea. No appetite. Grouchy. Crying and the taste in my mouth is awful. I went back. I take 50 perks a day. I am so ashamed of myself. I am letting everyone down. I feel so alone and scared. These drugs rule my life. All I do is worry about when they are coming next. I put them in front of everything else. Family friends work my health. They are always on my mind. I never sleep. I have sat outside of the detox centre crying but can't go in. I have not lost everything yet but feel it is going start soon. Not sure why I am posting this but I am anyway. Not asking for help from you strangers but felt like writing it down might help. Thanks for listening

[refills]

Hey chilly. Listen, you're thinking about it. That's a start. Don't go away just yet. Keep posting, we will wait on you. We just don't support the active addicts who are detoxing or other. We support everyone who needs supporting. Which is everyone. I can only offer support and a little advice from time to time as I'm just getting better myself. Heck, it's not easy. It's also  not easy using. That takes a lot of work. So let's hear from you and we will be right here waiting. This could be the biggest thing in your entire life. Take great care chilly....ike

[onthefence]

hang in there. Its a process, you just need to take the next step :)

[ChillyDanger]

Ok. Of your sure. I don't want to be the only one here not making progress. Being here is helping. Your words advice and experience is amazing. I'll just keep reading and letting you know what's going on I guess. If I wear out my welcome let me know.

[onthefence]

"Man (and Women too)is what he thinks about" was a quote i seen and i think its true, if you keep thinking about a life without the bondage of drugs, then you will make it happen.
the comfort from drugs will get harder and harder to achieve the longer you use, and once you go thru the discomfort of detox you will have the comfort you were seeking without the drugs, its all a process.

[liliansdream]

I hear your pain and your fear.  I have been there too.  We all have different pain thresholds, how much sickness we can tolerate.  I may be kicked off this forum for even suggesting this, but if you cannot possibly go through a cold turkey withdrawal "many can't, or do and relapse as soon as they get out of detox because they feel so sick, weak and unable to cope", a better alternative to popping 50 percs a day would be to go on a low dose of Suboxone SHORT TERM... IT WILL STOP THE WITHDRAWAL, AND GIVE YOU SOME TIME TO PLAN YOUR RECOVERY.  

Suboxone is not something to stay on long term, and I would not suggest this to anyone who had a short term, relatively low opiate intake, but you are 8 years and up to 50 a day.  Before doing anything else you have to tell your family how serious this is.... it is a disease, one not very well understood by those who have not experienced it but it is unfair to them to not let them help. I know the shame and the pride thing all too well. I was a normal middle aged woman with children, successful business, very conservative who never would have believed it would happen to her. Most addicts are good people who made the wrong decision.  Ibogaine may also be helpful to you.  There are clinics in Mexico and other places around the world.  You can research Ibogaine on.line. it has been a miracle answer to many.  

I hope others on here who are big proponents of cold turkey and believe that is the only way, can give me grace and understand there are some who can't do it that way. Why not use tools out there that when used INFORMED  WISELY can be stepping stones to success.  

All the best.. keep posting ... others care

liliansdream

[dominosarah]

You are making progress and you will never wear out your welcome~