Desperate and ashamed

[ChillyDanger]

Been taking Percocet for years. Started out with a couple here and there for fun. 10 years later they are ruining my life. They do not make me happy. I was a functioning addict for 9 years but now I am starting to mess up. My job and my family and wife are suffering because of me. I want off so bad brut I am so scared of the withdrawal symptoms and the embarrassment of telling everyone. My wife know and my dad and sister but that's it. Everyone else just thinks I'm depressed and sick. I went two days without and the feelin was unbearable. I guess I'm a wimp but I felt terrible. Shakes. Nausea. No appetite. Grouchy. Crying and the taste in my mouth is awful. I went back. I take 50 perks a day. I am so ashamed of myself. I am letting everyone down. I feel so alone and scared. These drugs rule my life. All I do is worry about when they are coming next. I put them in front of everything else. Family friends work my health. They are always on my mind. I never sleep. I have sat outside of the detox centre crying but can't go in. I have not lost everything yet but feel it is going start soon. Not sure why I am posting this but I am anyway. Not asking for help from you strangers but felt like writing it down might help. Thanks for listening

[jifmoc]

I just re-read this thread. Why is it you can't go to inpatient? Sorry, if I missed the answer.

[jifmoc]

Chilly- I can hear your anxiety. It's such an addict trait to have know the answers although the rehab centre will explain it all in 8 hours!:) Not sure of the answers, anyway.

Listen, my friend, just walk in there and say these words "Help me." It's a great start for you. Don't forget to be 100% honest about how much you take.

I don't want to talk you out of taking action. I just want you to know that going on methadone will not cure your addict brain. It will keep you off 50 pills a day, yes. But, methadone is supposed to be very short term. The bigger picture is facing reality w/o substances. That's where our work is and that's when you will really find the peace that you are looking for.

Go in there, ask questions, get answers. And come back and tell us!!!

Glad you're still w/ us. Great sign:)

[ChillyDanger]

Hey. Just letting you know still here. Planning on going to the rehab center in the morning. Going to ask for methadone to help get off oxy. I can't do it  otherwise. Does anyone know if they will give it to me right away or what they will ask me or do to me? Has anyone here tired methadone. Does it really take away the we symptoms. How much do they give you. I hear it's down thing you have to pick up everyday. I travel 3 or 4 days at at time. Will they make exceptions and give me enough for a few days at a time  been a rough week. No sleep. Been up crying a lot. Feel more alone them ever. Yesterday I could not work but couldn't stay home either. Just sat in my car crying. I used to be a good man. Wow just wow. I am a shadow of my former self. My son is getting married in August. I want to be free of this by then. Please God please. I am not religious but I hope someone up there is thinking of me. My wife knows but she just doesn't get it. I told her I was going to try again this week and she said it wasn't be that bad!!?!! How can she say that. It will be awful. I often wonder why no one has set up an intervention for me?? Enough people know and say they are worried but why is no one helping me. Maybe they think of me as my old self. The guy who Took care of everyone.  They juts don't realize that guy is gone. The pills rule my life now. They come first. Anyway. If anyone can answer my methadone questions I would appreciate it. Do I just ask? Is there s wait period? I want to start now!  God I hope I hope I can start now

[ChillyDanger]

Hey. Just letting you know still here. Planning on going to the rehab center in the morning. Going to ask for methadone to help get off oxy. I can't do it  otherwise. Does anyone know if they will give it to me right away or what they will ask me or do to me? Has anyone here tired methadone. Does it really take away the we symptoms. How much do they give you. I hear it's down thing you have to pick up everyday. I travel 3 or 4 days at at time. Will they make exceptions and give me enough for a few days at a time  been a rough week. No sleep. Been up crying a lot. Feel more alone them ever. Yesterday I could not work but couldn't stay home either. Just sat in my car crying. I used to be a good man. Wow just wow. I am a shadow of my former self. My son is getting married in August. I want to be free of this by then. Please God please. I am not religious but I hope someone up there is thinking of me. My wife knows but she just doesn't get it. I told her I was going to try again this week and she said it wasn't be that bad!!?!! How can she say that. It will be awful. I often wonder why no one has set up an intervention for me?? Enough people know and say they are worried but why is no one helping me. Maybe they think of me as my old self. The guy who Took care of everyone.  They juts don't realize that guy is gone. The pills rule my life now. They come first. Anyway. If anyone can answer my methadone questions I would appreciate it. Do I just ask? Is there s wait period? I want to start now!  God I hope I hope I can start now

[onthefence]

i was the Biggest wimp when it came to W/D , i think thats why i went so long before finally just detoxing, , i know everybodys different and thinking in black & white was a big part of my problem , now i have more of an open mind, and i empathize with those that need to detox with maintenance drugs, but i know for me, i had to just get them out of my life or i would of justified use until death or prison.

[liliansdream]

Going the suboxone route worked for me to get me off 12yrs of morphine.I could not have gone cold turkey. I would have been a wreck. I am not an expert, but I do believe Suboxone is a good tool for some. Some people just can't go CT and you are right Sub is better than staying in opiate abuse.. I would never want someone to feel less than if they had to go that route. It's about getting to a place of safety.

I really feel for you Chilly, and know you are not alone.  Whatever you decide keep coming here, and letting people who know what you are going through support you.  Just know and believe you can be free from this demon.

liliansdream