Desperate and ashamed

[ChillyDanger]

Been taking Percocet for years. Started out with a couple here and there for fun. 10 years later they are ruining my life. They do not make me happy. I was a functioning addict for 9 years but now I am starting to mess up. My job and my family and wife are suffering because of me. I want off so bad brut I am so scared of the withdrawal symptoms and the embarrassment of telling everyone. My wife know and my dad and sister but that's it. Everyone else just thinks I'm depressed and sick. I went two days without and the feelin was unbearable. I guess I'm a wimp but I felt terrible. Shakes. Nausea. No appetite. Grouchy. Crying and the taste in my mouth is awful. I went back. I take 50 perks a day. I am so ashamed of myself. I am letting everyone down. I feel so alone and scared. These drugs rule my life. All I do is worry about when they are coming next. I put them in front of everything else. Family friends work my health. They are always on my mind. I never sleep. I have sat outside of the detox centre crying but can't go in. I have not lost everything yet but feel it is going start soon. Not sure why I am posting this but I am anyway. Not asking for help from you strangers but felt like writing it down might help. Thanks for listening

[Christina99]

Reading your thread and wish I had words of wisdom to share with you. So many amazing people on here that put me to shame. Just want you to know I'm thinking about you and hope you find some peace.

[ChillyDanger]

Well. I am at it again. 5 and 1/2 days clean.  Wow. Tough five days. Mood has improved. Two things really bothering me.  One is my feet hurt!! I mean really hurt. Stabbing pains.  Second is the insomnia. I have not slept one minute in 5 nights.  Not one. Will I pass out eventually??? Going bat **** crazy!!

[charlie_coldturkey_tn2015]

Just a few day ahead of you, brother. Never thought I could do this either. Thought I was a wimp. Thank God this forum and my Angels ( sent from God above) were there 24/7 to get me through the first few days and then the next few days and now we are working on day17. You can and will be stronger than you think you can. Every time I would get weak or have a bad minute, hour or day, I would read and POST. Just doing that saved me.

Started NA and AA every day after 5th day. Has helped a great deal, made many new non judgmental, non using friends, who know where I am at, and who really care. Go and get this support. It will save you. God bless you.

[ChillyDanger]

Day three of cold turkey.

[NeverAgain127]

Great post, qpatty!

[qpatty]

Just my opinion but I really feel like you either need to taper down a whole lot before quitting or get into an inpatient program. Stop worrying about what other people will think of you-this is your life and you need to do whatever it takes. It would also help if you could find a way to just calm down and breathe. You have yourself so worked up about this that you aren't really thinking clearly. Take a step back and calm yourself down a bit. I have heard that methadone is harder to come off of than the percs you are currently taking so in essence you are just prolonging the inevitable. I wasn't taking as much as you but I was taking a good 16-20 vic 10's a day. I quit cold turkey and it wasn't easy but I survived it. You just have to be ok with feeling not ok for awhile. I cried a lot, screamed sometimes, begged for divine intervention on occasion, and watched every second on the clock take an hour for several days. But you know what? I survived and so can you. You CAN do this. You just have to regain control of your brain and thought process. Treat your brain as if it were the enemy. I used to tell my brain that I don't care how awful I feel I am not giving you anymore d*** pills so you might as well get over it! And eventually it gave up and I started to feel better.

I just hate to see anybody get addicted to something that is even harder to get off of.

And I want you to know that if I could do this for you, I would. And I sincerely mean that. I would gladly go through that h*** again to help someone who is so afraid of the unknown because I now know that it is sooo much better on the other side.

I wish you success in whatever road you choose. Patty