First Time Poster

[JD1885]

Hello,

I'm posting this because I'm really sick and tired of being addicted to pain killers.  I've been off and on hydrocodone and oxycodone for about 5 years.  It all started at work with a bunch of guys who always had them.  It was cool at first for us all to pop a few and work and laugh together.  But now, I'm older and married with two kids and this crap is ruining my life.  Before, it never got to the point where I was going thru withdrawals when I wouldn't take them but now I've found a steady supply and I take usually 3 - 6 a day.  And at $6 a piece, it's ruining my life.  I am already broke, heading for divorce, and I'm sure it can only get worse from there.  I won't go to rehab or a doctor, I just have to quit.  I have before for a few weeks and then somehow, like a *******, wind up back at the guy's house buying more.  I joined this forum for a little support.

Thanks

[JD1885]

Hey everyone!  I'm doing okay today.  Last night wasn't very bad and I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and full of life.  I went to the gym and ran and ran and ran.  I was doing really good until the time came to perform my usual routine.  I've had an eleven oclock appointment with my dealer for a while now and it took everything I had not to go.  I even picked up the phone a couple of times to send the text but never did.  It's definitely a struggle but I've looked forward all day to logging on here and getting some extra support.  I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable right now but I know this will pass.  How is everyone else today?

[selfinduced]

YAH for you to be exercising AND ignore dealers appt. I know you don't feel so empowered right now, but that is huge. Keep busy, stay hydrated, remember a pill will not bring long term contentment. You don't want to ruin what you have collected so much courage to start. Before you know it a day will be down and your that much closer to living your REAL life. Keep fighting!

[JD1885]

Thank you for your support.  One big thing that helped me is being on here and if I had to reset that gosh dam tracker back to zero I was going to be pi55ed!  Hearing you guys' stories has helped me and really made me feel like I have enough support to do it this time.  I hope I can bring as much support to you as you have been to me.

[selfinduced]

So this is day 2? What is your most challenging symptom? Sounds like sleep came ok? Appetite? Keep posting, someone , somewhere will hit a button with you and give you strength.

[JD1885]

My most challenging sypmtoms (and always is) are  the mental aspect and the just being plain uncomfortable.  I know that it is only a text message away to be feeling that great feeling again.  It's terrible just sitting around at work thinking about it every 30 seconds.  I'm going to stay strong though because here are the positives -

Not feeling like a junkie
Not being completely broke
Not fighting with my wife everytime the bank statement comes in
Not having to worry if I can get them or not or when or if he'll be home
Soon being able to have extra money to hang out with friends and take my wife out on a date
Not headed for a nervous breakdown!

what are your worst symptoms?

[selfinduced]

can I give best ones first?  If a family member dies or a tragedy happens in my world, I can now help even if I don't have pills.I don't have to hide my addiction as I am losing it.   I am there for my kids like I used to be. I smile, I laugh, I joke. I can always be the driver to events now. I can have sex with my husband.   ok, bad symptoms.....still slightly depressed, still low energy, still angry I got in this mess, regret lost time with friends and family. I am new to this and have been told it gets WAY better. I have to believe.I know what you mean. One more detox would have done me in, I couldn't take it. Do you have kids?