Getting Versus Staying Clean

[GA Guy]

I see the frustration is people's posts every day. I know the pain because I've been there. I thought that if I could only GET clean...STAYING clean would be a piece of cake. Unfortunately, it took me over 3 years, a multitude of relapses, and a near-fatal car wreck to realize that the "getting clean" is the easy part. So, for all of those looking at, or living through withdrawals for the first, second, or hundredth time...take some time and formulate a plan foe STAYING clean. Aftercare is the most important key to long term clean time. For those with some long term clean time under their belts...what made you make the decision to STAY clean?

[guv338]

When I started this process in January '09, I got mad at myself, my doctor and most of all, and I think most important, I got mad at Oxy and all meds that I was taking at the time.  Therefore, as I started, oxy was no longer my friend.  For the longest time, I couldnt/wouldn't even take Tylenol or anything.  I was totally disgusted with big Pharma and vowed that it would never have any control over me again.  This mindset and God, along with the unyielding support of my wife,  have given me the strength to push forward day after day for 535 days now.  I am still mad at big Pharma,  the doctor, oxy and myself for allowing this to happen.  I don't think I will ever let this happen to me again, as I still have the daily reminders of just how messed up this drug can make me.  The effects of long term, heavy oxy use are devistating on both body and soul.  I consider myself extremely lucky because I cannot even think about putting myself and my family thru this again.  I wish you all the resolve that I have found.  May your minds be cleared so that you may see the destruction that opiates cause and may your resolve be strengthened so that we can all be free at last.  My best to all, guv  

[Florida_Guy737]

Aftercare is very important. I also think knowledge is power so understanding PAWS and what it entails will also help you 'stay clean'.  I had a goal of two years of staying off meds (PAWS can last that long) but I have one of those highly addictive personalities so I needed a substitute for medicating...I chose exercise.  I may be obsessive-compulsive about exercise now but clearly, that is much better than using meds.

Everyone is different and once you become aware of your weakness and/or tendency to relapse, the knowledge of why you start medicating again should be your goal.  Mine was stress pure and simple.  Once I realized that I didn't have to put myself under all that stress, I made some lifestyle changes, i.e. took a new job, went back to school, etc. and things got much better.

I had some recent surgeries that required me to use meds again but was able to hold the course and stop when no longer needed.  I needed the meds during recovery and yes I used all of them but I didn't want to go back down the addiction path again because my other goals would be sidelined.  

Good Post...

Guy

[StillLost21]

I have been struggling with this for the past year or so. I am so frustrated and angry with myself. I have been in this cycle where I get clean for a few weeks, maybe a month, but I am just thinking about getting high 24/7 and I am so impatient that I rationalize if I am going to be this miserable I might as well get high. Or, I am young I can worry about getting sober later, for now I'll just have some fun, or a million other reasons as to why I should use. Then I relapse and spend thousands of dollars for a few weeks or month, then I detox and try to get sober again, and then back around and around and around. I am so tired. Just hopeless, I don't see how i'm ever going to be able to STAY sober. I have no hope in myself anymore, and no strength to keep trying because I just feel like I will fail again, and there is no point anymore in making myself go through hell if i'm just going to detox again. I go to meetings and sponsor but I haven't really worked the steps because I relapse before the 3rd or 4th step. I am so stubborn and just can't seem to change in the way the program requires. I feel completely hopeless and worthless. Like the title says, I can get sober, but I am worthless at staying sober.

[Htownnofrown]

I too "got" clean many times. I had the most circular reasoning for using, it went something like this:

I needed to stop using or "slow down", so I would quit using and white knuckle it anywhere from 7 to 40 days. After that time I would tell myself, hey if you can stop for this long you must not be an addict, or you deserve to have some fun since you've been clean all this time, etc..

I finally came to the realization I needed help in May of 2009. I had alienated and hurt my family to the point that they were ready to cut ties with me. I had wrecked two trucks and had moved back in with my parents. My life was basically crumbling around me. I told my dad that I needed $200 to get some drugs, pay my dealer, and then I would go into treatment the next day. I followed through on my word and went, which turned out to be a completely life altering experience.

I got into AA/NA and got a sponsor and worked the steps. I started to see the character defects that plagued my life for 20 years disappear and I started having a conscious contact with my higher power. Life became amazing again, I started back on the path to success and happiness. There has only been one time, at about 5 months, when I almost used again after I found out that a girl I was with had been talking to another guy. I felt that huge emotional hurt and I wanted to change the way I felt. Thank God, the program gave me the tools to deal with that kind of stuff. I called my sponsor and talked with him, then went to a meeting. I have been clean of all mind altering substances for over 14 months now. STAYING clean and working the AA/NA program has been the best thing I've ever done!