Going thru the worse thing ive ever been thru

[wantourbabyback]

Just to start im sorry to who i make madbut i truely have heard all the bad mean comments and thoughts and i have questions im trying to get answers to . ok well its kind of hard for me to talk about  it i never i would have a story like this. My husband and i just had our first baby together  and  he was born last monday he was perfect 7 pounds 10ounces beautiful all his health screens were perfect and for the first time in the whole 9months my husband and i were happy we both felt like we had everything..  And for the first 2days we had everything till 30 mins before they discharged us . well my health chart had been flagged because i had been to treatment b4 for meth,herion and pills. i had been sober after that for awhile then started using ughh meth again and couldnt stop except for three months in my pregnancy then started using again. Anyway i was to scared to tell my doctor and at the end of my pregnancy i started having extreme high blood pressure i was a week over due so the finally induced me last sunday. once i was at the hospital they were very sneaky about what they were doing but finally monday at 2:30pm he was born healthy 7 pounds 10ounces he was perfect. anyways when it was 30 mins till we could go home a social worker came and told methey put our son on a 24 hour hold cuz i tested positive for meth and they pushed my baby out of my room and took him to the nursery. wtf. my heart was broken the next day came and they said hey were discharging me but my baby was going to be held on a hold by cps.. it didnt seem real it seemed like a bad dream. my husband was mad .. i hate myself for what i have done to my son i talk to the nurses 20times aday to check on him and its killing me to not be holding him i cant believe what i have done he was showing signs of withdrawl so they put him on morphine and he is doing much better they said he will be kept there a month. when my husbands family found out they would call and thearten me and say horrible things just like everyone else i hate myself and will never forgive myself ever. its his week old bday tmrw and he isnt going to b with me i cant stop thinking bout it and i try to be strong but i cant and my husband is mad at me cuz cps is pretty much saying **** you to him. i cant believe i did this it makes me so sick. i have a case worker and nobody will answer my questions so if anyone can help please i need it. everything is harder when u have no support and they only thing u can think bout is what u did to your kid. what usally happens next why r they trying to act like he has no rights to his own son. how long is it going to take me to get him back i will never give up i will do whatever hey ask me to i need my son and so does my husband. this is killing me please someone tell me how i can get thru all this just to go thru it again tommrow

[wantourbabyback]

Im sure u w do just fine..my son has to be there til the end of next week. then we find out who they picked him to go with.. this *****  im going to lose it when they tell me its his family my husband hasnt been helping at all he wont even go take a ua r anything. he has gotten alot meaner he is always telling me to kill myself ect that hopefully our son goes to his family cuz they wont let me see him ever again. ahhhhhh so how did it go..

[ms_walker]

So Whats goin on with u? Hows baby? Is he still in the hospital?
Yea I'm excited but trying not to be too excited. Same with getting things ready. Idk what to get ready for. I feel like I should b happier but really I'm scared outa my mind.

[wantourbabyback]

Hey sweetie how are you??i know tuesday is coming you gotta be alittle excited to see your angel's  face for the first time and your going to feel so lucky.

[wantourbabyback]

Hopefully everyone had a good safe weekend

[wantourbabyback]

Thanks for the answers it helped out alot i couldnt say thank u enough

[Pat1956100]

Hi hun
Just checking in.  You have received great advice from nursegirl and everytime you are feeling down, you should read it over and over.  It is a very empowering message.  You will do what you need to bring your baby home.