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How long
Hey everyone. im not sure if anyone will even care to read my post but im new to coming clean about my addiction to narcotic pain killers. Im find it easier, even with a great support team to find comfort in reading posts from other addicts and researching about everything associated with withdrawal and addiction.
For the past 3 years my love for opiates have grown extremely high. At a point in time I was taking up five 30mgs a day, My dosage really determined what I could get my hands on. A bit more recently I was taking a 80 OC and probably another half a day. Ever since Ive gotten with my now fiance a year ago (who is clean and supportive and patient about quitting) ive been battling with quitting.
In all of 3 years the longest i went was 4 days and everyday i was on the hunt for more, endless crying, and lashing out. Withdrawals are the hardest Ive ever had to face thus far and that really says alot. Of course i eventually found more.
But starting ten days ago ive opened up to more people about my addiction and decided im ready to make that change for myself, my future kids, my health (im now wear glasses after a life of 20/20 vision), my fiance (he shouldnt have to deal with this) and my wallet!
So today i have one 10mg left and im scared to take it because ive went all day without it (pupils started dialating, anxiety, tiredness from lack of sleep) I got some Loperamide tablets after spending all day researching and taken 8 thus far. I guess im okay, not as anxious. Does any have tips, aids, kind words, etc to give? Im open.
For the past 3 years my love for opiates have grown extremely high. At a point in time I was taking up five 30mgs a day, My dosage really determined what I could get my hands on. A bit more recently I was taking a 80 OC and probably another half a day. Ever since Ive gotten with my now fiance a year ago (who is clean and supportive and patient about quitting) ive been battling with quitting.
In all of 3 years the longest i went was 4 days and everyday i was on the hunt for more, endless crying, and lashing out. Withdrawals are the hardest Ive ever had to face thus far and that really says alot. Of course i eventually found more.
But starting ten days ago ive opened up to more people about my addiction and decided im ready to make that change for myself, my future kids, my health (im now wear glasses after a life of 20/20 vision), my fiance (he shouldnt have to deal with this) and my wallet!
So today i have one 10mg left and im scared to take it because ive went all day without it (pupils started dialating, anxiety, tiredness from lack of sleep) I got some Loperamide tablets after spending all day researching and taken 8 thus far. I guess im okay, not as anxious. Does any have tips, aids, kind words, etc to give? Im open.
"I've been clean going on 16 months and my worst day clean is much better than my best day high"
That made me smile! I can not wait until i reach that point. Wearing many hats like being a husband and dad seems like it makes it worse bc you have to put on this mask for your children at least. How did you cope through the detox week?
Im kicking myself right now bc i have gotten to that day 4 and if only i had more will power at the time i was only 2 days from being done with detoxing. but here i am re starting, open and willing.
I opened the infamous pill bottle that sits in my purse and stared at that pill for a good 60 seconds and closed the bottle, threw my purse down and walked out my walk-in closet where i spent many of days and some sleepness nights where everyone was out and i had to go with anything bc i had no other choice. lots of those times my fiance coming in there sitting with me on the floor with the light off and trying to pull myself out of myself at least just to talk.
Its crazy how something so lifeless can take over your life and before you know it youre in too deep. I write as well, i beileve apart of me dealing i woill have to associate writing with it.
I wasnt going to admit it but ive already been opened about this deepest demon, but im scared to flush it or give it to my fiance just to get it out of my possession. What if i have a really horrible night and need 2mg out of the 10mg just to calm me? i know that sounds horrbile, but i guess thats why im here :(
That made me smile! I can not wait until i reach that point. Wearing many hats like being a husband and dad seems like it makes it worse bc you have to put on this mask for your children at least. How did you cope through the detox week?
Im kicking myself right now bc i have gotten to that day 4 and if only i had more will power at the time i was only 2 days from being done with detoxing. but here i am re starting, open and willing.
I opened the infamous pill bottle that sits in my purse and stared at that pill for a good 60 seconds and closed the bottle, threw my purse down and walked out my walk-in closet where i spent many of days and some sleepness nights where everyone was out and i had to go with anything bc i had no other choice. lots of those times my fiance coming in there sitting with me on the floor with the light off and trying to pull myself out of myself at least just to talk.
Its crazy how something so lifeless can take over your life and before you know it youre in too deep. I write as well, i beileve apart of me dealing i woill have to associate writing with it.
I wasnt going to admit it but ive already been opened about this deepest demon, but im scared to flush it or give it to my fiance just to get it out of my possession. What if i have a really horrible night and need 2mg out of the 10mg just to calm me? i know that sounds horrbile, but i guess thats why im here :(
That doesn't sound horrible, it sounds like an addict's brain telling lies. Every single one of us has had that thought on more than one occasion. Our brains try to fool us into keeping a backup plan 'just in case'. 'I can't tell my doctor I'm an addict, because I might need meds at some point.' 'I can't delete my dealer's number.' 'I can't flush these pills, because I might have a very bad night and need just one.' You don't need that pill. No matter how rough the detox gets, you can make it through without using. One pill is not going to do anything but lead to 100 more. You can do this! Get through this detox, focus on your recovery, and you will never have to go through this again.
Don't be so hard on your self for relapsing. It happens to the best of the best. You would be amazed how many doctors, lawyers, pro athletes, garbage men, bums, school teachers and such have battled addiction. Addiction plays no favorites.
Do me and yourself a favor. That one pill will not do much as far as making you feel better. Taking 2mg is not hardly anything and your body will gobble it up like a starving dog. If you fed a starving dog one chicken nugget would he be full? No! He would still be starving. Please know I'm not calling you a dog its just a analogy lol. I know it's tough and I know you are feeling like you are all alone and the only one feeling this way. You have to be a really special unique person to have your boyfriend with you battling this fight. If I could take this awful physical distress away from you for an hour at a time I would and I don't even know you. If you go back to taking more opiates to feel a little bit better you are going to have to go through the same hell over and over. I went through three stupid relapses and each time the detox hell got worse and worse until I had a seizure from taking opiates and benzo's. That was almost 16 months ago and my life could not be better. I like you have an awesome mate who is very supportive of me and like you I am so lucky. You can do this. Its going to be nearly impossible to sleep and it will make you feel like your going crazy. Don't give up girl friend. Its worth it. It is really worth it.
Do me and yourself a favor. That one pill will not do much as far as making you feel better. Taking 2mg is not hardly anything and your body will gobble it up like a starving dog. If you fed a starving dog one chicken nugget would he be full? No! He would still be starving. Please know I'm not calling you a dog its just a analogy lol. I know it's tough and I know you are feeling like you are all alone and the only one feeling this way. You have to be a really special unique person to have your boyfriend with you battling this fight. If I could take this awful physical distress away from you for an hour at a time I would and I don't even know you. If you go back to taking more opiates to feel a little bit better you are going to have to go through the same hell over and over. I went through three stupid relapses and each time the detox hell got worse and worse until I had a seizure from taking opiates and benzo's. That was almost 16 months ago and my life could not be better. I like you have an awesome mate who is very supportive of me and like you I am so lucky. You can do this. Its going to be nearly impossible to sleep and it will make you feel like your going crazy. Don't give up girl friend. Its worth it. It is really worth it.
It will be hard detoxing with kids. Can someone help you with them. You are going to need to worry only about yourself. if you don't get yourself clean you will not be the mother you know you can be.
Good evening qwerty. First of all congrats on making a huge decision to post your story. Not sure if someone mentioned it, but please have plenty of immodium ad on hand. Stomach and sneezes were horrible for me.
Besides all the wonderful advice you have received already, I have some more.
POST and POST often. I orginally discovered this site in 2012 for my Norco addicition. The first week of detox I lived on this site. I formed some of the best friendships of my life with people I had never met. Im a 6 ft 1, 250 pd dude and I was moved to tears by the love and support from people who just wanted to help, educate and support. I must have posted 25 times in the first 5 days.
As someone mentioned one pill wont do anything to help you, but it will drive you crazyyyyyyy, just knowing its there. I know it is scary as hell. Get rid of that evil demon seed and lets get to work.
I and so many others will be here for ya.
Big hug in advance
Bones
Besides all the wonderful advice you have received already, I have some more.
POST and POST often. I orginally discovered this site in 2012 for my Norco addicition. The first week of detox I lived on this site. I formed some of the best friendships of my life with people I had never met. Im a 6 ft 1, 250 pd dude and I was moved to tears by the love and support from people who just wanted to help, educate and support. I must have posted 25 times in the first 5 days.
As someone mentioned one pill wont do anything to help you, but it will drive you crazyyyyyyy, just knowing its there. I know it is scary as hell. Get rid of that evil demon seed and lets get to work.
I and so many others will be here for ya.
Big hug in advance
Bones
VERY uplifting and inspiring! youre right. no doubt about it. Im going to try to focus on being active and talking. talking and laughing helps with that funny feeling in the throat.
anyone else know what im talking about?
anyone else know what im talking about?
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