How long

[qwerty9090]

Hey everyone. im not sure if anyone will even care to read my post but im new to coming clean about my addiction to narcotic pain killers. Im find it easier, even with a great support team to find comfort in reading posts from other addicts and researching about everything associated with withdrawal and addiction.

For the past 3 years my love for opiates have grown extremely high. At a point in time I was taking up five 30mgs a day, My dosage really determined what I could get my hands on. A bit more recently I was taking a 80 OC and probably another half a day. Ever since Ive gotten with my now fiance a year ago (who is clean and supportive and patient about quitting) ive been battling with quitting.

In all of 3 years the longest i went was 4 days and everyday i was on the hunt for more, endless crying, and lashing out. Withdrawals are the hardest Ive ever had to face thus far and that really says alot. Of course i eventually found more.

But starting ten days ago ive opened up to more people about my addiction and decided im ready to make that change for myself, my future kids, my health (im now wear glasses after a life of 20/20 vision), my fiance (he shouldnt have to deal with this) and my wallet!

So today i have one 10mg left and im scared to take it because ive went all day without it (pupils started dialating, anxiety, tiredness from lack of sleep) I got some Loperamide tablets after spending all day researching and taken 8 thus far. I guess im okay, not as anxious. Does any have tips, aids, kind words, etc to give? Im open.

[qwerty9090]

oh by all means i did not take it offensive in the least bit. I totally understand the analogy, and it makes perfect sense. im still going strong. Took my daily black seed oil, pre natal vitamin (IM NOT PREGNANT AND I DO NOT HAVE KIDS YET ^_^) and keratin/biotin vitamin. Im eat failry healthy. Not big on processed, or fast food. LOVE kale. NO soda. Drinking juice now because it also helps with the funny feeling in the thoart (can anyone else relate?) But these dang demon opiates are my downfall. Ive been through alot with two addict parents most of my life (mom is clean and im open with her about everything, havent talked to dad in 6 years idk where he is and not that bothered) so i know im stronge. But i have also recognized that a battle with yourself is the hardest.

You are very kind BD1313!! I appreciate it. It does make it a tad bit bearable to have a partner who you can be open with and to hold your hand, or when your having a crying fit just to hold you. God, im so thankful. I never thought about quitting before him. He really has opened my eyes in many ways.

[qwerty9090]

you guys have helped me through today and i cant express how much that means to me. truly. it is 8:32pm where i am. i would like to be relaxed by 11?? at best lol if that is even possible. any ideas??? pleaseeee??

[clean_in_ks]

Welcome aboard girl~  Just read your whole thread.....you have been given some grand counsel......and you have a REALLY GOOD attitude.
That will help you A LOT.  Being open about your addiction and talking to others will help you a lot.  So will eliminating our sources and considering some type of aftercare.

I remember when I quit.....I was scared to quit....and scared NOT to quit.  I had a half a bottle of pills left the day I became determined that the time was NOW to quit.  My hubby got rid of the entire bottle for me by throwing one at a time out the window down our country road......better for the skunks and rabbits to be high than his wife...hahaha

Just like your positive attitude and being open about your addiction will help you....so will eliminating that pill and cutting off ALL your sources.  See, our head knows if we have a "connect" open or not.  I told my doctor and my dealer......and I had the full support of my husband and family.
I figured I didn't need a safety net or a back up plan if I was TRULY done.

You CAN DO THIS.....if you want more to read or a good video to watch about addiction, let me know.  I'm a research freak....hahaha......the better I understand addiction, the better I understand myself.

Let us know how we can help.....and go flush that pill or give it to your fiancé to dispose of......it will SO LIBERATE you.....is REALLY WILL.

Well be here for ya....keep posting ok?

[Bones216]

short walk if you can, hot bath, sleepy time tea.

[qwerty9090]

Thanks bones! ive have painted a picture of this gentle but strong bear in my mind of you. Im never really on my laptop as much, but today, WHEW TODAY!! lol. it has been a wonderful experience to just have the chats i have been having so i totally see where you are coming from. My demeanor is tough and upbeat, loving, but without pills it forces me to be open, and i know that is what i ultimately NEED. i shut down, i turn people away, i dont wake up happy and okay until i have a pill, and even then im still just going through the motions of living.

I cant take not living anymore. I want to live. DANGIT i need to live.

[qwerty9090]

youre awesome, okay! i know everyone keeps saying flush it or give it to my fiance to dispose of it, but im scared to even look at it right now for fear of just one swift pop down the hatch since the jitters are coming back.

I feel this step of going all day without the crutch and reaching out and opening up was my big step for the day. But thank you very much.

I dont really have a steady dealer, its more so different networking skills with people through other people. "The dealers" dont even know im addicted is one of the crazy parts! lol smh. simply because i buy from different people all the time, all during the month, and some only when its desparate measures.

what gets me about dealers or just people who have the pills are they make it a hassle to even get it from them at times! lol. thats another part which makes looking for more aggravating and wanting me to be done with the headache.

and your husband is abso right! better the animals than his lovely wife. good technique btw...why did he do it one by one?