How long

[qwerty9090]

Hey everyone. im not sure if anyone will even care to read my post but im new to coming clean about my addiction to narcotic pain killers. Im find it easier, even with a great support team to find comfort in reading posts from other addicts and researching about everything associated with withdrawal and addiction.

For the past 3 years my love for opiates have grown extremely high. At a point in time I was taking up five 30mgs a day, My dosage really determined what I could get my hands on. A bit more recently I was taking a 80 OC and probably another half a day. Ever since Ive gotten with my now fiance a year ago (who is clean and supportive and patient about quitting) ive been battling with quitting.

In all of 3 years the longest i went was 4 days and everyday i was on the hunt for more, endless crying, and lashing out. Withdrawals are the hardest Ive ever had to face thus far and that really says alot. Of course i eventually found more.

But starting ten days ago ive opened up to more people about my addiction and decided im ready to make that change for myself, my future kids, my health (im now wear glasses after a life of 20/20 vision), my fiance (he shouldnt have to deal with this) and my wallet!

So today i have one 10mg left and im scared to take it because ive went all day without it (pupils started dialating, anxiety, tiredness from lack of sleep) I got some Loperamide tablets after spending all day researching and taken 8 thus far. I guess im okay, not as anxious. Does any have tips, aids, kind words, etc to give? Im open.

[qwerty9090]

does it get easier? lol. last night was tough. i woke up and my eyes are just sore from crying alot yesterday and lack of sleep (waking every 2 hours despite melatonin). I can relate to opening up alot more since starting this. it does something to us you know. I am trying to think just hours and even those seem so very long. i keep questioning myself am i really ready, but then i think about taking something, restarting detox from that smallest of square and i just dont want the extra hassle. that is whats been heavy on my mind.

I know going through heroin withdrawals have to be horrid, so i should be able to do this if i keep pushing. im waiting for my new job to start once the state finishes approving my paperwork so i have this time to heal and focus on myself. i couldnt keep putting it off. thank you :)

[dezilove88]

Wow.. Reading these have really opened my eyes. I am with you in this most definitely. I am on day 2 and I feel like banging my head on the wall…  or just screaming at the top of my lungs. I plan on posting my actual story here in a bit as well…  maybe we could help each other?

[mamaof4410]

Hope you're feeling better today. Change is the biggest hurdle. I have literally tried to expunge anything out of my life that reminds me of using. I wont watch certain tv shows or movies, I wont go to certain places, I stay away from people, my husband and I even sold our family SUV because it had so many bad memories. We got another to start fresh. It does get easier. Dont focus on the negative. It will get you nowhere but using again. You will have so much more joy (and money lol) when you're sober. One day at a time. The first 30 days are a true test of willpower. I detoxed from heroin at my grandmas house. I stayed locked in her back bedroom and laid in bed for 7 days. It was like the worse case of the flu times 100. It got easier everyday. I started going to church and opening my heart. My husband is supportive and he tries to understand and help me. I communicate with him a lot more now. We have five little ones so that was an even bigger reason to get and stay clean.
You have to have some kind of plan for aftercare to help with staying sober. Its crucial. We have all tried and failed many times to do it on our own. Rome wasn't built in a day and you're not going to be fixed over night. It takes time. I go to group counseling and one of the counselors has been clean for 17 years and he still goes to NA because he knows if he doesnt have that guidance he could relapse.
It does get easier one day at a time. Dont think days or months or years. Get thru today. Don't worry about things you cant control or change. Let it go. You have an awesome fiance and you have a life planned together. Dont give yourself the short end of the stick and deprive yourself of a long happy life. Yes were addicts and we messed up. But were human and when you get to the root of what your pain is emotionally its all sunshine from there. I wish you the very best and Im praying for you and your recovery. One day at a time and it DOES GET EASIER...I promise it does:)

[Bones216]

You can do it kid, stay strong, and I will check with you tomorrow for day 2.
Best wishes, and I will pray for you tonight.
Goodnight

[qwerty9090]

i got real butters in my stomach when you said OUR success, not just the jitters i am feeling lol :) life seems alot easier with just taking a pill to enjoy yourself,  but i noticed being sedated my laugh isnt has genuine and hearty, my face doesnt glow, my hazel eyes look a dull regular brown.  

i like to beileve the lope is making the withdrawals i little bit more bearable because i havent shut completely down like i would have routinely done. i really am tired though and just want to sleep ( im typing this with one hand) but i cant relax then again i cant muster enough energy to go make that tea or take that shower to use my stress relief lotion.  

[qwerty9090]

oh by all means i did not take it offensive in the least bit. I totally understand the analogy, and it makes perfect sense. im still going strong. Took my daily black seed oil, pre natal vitamin (IM NOT PREGNANT AND I DO NOT HAVE KIDS YET ^_^) and keratin/biotin vitamin. Im eat failry healthy. Not big on processed, or fast food. LOVE kale. NO soda. Drinking juice now because it also helps with the funny feeling in the thoart (can anyone else relate?) But these dang demon opiates are my downfall. Ive been through alot with two addict parents most of my life (mom is clean and im open with her about everything, havent talked to dad in 6 years idk where he is and not that bothered) so i know im stronge. But i have also recognized that a battle with yourself is the hardest.

You are very kind BD1313!! I appreciate it. It does make it a tad bit bearable to have a partner who you can be open with and to hold your hand, or when your having a crying fit just to hold you. God, im so thankful. I never thought about quitting before him. He really has opened my eyes in many ways.