Aa
I am back and terrifed and embarrassed
If I could only have stayed focused on this I was reading through here and I would be well over two weeks clean. On day three I ended up going to get a script thinking I would taper myself down. Well that didnt work either....I was to embarassed to post anything but this is just crazy. I was miserable w/d and I have been miserable the past few weeks....so this is it. I HAVE TO DO THIS.....I am just so terrified. Hell I couldnt even make it past day 3 before and to top it of i will be on day 2 of w/ds and starting a new waitress job. I found this sight such a comfort and even made a few friends but then was just to stupid to talk to anyone about what i was doing and now here i am again. I just honestly dont know if I have the strenght in me to do this......but I dont have the strength in my to keep living the way I am.....I am just lost and embarrassed and very confused. Most of all I am just so mad at myself. So dang mad.
Hi there! I only had time to read your statement at the top of the page, and not everyone else's responses, so sorry if I repeat what everyone has already said!
Firstly, let me start by saying you are sooooooo brave for calling the doctor, and coming this far. I just know that less than one out of a hundred people out there with this issue would never call their dr to say they had a problem, and cut their own supply off the way you did. That just shows how brave, smart and above all serious you are about wanting to get clean. Don't even think about that tiny glitch you had getting going. It doesn't matter at all! I admire so much about you already!
Take it from me, doing a short taper will help you tremendously, especially starting a new job. What are your hours over the next few days? Do you have to work everyday? If I were you (I have been in your position many times!) I would take what you have and divide it out over the next few days. If you were having major WD symptoms, maybe that memory will help you not to take too much and follow a taper just to avoid having to work through the agony. .?? How much per day were you using up to this point? You could cut the pills in to quarters and just take a tiny bit to ease the symptoms, and allow yourself to perform well at your new job, and also get sleep at night which will help tremendously with your will power, your job and your sanity. Maybe if you are very careful not to waver you could even get through the rocky part with little discomfort, and a positive outlook. If you need someone to talk to, or help with WD symptoms or a taper plan, feel free to message. Your strength is an inspiration. All the very best luck in the world! I just know you can do this.....and I don't feel that way about many! Best wishes! I will be watching to see how you are doing.... Good or less-than-good!
Firstly, let me start by saying you are sooooooo brave for calling the doctor, and coming this far. I just know that less than one out of a hundred people out there with this issue would never call their dr to say they had a problem, and cut their own supply off the way you did. That just shows how brave, smart and above all serious you are about wanting to get clean. Don't even think about that tiny glitch you had getting going. It doesn't matter at all! I admire so much about you already!
Take it from me, doing a short taper will help you tremendously, especially starting a new job. What are your hours over the next few days? Do you have to work everyday? If I were you (I have been in your position many times!) I would take what you have and divide it out over the next few days. If you were having major WD symptoms, maybe that memory will help you not to take too much and follow a taper just to avoid having to work through the agony. .?? How much per day were you using up to this point? You could cut the pills in to quarters and just take a tiny bit to ease the symptoms, and allow yourself to perform well at your new job, and also get sleep at night which will help tremendously with your will power, your job and your sanity. Maybe if you are very careful not to waver you could even get through the rocky part with little discomfort, and a positive outlook. If you need someone to talk to, or help with WD symptoms or a taper plan, feel free to message. Your strength is an inspiration. All the very best luck in the world! I just know you can do this.....and I don't feel that way about many! Best wishes! I will be watching to see how you are doing.... Good or less-than-good!
Yep...and with each hour that passes, that fog lifts a little more and you start discovering who that person was before the devil. A LOT of things came to light when I was off of those and a lot of things I was covering up and not wanting to face because I was using so not to deal with them came to light. Just think...4 hours have passed since your first post!!!!!
I am not sure how i feel at the moment. Going thru withdrawals is horrid so at this point all I know is i feel pretty crappy and I havent even made it through the first 24 hours. I cant sleep, eat, think straight.....i thought about having a glass of wine but that is just another addiction. I went to an aa meeting a couple of weeks ago. They dont have na in our town but its all the same. I saw what drinking does to people and in the frame of mind i am in i would just be trading one addiction for another......i am babbling again...lol.......just nervous about what is in store for me. BUT I WILL DO THIS!!!! and hopefully a job will help me get thru this. As I said before i know GOD works in mysterious ways so maybe I was supposed to get this job to help me stay busy and focused as i attempt to get clean. The no sleeping really got me last time I did this so maybe, by working i will wear myself out enough that i will sleep....if not guess i will be on the internet all night....lol....i figure my body has to say enough sometime or another.
That is usual... to lose yourself when you do drugs, but now... you can meet yourself all over again. That could be fun. Who know what might you discover?
And I`m glad you are so euphoric about this... Just keep doing that...
And I`m glad you are so euphoric about this... Just keep doing that...
and another thing you said....you hated yourself on the pills....that is the way I feel. I hate myself on them...I am not even me. I fly off the handle....easily and i look at pics and i dont even know myself anymore. I just want to get thru this more than i have ever wanted anything in my life. Then i get thru this I can be me again and by the Grace of God everything else will fall into place. Funny thing is tho....i truely dont even know who me is anymore....i have been emotionless for so long....this is just crazy. It truely is.
You have an inspiration! That`s great! Are you happy about your decision? And and about winning?
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