Im so scared

[WantARealLife85]

I'm not gonna lie to ne1 on here I came here looking for how much kilonopin I needed to mix with wat methadone I might still get in order to fall asleep for good cuz I'm so scared of what's about to happen....

Been on methadone bout 5 yrs steady not messed up 99 mlgs for past 3 yrs til bput month ago I started weinin( I live in Sacramento n don't qualify for media Cal at 27 so I'm forced to pay $285 a month) I got down to 75 in like just under 2 mos n want to continue to taper BUT I'm out of money bad leg and shattered my heels bout 3 years ago and outta money living at home with mom who already makes me feel icky just when she looks at me so I hide away... now I'm outta money n ways to make it n am not gonna steal have n have NO coming in to pay fees.... I'm barely at a steady 75 mgs still having bad Mornings... and they are gonna put me on a 21 day detox(10% of my dose every 2 days til 21 pass) nobody understands in my family that I try to talk to so now all I wanna do is end it before this HORRIBLE 25% of pain Im feeling from wein already turns into 150% unlivable pain in a couple weeks.... I keep saying I need to just get 3 more months to wein and then they can put me on 21 day but I'm outta money can't make any and they want $285 a month but I don't have the money nor way to make it nor the family to pull together n help me thru this rough time.... I'm shaking scared and there is no way to prepare myself I mean I am terrified I need more time to we in..... idk this isn't even me to come to this place n write this but I saw no stories like ,one where there hand was being forced into withdrawals... I'm scared and now I'm gonna lay in bed for a month unable to move according to one guy n I believe it... of course the phyciatrist there gave me kilonopin for my anxiety like 2 months ago so now I got that addiction too and I haven't been high in idk even how long..... I don't wanna end up in emergency room with them saying there nothing they can do but try an find a state bed for ya.... it all honestly doesn't seem worth it nor do I deserve it I've been doin nothing wrong not goin n getting high so that makes it even harder to accept... if anyone out there can give me he ideas or words of wisdom that understand where I'm at or even California laws n ways around gettin on media Cal for sure please let me know.... this starts this Tuesday and I'm terrified sitting in room just idk I don't think I can do it.... IM SO SCARED AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS AND THE STIGMA PEOPLE PUT ON U FOR BEIN ON IT UGH IDK LET ME KNOW NE1......

[digger1976]

Love that story Weaver, glad I could remind you of it. Yup we all have a lot to live for, truly. Great quote too, ;)

[hmf099]

I was on methadone. I once had to stop cold turkey from 80mg's because I went on a trip and came back a few days late, had to see the dr before I could dose again....who was out for the rest of week! Thursday-Monday was awful! But I made it! I was then able to go on a lower dose (60mgs) when he got back. I know this wean seems terrible now, but we often make things more terrible in our mind than they turn out to be. PLEASE Don't do anything rash and call 911 if you think you'll hurt yourself! Maybe someone else can help you more and you'll figure something out! Good luck and keep us posted on how you're doing!

[WantARealLife85]

U guys are all saying such nice stuff means a lot I don't know how well I'll be able to hold and use tablet once this starts to keep posted but this really does all mean so much..... and I'll want the support so I'll find a way too.... I need u kind of people my mother whom I'm stuck living with won't understand and makes it worse n makes me feel so horrible... I am so scared and no thins happening yet but oh man... I've already got digestive system all outta whack from not eating from stress n I know how bad that makes it... aaah its all so scary I'm just freaking out a few of u made me tear up thank u....

[VICourageous]

Hi Again, OK what I did for my Hub and Family is I got some videos on "The Disease of Addiction and the Pleasure Pathway"  Beyond Willpower. There is a lot of info out here about this Disease. This way you can get Support going from you Family..Also they will give you help and time to Heal. There is many reason why we can get out of control and if you can learn all you can about Addiction they or you will see it more in a Scientific or Medical way. You need to just calm down and maybe try to get off the methadone first and then Taper slowly from the Klons..I would sure try to see a DR so they can help set up a taper plan..OK. We are here so stay with us for Support too!
Bless

[ariley13]

Your mom will probably come around. Sometimes our loved ones just have to see us actually doing it. Saying we are going to does nothing for them because they've more than likely heard it all. Just do this for you, and give your mother time. We are here for you any time you need us. Plan to go to NA/AA meetings. They can be a great place to find new sober friends. Sarah, our community leader always says you have to change your playmates and your playground. SOOO true!!

[WantARealLife85]

Like in Spartacus b4 he fights theocoles bringer of death and undefeated monster of the arena that black cloud rolls in n its above my head n I either fight him or let him kill me... I need to be Spartacus n slay theocoles n become bringer of rain... "basically a man that can do the impossible" I need to do this... and I need my tom petty won't back down song too.... u guys r giving me hope.... just hope its enough... starts tomorrow.... let's do this theocoles its u or me n my life needs the rain to fall... I love rain btw.... lol