Aa
Jumping off methadone
First let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 50 years old, male and have been on methadone for the last 10 years. I'm an alcoholic who quit drinking 29 years ago. I don't do any other recreational drugs whatsoever as opiates have scratched that itch quite well. A few months back after tapering down from 80 mg a day to 20 mg per day , I signed out of the clinic and walked away. I was determined that with the small stockpile I had at home I could continue to wean myself off. I called a good friend of mine who has also been on methadone for over 10 years , although not at any particular Clinic and told her I was done. She happened to be horribly dope sick that day and begged me for a few wafers. I personally have great empathy for other Junkies who are sick and trying to keep it together, hold a job, pay a mortgage Etc ...
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
hey day good to see you fighting the good fight ...it was around 90 days for me to start to see improvements so you should also start getting better soon...methadone is a monster to kick but in the end it is so so worth it
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>GNARLY>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>GNARLY>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
As you say, "fighting the good fight" and it sure feels like it. I don't know where I read it but 10% per month improvement seems accurate. I think I'm better than a few weeks ago, although I still don't want to be around people... It's certainly nice to have you as a friend who really DOES understand!! Keep on keeping on
1 Comments
Just letting you know I'm thinking of you Dave Sending Prayers things are going well.. lesa
I have an elderly mother as well. She was always on my arse about the methadone. At some point I told her and wish I hadn't put that on her. Sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom which is good. :)
1 Comments
How you been doing friend?
I'm still here. Still clean, still fighting the good fight. Just overwhelmed with hospital visits and stress. My mom will finally be moving to a rehab center for her hip soon. The Surgeon found a 80-90% blockage in her coronary artery and put in a stent to open it up. She's feeling more energetic than she has in years. She's a tough woman. I can't wait to drive her back to her house when this is finally over.
What a wild ride.
I couldn't have done it while using.
2 Comments
It feels good to be there 100% for someone you Love including yourself. Proud of you Dave! I bet your Mom is thrilled with her son! Good to hear she is well and feeling better soon you will be on that drive with her home..
Thank you and yes, it feels good to be present...
Day90
11:40am.
Unfortunately shortly after I wrote my last post, my mother went into full cardiac arrest. I got the phone call at midnight Friday evening and was told they were trying to resuscitate her and that it didn't look good. What followed was 5 hours of pandemonium as life flights were scheduled and subsequently cancelled as they desperately tried to get her stable enough to travel . At the same time that all this was happening the hospital's incoming phone lines had some sort of failure and every time you called it was busy. They could call us with updates but we had no way of reaching them to see how things were going . We were two and a half hours away by car and with them continuing to talk about life lighting her we didn't want to get all the way up there only to find out they had flown her somewhere else. We were forced to stay put, hope for the best, and wait it out.
It was possibly the most emotionally grueling thing that I've ever been through in such a short period of time.
Finally they did life flight her to a large city that had an excellent Heart Center. The new hospital was about 30 minutes away and we raced there to be with her.
When I walked in the Intensive Care Unit and saw her with tubes down her throat, on a ventilator, and pale as a ghost, I really feared for the worst. The room was a blinding mess of various machines whirling and twirling, beeping and blipping. I just stood there, completely stunned, I felt broken...
Over the past 4 days my mother has made a miraculous recovery. It has stunned everyone. She spent one day on the ventilator and then demanded it be removed. The doctors assumed that she had thrown a blood clot from the hip surgery but that has been subsequently ruled out. They're inclined to believe that it may have been a heart attack triggered by stress. My mother is now fully alert and appears to have suffered no permanent damage. The ICU doctors are not allowing my aunt to visit and I'm in full agreement with that decision.
When we're all doped up on opiates we think the world revolves around us and we say and do things that we may live to regret forever.
I am thankful that I had enough clean time under my belt to shoulder this type of Burden and remain Unbroken. The stress of it all has caused some of the withdrawal symptoms to kick back in but I've powered through. I'm so grateful that I'm clean and can deal with these types of situations without feeling the need to use.
And in closing, I want to say that whether you're a good vibes type person or a praying type person, send something out towards my mother Judy in hopes that she's completely out of the woods soon.
Peace and love,
Dave
11:40am.
Unfortunately shortly after I wrote my last post, my mother went into full cardiac arrest. I got the phone call at midnight Friday evening and was told they were trying to resuscitate her and that it didn't look good. What followed was 5 hours of pandemonium as life flights were scheduled and subsequently cancelled as they desperately tried to get her stable enough to travel . At the same time that all this was happening the hospital's incoming phone lines had some sort of failure and every time you called it was busy. They could call us with updates but we had no way of reaching them to see how things were going . We were two and a half hours away by car and with them continuing to talk about life lighting her we didn't want to get all the way up there only to find out they had flown her somewhere else. We were forced to stay put, hope for the best, and wait it out.
It was possibly the most emotionally grueling thing that I've ever been through in such a short period of time.
Finally they did life flight her to a large city that had an excellent Heart Center. The new hospital was about 30 minutes away and we raced there to be with her.
When I walked in the Intensive Care Unit and saw her with tubes down her throat, on a ventilator, and pale as a ghost, I really feared for the worst. The room was a blinding mess of various machines whirling and twirling, beeping and blipping. I just stood there, completely stunned, I felt broken...
Over the past 4 days my mother has made a miraculous recovery. It has stunned everyone. She spent one day on the ventilator and then demanded it be removed. The doctors assumed that she had thrown a blood clot from the hip surgery but that has been subsequently ruled out. They're inclined to believe that it may have been a heart attack triggered by stress. My mother is now fully alert and appears to have suffered no permanent damage. The ICU doctors are not allowing my aunt to visit and I'm in full agreement with that decision.
When we're all doped up on opiates we think the world revolves around us and we say and do things that we may live to regret forever.
I am thankful that I had enough clean time under my belt to shoulder this type of Burden and remain Unbroken. The stress of it all has caused some of the withdrawal symptoms to kick back in but I've powered through. I'm so grateful that I'm clean and can deal with these types of situations without feeling the need to use.
And in closing, I want to say that whether you're a good vibes type person or a praying type person, send something out towards my mother Judy in hopes that she's completely out of the woods soon.
Peace and love,
Dave
6 Comments
Prayers going up Dave!!
Thank you so much. You're such a sweet person...
Prayers , Dave,
Thank you Soulscapex..
Thinking of you Dave sending Good Energy for you and your Mom! Congrats on Day 97!! Whoo Hoo a Long way from day 1. lesa
Thank you. I think you are pretty nice yourself Dave:)) warm hugs
Day86
5:30pm.
For 15 years my life revolved around opiate use. For the first 60 days of my recovery, life revolved around freeing myself from that usage. But as of late, I'm realizing my life is beginning to revolve around other things. Life is incredibly complicated and immensely diverse and it involves much more than pills, doctor's visits, call ins, and **** tests.
Lately with my mother being hospitalized and me myself feeling better and better everyday, I've thought less and less about the things of old and more and more about what really matters. I can only thank God that I began my recovery when I did and that I was well enough to make the five-hour round-trip to visit with my mother and support her. Just 60 days ago I don't think I could have accomplished these things. There was a time, a few weeks back, when I couldn't even stand for more than 15 minutes without becoming exhausted and nauseated. Remember that? I do...
Tomorrow go back to do more volunteer work. The work is being done at a local Recovery House which is in dire need of the renovation it's receiving. I am certain that I will be able to work 5 strong hard hours. I'll be tired when it's over, I'll be exhausted when it's over , but I'm sure I'll be able to do it. My confidence has grown so much from this small volunteer job. It's been worth every hour I have put in.
Welp, it's been three hours since I started writing this post. I got interrupted by a phone call saying that my elderly mother and her somewhat elderly sister were having a major argument inside my mother's hospital room...
So now I'm certain that all the nurses think we're a bunch of backwoods rednecks. (We are but I didn't want them knowing it)
My aunt, who's rude anyways, is addicted to pain meds prescribed for L4-L5 back surgeries.
Too many pills and she loses touch with any empathy. What follows is snippy rudeness disguised as curt observations.
Not good to be snippy with my mother. This is a woman who escorted the meter reader off her property via a 12 gauge after she witnessed him pepper spray her Dogs.
Anyways, it's so unfortunate that my family is showing its azz but hey, I've been showing mine for 15 yrs...
So there's that'
Gotta get some rest. Everyone have a blessed weekend..
-Dave
5:30pm.
For 15 years my life revolved around opiate use. For the first 60 days of my recovery, life revolved around freeing myself from that usage. But as of late, I'm realizing my life is beginning to revolve around other things. Life is incredibly complicated and immensely diverse and it involves much more than pills, doctor's visits, call ins, and **** tests.
Lately with my mother being hospitalized and me myself feeling better and better everyday, I've thought less and less about the things of old and more and more about what really matters. I can only thank God that I began my recovery when I did and that I was well enough to make the five-hour round-trip to visit with my mother and support her. Just 60 days ago I don't think I could have accomplished these things. There was a time, a few weeks back, when I couldn't even stand for more than 15 minutes without becoming exhausted and nauseated. Remember that? I do...
Tomorrow go back to do more volunteer work. The work is being done at a local Recovery House which is in dire need of the renovation it's receiving. I am certain that I will be able to work 5 strong hard hours. I'll be tired when it's over, I'll be exhausted when it's over , but I'm sure I'll be able to do it. My confidence has grown so much from this small volunteer job. It's been worth every hour I have put in.
Welp, it's been three hours since I started writing this post. I got interrupted by a phone call saying that my elderly mother and her somewhat elderly sister were having a major argument inside my mother's hospital room...
So now I'm certain that all the nurses think we're a bunch of backwoods rednecks. (We are but I didn't want them knowing it)
My aunt, who's rude anyways, is addicted to pain meds prescribed for L4-L5 back surgeries.
Too many pills and she loses touch with any empathy. What follows is snippy rudeness disguised as curt observations.
Not good to be snippy with my mother. This is a woman who escorted the meter reader off her property via a 12 gauge after she witnessed him pepper spray her Dogs.
Anyways, it's so unfortunate that my family is showing its azz but hey, I've been showing mine for 15 yrs...
So there's that'
Gotta get some rest. Everyone have a blessed weekend..
-Dave
1 Comments
Empathy is what I missed most while active My emotions My desire for anything outside myself. Getting clean is selfish business but once we break thru the door Healing begins! Thank you for your volunteering Dave You are making a difference in peoples lives by giving them the sense someone cares This is Everything! Very glad to read your Mom can hold her own lol Especially with a obnoxious sister! We all show our *** in distress.. Congrats on Day 88!!!! lesa
Day86
5:30pm.
For 15 years my life revolved around opiate use. For the first 60 days of my recovery, life revolved around freeing myself from that usage. But as of late, I'm realizing my life is beginning to revolve around other things. Life is incredibly complicated and immensely diverse and it involves much more than pills, doctor's visits, call ins, and **** tests.
Lately with my mother being hospitalized and me myself feeling better and better everyday, I've thought less and less about the things of old and more and more about what really matters. I can only thank God that I began my recovery when I did and that I was well enough to make the five-hour round-trip to visit with my mother and support her. Just 60 days ago I don't think I could have accomplished these things. There was a time, a few weeks back, when I couldn't even stand for more than 15 minutes without becoming exhausted and nauseated. Remember that? I do...
Tomorrow go back to do more volunteer work. The work is being done at a local Recovery House which is in dire need of the renovation it's receiving. I am certain that I will be able to work 5 strong hard hours. I'll be tired when it's over, I'll be exhausted when it's over , but I'm sure I'll be able to do it. My confidence has grown so much from this small volunteer job. It's been worth every hour I have put in.
Welp, it's been three hours since I started writing this post. I got interrupted by a phone call saying that my elderly mother and her somewhat elderly sister were having a major argument inside my mother's hospital room...
So now I'm certain that all the nurses think we're a bunch of backwoods rednecks. (We are but I didn't want them knowing it)
My aunt, who's rude anyways, is addicted to pain meds prescribed for L4-L5 back surgeries.
Too many pills and she loses touch with any empathy. What follows is snippy rudeness disguised as curt observations.
Not good to be snippy with my mother. This is a woman who escorted the meter reader off her property via a 12 gauge after she witnessed him pepper spray her Dogs.
Anyways, it's so unfortunate that my family is showing its azz but hey, I've been showing mine for 15 yrs...
So there's that'
Gotta get some rest. Everyone have a blessed weekend..
-Dave
5:30pm.
For 15 years my life revolved around opiate use. For the first 60 days of my recovery, life revolved around freeing myself from that usage. But as of late, I'm realizing my life is beginning to revolve around other things. Life is incredibly complicated and immensely diverse and it involves much more than pills, doctor's visits, call ins, and **** tests.
Lately with my mother being hospitalized and me myself feeling better and better everyday, I've thought less and less about the things of old and more and more about what really matters. I can only thank God that I began my recovery when I did and that I was well enough to make the five-hour round-trip to visit with my mother and support her. Just 60 days ago I don't think I could have accomplished these things. There was a time, a few weeks back, when I couldn't even stand for more than 15 minutes without becoming exhausted and nauseated. Remember that? I do...
Tomorrow go back to do more volunteer work. The work is being done at a local Recovery House which is in dire need of the renovation it's receiving. I am certain that I will be able to work 5 strong hard hours. I'll be tired when it's over, I'll be exhausted when it's over , but I'm sure I'll be able to do it. My confidence has grown so much from this small volunteer job. It's been worth every hour I have put in.
Welp, it's been three hours since I started writing this post. I got interrupted by a phone call saying that my elderly mother and her somewhat elderly sister were having a major argument inside my mother's hospital room...
So now I'm certain that all the nurses think we're a bunch of backwoods rednecks. (We are but I didn't want them knowing it)
My aunt, who's rude anyways, is addicted to pain meds prescribed for L4-L5 back surgeries.
Too many pills and she loses touch with any empathy. What follows is snippy rudeness disguised as curt observations.
Not good to be snippy with my mother. This is a woman who escorted the meter reader off her property via a 12 gauge after she witnessed him pepper spray her Dogs.
Anyways, it's so unfortunate that my family is showing its azz but hey, I've been showing mine for 15 yrs...
So there's that'
Gotta get some rest. Everyone have a blessed weekend..
-Dave
Day83
9:35am.
Very, very busy but doing well. My mother's hospital stay has been trying. For starters, her hospital is 4.5 hrs round trip from me. Secondly, the hospital doesn't seem to know from day to day what the plan is supposed to be.
It is very frustrating to say the least.
My recovery seems to be picking up a bit of momentum as of late. Some mornings I wake up and simply feel...Well, Normal.
My sleep seems to have evened out at about 5 hours a night. Unfortunately, that leaves me feeling that I need more sleep. But I've discovered that it doesn't do any good to try to lie back down and pick up another couple hours. It's simply not to be had and I end up wasting time in bed for nothing.
But, if I'll get on up and get in motion, within an hour or so the sensation of being sleep deprived will evaporate.
All in all I'm very satisfied with where I'm at in my recovery. It hasn't went smoothly or perfectly by any means but I've made progress and the progress I've made is tangible and irrefutable. I am undeniably much better than I was 60 days ago.
It's just so easy to forget how far I've come and concentrate instead on the little things in my life that are still out of focus.
But fear not I am still trudging along making progress and getting better. Hopefully things will calm down soon and I'll be able to post more frequently.
All my best to everyone,
Dave
9:35am.
Very, very busy but doing well. My mother's hospital stay has been trying. For starters, her hospital is 4.5 hrs round trip from me. Secondly, the hospital doesn't seem to know from day to day what the plan is supposed to be.
It is very frustrating to say the least.
My recovery seems to be picking up a bit of momentum as of late. Some mornings I wake up and simply feel...Well, Normal.
My sleep seems to have evened out at about 5 hours a night. Unfortunately, that leaves me feeling that I need more sleep. But I've discovered that it doesn't do any good to try to lie back down and pick up another couple hours. It's simply not to be had and I end up wasting time in bed for nothing.
But, if I'll get on up and get in motion, within an hour or so the sensation of being sleep deprived will evaporate.
All in all I'm very satisfied with where I'm at in my recovery. It hasn't went smoothly or perfectly by any means but I've made progress and the progress I've made is tangible and irrefutable. I am undeniably much better than I was 60 days ago.
It's just so easy to forget how far I've come and concentrate instead on the little things in my life that are still out of focus.
But fear not I am still trudging along making progress and getting better. Hopefully things will calm down soon and I'll be able to post more frequently.
All my best to everyone,
Dave
3 Comments
This post made me grin from ear to ear Dave! Congrats on 83 Days!!
Thank you very much..
I admire your positive outlook... You're right it's easy to forget. Simply not being tied to a drug everyday is a miracle in itself. I need to remember the simplest of things sometimes and you help me with that.
Day80
2:40 pm.
My Mother underwent successful hip surgery Thursday. She is still in the hospital and has a long rehab ahead but she should be ok.
I worked volunteering again today. 4.5 hrs of hard work in blistering heat. Had the same type of energy fallout towards the end but 4.5hrs of heavy duty work is my best time yet. I'm also feeling more confident and my fear of a complete energy lapse is fading.
On a side note,
Our bank card was "comprised " yesterday and someone in California cleaned out $411 dollars before we could reach India and shut down our card. We are card less until the new one arrives and it will take at least 10 days to refund the disputed charges.
When it rains it pours huh?
But I signed up for life on life's terms and I'm sober so I'm still optimistic.
Here's wishing everyone a great weekend.
-Dave
2:40 pm.
My Mother underwent successful hip surgery Thursday. She is still in the hospital and has a long rehab ahead but she should be ok.
I worked volunteering again today. 4.5 hrs of hard work in blistering heat. Had the same type of energy fallout towards the end but 4.5hrs of heavy duty work is my best time yet. I'm also feeling more confident and my fear of a complete energy lapse is fading.
On a side note,
Our bank card was "comprised " yesterday and someone in California cleaned out $411 dollars before we could reach India and shut down our card. We are card less until the new one arrives and it will take at least 10 days to refund the disputed charges.
When it rains it pours huh?
But I signed up for life on life's terms and I'm sober so I'm still optimistic.
Here's wishing everyone a great weekend.
-Dave
4 Comments
Four hours is my limit at work as well -- Dr. must know something as he's the one who imposed it. In the back of my mind I think he knows what I'm dealing with but tries to downplay it to ME. As far as raining/pouring I get it... seems everything in my world is 'out of place' (cars need work, book keeping, etc.) My 'give a damn' isn't broke it's just a movtivational thing
we had a cc that was comprised many times over Finally we put it together it was from where I was ordering my vape juice. He ordered Nintendo games the last time the asss.
I'm sorry to read they got away with money that does suckk. Glad your Mom is doing well. Also glad you are getting closer Dave It is a long haul but worth it.. Congrats on day 80!
I'm sorry to read they got away with money that does suckk. Glad your Mom is doing well. Also glad you are getting closer Dave It is a long haul but worth it.. Congrats on day 80!
Thanks for the support guys..
Ah...
A fellow vaper. I've been off the stinkies for 4 yrs this month. I also order vape stuff online from time to time. I used to order from Mount baker vapor alot but now I mix my own. Anyways, cool to find another vaper out in the wild..
A fellow vaper. I've been off the stinkies for 4 yrs this month. I also order vape stuff online from time to time. I used to order from Mount baker vapor alot but now I mix my own. Anyways, cool to find another vaper out in the wild..
Day78.
1:00pm.
My mother fell yesterday and broke her hip. She is currently in surgery. Her name is Judy. Please pray for her.
1:00pm.
My mother fell yesterday and broke her hip. She is currently in surgery. Her name is Judy. Please pray for her.
4 Comments
Prayers going up! I'm sorry to read this Dave. I pray she is more comfortable once she heals. Congrats on day 78!
Thank you and God bless.
How is your Mom doing Dave? I hope all is well. I have known a few peps that have had hip replacements All of them said they were more comfortable after they healed! 1 friend had both and was still able to ride the bike! You are going to have pain meds in close proximity It can be a sore test for a addict ask your mom to not let them out of her sight as she heals ok If this is not possible just beware Dave addiction is cunning.. Congrats on 70 days!! warmly, lesa
my 91 yr old mom fell broke ankle had pins and rods...within 3 months was back to normal...we have amazing healing powers...GOD is great.
Day76
12:05pm.
Fairly uneventful day today so far. Yesterday I developed a massive headache that lasted the bulk of the day. Today is much better. I still have that sluggish feeling like you have when you've just overcome the flu or some other fairly menacing sickness. But instead of lasting a few days it's lasted several weeks.
Once I'm in motion and on task It seems fine but getting in gear initially is very difficult.
Slothfulness is the word that comes to mind.
Such an ugly word.
I still have faith that things are going to get better.
Some days are just tougher than others. I long for the days when I woke up feeling inspired to create and construct. I miss being creative. It's like that portion of me has been muted. Make no mistake, this withdrawal is a total grind. Super tough and way more complex than id imagined.
My hat is off to all those who've slogged through this muckish journey before me. You're a Dam tough lot.
Don't worry about me though, I will never quit on my stool. If I lose this battle it will be with both fists clenched and swinging for the fences.
I'm just trying to say that it's really tough sometimes.
-Dave
12:05pm.
Fairly uneventful day today so far. Yesterday I developed a massive headache that lasted the bulk of the day. Today is much better. I still have that sluggish feeling like you have when you've just overcome the flu or some other fairly menacing sickness. But instead of lasting a few days it's lasted several weeks.
Once I'm in motion and on task It seems fine but getting in gear initially is very difficult.
Slothfulness is the word that comes to mind.
Such an ugly word.
I still have faith that things are going to get better.
Some days are just tougher than others. I long for the days when I woke up feeling inspired to create and construct. I miss being creative. It's like that portion of me has been muted. Make no mistake, this withdrawal is a total grind. Super tough and way more complex than id imagined.
My hat is off to all those who've slogged through this muckish journey before me. You're a Dam tough lot.
Don't worry about me though, I will never quit on my stool. If I lose this battle it will be with both fists clenched and swinging for the fences.
I'm just trying to say that it's really tough sometimes.
-Dave
4 Comments
Amen brother, Amen... seems to me the ONLY ones who understand are those who've been or are going through it. My addiction therapist told me yesterday it's 'time' to start technical, clear thinking interviews for more work. The whole time I'm thinking, "yeah, I'll get right on that..."
Yes yes it is.. But the most Beautiful sights lead from the most difficult roads.. Congrats on 76 days Dave!!!
You will not believe this but look up heroin withdrawal and immodium yep you read right its a miracle its only immodium but it really REALLY really helps
No it does not you need to OD on the crap. A long time ago they sold liquid Immodium It did have a small amount of a opiate derivative that would bind to the bowels Now peps OD on it thinking this is helping, It is not it is furthering your addiction by ODing on a product that is not meant to be consumed this way. The whole point of getting clean is learning not to control everything wrong with us thru drugs... lesa
Fellow men in recovery take b12 shots and say it really helps big time -- shoots my anxiety to the stratosphere so I only did one... doesn't bother them though...
It always seems you work the problem. :)
It always seems you work the problem. :)
Day74
12:55pm.
I worked hard again yesterday. Almost 4hrs. Mostly finishing drywall but lots of stop and go fixing what other volunteers had done incorrectly. I left fatigued as usual but I took note that the heat seemed to take the most out of me. I was sweating WAY more than anyone else. Granted, I used to sweat profusely for almost no reason so there's that'.
I suppose my system is still confused. I sure wish the overheating issue would stop. When I'd take an 80mg. dose of methadone I'd have to turn the air down and put all the fans on high. It was an issue then and continues to be, albeit to a smaller degree.
My headaches appear to be disappearing. No aspirin Or Tylenol at all today and I just have a tiny, background type headache.
I have to go do a small job at an office complex today. I'm dreading it. The major expenditure of energy yesterday has left me with the predictable energy hangover. I feel exhausted and I haven't done a thing yet.
Still hanging in there though. Still unafraid.
Still resolute.
Everybody have a great Sunday.
12:55pm.
I worked hard again yesterday. Almost 4hrs. Mostly finishing drywall but lots of stop and go fixing what other volunteers had done incorrectly. I left fatigued as usual but I took note that the heat seemed to take the most out of me. I was sweating WAY more than anyone else. Granted, I used to sweat profusely for almost no reason so there's that'.
I suppose my system is still confused. I sure wish the overheating issue would stop. When I'd take an 80mg. dose of methadone I'd have to turn the air down and put all the fans on high. It was an issue then and continues to be, albeit to a smaller degree.
My headaches appear to be disappearing. No aspirin Or Tylenol at all today and I just have a tiny, background type headache.
I have to go do a small job at an office complex today. I'm dreading it. The major expenditure of energy yesterday has left me with the predictable energy hangover. I feel exhausted and I haven't done a thing yet.
Still hanging in there though. Still unafraid.
Still resolute.
Everybody have a great Sunday.
1 Comments
Have you tried amino acid supplements? I took up competitive swimming when I quit 5 years ago. Dealt with all the same energy problems. I take aminos before workouts and ~25 grams of protein daily. This regimen really helps with energy and muscle recovery. Don't forget that past 40 it's normal to slow down a bit. I know I masked that slowdown in my 30s with opiates. So it did take some time to rediscover my own limits.
Wish I had your wisdom as I too have entered an area unexpected. keep laying down the positive swag.. needed....
2 Comments
Day72.
7:30am
I am still moving forward but I am past the point where any planning prepared me for. I'd planned my escape from this wicked drug very meticulously. I tried to put myself in the best position for success. I treated it more like a prison break than a medical detox.
I knew that the prisoner who only carried a blanket to lay over the razor wire was often caught directly outside the fence. Hence, I tried to plan for every concivable obstacle. I saved up money to help support us while I'd be sick. I tried to mentally prepare for a long protracted battle. I stockpiled o.t.c meds I knew I'd need. I planned and planned and planned..
But many plans didn't survive first contact and I have outlasted the ones that did. It seems that, for this point at least, it will be more about persistence than planning.
I am relying on Faith, Determination and momentum to carry me through this patch of plan-less-ness.
I dont see this as an absolute negative though.
I sort of see the situation like the 120 yr old man saying he's run through his retirement savings. It's an unusual situation for sure but it's also a blessing to have outlasted your best laid plans.
Today I'll be thankful about my blessings and grateful for my longevity.
All is well...
7:30am
I am still moving forward but I am past the point where any planning prepared me for. I'd planned my escape from this wicked drug very meticulously. I tried to put myself in the best position for success. I treated it more like a prison break than a medical detox.
I knew that the prisoner who only carried a blanket to lay over the razor wire was often caught directly outside the fence. Hence, I tried to plan for every concivable obstacle. I saved up money to help support us while I'd be sick. I tried to mentally prepare for a long protracted battle. I stockpiled o.t.c meds I knew I'd need. I planned and planned and planned..
But many plans didn't survive first contact and I have outlasted the ones that did. It seems that, for this point at least, it will be more about persistence than planning.
I am relying on Faith, Determination and momentum to carry me through this patch of plan-less-ness.
I dont see this as an absolute negative though.
I sort of see the situation like the 120 yr old man saying he's run through his retirement savings. It's an unusual situation for sure but it's also a blessing to have outlasted your best laid plans.
Today I'll be thankful about my blessings and grateful for my longevity.
All is well...
It certainly is two steps forward one step back. Sometimes I too wonder if it's motivation or true lack of energy. Finally getting back won't be an ah hah moment for me unfortunately... I still never feel "right" but sometimes I forget that. It seems little things can be great or really leave me in a funk. Chipped my front tooth which I'd NEVER have felt on methadone. Now I feel it. Kinda sucks. :). kava may help w your headaches - many studies show it the second best natural pain killer next to the poppy.
1 Comments
Unfortunately I've got teeth problems too friend..
Day70
6:50pm.
Headaches are getting better but my lack of motivation seems to be increasing. I'm either not feeling good and don't want to do anything or I'm feeling ok but don't want to upset the apple cart. I've got to find a way to keep myself moving no matter what.
I feel better when I move. It just gets tough when week after week the symptoms won't fully relent. I'll survive it but I don't have to like it. I think I'd prefer a full blown battle royale rather than constant potshots from the cheap seats.
I guess I should be grateful that the headaches are subsiding. If I can get them under control a bit more I'll be much happier. I'm already happier than I was when I was on 80 mg of methadone a day. I was an emotional zombie after a few years of that. And like any decent zombie, I didn't even realize I'd become a part of the walking dead. I just shuffled around in an emotionally constricted state, all creative horizons obstructed and told myself everything was fine.
Yeah, today my life is definitely better than it was before. It just seems that complaining about today is much easier than a good and proper reflection about how bad things were before.
I need to work on being grateful and I need to stay thankful for the progress I've made.
I'll add it to the 2-do list...
6:50pm.
Headaches are getting better but my lack of motivation seems to be increasing. I'm either not feeling good and don't want to do anything or I'm feeling ok but don't want to upset the apple cart. I've got to find a way to keep myself moving no matter what.
I feel better when I move. It just gets tough when week after week the symptoms won't fully relent. I'll survive it but I don't have to like it. I think I'd prefer a full blown battle royale rather than constant potshots from the cheap seats.
I guess I should be grateful that the headaches are subsiding. If I can get them under control a bit more I'll be much happier. I'm already happier than I was when I was on 80 mg of methadone a day. I was an emotional zombie after a few years of that. And like any decent zombie, I didn't even realize I'd become a part of the walking dead. I just shuffled around in an emotionally constricted state, all creative horizons obstructed and told myself everything was fine.
Yeah, today my life is definitely better than it was before. It just seems that complaining about today is much easier than a good and proper reflection about how bad things were before.
I need to work on being grateful and I need to stay thankful for the progress I've made.
I'll add it to the 2-do list...
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