~Methadone 6+yrs for Migraines - I WANT OFF~

[slopez27]

I have been on Methadone 2 * 10mg every night at bedtime. I started taking on my doc's recommendation. I wish I would have listened to myself. This medicine scared me. I started it & I was thanking GOD & my doc because my Migraines were 100% gone. For the first time in years I had no pain!

After being on it for so long I want off. I stepped down to 1 pill in 1/2 pill doses. I did fine with most of the symptoms. When I got to 1 pill I started waking up in the morning & my brain was going 90 mph about stupid things - Like: lint, where does it come from, how does it get trapped in the lint trap, why do you only find it after your clothes go in the dryer??? = tooth picks - I wonder how many toothpicks you get out of one tree... Just stupid things that came at me so fast & made no sense. I could not get my brain to shut up!!! I would lay in bed for 45 minutes & I could not will myself up & out of bed to get ready for work.

I went back up to 1.5 pills. I have been here for 3 months. I am scared to go back down. I have no mental history or issues. I have a clean bill of health other than the Methadone. I do take Flexeril to sleep at night. I want off this medicine so bad. I am a Kaiser member. Kaiser wanted to give me Prozac... NO THANK YOU! They also wanted me to go to Group Therapy to help me deal with getting off this medicine. I have a very supportive family & friends. I don't need to talk to anyone> I just need to get this drug out of my system. I have tried to quit cold turkey in the past. I do good for about 3 hours & then I start with the mind games I play with myself. It *****! I don't like the way the lack of Methadone forces me to play mind games.

I want help getting off. Kaiser seems unable to help unless I see a Psych doc. I don't want any of that in my file! I have heard horrible things about what happens at Kaiser once that stuff gets written in your file. Every time you are seen or you call for advice they ask you " Are you thinking of harming yourself or others?" At least that is what I have heard... I could be wrong. I am just scared & want off desperately!

ADVISE???

[slopez27]

Thank you all! I went to Kaiser yesterday & spoke with a doc in the Chemical Dependency Department. I have an appointment on 5/24/2010 to see how I can get off the Methadone. I am still hoping for some help getting off. Supporting me helps but not enough to keep me from going insane when I go off. I tried tapering I got down to 1 pill & I could not take the withdrawal symptoms after 2 days. I went back up to 1.5 pills and I have been here for the past 3 months. I can't do that again. I had some of the darkest thoughts come across my mind. Things I know I would never even imagine let alone consider.  Because of this, I feel that Suboxone can help me get off the Methadone.

I am at a point where I am borderline Desperate! I don't want to cross to full blown desperation... Then only God knows what I would be able to handle & or do to get off.

Thank you all again for your words of wisdom. I agree that I am not an addict. However, My body & mind are. I can take alot of pain. The suicide thoughts & the self hate I feel when I am coming off the Methadone are more than I can bare.  I think that I deserve to give myself better care & not allow my mind to hurt me. I am afraid that without Suboxone or something like it I will end up worse off & on a higher dose than I am on now. I want to move forwards not backwards. I hope Kaiser can help

[vicki595]

Hi~  I've read this whole thread and your pain and frustration come through loud and clear.    I'm familiar with Kaiser,also.   In my opinion,you shouldn't go on another drug.
It comes with it's own problems. The situation you're in is almost a travesty.Actually,it is a travesty.
Knowing what I know now, I think you should do a nice,long,slow taper. What else is there?  You may find a doctor to help but the doctors generally feel like they have to treat,medicate etc..hang a diagnosis on you (like drug addiction...)

Gnarly_1 has a great bit of experience with a particular way to taper. Send him a personal message and ask him for it.  You'll need support during the taper and I see you have that.  A slow taper,I think,will work for you. You are physically dependant but not an addict,in my opinion.  You want your freedom back and you want new memories.
I can understand...
Please keep posting with your decision/progress. There are so many here to support you.

All the best~
Vicki

[slopez27]

To make a long story short - When I went in for my Gastric Bypass surgery I had to pass a Psych exam. I passed no problem. However, because I appeared anxious I had to attend group therapy for 9 months... I swore from that day forward that anything having to do with Anxiety or depression or anything mental illness wise   - I would keep away from my Kaiser file.  I was only anxious the day of my appointment because I was scared I would be told I would not be able to get the surgery because I take Methadone. I basically scared myself & made myself anxious. I really wanted the surgery. I managed to cause myself enough anxiety leading up to the date of the appointment that I got my period that morning for the first time in over 2 years... That in and of itself could cause my emotions to go all over the place. So  - The Psych doctor deemed I was sane enough to have surgery but I needed to work through my "anxiety" issues. That was written in my Kaiser chart. Now I am asked "Do you suffer from anxiety" No I don't - I did the day of that appointment & I do when I forget to take my methadone but normally - NO!

I am just scared that I am going to find out that I am psycho or something. I am going to be told that the last 6 years I was on Methadone kept me sane. When I get off I am going to be an emotional & psychological mess.. I know that this is a real possibility... I don't want Kaiser any where near this part of me.  It's hard to explain if you have never been a Kaiser patient. Your file follows you everywhere. Not just the paper file but now they have an electronic file that they can send back & forth to each other. It's a great way to help treat people in the ER... I think it can save lives having a patients entire file at your fingertips. Instantly when you type in their Medical Record Number.

I am hopeful that some how, some way I will overcome this medicine.

[Prospero73]

My son was on suboxone for methadone addiction.  He took it for 11 months, and after tapering off it (too quickly, I'm convinced) he went back on the meth because he couldn't stand the sub withdrawals.  It's just as addictive as methadone: it is to methadone what methadone was to heroin (and, I believe, as heroin was to opium long ago).

It disturbs me to hear that prescription of an anti-depressant would cause trouble for you (with your employment or your insurance? or both?).  This is medical fascism, there is no other word for it.  It's a violation of doctor-patient confidentiality.

[avisg]

it not just up to your ins lots of sub doctors dont take ins they want they money .So you will also have to find a sub doctor that will let u use your ins if it does pay for it .also I would go at least 72 hours before changing from methadone to sub if they give it to u to early you will go into precipitated WDs which I hear is horrible .You have to make sure u have to get all of the methadone out of your system .

[krissy30]

Good for you.  Good luck and like I said, please keep me (us) informed...Please feel free to message me.  I am very interested in Suboxone, but b/c I am broke it's just not an option for me yet.