Need Support/Advice For Desperate Final Attempt At Sobriety

[sk8trnate]

Hi guys, I know it's not often you hear a 17 year old kid wanting to get sober... And that is exactly why it has been such a struggle for me. I have been using anything I could get my hands on to cope with anxiety/depression/insomnia/add, or just to be happy and have fun. I already went through an inpatient treatment program almost two years ago, and pretty much lied my way through it. I didn't want to admit I had a problem for years, just rationalized it with what "everyone else was doing". The fact was, I was the only one my age doing lines of coke in the bathroom stall between classes, only one stealing from my family and friends just to have money to support my habit. I have amazing and supportive parents, but I have told them so many times that this time would be the last time, that they don't believe me anymore... and I don't blame them. I've went to celebrate recovery classes, but no one my age is in them. I am the drummer in our church worship team, and little do they know I've been struggling with my sobriety for so long. (I live in a rural farm town of 2000 people, and everyone drinks and parties) I moved around a lot, so that isn't in my heritage, and I don't feel like I fit in, because I don't. The fact is, I have accepted the fact that I'm the only kid my age trying to straighten my life out before my 18th birthday in a month, so I don't screw up my life forever. I haven't been sleeping at all because I've been on and off of cocaine the past few weeks, and today I finally threw all I had left away. I really need to make it happen this time. I have cried, prayed to God, and spent hours in his word the last week when I was up all night. Every time I get clean I go through an insane period of depression, anxiety and paranoia. During those few months that my brain tries to get back to being normal, my life is a living hell. And I feel like there is no hope, so I go back to drugs. I'm going to have to stop hanging out with my best friend, because all we ever do is get twacked and attempt to write a book or some other ridiculous idea we come up with.

Sorry if I'm blabbering on and on, I just have no where else to go and I'm coming down of my last line. HOPEFULLY FOREVER. If anyone can relate to me, or has any advice on what I can do, or any tips or tricks they have from getting sober, I would greatly appreciate it. I need to make it this time, I don't want to live this way anymore. I want to be happy without drugs.

Thank you so much,
Nate

[VICourageous]

ALRIGHT !!!!! I posted early that there will be some awsome people who care here.... RIGHT ON EVERYONE.....Keep checking post they roll in and out.
Bless you
vickie

[Clarityrocks]

Oh my gosh, I am so glad you came here! My heart goes out to you while I am reading this post. I WISH I would have known I was an addict/alcoholic when I was your age, (cause I was already well on my way) it would have saved everyone a lot of heartache! lol. You have your whole life ahead of you, and it breaks my heart that you are struggling with this. So, I know it is tough at this moment, but maybe look into some aftercare, outpatient treatment, meetings, etc, when you are feeling a little better. In the meantime, stay away from using friends, change your number if you need to. I don't know what kind of resources you have if you are in a rural area, but remember, we are here, and we want to help in any way we can, even if you just need to vent.
Allison

[conhall]

dont give up on fighting for your sobriety go to your parents and beg them I am a parent and your post broke my heart Please keep posting you can take your life back!  Keep knocking on doors someone will answer :)
God bless you and posting is a huge step You can get thru this. Talk to your parents and like you said they have heard it before but it doesnt matter they love you

[cork712]

You are on the right track. Just hang in through the anxiety--it seems to hit everyone hard no matter what drug we've taken. It's just real life coming without a filter so do all the relaxing things toothfaire said. Deep breathing can really calm you. The Deepak Chopra website has short meditations you can listen to online.http://www.chopra.com/library/guidedmeditations
I've been where you are: new kid in small town in high school, athlete...trying to fit in a new place. Very stressful. And I know when coke wore off, I was so down, depressed, lethargic (in my mid-20's!). I just had to quit between that and feeling like I could have a heart attack at 25! And I have my own teens now, and taught high school to at-risk teens, so I know how hard these years can be. But you are close to moving on and it is great that you want to  stop all this before 18. You just found out things earlier than many of us have. Once your body adjusts, your mind will come to adjust too. Just give it a chance to heal which takes a little longer.  
I really like the term "urge surfing." Like a surfer, ride through the urges/cravings to use. They pass; it's not a permanent feeling. Google "urge surfing" and there are some really interesting tips. Don't think too hard. Just take it hour by hour, day by day.

[clean_in_ks]

http://www.hbo.com/addiction/understanding_addiction/16_myths_of_addiction.html

That particular part of the hbo.com/addiction link explains just SOME of the "myths" of addiction we addicts must contend with.  But another HUGE myth that you brought to mind......you said one of the reasons people don't offer you help is because you look the opposite of what an addict looks like,'
(not your exact words, but close)

Addicts don't LOOK any certain way.....that's the HUGE myth you brought to mind.  We are from every walk of life, every race, creed, and income level.  Our professions are many.  We are doctor's, homemakers, EMT workers, athletes, retired, rich and poor and in between.  Just as it "rains on the just and the unjust"....the disease of the brain does NOT discriminate.  SO many people don't "get it".  It frustrates me completely!
So.....when you aren't crashin from your last high.....please take the time to re-read, re-process this whole thread from tonight.  The younger we begin our drug/alcohol use......the more severe the consequences.  

I know for tonight you are crashin, but when you have a little more clarity, I hope you will make it a point to re-read this whole thread.

Addicts don't LOOK a certain way.....that's a HUGE

[toothfairie]

try taking a hot shower or bath....it always helped me with anxiety.....and deep breathing exercises....do them for a few mins....and put your mind on something else......maybe try to watch a movie or listen to some calming music.....hope you feel better tmrw.....just hang in there....i know you have it in you!  keep posting for support!