Needing advice

[ABL4ME]

I've been reading a lot of the posting in this forum on and off all day.  I've started at least 3 questions and was interrupted...I'm hoping to get this one through :)  My situation is very similar to many here.  I started taking prescription pain meds in December 2006.  To date, I take over 15 pills a day because of my tolerance.  Long story short, I had a long talk with my specialist yesterday.  She pulled my pharmacy records, which dated back to 2006.  I was shocked, embarrassed and very defensive.  After sleeping on her advice, I decided she was absolutely right, I need to stop taking the medication NOW...regardless of my pain level.  I've known for quite sometime that I had developed a problem, however, wasn't ready to face it.  The addiction has taken over most of my life.  I can't travel unless I have enough to last for several days, I can't do a lot of things simply because I am worried about running out of my meds.  So, instead of focusing on the real problem, which is my back, I've allowed the vicoden or the vicoprofen or the percocet dictate how I go about my daily life.  I realize I am cheating myself out on so much of my life because the drug has consumed me.  I have never had a problem with alcohol or drugs, therefore, I never believed something like this could happen to me.  My specialist gave me another prescription...to taper me off.  Yea right...someone who takes over 15 pills a day is not going to take 4 a day when there is a bottle in front of them.  My decision is to go cold turkey..starting within the next 24 hrs.  In the past, I've gone 24 hours without the medication in my system...so I have a good idea what the withdrawal is going to feel like...however, I have never made it beyond that time frame.  My husband seems to think it would be a good idea to keep a few pills in the house, in case the "anxiety" from the withdrawal is too much for me to handle.  My opinion, if they are here, I am going to find them, take them and lose my battle.  Does anyone agree?  I'm here because I really appreciated how everyone is so willing to help the other out.  I am hoping someone will be able to hold my hand via Internet (lol) over the next 72+ hrs or so.  I do not "think" it will be a problem for me if I can make it past 72 hrs...simply because I am determined to get my life back...but, I am afraid of caving in because we get soooooooo sick from the withdrawals.

Any advice given is so greatly appreciated!

[ABL4ME]

Thanks so much for the Congrats on 2 weeks!  Yes, what a ride of emotions...I thought I was going to have to call someone to take me away in a straight jacket yesterday!  I feel great today, just like most days...but, wow be warned of that Day 13 to anyone who is a few days behind me...yikes!

You, along with so many others, have been such a tremendous support!  I got by Day 3 and 13 ONLY because of the Faith that lead me to this forum.  Thanks goodness that is the past and I have so much to look forward to.....

God Bless You and thank you my friend!
Love,
Amy

[Enough22]

Congratulations on your 2 Week mark!  I wanted to post this much earlier - having some computer issues, but I'm back online and wanted to send this your way .... As I have been alluding to, the 2nd week for me was a bit of a ride, but I've been out and about the past couple days and am so grateful to be able to get around with some semblance of normality again .... I hope you're having another solid, wonderful day!

God Bless ~
Jonathan

[liscamdave]

Girl, look at you now....I am just so happy. Soon enough we will be celebrating a month, then 2 and so on. I just know it. You are the best and I love ya already....

Hope you are well...

Lisa

[Enough22]

Thank you so much for your kind words!  And congratulations to you on Lucky Day 13!  I'm not sure I would wish these past 14 days on anyone - friends and enemies alike - but I know I've been taking the hits I needed to take for me to get through this .. beginning this journey with this forum is, I'm convinced, the only way I would personally be able to make these first steps toward clean living, and I'm so thankful to have been able to share with you along the way .... I'm so happy for you and your steps, too!  As I noted back on 8/29, you chose a tough path, and I so respect what you have done!


I agree - I've gone back a few times and re-read this thread from the beginning, and all I can think is, "what a transformation"!  Night and day, yes?  We're at the beginning of something that we'll look back on as, perhaps, one of the most important experiences we've ever gone through ....

I hope the "Rainbow Search" days you are now taking yield many, many beautiful gifts .... you deserve it .... I wish you all the best ..

God Bless ~
Jonathan

[tryinhard78]

I just wanted to say Congrats to you...You have done an awsome job.I am so happy for you. We all deserve a BIG pat on the back.

Can you believe its been 2 weeks...Now we can say weeks instead of days!! The first week I thought would never end but it went by pretty fast actually.
Great Job to you!! :) Have a great Day

~Susie

[ABL4ME]

Congrats on Day 14!!!!  Wheeww!!!  You have done so great with this fight. What amazes me is the transformation of this thread.  LOL...I don't want to go back to Day 3 ever again!  I know there have been several bumps along the way, but what road do you know doesn't have a few of those...watch out for the pot whole that comes up when you least expect (I found that one today lol).  I am going to take a day or so away and start looking for the "rainbows" again.  Just like everyone here, feeling better is something to brag about.  Moods change through the day, and yes I would love to sleep too..lol  But my main focus is WOW you've got to be kidding me, I did this.  And, I did it with the help of so many here.

jms, continue to stay focused and true to yourself.  You're an amazing person who has helped more then you'll ever know...!!!  I can't wait to come back to this thread and see DAY 30...lol, I got the chills just thinking about it!!!!!

I pray that everyone continues this fight, no matter how tired or crabby we get from our daily lives of being clean.

Love, Strength and Blessings to all,
Amy

[ABL4ME]

Thanks so much for your support...if it wasn't for this forum I know I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own!

Take Care
~Amy

[ABL4ME]

Thank you so much!  You have been wonderful with encouragement and praise!!!  I do appreciate the B'day wishes as well!!!!...and yes, I am having a wonderful day!!!!

Keep going strong...I am right behind you as each day goes by...!!!

Love,
Amy

[Enough22]

Amy - I just left you a message, and wanted to leave you a birthday wish on your thread - Congratulations!  You've put in so much hard work these past 11 days, and I think your birthday is a great way to give you a little smile for all this hard work ..

Wishing you a wonderful day -
God Bless~
Jonathan (jms)

[wanttobeclean]

I just read through this whole post. You have done great!  You should be so proud of yourself.  Happy day 11!  I am 63 days off oxycodone and although I wouldn't wish the first 2 weeks on anyone, it was SO worth it.  I don't just have my life back...I have a much better, happier, life and can finally look myself in the mirror and feel pride.  Way to go Amy!

[ABL4ME]

Thank you and Congrats to you too, along with everyone else who working to improve their lives!!

Take care and stay strong,
Amy

HEY...I just realized a huge congrats to you on your Day 10 today!!!!!  Keep going.....

[tryinhard78]

Congrats on day 10!! Alot of people right in the same range on the forum. You have done a great job. Right behind you with day 9

~Susie

[ABL4ME]

As always, it is very nice to hear from you...and THANK YOU.  Yes, it is Day 10 and I feel great.  I would never change the way I feel, even if it means going on 5 hours a sleep a week for the rest of my life!   Along with Todd, you have been very supportive with your inspiration, I thank you.

Keep going strong jms ~ it seems to me the days only get brighter :)

Love,
Amy

[Enough22]

Amy - Just wanted to wish you a happy Day 10! .... I hope you've had a good last couple of days!  I'll be looking for you latter on ....

God Bless~
jms

[Enough22]

PS - Sorry for my selfishness;  Isn't today #14 for you??  Talk about "Way To Go" ..  I've entertained the thought that I may begin to use "weeks" instead of "days" for my counting, once I have more than a few to use for reference ....

Once again, more great work from you, Bradah . . Congrats on 2 weeks!

God Bless ~
jms

[Enough22]

KT -  Thanks for the pump-up, Brother - I laughed out loud (literally) when I read, "Day 9 was really the turning point for me, likewise. Day 9 was the best out of the previous 8....And after Day 9 it has stayed the same, except only gets better!!!!

Watch...now the days start flying faster than you think.....and my sleep returned to me on Day 11 ...8 hours every day since"

Great inspiration, and I so appreciate the fact that you offer these insights about the days to come .... As Amy alluded to earlier, the 3 of us (in particular with our closeness in number of days) have a pretty good thing, here.  Of course, we are just tiny pieces of The Game which is this message board, yes?  You probably read me refer to them as "heroes", and I don't think any of us would diagree with that assessment ....

Thanks, Brother ... . God Bless~
jms

[Enough22]

Great stuff with the neighbor!  I'd be laughing too ....  Just an example, I believe, of people being placed in your life exactly when they need to be, yes?  He works in mysterious ways .... I'm happy you have people around you - even people you don't expect! - that care enough to make the type of gesture that your neighbor made.  I'm really liking that hot-ticket daughter of yours, too, for making the very simple comment that perhaps set that whole thing in motion.  What a great gift!  I'm so happy you have caring family around you!  See, now you'll be able to look back on this particular period of time, as the clarity has been coming to you, and be thankful for the gifts you've no doubt always known were there (daughter; caring neighbors), but were somewhat unaware of because of the side-tracking that was going on with the "distractions".  Does that make sense?  I write those things because I've personally had, like, a dozen little things that I've begun to "re-notice" these last few days that make me stop and think, "Wow - I've been missing that for too long" ....

Thank you again for your kind words .... I'll absolutely keep posting, and I look forward to reading all the stories you have coming to you ....

God Bless ~
jms

[K Todd]

Amy,

Day 8 is here and rolling for you!!!!

You are really something else and so special, and the days are going to get brighter and brighter with each day....

I am glad that we are fighting the good fight and winning!!

Ohhhh Yes and God Bless You Amy!
Love,
Todd

[K Todd]

jms

Good Job!!! On Day 9 !!!

I was reading your reply to Amy, and was going to reply their, but just wanted to shot this over for you...

Day 9 was really the turning point for me, likewise. Day 9 was the best out of the previous 8....And after Day 9 it has stayed the same, except only gets better!!!!

Watch...now the days start flying faster than you think.....and my sleep returned to me on Day 11 ...8 hours every day since...

Keep up the Awesome Job, we all have fought with with everything we have....and we have takin our life back!!!!

God Bless You, and dont be a stranger brother!!!  (-:

Todd

[ABL4ME]

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back on here and thank you for being so supportive.  I'll tell ya, if I don't crave a pill while watching this nail biting football...I NEVER will!!  Everyone did a great job keeping me focused and gave me the Faith to believe in myself, which was a lot of the problem.  My day 8 is great...yesterday was horrible for me, but that's history.  I am going to continue to pray that every day gets even better then today AND keep in touch with all of you.

As for a rainbow today...I found a knock on my door hilarious this morning.  My neighbor's are used to seeing me frequently throughout the day.  Of course, the past 7  days (now 8), the first 3 in bed for the most part, I was MIA.  My daughter told me a few days ago that people were asking if I was OK.  My daughter said "oh mommy has a REALLY bad flu." lol  This leads up to the knock on the door. I am enjoying my 2 hours of sleep when I hear a the "knock."  I get up, of course looking horrible because prior to my 2 hrs of sleep...I think I was going on over 48 hrs w/out...(lol history right), open the door and there stands one of my neighbors with with food.  "Amy we heard you were very sick so we thought we'd (the neighbor's) bring you food."  I got a big container of chili, 2 steaks and an apple pie.  It took everything I had in me not to laugh uncontrollably.  All I could think is....these people think I am dying...little do they know I am living better then I have in close to 3 years.  So there ya go...hope you enjoyed that one...LOL

jms I always love to hear from you...please keep posting!
God Bless You and Stay Strong!
~Amy

p.s. WTG on Day 9!!  Double digits tomorrow!!!  Remember when Todd posted his double digits...tomorrow it's your turn...next day mine, along with a few others...WOW what a great team!

[Enough22]

PS - (I meant to write this within my send-off line) -- I look forward to reading about your next "rainbow", whatever it may be ....

[Enough22]

Just wanted to give you a preemptive "congrats" on your Day 8 .. I'm sure you're feeling even better today.  My D8 was interesting, in that I actually felt a little worse than I did the previous 2 days.  That noted, today is my Day 9, and I hope you experience it tomorrow just as I am -- I'm feeling a clarity today that I've been waiting and hoping for, although I know tomorrow, etc., may be a little slide backwards.  That's ok.  I know from what you write that you're seeing the kinds of things, and appreciating the kinds of things, that you may not have thought possible a week or so ago, yes?  After sharing what you did with me (2 days ago), I'm so happy for you.  If I was a big "exclamation point" guy, that last sentence would have a few on the end ....

So, here's a little contemplation for you which may or may not help and apply  for you -- As of this morning, with the 'good' start, I'm now at the point where I've chosen to look at this part of the journey as an interesting challenge;  What will today bring?  Will it be a "progression" day, or a "regression" day?  Frankly, since we're past most of the severe physical negatives, I welcome this new challenge of seeing what kind of day I'm faced with each morning.  Either way I know I'm one day further down the road, so that, in and of itself, is a progression, regardless of how I feel -- so we're ahead of the game!  (There's an exclamation point for you ..)

Stay as strong as I know you will, and God Bless ..
jms

[K Todd]

Yes...flush em  ( no dumbsters! )

Still proud you got rid of em real quick !

Love,
Todd

[worried878]

girl  u r licking this doomer drug...i am hoping u have no more in ur house...period..if u do..flushem...it is a mental relief and a power play....by flushing u take control away from those little suckers!