I think you and I have a lot in common on why we continued using, and how it got a grasp on our lives. It is odd, because it was only when I started using often, that I got that "wired" feeling that would allow me to be a superhero when it came to getting my coursework done late into the night after a hard day of work. Of course, this "superhero" feeling I was getting is what got me addicted, and I wish I had never gotten to that stage. The only thing I can do not is fight my urge to continue using, and allow my brain to get back where it used to be. I find it amazing how the chemical craving causes us to lie to people and be deceitful to the ones we love the most. It is a very dangerous drug that I wish I never tried in the first place. I am so thankful I was able to at least recognize that this was no longer fun, and instead, a serious issue. I am still considering telling my girlfriend, because I think she will support me, but I am just not ready to talk yet.
Stay strong during your detox. I find that posting here has been really helping me a lot, and thank you for responding to my post.
Today, I am starting to feel my energy come back again, and yesterday was the first day when I was driving home and did not have a huge mental debate of whether I was going to stop by my buddys house to pick up. He is on the way home, and it would have been so easy to get them, but I knew that was the wrong thing to do, and continued driving. I really cannot wait to get back to feeling like myself again. Having that feeling, like you said, will be better than the high. I can go back to being productive, funny, happy and in control of my own life. Thanks for your advice!
Hi and welcome to the forum. Congrats on taking steps to help yourself; you definitely are in the grasp of addiction but you can get off the roller coaster now before 3 or 4 more years passes and you are even deeper in. I, too, started taking Oxy and Percocet for the same reasons. I am a female professional and mom. I started using before my kids came, was clean during the period I tried to conceive and while pregnant, and then started using more heavily after the birth of my twins. I am very Type A, overachiever and the pills gave me energy, too. That is how it felt, at least. My husband is disabled and therefore I have access to a plethora of meds, at no cost, at any time. As my use progressed, which it inevitably does, he became aware of my abuse. I then tried to stop by using subs and ultimately started switching between subs and pills. If I am being honest with myself now, I was just doing that to reduce the amount of Oxy I was taking and throw him off. When I did attemp to truly quit and taper from subs, the stop was so awful and prolonged that I went back to pills. I finally had to demand that my husband lock his pills in a safe and I am now detoxing. Please, you are obviously a very intelligent young man with a bright future ahead; STOP NOW. We all think we can have "just one more" but that is addiction- we can never have just one. I would consider telling your girlfriend, as difficult as that is. You might be very surprised by her support. It will keep you more accountable, especially if your friends use. I would also caution you that the potential to accidentally overdose is increased when you are going days without the drugs and then have a binge day, so be very careful. Our close friend lost his wife to accidental overdose last year. She was prescribed Oxy but was taking more than she was supposed to and died in her sleep at 38. Stay close, keep posting for support. This site is the best, so much support and love. You are young and strong, you can do it!!
JJ
First, welcome to this site, second congrats on admitting there is a problem and wanting to fix it. I too was taking oxycodone (too many mlgs) and I know it is rough coming off, I'm still having physical symptoms of detox at day 13. But I'm starting to feel normal again. As others have said, be aware of the subs, they are bad in themselves, and harder to detox from then the initial drug. Having support is huge, I know it is hard to tell other people, but the closets one to you, you need to tell. Remember that voice in your head telling you"just one more pill, to ease whatever or for a reward" that is our addict brain kicking in to high gear because it is not getting what it is craving. DO NOT LISTEN TO IT. It can get a hold of you worst then it has right now, don't give in because you are doing great. I quit cold turkey and though detox wasn't and isn't easy, I have never felt better my entire life, not even the high of the pills. Having a great attitude is huge, exercise, vitamins and staying hydrated, and AFTERCARE because anyone can quit, but staying clean is the hard part. There will be more people on here with great advice, listen to them because they are awesome. Just wanting to tell you your are doing awesome, We are all here for you and rooting for you. You got this.
Thank you! Every day has been a struggle. I have been on auto-pilot for months, not even thinking about what I was doing to myself. I have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars in the past 4 months alone on this pill. The sickening part is that the cravings still come and I start thinking how just one can't hurt. Smh.
Hey man congrats on realizing you were getting into trouble and facing this head on!! You should be very proud of yourself!!!
Stick to this forum and heed the advice of the people on here -- you are way to young and smart to let these pills ruin you... You saw the progression first hand and it only gets, worse and worse I can promise you that..
Don't be ashamed -- you are not alone this has hit people from all sections of the social spectrum..
Again, give yourself a pat on the back for stopping this before it was to late...
I wish the best of luck in your efforts to get clean and stay clean!!!