Aa
woke up thinking of using still thinking about it
my "friend" called me and asked me if i wanted to see him....i know im gonna have to block his number.....i cant keep him as a friend and also a pusher.
im on day four of subs but a small dose....im so conflicted.....i know what the right thing to do is.....but if i was any good at doing what was right i wouldnt be in this jam in the first place.
this is why i think subs suck...it gives you that safety net of oh i can use and just take a sub tomorrow and be fine....when you go c/t you feel every milligram you ever took forcing its way out of you body that alone makes you not want to ever go back....but im an idiot and i did......i dont wanna be a lost cause
im on day four of subs but a small dose....im so conflicted.....i know what the right thing to do is.....but if i was any good at doing what was right i wouldnt be in this jam in the first place.
this is why i think subs suck...it gives you that safety net of oh i can use and just take a sub tomorrow and be fine....when you go c/t you feel every milligram you ever took forcing its way out of you body that alone makes you not want to ever go back....but im an idiot and i did......i dont wanna be a lost cause
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ok im taking the first step looking at the scheduled whats the format mean i see it says format that things like TOP STEP, TRAD....ect ect
IBK your right ;( i guess my anxiety issues are just getting the best of me....im having a hard time going by myself only time i ever went to one was with someone....and i have been counting on my friend to come with me and he hasnt come through.
i know if i take the step and go to a couple times the anxiety wont be there anymore its just taking that first step and thats not an excuse i really do have anxiety issue......but like i said with repetition that would go away....i hate talking about my anxiety issues it makes me feel weak
i know if i take the step and go to a couple times the anxiety wont be there anymore its just taking that first step and thats not an excuse i really do have anxiety issue......but like i said with repetition that would go away....i hate talking about my anxiety issues it makes me feel weak
Hey dude thanks for the message and I wrote you back just know you can do this and yes it will be tuff but it is doable we all want to see you get clean as for the meetings N/A saved my life and taught me how to live now im a guest speaker at many of the local N/A speaker meetings this really does work please give it a try you will be welcome with a hug and you will be around people that understand what your going threw keep posting for support good luck and God bless........................................Gnarly....................................
"If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse"
Jay, I'm sorry but I still hear excuses. Now you can't make meetings. I will bet if they had drugs there you would find a way to get there. You need to work your recovery as hard as you did your active addiction. Call the hotline number. they often have people who will pick you up.
No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
Sometimes it's hard to forget someone who you had so much fun with, but don't worry I'm trying my best to remove every memory I had with you. So get ready to be forgotten.
“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”
right now im taking a very low dose of subs like 1mg in the morning....i plan on finishing the week off and seeing how i feel over the weekend.....if anything next week i'll take .25 for that week than flush the rest.....dont want to deal with sub detox just want it for the worst of the opiate w/d.
If im still not feeling great after that im either going to take a week off of work to get my mind and body some what stable.....i know i mentioned meetings but with my licenses being conditional its really hard for me to get to them....i def plan on finding a good therapist that deals with addiction....matter of fact im going to start researching that after work today.
If im still not feeling great after that im either going to take a week off of work to get my mind and body some what stable.....i know i mentioned meetings but with my licenses being conditional its really hard for me to get to them....i def plan on finding a good therapist that deals with addiction....matter of fact im going to start researching that after work today.
i agree kuku that was a great post a lil tough love.....spider i cant be babysat your right i need to be able to control my own destiny.
Hey there, thought I'd offer support here.....Kuku, awesome post. Real and raw and right on the money IMO. Couldn't have said it better.
Jay, the pills are too available to you sweetie. There is no way around this, only chance you have is to be honest and accountable to yourself. You can even get someone to babysit you through the sh*tstorm of w/d's but the fact remains you CAN'T be "babysat" your whole life. There needs to be an end resolve.
Who all knows your about your journey? Perhaps you'd have a better chance if you haven't already....make it more known to those that you find would be of support in the nature of which you require. I apologize, I should have read more backstory before that kind of advice but....you really could use to put yourself out there....the obvy is meetings and therapy and doctors care but I figure you probably are familiar with the deets on that vein.
I wish you success ....I know that you can do this...you need to believe that too hon. Hugs out
Jay, the pills are too available to you sweetie. There is no way around this, only chance you have is to be honest and accountable to yourself. You can even get someone to babysit you through the sh*tstorm of w/d's but the fact remains you CAN'T be "babysat" your whole life. There needs to be an end resolve.
Who all knows your about your journey? Perhaps you'd have a better chance if you haven't already....make it more known to those that you find would be of support in the nature of which you require. I apologize, I should have read more backstory before that kind of advice but....you really could use to put yourself out there....the obvy is meetings and therapy and doctors care but I figure you probably are familiar with the deets on that vein.
I wish you success ....I know that you can do this...you need to believe that too hon. Hugs out
I swear every time I read some of what you guys post I get chocked up...in a good way...part of the emotional roller coaster ...I did block the numbers
I'm in such a better stat of mind today I have to say.....I actually am feeling strong enough to do it....I'm ready for the storm I want off this ride I've been on playing Russian roulete everyday I want a real life.
I'm ready to feel again I did it once I can do it again I have to forget the past have confidence today and not fear the future.....one day at a time....I'm not even thinking about getting high I'm just thinking about how good it will feel to prove all that doubt me wrong.
thanks for the words as always guys angels in disguise
I'm in such a better stat of mind today I have to say.....I actually am feeling strong enough to do it....I'm ready for the storm I want off this ride I've been on playing Russian roulete everyday I want a real life.
I'm ready to feel again I did it once I can do it again I have to forget the past have confidence today and not fear the future.....one day at a time....I'm not even thinking about getting high I'm just thinking about how good it will feel to prove all that doubt me wrong.
thanks for the words as always guys angels in disguise
COMMUNITY LEADER
It has been 34 minutes since you posted....did you delete and block the number?? This person is NOT your friend. He/she is only looking out for themselves. Most of us have real jobs that we go out and earn an honest dollar. We arent selling drugs. All you are is his rent payment, his utility payment etc and all the while he/she is selling you something that is killing you. Some friend huh?
I am 52 yrs old. Started using around 13 and cleaned up when i was 46. My point is i have been clean for almost 19 yrs total out of those 52 yrs. I used most of my life and i am here to tell you it can be done. Join me on this side of recovery~
I am 52 yrs old. Started using around 13 and cleaned up when i was 46. My point is i have been clean for almost 19 yrs total out of those 52 yrs. I used most of my life and i am here to tell you it can be done. Join me on this side of recovery~
I love the saying that nobody ever died of opiate withdraws - you know this, they $uck though without a doubt. You have got to block those numbers now. You have to take the steps and put in the work. You have worked so hard at this before and you deserve a clean life. Fight for yourself. You CAN do this. You have to change your thought process...your behaviors. Start anew today and throw yourself in that ring...you are ready for the fight!
i am going to delete and block my hook ups numbers today so im not tempted. this has to be done
Sorry to hear of your relapse. You see why it's SO important to cut any ties you have to drugs? You really need to make that a priority, as well as getting to a meeting, start putting together a recovery plan. Something has to change, you can do it.
i caved yesterday :( and used.....the good thing about it was it made me feel guilty and ashamed....i guess i can take a positive out of the negative.
dont wanna be a slave no more no more
dont wanna be a slave no more no more
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That's why it ***** for you. You think you can do Subs and still use. Until you get your mind right and your life straightened out you're never going to be able to stop using drugs, Subs or no Subs. Never, unless it kills you first.
I was on 8mg Suboxone the last 2 years and used that time to break ties with the people I used to do drugs with, buy drugs from, and places I did drugs at.
Now I have a place of my own. I'm not spending every last dime I have on opiates and going to the local church for supper, my only meal of the day, because I spent all my grocery money on drugs..
I'm not spending 9-10 days at a time laying on the couch sick as a dog going through withdrawals, only to go find more opiates once I got well.
I don't have to worry about getting busted or shot, and I don't have to worry about where, or if, I'm going to be able to get the drugs I need to make it one more day through that hell that substitutes for a life. And I lived that life for over 30 years before I finally had enough of it.
3 months ago I started tapering myself down and went from 8mg a day to 0.25mg a day without so much as one night when I didn't sleep. It didn't even start to begin to compare with the withdrawals I went through from Methadone, Dilaudid, or Oxycontin.
Now I've been off all drugs for the past few days and not haven't any withdrawal symptoms or PAWS at all. I know about the long half-life, but was on 0.5mg a say for several weeks and 0.25mg a day for a few days before I stopped, so it's not because I still have a lot of it pumping through my system.
You can blame it on Suboxone, your friends, the dog, or anything else that you like, but it come down to you. It's your life, you are the one that has to change, and no pill is going to do it for you. It's only going to give you the chance to change, if you let it, and you work at it.