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Quit methadone - daily progress thread
After a handful of random posts here, it was suggested I start a progress thread. I don't want to steal anyone's thunder but maybe this can help others - including hopefully myself. ;)
Long story short - kidney stones - vicodin - dumb decision to go to methadone clinic - 90mg for last 5 years or so. 48 year old male. Oh, and I quit drinking at 21 after 3 three years of collegiate alcoholism...
The first week wasn't not that bad. I did check myself into a detox, however didn't use the medication except valium a few nights. I was with about 25 other high/higher dose methadone patients. I am now 100% convinced there is a stigma of methadone w/d the festers in the minds of addicts. Most of us have never stopped methadone. It's a complete unknown other than 'rumors' and 'line talk'. I was terrified of the unknown, so was everyone else I was with... That PURE fear leads to what?!? ** ANXIETY ** which then manifests itself in physical forms i.e. cravings, nausea, etc. It is a vicious cycle. There are true physical issues, however, I'd see a man at day 5-6 off 280mgs absolutely losing it - only to be perfectly fine for HOURS after simply chatting with others (staff, patients, etc.) Could I have done that first 10 days without detox? Looking back now absolutely, however at the time I personally needed that ONE FIRST STEP. A commitment that, at least for that day, I'd be clean. The last 5 weeks have not been easy - week two and three were a breeze - the last 2 have been challenging but I'm still clean.
Day 39 Stayed up an hour later hoping to sleep in - didn't work - bed at 12 and up at 5. Tossed and turned as usual throughout the night. Went to breakfast (something I NEVER used to do) and here I sit. When I think about the energy crash I know is coming I get anxious. It's hard to tell between anxiety and cravings. I called the detox yesterday to ask about energy to which I was told, "yea, we took away your super powers" Laughingly I agreed.
Long story short - kidney stones - vicodin - dumb decision to go to methadone clinic - 90mg for last 5 years or so. 48 year old male. Oh, and I quit drinking at 21 after 3 three years of collegiate alcoholism...
The first week wasn't not that bad. I did check myself into a detox, however didn't use the medication except valium a few nights. I was with about 25 other high/higher dose methadone patients. I am now 100% convinced there is a stigma of methadone w/d the festers in the minds of addicts. Most of us have never stopped methadone. It's a complete unknown other than 'rumors' and 'line talk'. I was terrified of the unknown, so was everyone else I was with... That PURE fear leads to what?!? ** ANXIETY ** which then manifests itself in physical forms i.e. cravings, nausea, etc. It is a vicious cycle. There are true physical issues, however, I'd see a man at day 5-6 off 280mgs absolutely losing it - only to be perfectly fine for HOURS after simply chatting with others (staff, patients, etc.) Could I have done that first 10 days without detox? Looking back now absolutely, however at the time I personally needed that ONE FIRST STEP. A commitment that, at least for that day, I'd be clean. The last 5 weeks have not been easy - week two and three were a breeze - the last 2 have been challenging but I'm still clean.
Day 39 Stayed up an hour later hoping to sleep in - didn't work - bed at 12 and up at 5. Tossed and turned as usual throughout the night. Went to breakfast (something I NEVER used to do) and here I sit. When I think about the energy crash I know is coming I get anxious. It's hard to tell between anxiety and cravings. I called the detox yesterday to ask about energy to which I was told, "yea, we took away your super powers" Laughingly I agreed.
Hello,
Do not worry, you will sleep soon. I did not sleep well at all for many months but I c/t my yrs on Methadone, and 2 other meds at once. When I did finally sleep, I called it my catch up sleep..ha!
All of this detoxing seems to go threw stages. It will take some time to balance out. These meds change our brain chemistry and this is the part that will take months to balance out. Here are some tips about sleep, but remember that the detox has to do it's own cycle too. Try not to fight the sleep, get up and do something and try again. Put some lavender in the wash and wash your sheets and blankets. Make sure that ALL lights and blinking lights are out. Make sure the room is cool and the best that did it for me and still does 5yrs later, is Calcium, Magnesium and D3 in a liquid mixed together. Just hang on to your patience and give this time to heal. YOU will get here soon. Then you are on a new journey to stay clean and do some real soul searching about yourself. LOTS of changes will take place. Good luck and Congrats on your time so far.
Bless
Vickie
Do not worry, you will sleep soon. I did not sleep well at all for many months but I c/t my yrs on Methadone, and 2 other meds at once. When I did finally sleep, I called it my catch up sleep..ha!
All of this detoxing seems to go threw stages. It will take some time to balance out. These meds change our brain chemistry and this is the part that will take months to balance out. Here are some tips about sleep, but remember that the detox has to do it's own cycle too. Try not to fight the sleep, get up and do something and try again. Put some lavender in the wash and wash your sheets and blankets. Make sure that ALL lights and blinking lights are out. Make sure the room is cool and the best that did it for me and still does 5yrs later, is Calcium, Magnesium and D3 in a liquid mixed together. Just hang on to your patience and give this time to heal. YOU will get here soon. Then you are on a new journey to stay clean and do some real soul searching about yourself. LOTS of changes will take place. Good luck and Congrats on your time so far.
Bless
Vickie
Day - 89. I've tried not to just talk about sleep but I'm finally admitting it's gotten really, really bad. I see improvement everywhere else but this. It's getttng worse. I've been sitting here since 2:30am exhausted but simply unable to back to sleep. The first month I slept like the dead... I'm so lost on this. My resolve is still strong however I'm concerned about it. It's starting to cross my mind that a simple trip across town would end all this -- just being honest. Right now I'm still riding the hatred and disdain for everything methadone but how long can that last? Like mentioned, I truly see improvements everywhere else. Having to "deal" with 7-8 hours before my day even starts is taking a huge toll on me mentally. I'm all ears for any suggestions...
Day - 88 Thanks for that! I think your spot on w 10%. I too waited for that "day" but eventually realized it was not coming. Waking up at 3-4am is by FAR the toughest for me. First month I slept like the dead, don't know what happened! My marriage is far worse now than before which is extremely frustrating as well. We can't sleep in the same bed which isn't helping either. I guess I thought things would get better.
Day - 86. Wish I had an earth shattering report but nothing new. Starting to realise that maybe I really was numb to everyday trials and tribulations... feeling a little anxiety is normal I suppose. Fear, sadness etc. Are feelings I'm definitely not used to! Still working towards motivation which is truly gone at this stage. I guess initially I couldn't walk a flight of stairs...
1 Comments
...almost 3 months is powerful...congrats...ill be 1 yr nxt month....some days it feels like 10 yrs ago...looking back I recall always waiting for that feel great day...but I realized it was more of a gradual 10 % monthly feel good improvement..dont let that discourage you tho..its still better than using...I used for 15+ yrs. and 57 yrs old..we didn't get this way over nite ...keep pushin thru this...my anxiety was horrid first 5 months..you will have good days and bad days...or should I say good hrs and bad hrs..that's how wild this is...but it will subside slowly...hang in there.
Day - 81 Wow Lesa still dealing w sleep after all this time? That's a bummer honestly... My sleep is in spurts. I'll wake up at 4 and be in this "haze" for lack of a better word. I sit around until the kids go to school. Sometime between 10 and 3 I'll have a crash. Despite all the willpower I can muster, I'll sleep for 2 hours. I'm working light duty second shift. Still feel "off" and longing for the day(s) when I'll feel like before.
1 Comments
I think this is the rejection drugs they cause anxiety loss of sleep hair loss for all I know my limbs will drop off Lol not really but it gets tiring They will reduce them in 5 months Then I'm suppose to feel better:)) You are doing Great Ftmill Your body and brain are healing with the sleep! Congrats on Day 82:)
When I detoxed, I did it slowly - 5 mgs a week until I was at 10mg and stayed there for 2 weeks, then down 1 mg a day. I would suggest exercise for sure ! the restless legs were the worse for me, but the more exercise I got, the better. I also tried to eat healthy and took Trazadone for sleep
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