Aa
Time to get humble and honest!
Its time for me to get humble. I come on here daily, wanting to help people get clean while getting clean as well. I have heard from many that I have been so helpful to them and have been a rock, etc. So if I am really going to help people then I have to be honest with you all, and be honest with myself.
I relapsed yesterday and I dont want to talk alot right now about how I relapsed, but more so as to WHY. In the beginning of me getting clean, I was riding that infamous pink cloud! There was NO way I was going to ever touch another pill again U would tell myself! I was Doing everything different this time! I had this this time!! I was going to therapy to get to the root of why I use. I cut off all my sources, and actually moved to another state! I was going to AA meetings. In the beginning, A couple times a week but eventually, everyday and I got a sponsor to help me work the program. I told my secret to my family and some of my friends. I told my Dr. and I redflagged myself at my pharmacy! I did EVERYTHING that I tell people to do. So why did I relapse then???
Besides the fact that this disease is so strong. heres where I failed. As that Pink cloud started to disappear, I was left with my own head and my own feelings. Like Most of us will be! So instead of reaching out to people and screaming from the rooftops that I was struggling emotionally, and having cravings, I very slowly over the last few weeks started isolating. I told myself I DONT NEED TO TELL ANYONE!! IM 2 months clean now! But THIS is where I went wrong. I slowly stopped going out with my sober friends. I slowly stopped talking about my feelings and how they were triggering me. I started to internalize again. I even stopped coming on here as much. I kept putting myself in situations where I would be tested and tempted! Now I realize probably because I wanted to fail.
The reason I am telling everyone this is because I see alot of people who are riding the pink cloud once they are done detoxing and think that they are done with the hard work. They start to pull away from the things that kept them clean, and they start to change their patterns back to those addictive patterns. I now know I was INCREDIBLY guilty of this. I was going through the motions of putting in the work, But I know I wasnt putting in 100% anymore to my recovery. The second we stop putting in 100% to our recovery, is when you are destined to relapse like I did.
This isnt easy AT ALL to tell you all. Im embaressed and ashamed! But I want to share with all of you guys who have been there for me, and who I have been there for because I hope that the reason for my failure will be a help to others so they dont end up here, and feeling like I feel now. This disease is cunning and baffling and The lesson I have learned from this is I cant EVER stop giving 100% to my recovery!
So anyways, Thanks everyone for listening!
Love ya all, my MH family!
I relapsed yesterday and I dont want to talk alot right now about how I relapsed, but more so as to WHY. In the beginning of me getting clean, I was riding that infamous pink cloud! There was NO way I was going to ever touch another pill again U would tell myself! I was Doing everything different this time! I had this this time!! I was going to therapy to get to the root of why I use. I cut off all my sources, and actually moved to another state! I was going to AA meetings. In the beginning, A couple times a week but eventually, everyday and I got a sponsor to help me work the program. I told my secret to my family and some of my friends. I told my Dr. and I redflagged myself at my pharmacy! I did EVERYTHING that I tell people to do. So why did I relapse then???
Besides the fact that this disease is so strong. heres where I failed. As that Pink cloud started to disappear, I was left with my own head and my own feelings. Like Most of us will be! So instead of reaching out to people and screaming from the rooftops that I was struggling emotionally, and having cravings, I very slowly over the last few weeks started isolating. I told myself I DONT NEED TO TELL ANYONE!! IM 2 months clean now! But THIS is where I went wrong. I slowly stopped going out with my sober friends. I slowly stopped talking about my feelings and how they were triggering me. I started to internalize again. I even stopped coming on here as much. I kept putting myself in situations where I would be tested and tempted! Now I realize probably because I wanted to fail.
The reason I am telling everyone this is because I see alot of people who are riding the pink cloud once they are done detoxing and think that they are done with the hard work. They start to pull away from the things that kept them clean, and they start to change their patterns back to those addictive patterns. I now know I was INCREDIBLY guilty of this. I was going through the motions of putting in the work, But I know I wasnt putting in 100% anymore to my recovery. The second we stop putting in 100% to our recovery, is when you are destined to relapse like I did.
This isnt easy AT ALL to tell you all. Im embaressed and ashamed! But I want to share with all of you guys who have been there for me, and who I have been there for because I hope that the reason for my failure will be a help to others so they dont end up here, and feeling like I feel now. This disease is cunning and baffling and The lesson I have learned from this is I cant EVER stop giving 100% to my recovery!
So anyways, Thanks everyone for listening!
Love ya all, my MH family!
Just seeing this, Teresa. So VERY proud of you for your honesty and posting this incredible post! Keep moving forward, my Friend! xoxo
I'm so proud of you girl. Really. You came on and admitted that you relapsed. You recognized it and didn't try and hie with a "slip" or whatever people are calling it today. You got humble and that is a huge step.
I had talked with you recently about doing the first three steps over and over for a year. I am not your sponsor and don't claim to be. I can only share with you my experience, strength and hope. That is what I did and it worked for me. Maybe it will work for you.
You thought I was disappointed in you. Far from it lady. Your admission on here and in private made me respect you even more. This is not to say that I recommend relapse. It is not a requirement but if you learn from it and go forward then maybe that is what YOU needed.
I learned from your relapse so I thank you for that. Hang tight lady and keep going forward. There may be some bumps in the road but it does get better....
GO GREEN BAY!! I'm sorry, was that out loud??????? lol
I had talked with you recently about doing the first three steps over and over for a year. I am not your sponsor and don't claim to be. I can only share with you my experience, strength and hope. That is what I did and it worked for me. Maybe it will work for you.
You thought I was disappointed in you. Far from it lady. Your admission on here and in private made me respect you even more. This is not to say that I recommend relapse. It is not a requirement but if you learn from it and go forward then maybe that is what YOU needed.
I learned from your relapse so I thank you for that. Hang tight lady and keep going forward. There may be some bumps in the road but it does get better....
GO GREEN BAY!! I'm sorry, was that out loud??????? lol
I'm so sorry to hear that. I see ur comments and read your posts all the time and they are very inspirational. So you made one mistake big effin deal. You just start right back up. Don't think about day 1 again and all that non sense. You are where you are and going forward is your only option. One slip up is now behind you. You caught it in time and you seem to be ready to fight the good fight again. Most people wouldn't stop at a day. They would go for weeks or months. Please just keep on going you will be ok !! Keep posting and God Bless !! sunny
Oh and u are so right about that pink cloud effect. After you first quit and beat the physical withdrawals we are on top of the world. It then all gets crazy and we have to actually work in ourselves. That is where so many fail. To be honest , I'm almost 8 months and I still have bouts of depression and anxiety. It's a long journey
Oh and u are so right about that pink cloud effect. After you first quit and beat the physical withdrawals we are on top of the world. It then all gets crazy and we have to actually work in ourselves. That is where so many fail. To be honest , I'm almost 8 months and I still have bouts of depression and anxiety. It's a long journey
IBK- I love ya girl!! Your a rock to me and I appreciate you beig there for me and never abandoning me! GO PACK GO!! :)
Jade-Thank you honey. Forward is my only option and Im not giving up!
Sunny- Im definitely not dwelling anymore on my mistake. I was having a pity party at first but I realized that wont do me any good. I am just like everyone else and want to be sober. Its not easy for any of us and all we can do is share our own experiences in hopes it will help someone else. Thanks for your support :)
Barb- BIG HUGS back!! :)
Jade-Thank you honey. Forward is my only option and Im not giving up!
Sunny- Im definitely not dwelling anymore on my mistake. I was having a pity party at first but I realized that wont do me any good. I am just like everyone else and want to be sober. Its not easy for any of us and all we can do is share our own experiences in hopes it will help someone else. Thanks for your support :)
Barb- BIG HUGS back!! :)
OH girl, i am so sorry, i hate this for you as you know i am in the same shoes as you. But like you have told me, we just need to move forward, learn from this and dust ourselves off and keep on tackling this disease. I have learned from my slip up, and i am sure you did too. So now is the time to just move forward, and i know first hand how much this *****. T, you having been an amazing supporter on here and truly helped so many including me, you are a great lady, wonderful friend and a big heart, thank you for your honesty and for your friendship. I know how difficult it was to post this, and i just want you to know that i am so proud of you, proud of your honesty, and more importantly I'm proud that this was just a minor set back and you are going to only move forward from here on out!!!!! XO
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We r so alike that I know exactly how many pills u took and that's one to many. If u don't swallow it, shoot it, or put it up ur nose then u can't get high or drunk. Remember that.
Learn from this and dust urself off n try again and tell yourself every morning u wake up that ur stronger than yesterday.