can anybody help me?

[mushaaka]

i`m so messed up. i`m using brown since i was 16. and now i just want to die

[selfinduced]

Checking on you?

[selfinduced]

Me again, I just read your reply to Life about not having a Dr. and your situation. Seems rehab may not be an option. There is a member on here who has extreme knowledge of methadone, his name is Gnarly.....can you maybe PM him for more specific advise? Do you know how to send a private message?

[selfinduced]

Hey Mush, Your situation is not hopeless, please don't forget that. You kicked herion and that is such an accomplishment. Time to get serious and lose the methadone. Can you go into a rehab? You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. You don't want to live out the rest of your days trying to score drugs, watching your health decline and selling your soul in the process. The despair while using is overwhelming as you know. It can make even the most balanced person think suicidal thoughts. You know thats not the answer. Once you get started on your recovery, you will gain such self esteem, confidence and pride beyond believe for your efforts. I did not do Meth or her ion, but struggled with hydro's, ativan and alcohol. Like you I knocked off one demon at a time . We on this site have the personalities that will have us predisposed to a lifetime of addiction if we don't work on it. YOU CAN DO THIS! We are all here for you. Please keep posting. Your life is worth this.......Com'on!!!

[mushaaka]

i don`t a family doctor. i`m an alien in holland. illegal alien
greetings

[mushaaka]

hi hon. u have no idea how nice it feels. i know i`ve said that too many times. but gives me good feeling. i never thought anything in net can do it, laugh maybe, someting to think about, or **** u off. but not that. response is great, and unlike other network community- nobody is criticizing u. which is great
as for me. no change really. i`m still finding easy excuse (and i know that`s what it is), `cause i just manage to quit brown so i give my self a break to quit methadone, at least that`s what i`m saying to my dad- my poor dad all this time he is standing beside me (not all of as have that luck) and i just wish i could GIVE HIM A BREAK. i, know this and nothing is changing- almost nothing. that`s why i really, really think, i`m sure that best thing for all of us would be my death... but i couldn`t commit suicide, i`m not that selfish- i have only my dad  and he has only me ( poor man). well, i just really hate myself, i never pity myself- just really hate...
but whatever i write to much. let me know something about u
and take care

[sara752]

you CAN do this..its your time, thats why you found this site...addiction is a .itch for sure, but just think..you may have been high 4 this 1rst part of your life but you can be clean 4 the rest of it !!  you can have many years of happiness but 1rst you need 2 learn about your addiction..and sure it will b hard 4 a FEW months, but you will get YEARS of happiness after all the hard work is done..i no many addicts who can now say that they r glad they went threw ALL of it cause it made them the STRONG people they r today..you can do this.. i am..god bless  sara