can't figure it out

[overeasy]

I've been working with a therapist - thanks ibk for making me do this- and i still have no idea why i got to this place.  i never did drugs when i was younger - to frightened and chicken **** cuz i didn't know what was in them-ocd i guess;). and followed the set path i made for myself to succeed.  i have a great family, don't have to worry financially and i still want to escape- obviously.  i see some very strong people on here that put me to shame.  all the obstacles they have overcome- its amazing.  what the duck is wrong with me?

[kyle505]

I have to agree with IB...I have no reason to use; I know what it does to me, and I know how great life is clean, but I failed for over 15 years.
I have come to accept that I'm an addict - I use because I want to, and because I can.  Maybe there is something lurking deep down in my lizard brain, but I haven't been able to scare it up yet. Until that happens, if it ever does, I will just live one day at a time and not use. For me at least it's that simple.

[dominosarah]

It doesnt matter what others have gone thru.  All that matters is you.  Dont get into that thinking that your issues arent important.  As IBK said, time is your friend.  What the duck do you think of that?!!!

[Here4support]

I'm right there with ya beautiful! Never did drugs/alcohol in HS for same reason. To this day I don't drink much afraid of the effects! Hahaha!  My Mom HUGE pill/pot addict! Still to this day have no real relationship with her. Couldn't and can't stand to be around her when she's high. I can always tell. When I was prescribed anything for minor surgeries I took maybe one and stashed the rest for years!  (No idea why, maybe the control freak in me) I never could understand addiction and why she would always choose drugs over me or watch her crumble through the years. Continuous disappointment. I actually never swore I'd never be like her because I just knew I wouldn't. Ha! If we could turn back time. Great, now that songs stuck in my head!!!
Anyway, sorry for hijacking your post love. Just completely relate. Except for the financial part. Was really banking on that lotto! Dangit. One number out of 35! That's my luck!
However, I think you're pretty neato! Don't let others make you feel less than your worth! You and a few others here have been my saving grace. So if you're  feeling like others put you down, know others hold you to the highest standard and you've saved quite a few lives. That my friend...is a big deal ;)
Muah!

[IBKleen]

I used to feel lonely in a crowded room. You have it all and yet it isn't enough. I know the feeling.

Addict brains are wired differently. We don't have that "pleasure spot" that non-addicts have. The drugs give us the pleasure that we don't have normally.

I was in therapy about two years before I got to the core issues. I spent another year learning coping skills and ways to avoid triggers. I know you hate when I use this word but you need to give it time. Don't give up because your disease is waiting in the wings and egging you on whether you know it or not.

And oh yeah, btw...sending you hugs....

[tryingtocope39]

I think that's probably the million dollar question. What the ducks wrong with all of us that we got here? If we could figure out the answer to that & market it, we would be rich! Lol. So, if you figure that out let me know & we'll get rich together! ;)
And you are never alone, you have many friends here who love & support you!

[overeasy]

Thanks for responding.  i have been feeling very alone.  even with people around me i still feel alone