failed

[stilltrying1965]

I understand if know one wants to support me, anymore. I have failed lost my clean time not with heroin iv been  taking cocaine and smoking weed. Now i give up on myself. I dont deserve your time ,,,,,James

[10356]

I send my love James and can only hope you and Kim work out your differences.. You know how I feel so I do not have to go into detail.. love letakos

Kitty why be mad at the forum in whole ? you say there are cliques but I do not see this I think it just takes a while to make friends like in real life except we are addicts with a lot more things going on.. our life's our addictions and problems unrelated to addiction.. if you quit being so defensive you may find you catch more bee's with honey then you do vinegar.. I also hope you stick around. lesa

[stilltrying1965]

ok mark i will wait till tonight to decide what im going to do.This is the hardest desesion i have ever have to make i nlove it hear. But some ppl keep on brihing me down when im doing all i can to work my recovery thank you mark i wont just jump in at the deep end coz i know were this will lead me to. Your friend james

[gnarly_1]

James whats going on and why are you doing something so drastic ...I have been with my wife for 28yrs married and 31yrs together we have had our ups and downs but we have made it threw...dont just throw in the towel because its getting hard...Kim has been threw
a lot with her illness and has struggled with you and your addiction for quit some time
I know this can cause a lot of friction in a marriage I have been there...but think of the good times when it gets ruff you guys need to pull close to one another a work thew this...leaving is the eazy way out you dont have to deal with your feelings as a friend James im asking you to think this one over b/4 you leave your friend Mark  

[stilltrying1965]

avis i will not lose my clean time and promise to keep the meeting up. i will miss my friends as i could not have got this far without you uys take care avis and could you explain to the others why i had to leave. if i had a pc i would not leave but it belongs to kim thank you for all your support avis it ment a lot to me your friend ,,,,James

[avisg]

well James I hope you continue to go to the meetings and the rest of your therapists so you can stay sober .There is still a light at the end of the tunnel maybe u were meant to find it on your own.  I wish you the best james i just hope you dont use this as a reason to start using again.

[stilltrying1965]

Avis im going to be leaving Mh my wife keeps bringing me down. I was doing so well i had attended 6 meetings na and was starting to enjoy the meetings But im know leaving my wife for good Im so sorry uys ,,,,,,James PS just when i started to see light at the end of the tunnel

[vicki595]

James...This sounds like you're moving out of your home???

Where will you go???

Does Kim want to talk??

V.

[stilltrying1965]

Im going to leave for to make my mind up what to do with my life. You guys at MH have been more than helpful. I just thought i was getting back on track iv been to 6 meetings my councilor my addiction specialistiv done everything to help myself.But when the one important person in my life keeps bringing me down then what chance do i have. Iv tried so hard over the ast few weeks she does not support my recovery so ill leave for a while and try and find out what my life was ment to be like Without Kim by my side whats the pooint of going on ,,,,,James

[stilltrying1965]

My meeting get better each one i feel im turning the corner and seeing the light at the end of a long hard struggle. Thank yo kittycat for your concern it means a lot . Still know book though but i will deffo ask about it ,,,,,James

[kittycat1433]

James what are some ofte thing's you have learned @your meeting's? Did you get a n/a book im not sure ifthe book is the same as fora/a it may be you can learn alot from the book.So have you been staying away from your friend's that are on drug's? Howdid your 4th go?Ok im gunna go just ck on you.

[corey411]

WTG James. The meetings and having friends in recovery WILL save your life. Congrats on your new outlook. Happy 4th....In Scotland????

[vicki595]

Good James!!  The steps WILL save your life...You're going to be okay!!

Happy for you...

Vicki  xo

[10356]

Gosh James in the year and some odd months I have known you.. Never have I heard you speak like this.. Positive and looking forward with a solid plan forming :) I'm so Proud and Happy for you I have not the words to convey it.. You have come a long ways my Brother and truly I think you are really beginning to see the light and the possibility's.. You are a true Inspiration. with much warmth and much love your sister in our shared struggle.. letakos

[stilltrying1965]

First i would like to say happy 4th july Im doing fine iv been to 4 meetings in the last week
Started to make friends clean one,s So im really happy about that. Iv never beniited from anything like this before, but its well worth on hour of my time Im starting to realise what the meetings are about and the 12 steps. The 12 steps that will save my life. Thank you all for your concern it means a lot to me.,,,,,James

[kittycat1433]

Hey i don't see any post's from you.What's going on are you staying clean?Are you going to n/a? i hope everything is going well for you it just takes alot of time and can be very frustrating i know because i have to try EVERYday to stay clean so if i can do it so can you come bk and let me/everyone know how you are doing.God bless you have a happy4th

[atthebeach]

james,
i have been on this forum since february, i have read many of your posts.
you have been given much advice and i see you writing about praying.
you have struggled for a long time with addiction. have you tried attending a church? many times if we can't make it on our own strength we need to seek the help of a much higher power. please give this a try. you will feel the love, power, strength, help, support and lots more. it seems nothing has kept you clean lean on the everlasting arms of GOD.
debbie

[dominosarah]

You will come out on the other side James....Dont give up!!

[stilltrying1965]

Hey bud every thing you said about addiction and being happy and letting my own family down was spot on, you are right I have to love myself before i can be truley happy. Every word you said is how i was feeling, And the best thing of all it made me take notice I have read this thread a few times but your answer i have read many times, And you are right thats how i truley felt so i know you have been were i am I just pray i can come out the other side just like you did  Thank you all for your answers  And thanks newmanegment,,,,,,,James

[newmanagment]

James, I know someone else that came here for awhile, and he just kept relapsing. Time and time again Cathy, Giz , and several others here would support him and help him get thru the rough times the come after a cocaine binge. Yep , thatd be me. I have been a cocaine, alcohol, you name it addict.I decided to clean up when I had my son, and of course as you know as a heroin addict its one thing to want to clean up and another to actually do it. I tried and failed and tried and failed again and again. Im telling you this because I feel your pain deeply. I know how bad it sux to let your own heart down because you are not strong enough to quit. I know how it hurts to see your kids eyes and know that you let them down. I know how you want to be a better husband when your in control of your addiction, and how much your own heart hurts when you let her down. It strait up sux.
Now let me say this, search your heart bro. There is a reason people like us continue to relapse. Its not just the addiction, we are both grown *** men that make our own decisions. I blamed all my relapses on the "addiction" when actually I was just making the choice to use instead of staying clean. I believe that you have to search yourself , and find out why your not happy. Old saying of my fathers "If Daddys not happy no ones happy". sounds wierd now, but I found out that if I make myself happy, truly happy in my soul, that I make others happy. When I get home from work, and Im in a good mood and joking around, I make my kids happy.
Wut im tryin to get at here is I think that you need to focus on you an sobriety, and making yourself happy in your own skin. Once you do that , you will start to realize that true happiness will not snort up your nose or smoke in a pipe. true happiness will help you to say no, and make the right choices in the future.
I congradulate you on the meetings, and I have to add... PEOPLE PLACES THINGS!!! Change those and your happiness may be a little easier to find. Best of luck to ya bro, and much luv.....

[LeaAnn807]

OMG.......doing the Addiction Happy Dance for you, James!!!!  Way to go.  Just having an open mind and going to the meetings will help you!

[kittycat1433]

Sound's like your starting to really try,GOOD FOR YOU,just remember we all crawl before we walk so look's to me you could be walking soon i have NEVER seen the people in this group care so much abt 1 person i know they care for everyone but all the responce you have and got that should let you know something there people have walked your road many, many , times so listen and listen well to what people tell you no one can change you but you so i hope the meeting's help you!What abt your doc i read that you have one have you seen him yet?It is very important that you keep every doc appt that you make if you play around with the med then it will do you harm and no good so i will pray for you hope you can get to a meeting today!!Kitty

[vicki595]

Pass the tissues...I'm crying tears of happiness for you,Handsome!!!!

You're going to live...

xo

[stilltrying1965]

Well igot my second meeting under my belt. It was different today as i did not just sit there,i spoke about my heroin addiction told my story.There were people with tears in there eyes. That left me with a big lump in my throat coz people do care. So for me things are going good im not in Kim,s way all day.Yes andi think iv got my sponsor got his number and told me any time day or night if i felt like using to phone straight away. And the best feeling of all is im starting to enjoy my meetings now.This can and will save my life.,,,,,,,,James

[vicki595]

Sara~  I'll bet there is !!!    LOL