failed

[stilltrying1965]

I understand if know one wants to support me, anymore. I have failed lost my clean time not with heroin iv been  taking cocaine and smoking weed. Now i give up on myself. I dont deserve your time ,,,,,James

[newmanagment]

James, I know someone else that came here for awhile, and he just kept relapsing. Time and time again Cathy, Giz , and several others here would support him and help him get thru the rough times the come after a cocaine binge. Yep , thatd be me. I have been a cocaine, alcohol, you name it addict.I decided to clean up when I had my son, and of course as you know as a heroin addict its one thing to want to clean up and another to actually do it. I tried and failed and tried and failed again and again. Im telling you this because I feel your pain deeply. I know how bad it sux to let your own heart down because you are not strong enough to quit. I know how it hurts to see your kids eyes and know that you let them down. I know how you want to be a better husband when your in control of your addiction, and how much your own heart hurts when you let her down. It strait up sux.
Now let me say this, search your heart bro. There is a reason people like us continue to relapse. Its not just the addiction, we are both grown *** men that make our own decisions. I blamed all my relapses on the "addiction" when actually I was just making the choice to use instead of staying clean. I believe that you have to search yourself , and find out why your not happy. Old saying of my fathers "If Daddys not happy no ones happy". sounds wierd now, but I found out that if I make myself happy, truly happy in my soul, that I make others happy. When I get home from work, and Im in a good mood and joking around, I make my kids happy.
Wut im tryin to get at here is I think that you need to focus on you an sobriety, and making yourself happy in your own skin. Once you do that , you will start to realize that true happiness will not snort up your nose or smoke in a pipe. true happiness will help you to say no, and make the right choices in the future.
I congradulate you on the meetings, and I have to add... PEOPLE PLACES THINGS!!! Change those and your happiness may be a little easier to find. Best of luck to ya bro, and much luv.....

[LeaAnn807]

OMG.......doing the Addiction Happy Dance for you, James!!!!  Way to go.  Just having an open mind and going to the meetings will help you!

[kittycat1433]

Sound's like your starting to really try,GOOD FOR YOU,just remember we all crawl before we walk so look's to me you could be walking soon i have NEVER seen the people in this group care so much abt 1 person i know they care for everyone but all the responce you have and got that should let you know something there people have walked your road many, many , times so listen and listen well to what people tell you no one can change you but you so i hope the meeting's help you!What abt your doc i read that you have one have you seen him yet?It is very important that you keep every doc appt that you make if you play around with the med then it will do you harm and no good so i will pray for you hope you can get to a meeting today!!Kitty

[vicki595]

Pass the tissues...I'm crying tears of happiness for you,Handsome!!!!

You're going to live...

xo

[stilltrying1965]

Well igot my second meeting under my belt. It was different today as i did not just sit there,i spoke about my heroin addiction told my story.There were people with tears in there eyes. That left me with a big lump in my throat coz people do care. So for me things are going good im not in Kim,s way all day.Yes andi think iv got my sponsor got his number and told me any time day or night if i felt like using to phone straight away. And the best feeling of all is im starting to enjoy my meetings now.This can and will save my life.,,,,,,,,James

[vicki595]

Sara~  I'll bet there is !!!    LOL