failed

[stilltrying1965]

I understand if know one wants to support me, anymore. I have failed lost my clean time not with heroin iv been  taking cocaine and smoking weed. Now i give up on myself. I dont deserve your time ,,,,,James

[happynessbythekilowatt]

Don't be so down on yourself, we are addicts and we all relapse, if not many more times then once. What are you going to do this time around? What triggered you to use? Don't be so hard on yourself but try to think about what triggered this to happen this time around and what you can do to avoid it next time.

Time to brush yourself off and pick yourself back up.

[Cissy373]

Don't give up on yourself we sure won't. Hey we all have relapsed me more than I want to count, but the thing is get back on the horse so to speak.

Have you followed up with any aftercare?

[merrymaria]

i support you james...  happens but we can t let it keep us down...was there something that triggered you to use?  don t beat yourself up...get back up and try again...you are a strong man and i know you can do it...i have great faith in you...it takes a strong person to admit mistakes and it takes a strong person to correct mistakes...we will win this war my friend..AMEN...i m praying for you as i type...please don t give up...fight fight fight please...maria

[laurel453]

what am i hearing ?????? you have given up on yourself ?????

are you crazy ? NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER give up on yourself !!!!!!!!!!!!!

KEEP WALKING..... STOP RIGHT NOW THE PITY PARTY and JAMES, stop using NOW...

and yeah, start counting clean days.

We can never give up fighting, scotman.

keep working as you were doing, whatsmore there is always space to make new changes, you may know very well what you have been doing these last days and find where you started to stray away, neutralise all your triggers, get rid of every toxic relationship, start exercising, going to NA meetings, we need making life changes to save our lives and stop saying things like you don't deserve our time or feeling that you don't deserve being happy ...ok, that for a starter :)

you deserve a different life and please, have faith on you...we say here that God starts helping us when we have started helping ourselves before... :)

[sweatinit]

James,
Dont gve up. its a lifelong battle...remember? I am on day 2 AGAIN! Lets do this together. One of these times we'll get it right. I know you're as tired of this Sh** as i am. We've got to make the decision to do it or NOT. I chose to try again, becasue I am worth it. and you are too, my good friend!
I love you and I support you as long as i live.
K

[LeaAnn807]

James, I don't want to read this, but I had a feeling it was coming!  You are such a sweet soul, and I think that you try, but there is something missing.  I honestly don't know what, but I don't think you have found the right kind of help yet.  

None of us would have chosen this if we had known what it would do to our lives, our self esteem, our families or our bodies, but you can change it and turn it around.  It's not too late.  You have to make sacrifices everyday to stay clean and sober.  It may not always feel good, but does the way you feel now feel good?  I doubt it!

You DO deserve to be happy.  And you DO deserve a life without drugs!  Get that positive attitude in your head,  dust off and move on.  

Thank you for your honesty!  I respect you very much for it!

Hugs to you!!!

[SophieShine]

James, don't EVER quit. You know the saying :"There's no shame in failing, there's only shame in not trying".....

I really think it's time for you to get your butt in a meeting James NA or AA, you have to realize you can't do this alone...

Sending you my love and support. Keep on keeping...

xoxoxo. Sophie.

[stilltrying1965]

Ok i will think what set this of i dont want pity i want the truth from you guys 1 weekend and i blew it But ill go again from here,,,,,,James

[IBKleen]

Hey Buddy,

I was just thinking last night that you haven't been singing and that was my first clue.

Now, no pity and no shame. You know as well as anyone else what needs to be done.

I just want you to think about something: A relapse starts before you pick up the drug so what was going on that convinced your brain a drug would solve it? You don't need to share it here but you need to get honest with yourself.

Keep talking hun and know that you have a great support group here.

[10356]

Hey James.. that is all we can do is go from this moment.. we can not change the past but we can influence now. I'm very sorry you are feeling bad I know I did when I relapsed with booze but the best thing is to pick yourself up and move forward.. I wish it was as easy as what I write and I realize it is not but we have no choice unless it is that of a early death.. You have a lot of peps that care for you and support you. lean on them when you feel weak ok and given enough time the cravings pass. Once again drop friends that use and keep yourself busy as someone wrote above me You are so worth it !! love letakos

[dominosarah]

James, until you are TOTALLY committed to getting clean and staying that way this will happen.  We have told you over and over and over you have to stay away from those people yet you continue to test the waters.  We are always here to support you but you have to get some help and it has to be NOW.         sara

[stilltrying1965]

Well this relapse is nothing but my own fault. I thought i could go see some friends so called. They started snorting and the addict in me joined in. The reason i think it happened coz i thought i had my addiction beat. It goes to show this will e a liflong struggle for me. I let know one elsedown just me and my family. And if Kim finds out well there will be hell to pay. I dont think ill ever e strong enough to stay clean by myself Only hard work and keep away from my old haunts will keep me clean. Thank you for your answer ,,,,,James

[vicki595]

Okay James...I know what has to happen now.  I need to swim across the pond,tie your hands behind your back and now put a couple of tampons up your nose !!!!!   I didn't want to have to do this  but you've given me no choice...    

You were alone,huh?    Don't give up. It would be so boring without you,Handsome !
Now,get rid of what's left and stop it!!

I love your honesty,but just stop it okay??

Vicki  xoxoxoxoxo

[victoria61]

Hi James, you have had some fantastic replies, you have soooo much support on these boards. The one positive thing out of this is you didnt get back on the Heroin!!! So you have had a binge this weekend, but you can do this. You kicked the Heroin, so you can stop the Coke and Weed with no problem, and no withdrawals.

Please go to an AA/NA meeting tonight. And please keep away from your using 'friends'.
We are all rooting for ya!
Victoria ~

[gnarly_1]

HI James sorry to here of your relapse...your going to have to do what I did and give up hanging around with friends that use...for me I lost my whole social life a little over 5 yrs ago when I gave up the weed and alcohol...it was devastating at first I lost all my friends
but in time you will make new and healthy relationships with REAL friends that will support your sobriety...its been over 5 yrs since I had a drink or any weed but even today I dont think I can be around it...I dread going to weddings because of the alcohol there so I dont stay long at the receptions ...this has to be a lifestyle change for you James you cant do it without a 100% commitment witch includes changing your surroundings....you know the drill at least you dont have to go thew withdrawals this time around...im with the other poster in that you need to get to a meeting and start working the 12 steps ...you have dabbled in aftercare you need to emerge yourself in it...dont give in to this James your stronger then that set your tracker and start counting days again...there is a better life out there for you...you just have to take hold of it and not let go...where all here for you some come on and talk when your feeling the urge to use...better then that get to a meeting...but James only you can choose the high road and walk past the cravings to use..just dont give up.....I will keep you in my prayers ...good luck and God bless....your friend Mark      

[dumbsmartkid]

You came on here needing to hear you aren't worth giving up on! That's exactly what you got! Really let theses heartfelt responses marinate in your mind a bit! Get out of your own thoughts for a bit. If you're not believing in yourself right now, we all are.
Keep asking for help. I wont give up on you as long as you're here!
I've lost a lot of friends to opiates even myself almost. I'd give anything to embed their minds with good thoughts, too late though, their dead!

[dumbsmartkid]

Sounded dramatic... but I have to literally use both hands to count the friends I've lost!
You don't want to be just another statistic!
Beat this! Because it will beat you, already is,right?
Please, we don't know a thing about each other outside of addiction talk but this is all to familiar sounding.
YOU CAN DO THIS!

[narla]

You don't want Kim to find out,doesn't she read medhelp,it would be better to hear it from you than to read what's written here on medhelp.Good Luck James and stay strong

Denise

[dominosarah]

James is keeping secrets really healthy???????

[stilltrying1965]

I dont want know pity party .i need you to tell me were im going wrong i know abuot aftercare and its important. I want to know how stupid i am. i get good clean time, then punish myself with drugs *** hole,,,,,james

[avisg]

Only you know why you choose to self destruct when you start doing well you are going to have to figure that out hun.You do need to figure it out. James coke heroin pot all mixed how many relapses do you think you have left ?
No more self blame James you HAVE to get it together .Are you still seeing both counselors ? Who were you around when you used ? Were these old friends ? You have to make a complete life change it NOT easy and its scary but James you don't have a choice you have a wife and kids they need a father and Kim needs a husband .Time to get this done ...

[10356]

james they call this stinking thinking.. are you sill using ? have you told Kim ? I read where you were hanging around with old friends.. this will lead you right back. this is why I speak of staying busy I know it is boring when we drop are drug buddies so you need to fill that time.. in meetings if you are attending them you will make new friends.. but in the mean time do something with yourself.. volunteer pick up odd jobs. take up a hobby.. I know the feeling of relapse but calling yourself names is not helping all it is doing is keeping you down.. You have to get back your confidence.. You do not need to revisit all the terrible things that have happened with you while you were using to get back on track.. it is within you to do this without all the pain.. change the attitude my friend for nobody here is going to degrade you. I send my support with much love.. lesa

[LeaAnn807]

James, we all have another high in us.  I sure know that I do.  I could take pills today, but what would that accomplish?  What we may not have in us is another recovery!  We may not live to make another post on here if we use even ONE more time.  

Is the high so good to you that it's worth your life?  I don't want you to die of this, James!

[LIZZIE LOU]

ok james...i'm going out on a limb here.

I'D LIKE TO KICK YOUR A$$ ! ! !

it is NOT ok to keep poisoning your body
it is NOT ok for you to keep punishing your family
it is NOT ok for you to keep relapsing
it is NOT ok for you to think so little of yourself
it is NOT ok for you to allow your wife to watch you kill yourself

so there ! ! !  give me all ya got because it is NOT OK with me that you are self destructing.