freakin out here. red flagged

[MsSally]

As I've read thru some posts on the topic. I couldn't help feel there wasn't a lotta cold honesty. If you want help. Be honest. Here I go.

First my question. How long before I'm hauled away? Yes I'm that scared.

Been fighting this roller coaster longer than I can remember. As I've shared. I went CT last weekend. Broke down Tues. Got a new script from my pain management Dr. This one consisted of half the normal fill plus methadone.  Used a few norcos to keep wd's away. Its been great. I'm functioning and breaking this nasty demon. Haven't touched methadone. First pharmacy didn't have norco. Next pharmacy won't fill cuz I've been listed or flagged on some system here in Cali. Panic. I don't have ins. So went to ma and pop pharmacy that knows me and my Dr well. Use to be cheapest. Always went. Then found a CVS that was half the price. Another CVS was double. Anyhow. Get it filled but in panic mode now. Why? Well. Like most.  Middle class employed mom in pain. Here's the deal. Dr shopping. Yes I have a past this last year. When that pharmacist read off all drs that wrote me a script this year I was shocked. 2 pages she had. First. Half the names were PA's in my spinal care center. High turn around. That I'm not worried about. What scares me are the others. Er visits. We've all been there. A few dentists. That was legit I needed antibiotics but wasn't gonna turn down the pain meds. Most terrifying. My former employer. Yup I work in the medical field. Small office. Paper charts. My Co worker called in a script. A few others signed the refill faxes for me. This stopped almost a year ago. Fear is. I left that job on bad terms. Unrelated. But the Dr blames me for almost loosing her practice. After I left due to verbal and emotional abuse. The other 2 employees left. She went to er for chest pain. Lost pts. Cuz she didn't know how to run her office.  Now flash forward 10would months. I'm flagged in some Cali drug system. If they contact my former employer. As a prescribing Dr. She will know. I never personally picked up any of the scripts. Nor sign them. Maybe 1.

What's the process after being in this system? Just ***** cuz I'm finally getting the old me back. Wrestled all morning with my bf. Went out to lunch. Ran errands. Normally a weekend was me laying on the couch for 2you days while my bf did everything. Then dreading work come Monday. These lil yellow pills that once gave energy. Now sucked all life from me. Here I am finally feeling normal and my life may be taken away.

[theaddict]

she said something about her auto correct on her phone made it 31 instead of 3 dentists, if that helps. but i completely agree with what you've said above. <333

[10356]

Hi Ms Sally I have also read your thread. what you are doing is not tapering you are white knuckling it till your next pill.. I do not know if you realize the seriousness of what could happen.. having 31 dentist in one year is a Hugh red flag and one if they choose to peruse could be very damaging.. this is only a suggestion so please do not take it that I'm not being supportive.. I say flush the rest of your pills. If you can check into a rehab if you can not afford rehab then start hitting AA our NA meetings have them document the time and day 90 meetings in 90 days would be ideal.. If you go to court this documented would only be in your favor.. also lawyer up at least have one on retainer and be honest with him/her.. also put some money away for bail just in case.. I could say you may not get caught and you may just get away with it all but I would be doing you no favors.. even the little bit you are taking causes us not to think clearly.. This is your life and pretending it is not happening is not going to help. I really do wish you the very best and that none of this is needed but the reality is you are a addict and you need to deal with it more aggressively before your past catches up and you are still on pills.. lesa

[theaddict]

good for you, and keep the faith!

[MsSally]

Thank you theaddict. I know tapering is more difficult in some sense. Like I haven't tried it before. But never this determined and strong. So far so good. My mind is in a different place. I've admitted to it to others and being accountable to my actions. What I love most here is the balance between encouragement and cold truth. That's important. And your recent story. Well that fear sits in the back of my head. But right now can't eat at me :)

[theaddict]

not a problem, always here to [try and] help!

i just really know what it's like to have all the same thoughts running and racing through my brain like the above poster does as well, and get answers that don't really tell me the facts, but instead tell me to calm down.

HOWEVER, staying calm did help for me!

[selfinduced]

Thank you for that information. I had no idea!