9 days clean and worried about triggers :(

[chronicmistake]

So most of you know my story.  I am 9 days clean fom Norco (was up to 12 a day?) .  Now that I am clean I am attending NA meetings once a week and starting a after care program.  This is hard for me to understand but I have this worry that when I go back to work as an ICU RN the meds that I am surrounded with will be a trigger.  when I was working I used from my own rx and bought from  "friend".  I would never steal because I may be an addict but I am not stupid.  I would not want to lose my hard earned license.  But Now that I am not using will the medications be a trigger?  Will I want to go buy more meds? I did tell the person selling to me not to call and not to give me anything ever again and they moved to another state.  My doctor and I have a verbal agreement that he will never give me a opiate rx again.  Will Iearn these skills in my after care program? Should I take Naltrexone?  I am way too anxious!!!!!!

[chronicmistake]

Thanks everyone.  Your information helps me a lot because I have never done this before.  You think your so educated because your in the medical field and I have been so humbled with this experience.  I now understand this forum in a new light and appreciate everyones help, experience and education of addiction.  who knows, maybe later on in life I can work as an addiction RN instead of ICU?  Way in the future because I have so much to learn.

[gnarly_1]

HI .....first off it great you got some time off work to go threw this....there are many stages of recovery....right now your going to be hitting the emotional roller coaster stage your emotions will be off the charts both with highs and then to tears in seconds...try not to over think to much during this time ....thjings will smooth out eventually time heals...as for triggers
we all have them...for some the mere sight of pills triggers cravings..others its the rattle of them in a bottle....for me just seeing a bottle siting on the night stand is enough the thing to remember is your not responsible for the thought your responsible for the action you take
it is important to not ''romance the high'' a relapse often starts days b/4 you actually use
it is the very way we think that needs to change....it is great that your thinking about this
once you start working the steps in N/A you will begin to learn the tools and skills to deal with stuff like this....it is important that we all have our self talk in place b/4 we get hit with this stuff...you need to ask yourself is this rashenel thinking or is it the addict in me wanting to come out and play...you need to be able to tell yourself you no longer live that way and paint a true picture ..an ugly picture of just what active addiction looks like to you..it will help keep you from obsessing on the high...when I quite drinking and smoking dope 5yr 5mo ago I went to A/A to find help and it works if you work it for my methadone addiction I see a substance abuse conslor once a week and if I crave im off to a N/A meeting..im also realy involved with my church and relie on God to get me threw my ruff days...im shure you will be fine so long as you seek out aftercare life is a beautiful place when your in recovery....your off to a good start just know it can take some time to learn how to do this...we all do it ''just for today'' stick with the forum you will learn a lot here and it will help with your recovery congrats on 9 days good luck and God bless...Gnarly    

[ang_811]

have faith and trust when ur fearful. i learned that and it really helps.
im grateful for my addiction counselor. he gave me some really good tools on how to deal with my triggers. i work n a restauraunt and there r so many people there who do pills and/ or sells them. im constantly hearing people talking about pills. when the thought eneters my mind on getting a pill. i just tell myself im not that person nemore and im alot better and doing alot more n life now that im drug free. i paint an ugly picture of addiction. i think about all my bad experiences i had when i was living n active addiction. it works for me. good luck

[NoMore81410]

Chronic I do understand where you are coming from with the possible triggers. I run a dental office and it is all around. Yes it was VERY hard the first week and in that very same week there is an employee who I think is addicted but I can not do anything about it. I guess when you have it in front of you and you turn it away that's where the real strength of your recovery comes in. It does get easier as time goes on. I get calls all the time here wanting more meds or a higher dosage and majority of the time the dr.'s decline that persons request. It seems after my episode the dr.'s are looking at these patients more to not get them in the same boat I was in. Sometimes OUR bad is made for OTHERS good. I hope that makes sense.
By the time you go back you will have strength and more strength my friend! We are your back up!

[chronicmistake]

I am not a religious person but I am spiritual.   If that makes any sense?  I just don't have a set religion.  Anyway, to each their own.  I was riding my bike one day when I was still using and all of a sudden, like a light bulb or spark in head, and I felt really strong mentally.  That is the day I said, "I can quit this stuff!!!"  and I did.  I prayed to my best friend who died of OD a few years ago and some other friends and family that have passed to give me strenght and watch over me.  some times all I am left with is hope.

[Punkinhead75]

When fearfull, pray :)

[chronicmistake]

I left work due to depression about a month ago.  I never have been in trouble with work and have never broken any rules as a RN.  I am off work so far until nov 1st so I can focus on therapy and after care program.  I have a super supportive doctor.  I just had this dream of work last night and it scared me and now I cannot stop thinking about triggers.  I am the same way with exercise.  I grew up an a gymnast and have been acitve my whole life.  It does great things for my energy and mood.  I am a runner and swimmer.  I am taking up biking again too.

[Punkinhead75]

Hi chronic!!!  Congrats on the nine days.  Do you necessarily have to work in that postition?  I know two nurses that had to go through some kind of program.  If I remember right they lost their liscence but got them back once the program was complete.  How is your spiritual fitness?  When I am spiritually fit I can be surrounded by drugs and alcohol and be ok.  When I am not fit I need to be careful.  Is there a Higher Power standing between you and the drugs?  Perhaps it is too early to go back to work.  Maybe more time focusing on recovery and becoming more secure with it is something you have to do.  Remember, anything we put before our sobriety we are bound to lose anyway.  Sobriety has to be the no.1 priority today.  God Bless!!!!!!!