Aa
how many times did you relaps
I'm starting a new thread. My question is what's the average relapse. I couldn't even make it three days. Three little days. When I say that it sounds so trivial. Ive got so much working against me. I have absolutely no support. My husband is always always using. That's extremely hard. Then my pain got the best of me. I realized how much pain I'm really in. I realized the death grip.the pills have on our mind. It's such a battle. I made such a rash decision about my addiction. Plus my pain. I'm really lost right now. I found na meetings. I don't think I can do this the way I tried. I really am angry and depressed. Please respond about relapsing. I need help ASAP. I want to beat this disease but I'm nothing but a complete failure.
Yea I get that cough too..it is more like a gag. I cant even smoke cigs when I am in day 2-3 wd and cuz my gag reflex is so bad Ill take a drag from a cig and like choak and hardly be able to blow the smoke back out lol. I hate that! Booo w/ds just all around suck. No doubt about that. The reason I can say ive relapsed about 500 times. 25 times I was clean over 30 days. Thats how bad this addiction *****. But dont give up you learn what your mistakes were and you fix them. And im stiil learning about this nasty habit. Its gods way of punishing those who want to have a little fun. Well its not worth it! I found one thing that really helps is to write down how you are feeling during your whole detox. Like do it by names and if you like to write like me you can really get descriptive in your writing and when you are tihnking of using again read what you wrote. It should remind you just how awful you feel because we tend to forget after some clean time. U think welll i feel fine now it must have been doable. The human body is not bad to be going thru contant wd over and over and its just so unessessary. You can feel so good sober. U will come to realize that pain killers just cause more pain. They may mask the pain you have now but like taking a antidepressant when you stop you are going to take awhile to feel happy again and for your dopamine receptors come back. Well the same for opiates. your natural pain receptors die and it takes awhile to come back. So you get double the pain you had prior to opoid use. God damn I hate this disease. Hang in there and just get it over with! It *****!
Yes its just a dry hack. And my eyes water like I'm.crying. and I'm.easily distracted. Scirmmy and can't sit still. Very restless
Hi Bama sorry,I stopped coughing around day 5.It was kind of a cross between a cough and a gag.Is that what kind of cough you're having?
Well I thought about tapering. Had a doc set up taper. I didn't follow it. He wanted me to come down to 40 mg a day to twenty to.ten.and then jump. I did take.a couple.of.twenties one on ties and one wed. They never helped my withdrawals. So I flushed again. And now.am.on day two. I think I needed to.take.those twenties for insecurity. They.did not help. Made me worst.in my head. Made me see how bad my addiction is. So I stuck on clondine patched and jumped. I'm so so quite. Don't want to talk. Just cough and cough. I am over throwing up. And tummy is better. Just have a cough.what's up with that
I'm so happy you are not on the tapering bandwagon. Opiate withdrawl WILL not kill you, unlike alcohol. It's can be a brutal experience but YOU CAN DO IT!! Please try some Ibuprofen and tylenol for your pain. They can be safely taken together 3-4 times a day. I can imagine your pain is intense but us addicts tend to scoff at the good'ol remedies lol.
Keep up the good work and remember if your thinking of 'tapering' you are already experiencing a relapse. If you start missing meetings, you are already relapsing. Think about your triggers (people, places, things, moods)and make a relapse prevention agreement with yourself. It's so important to bring these little details forward from unconscious thought. So much of our addicted behaviour is acted out while we are on auto pilot. I have relapsed several times. I have used and then afterwards thought..whoa that happened so fast..wtf have I done? Having said that, you should not have access to any pills if you really want to stay sober. Of course you want to pop an oxy before trying tylenol or ibuprofen, simply because you are an Addict ;o)
I wish your family peace and comfort this weekend. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Take care of yourself.
Keep up the good work and remember if your thinking of 'tapering' you are already experiencing a relapse. If you start missing meetings, you are already relapsing. Think about your triggers (people, places, things, moods)and make a relapse prevention agreement with yourself. It's so important to bring these little details forward from unconscious thought. So much of our addicted behaviour is acted out while we are on auto pilot. I have relapsed several times. I have used and then afterwards thought..whoa that happened so fast..wtf have I done? Having said that, you should not have access to any pills if you really want to stay sober. Of course you want to pop an oxy before trying tylenol or ibuprofen, simply because you are an Addict ;o)
I wish your family peace and comfort this weekend. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Take care of yourself.
AWWWEESOMME bama you can do it.You are doing great.I knew you would do it right.Just take it easy this weekend and don't do anything you don't feel like doing.You are awesome!
Hey guys I made it thu thanksgiving with no pills and no pills today. Still coughing like a horse with a cold. No taper. Just gonna stay straight.
The benefits I used when I was off is short term disability. If we have an illness that is major and will keep us off for more than eight days you can get paid. When I had my total knee I used short term. Then when I had the blood clot I used it again. You don't find those benefits in a lot of companies. I technically could check in to rehab. But I may loose my job. I can check in after the new year begins. I don't have any more time off to spare other than last vacation week during the week from Christmas to new year. We can't bank up our vacation time. We've got to use it or loose it.
The lay offs are scarey.I don't think I could.replace my job.I make great money and climbed the ladder. I have a lot of responsibilities at work and home. Of course ill keep going to meetings. I need help. I want help.I'm still coming to grips about being an addict.I hate saying that.
I agree with Vickie, 100mg of oxy a day is way too high to just c/t and expect to be able to work. You would need a few weeks off work to get past that. With all you have on your plate right now, a taper plan is the only way you're going to get past this.
Doesn't mean you're a failure either. Just smart. Do the taper but still come here for support and go to meetings when you can. Because even after the taper is done and you're clean you'll still have to deal with the mental part. Otherwise you put yourself through this for nothing because you will most likely relapse if you haven't put the tools into place to deal with it.
Good luck Bama, and by the way, the last time I quit (over a year ago) I was taking 15 Vicodin every 4 hours and the only way I could quit was to taper. So, this is one of those cases where it's not the journey, it's the destination.
Doesn't mean you're a failure either. Just smart. Do the taper but still come here for support and go to meetings when you can. Because even after the taper is done and you're clean you'll still have to deal with the mental part. Otherwise you put yourself through this for nothing because you will most likely relapse if you haven't put the tools into place to deal with it.
Good luck Bama, and by the way, the last time I quit (over a year ago) I was taking 15 Vicodin every 4 hours and the only way I could quit was to taper. So, this is one of those cases where it's not the journey, it's the destination.
Hi bama! It sounds as though we have a lot in common. I too am the main breadwinner for our family. My husband works and works hard but he doesn't have benefits either. I have been with my company for 23 years and have a very good reputation there. I am scared, though, that my deteriorating health could cost me my job. I go to physical therapy twice a week and between that and my doctor's appointments causes me to miss more work than I like. I am afraid they are going to say something about it, and we have been having layoffs so I don't want to give them any reason to lay me off.
Speaking of work, I'd better get back to it. Just know you aren't alone. That has helped me. Take care and don't give up.
Speaking of work, I'd better get back to it. Just know you aren't alone. That has helped me. Take care and don't give up.
I was warned that with my they would start looking for a replacement. I've worked too hard to get where I'm at.
Yes I do a good job. I actually do a great job. I've won awards. Exceed my targets. I love my job. I didn't get high to escape it. I just got in the habit of taking meds.for pain. I've had a lot of surgery.I've never missed work because of addiction. I've missed work for surgeries. I know I have a high stress job but I like my actual job. I have been off a lot and we are so short staffed were doing mandatory overtime. Plus I got in the habit of taking pills in morning.just to.start my day. I thought I went over my doctors taper plan. I just don't know what to.choose. taper or cold turkey. I'm coughing today. You'd think I'm.sick. I'm.constantly coughing. I'm cooking for my family. And my sons coming home tonight. I'm looking forward to.seeing him. What.are you doing
It's all okay with us. Don't apologize! This is a long and difficult process but you'll get there. I just get concerned for you because you keep coming up with the plan that DOESN'T work!
Listen...is your job really in jeopardy? I know HR called you in BUT wasn't that just about the time off you took and which of your benefits was paying for that? I'm not sure you can be fired due to medical illness. You can't be fired for an addiction either. They have to find another reason like poor job performance. Is that a possibility? Have you been doing your job well? Might they have some indication of your drug usage and ensuing behaviour? You did say that you were high every single day before you went to work every morning. Were you still able to do a great job?
Just a few things to think about...Also, what's the plan for today relative to YOU? You need to get working on getting better here. Did you call your doctor (PCP) yet? I told you: You need a GOOD taper plan which is always decreasing by SMALL amounts over a LONG period of time. Plus you need some therapy while you're doing that!!
What are your plans for tomorrow with your family?
Listen...is your job really in jeopardy? I know HR called you in BUT wasn't that just about the time off you took and which of your benefits was paying for that? I'm not sure you can be fired due to medical illness. You can't be fired for an addiction either. They have to find another reason like poor job performance. Is that a possibility? Have you been doing your job well? Might they have some indication of your drug usage and ensuing behaviour? You did say that you were high every single day before you went to work every morning. Were you still able to do a great job?
Just a few things to think about...Also, what's the plan for today relative to YOU? You need to get working on getting better here. Did you call your doctor (PCP) yet? I told you: You need a GOOD taper plan which is always decreasing by SMALL amounts over a LONG period of time. Plus you need some therapy while you're doing that!!
What are your plans for tomorrow with your family?
Bama I have been going to NA meetings for quite awhile. I still barely say a peep. Even in my home group. It's perfectly ok just to listen. I'm extremely shy and awkward. IDK ur financial situation or where u live. But I needed inpatient detox. There should be a charitable place somewhere near wher u live that gives u a sliding scale fee or free. I looked at the ground on my way in the place. I was embarassed, ashamed, and scared to death. But I knew I was going to die if I didn't go. You're in my prayers along with all addicts. We're all just people. Not scumbags, low-lifes, or creeps. We have a disease. The support on this forum is wonderful.
Bama so glad u went to a meeting. I enjoyed going. I went everyday for 3 months. I think partly where I failed was that I rarely spoke at the meetings or seek out a sponsor. I think I was still trying to make myself believe I wasn't an addict and didn't need a sponsor. Next time I go i will seek a sponsor and be more involved.
i read through all your posts and i'm sorry you are having such a hard time , yesterday is gone but you have been blessed with a new day your a strong woman and you can do this i know its easier said than done but i promise it does get better , just keep up the fight :)
It's a new day. I slept a total of zero.I.want to.forget about yesterdays relapse and my day of denial. I just don't think I have the strength to continue. Hobby was passed out. I'm so sick of his sleeping. I've went through a year of his work then sleep routine. I never get to ' spend time' with him. I do want to go to in-house recovery. But the way work went yesterday. No way. I almost got fired from taking off work. And I had blood clots. Really. I'm so scared about loosing my job. I've worked my arse off to get where I am in the company I work for.. if I dared mention addiction now they would tell me to pack it up. And now this quitting on my plate. I am the bread winner of my family. Yes my husband works but its not enough money to keep us in the lifestyle were at. I've got all the benefits not him. That doesn't matter to me. It's my job I'm worried about. I did throw away all my extras. I want to be done with this. I am tired of this addiction. I feel like all I am doing is failing. I keep falling down daily. I'm so weak when it comes to this. I have no control over this.
Bama, no apologies necessary. This is so difficult. The wd is difficult and then, at least for me, admitting that I allowed it to get so bad. I did manage to finally get a little more sleep last night and that helped. I am battling again with the going to work thing though. I just want to stay home, and I am worried about Thanksgiving.
I really do admire your strength and spunk. In spite of what your hubby is doing, you came here and decided to quit. I saw your story and thought, you know, she is so strong and I can do it, too. Since I found this site a couple of days ago I have gotten encouragement and strength from you and others here. We can do this. I know it is a battle. My stomach is still a mess and I feel jittery but slowly it is getting better. Keep on fighting. I will post when I can, I am getting ready to fight through day three of work. I am praying for you and everyone else.
I really do admire your strength and spunk. In spite of what your hubby is doing, you came here and decided to quit. I saw your story and thought, you know, she is so strong and I can do it, too. Since I found this site a couple of days ago I have gotten encouragement and strength from you and others here. We can do this. I know it is a battle. My stomach is still a mess and I feel jittery but slowly it is getting better. Keep on fighting. I will post when I can, I am getting ready to fight through day three of work. I am praying for you and everyone else.
Their flushed. God that was hard. If I offered anyone Im sorry. But I will look for a sponsor when i get more comfortable. I know I need one. Thanks for keeping me in check. I really need you all. I'm lost confused scared ashamed depressed. I don't know why I took that stupid pill to work with me. What was I thinking. I was scared of pain. I promise to give my pain two more weeks before I make a judgement call. I promise. I'll put my Lidoderm patch on. And take my motrin. Please accept my stupidity and my sincere apology.
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