help with beating Khat, kat methcathinone, jeff or kitty

[slim67]

Hello Everyone, I been reading this blog and I see a lot of hope and support, I was introduced to kat and flunitrazapem in 2005 by my ex girlfriend and hated it, but became accustomed to it by being around her, I have managed months at a time staying away, but sadly I also suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and my body does not produce enough serotonin, I have been on antidepressants (citalopram) since July last year after a suicide attempt, the trouble is when I feel low and hopeless I go on a self destructive pattern, I use 3 or 4 grams a week and then end up feeling worse than ever, I try really hard to abstain, but in those moments of weakness I forget how the after effects make me feel and in an impulsive moment call up my life destroying supplier, I really really want to stop abusing this substance, on numerous times I deleted my suppliers number and yet somehow in my lows I manage to obtain it again, my family doesn’t know about my dark clouds over my head, I really need help battling these demons, I have an extremely high IQ and yet I’m not smart enough to tackle substance abuse, I want to do this on my own, I want to know that I have the strength to beat it and become a better person and motivate others that we have the will power to overcome our dilemmas, so humbly on my knees I beg for assistance

[worried_brother]

Thanks for the advice. I will go and buy some whey protein now and see if he drinks that. You right, he has not had much water and have to continuously check up on him to remind him to have some.

I will get him to create a thread as soon as he is up for it.

Thanks again,

[weaver71]

Amphetamines are very hard on the body and people crash hard from them. Make sure he drinks enough water and try to get him to drink an amino acid shake at least, I doubt he wants to eat. He needs nutrients to heal, but sleeping is a natural response to not having any uppers to get him moving. Mostly, keep him hydrated and give him some time, within a week he shoukd start to move around more. If you could get him to start his own thread, after he is able, it would be much better if we could talk to him directly. He's lucky to have you helping, hang in there.

[worried_brother]

Hi everyone.

I have just returned from abroad and discovered that my brother is addicted to Methcathinone. We had a talk and he admitted that he had a problem and wants me to help him. He decided to flush the rest of the meds and I am trying to help him through it. He has not had anything in the last 48 hours and think he is in the phase referred to as "crashing" as he has hardly got out of bed since. At first I was worried at all the sleeping but now I am allowing him to sleep it off.

How long does this last? What else can I do to help him through it in the short term? I want to take him to the doctor / shrink (he is on anti-depressants but think over the last year it had less effect on him and he turned to this) but I cannot get him to get out of bed.

Please, any help or suggestions would help.

[slim67]

Relapsed again and went on a binge, I'm so disappointed in myself, I was so ashamed to even log in to this site, I am really trying to put my life together, I want to be clean, I know relapsing occurs during recovery but I can't accept it, I really would give my left arm to get clean, and I seem to be abusing rohypnol to fall asleep more, like I'm replacing my usage with kat, but no matter how horrible I feel about myself, I managed to muster the courage to login, it feels like I'm going insane, someone please grab my hand, I don't want to slip into this dark pit again, I just get so impulsive and forget how it makes me feel when I come down, I'm crying out for help, I don't want to feel sorry for myself, I want to do something about it, I admit I got a problem, just it feels like no one understands me, I was almost sexually abused as a kid, I suffer with major Depressive Disorder and I also have herpes hsv2,

[slim67]

We are the masters of our ships, we can either ***** and moan about it or do something about it, as you said it all started with a small step, nothing is impossible when you invest all your passion into it, be the change that you want to be!! Happiness, honour are in everyone's reach, take it, it's yours!  

Not everyday will be sunny, but after the night the light follows

[weaver71]

A whole bunch of grains of sand, a little limestone powder, and some individual rocks put together built the Taj Majal, the Roman Colleseum, the Great Wall of China. I compared recovery to a sculpture yesterday, I really liked that thought. If you take away all the negative space, a beautiful sculpture is left standing. Michael Angelo did not sculpt David in one solid blow, he chipped away all that wasn't David over a long time. It is good to hear you with more hope and some fight is coming out. Chip away buddy, chip away.

[slim67]

Ok by me being here, and also keep posting tells me that I want to get and stay clean, I have to identify my triggers and avoid them completely, all I been doing is feeling sorry for myself, I am going to tackle this demons, I am going to be a better person,   you feel your true strength in the experience of pain, being clean is made of making little changes in your lifestyle, stress management etc but on the bright side it gives us the chance to start over clean, well that's just my two cents lol

[slim67]

Okay I just read this and I feel like there is hope, I really need to work on my coping mechanisms, substance abuse can and will be beat!

Relapse is a common part of the recovery process from drug addiction. While relapse is understandably frustrating and discouraging, it can also be an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and correct your treatment course.

[IBKleen]

I don't know why you think you can't find love or be married? You sound very despondent..it concerns me.

[slim67]

Any advice concerning the below post

Lord take these broken wings, I need your hands to heal me so I can fly until the end of time. I have been carrying an incurable hsv2 virus for 10 years, caught it at a clinic, I accept the fact that I can never be married or have kids,I accept I'm going to die alone, no wife or kids  I wouldn't want anyone to carry this burden knowing every moment of every day it's eating away your confidence and self esteem , then came the major Depressive Disorder, I thought if I od'd I will make life easier for my family, god gave me this burden for a reason, no one knows my struggle they only see the trouble, no one I know witnessed struggles I survived, will I survive the darkness I don't know, Lord give me the strength to fight my demons, I don't open up to anyone because I don't want to burden anyone else with my troubles, dear god please remember this face to let me in, I am really trying, but how much longer can my strength carry this baggage on my shoulders

[slim67]

I really am, it just feels like I'm walking in the dark, been really despondent yesterday And today, I just withdraw into a shell, I don't want to burden my family and friends, so I put on a happy face but inside I just keep praying for death, I'm just feeling so lost, my motivation, my initiative, character and inspiration have gotten lost somewhere along this path, every time I see a little light in this dark tunnel, instead of hope it's a train pushing me back further

[weaver71]

For me, the original vision was to be satisfied without any drugs. I have many issues that will never go away, intense psychological imbalance, that official diagnosis has prevented me from getting jobs, but I am over qualified for menial work, so the local businesses have told me. I know that problems seem bigger than life, but that is partly the drugs talking. Of coarse I want some relief, to escape, to not have to feel. Problem is, that short vacation doesn't solve any problem nor improve ones thinking to solve it or accept it.

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.

There is no problem so huge that drugs can't make it worse.

Try to focus on what you can do, rather than what you can't. You will find that doing little things each day to make things better add up. I wanted to die at the end, so I felt like I had nothing to lose, how much worse can it get than wanting to die? So, it's hard, but you can get your inspiration back and live out some dreams. I didn't believe it when I heard that, but I had nothing to lose. Luckily, all these people were right and I was so desperate I actually listened. Hang in there bud, keep trying to find new ways to cope. It will be so worth it.

[VICourageous]

Surrendering it to your God is what he wants you to do. Then you must keep feeding yourself Spiritually. UP the Support in times of troubles. I would not be here today, after I had lost 4 family members in a 90 day period if I did not give it to God and have enough Faith to know he has his reasons, also had to UP my Support. Sure I still pace back & forth out back on my property and yell at him sometimes, but then I am reminded of Faith. We must keep up the Faith in this Journey.
Drama & Stress are one of the few things that can cause Triggers. You went for a Drive, as I did too the other day when I was caught in a situation of this Drama crap. It made me calm down and really pray as I drove.It was to late to hit another meeting.  Takes a lot of WORK to keep one foot in front of the other and keep that chin up. NEVER give in to the Beast! Using is only a short term fix with a long term repair and the quilt is evil. SO do not pack your bags and go on a quilt trip! Just unpack them bags and next time get Support somewhere. If no one is home to talk too go drive up in front of a church and pray or go to a nice park or down by a river. Praying in mother nature is a good one. Walk away and try to Stay away from those who will rattle you cage..Believe me I am in my 19m and I had a few try to do this to me Yesterday. SO i called my Bud Weaver just to here what a clean Addict has to say. This is why we should not have any contact with people who use or try to bring us down. It is there problem that they are out-there not ours. I wish you the Best and just get back on that Horse and ride again. Try you hardest to avoid those Red Flag areas.
Bless

[nursegirl6572]

Sorry to hear of your relapse.  It sounds like you didn't cut your sources.  If you don't do that, it's very easy to relapse.  I'm sorry about the drama with your ex, but as you see, using wasn't the answer, now you just feel worse.

As for your last reply, how would you think ANYONE on an addiction forum would answer that question?  People here are struggling to get clean and stay clean...they're not going to tell you it's okay to self medicate with roofies.  I'm sure you know that already.  

You need to get back up and get back to your recovery...and you have to make changes so that you're better equipped to handle tough situations.  You need to learn new coping skills.  You need aftercare, and you need to cut those sources!!

Hang in there.

[slim67]

I love taking roofies, it puts me to sleep so in my dreams I'm free and my illnesses doesn't follow me there , is it wrong to want to put down the load for a few hours to just be free in my dreams?  

[slim67]

Lord take these broken wings, I need your hands to heal me so I can fly until the end of time. I have been carrying an incurable hsv2 virus for 10 years, caught it at a clinic, I accept the fact that I can never be married or have kids,I accept I'm going to die alone, no wife or kids  I wouldn't want anyone to carry this burden knowing every moment of every day it's eating away your confidence and self esteem , then came the major Depressive Disorder, I thought if I od'd I will make life easier for my family, god gave me this burden for a reason, no one knows my struggle they only see the trouble, no one I know witnessed struggles I survived, will I survive the darkness I don't know, Lord give me the strength to fight my demons, I don't open up to anyone because I don't want to burden anyone else with my troubles, dear god please remember this face to let me in, I am really trying, but how much longer can my strength carry this baggage on my shoulders

[slim67]

Hope everyone else is having an awesome easter, much love to all,

[slim67]

Hey everyone, I'm so disappointed in myself, my crazy ex snuck into my house yesterday, she can't accept we broke up, and kept pushing my buttons, I didn't argue back, I just jumped in my car and went for a drive, tried calling a few people for support to talk too, everyone was busy with their own things and I gave in with tears in my eyes, I fell off the wagon, and today I am so disappointed and down, I pray to the almighty that if life is better for me then give me life and point me in the direction for my purpose here on earth, but if I'm going to continue sinning please take my life, is it wrong to think like that, I don't want to be a sinner, or a bad person

[Gettingalifeagain]

Congratulations ... you are an inspriation...
Weaver, thank you for such positive comments, today I will try to do more for others and get out of myself...

[Merri123]

You are so right. I too am blessed with a wonderful Mother and Father. I strive to be like them for my girls.

You slim are doing awesome. What is it today? 12 days or do? Close to 2 weeks. Keep on keeping busy. Moving forward.

Hope you have a wonderful Easter this weekend. Spend it with the heros.

[slim67]

I have always read ,watched movies and fascinated with superheroes ,the real heroes has always been in front of  me the whole time, My Father and Mother

[slim67]

Thanks Domino, tho its a very long weekend, going to be a mission to keep myself occupied, got some online gaming planned, grooming my pooch. And talk him out to the dog park, tho my pit bull gives me a workout, had a stupid thought already about buying a gram but thank heaven my self control won by reminding me why I joined this community :) here's to a happy easter to everyone and god bless

[dominosarah]

Congrats slim!!!  Keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward~

[slim67]

Still going strong, I feel like I'm never alone since I have found this site, living it one day at a time being happy until that last day :) and hope I can help those in that dark place to come out