Aa
whos out there w/ding with me?
8 days clean off of methadone 105mg tapered down to 45mg...went thru the first 5days in a detox.(thats all they could hold me for) last 2 days they gave me 4 doses of subutex 4mg 4mg 2mg 2mg then said ur good to go RIIIGGHHT. the first day out i felt ok then the next morning I felt pretty good, and then it crept up on me like a assassin. first the anxiety and heart pounding then the aches of bones and joints. there was a point it was so bad i forced myself to sit still and accept the pain just kinda welcomed it in my body then my feet kinda just went numb with a vibrating sensation. lasted about 15mins then had to get up and walk around. and oh my the head games are worse than i ever thought its like my brain is so fing confused and i have no control over it, i get really angry sometimes like i wish this disease could manifest itself in a physical form so i can beat the **** out of it. but all in all im doing ok 8days in and running the road of recovery never to look back at the drugs chasing me. MH and the people here have givin me so much support and kindness it has really helped me a lot so i just wanted to try and give some back. keep posting for support. together we can beat this, KEEPING THE FAITH.......
Best Answer
My first 6 months off methadone, I wished I was in a rehab or some safe environment where my only responsibility was to work my aftercare. I think this is a great idea. I felt horrible ignoring my family to go to meetings daily, going to therapy, working out, my whole life was recovery. My wife even expressed some jealousy of my new friends, I was spending more time with recovery people than her. Jump in with both feet and never look back.
Still going on but find myself falling in depression...I missed 2 days of meetings due to what I cant explain other than no joy only guilt and shame...it is amazing how 8 years I thought I was doing fine I worked every day past 15 years to end up feeling worthless because of drugs. I know I will get better but I look in the mirror and see a sad man feeling sry for himself. I never let myself hit rock bottom and now im at the bottom and am finding trap doors that if I ipen them who knows. I used to be able to look pple in the eyes and speak. I know time will heal this it is something I must overcome I just thought it would not be this hard...I have 2 sides of my head that are constantly at war with each other.....when does the warmth of a good man return.
It's not a sprint, it's a marathon so pace yourself. Working the steps will help you get some balance. I'm on day 19 and I'm surprised where my head is at compared to las week. I'm just givin over to the journey. Realizing using was my answer not my problem. So I have to fix the me that got me here in the first place. Making changes inside and out to my life is the way I have to go about this to make sure I don't get back to that dark hellish place. So while in the beginning we thing it's all about the drugs, I'm finding out it's about so much more. Do the journey so your destination is the right one. Don't rush it or you will be trying to drive your recovery by yourself. Let the met meetings and the process and the healing do it's work ON you.
He dude you doing great try not to get discouraged Methadone is a monster to kick you just got to be in it for the long haul as for the tossing and turning and restless legs rap your legs tightly like swaddling a baby this will make it more bearable sleep is always a problem with this stuff I dident sleep for weeks on end so I know how you feel methadone is very cyclic you just think you got it beat but it comes back with a vengeance also get up to walmart and pick up a 2lb can of whey protein shake mix it only cost 15 bucks it has the amino acids to help ''reboot'' your brain and the protein will help with energy I know its had to do any thing where your at now but start walking with you wife...My wife had me out there every day first it was just a block then 2 and so on we got up to 1mile as time went on but you have to be pro/active in your recovery keep posting for support get to as many N/A meetings as you can the program works if you work it
...........................................Gnarly................................
...........................................Gnarly................................
Made it 7 days before my temper got the best of me and got kicked out...150 guys and I let one guy get to me well he stole a pack of smokes from me but I cant let that stop me.. im back at home today and still doing what I need ti do to stay positive. Over did it today though I have been pushing myself physically so I can sweat it all out hopeing the day will come when all the ugh goes away im going to meetings and soon will be working with a sponsor and ib a few months vack to work. I got to put the past behind me. I can't believe how hard it is to sleep though im exhausted and yet I toss and turna
.and so hard to stay focused or read anything and retain it. Sry im so exhausted. Have a great night
.and so hard to stay focused or read anything and retain it. Sry im so exhausted. Have a great night
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