how do i cope?????

[witheredrose]

My mom is a breast cancer survivor, and while she was doing chemptherapy she got pregnant with me.(shes told me this a few times) The doctor tried to talk her into aborting me because I was at high risk for developmental problems. She refused to do it, and here I am now..miserable and afraid. I wish she would of,  because i dont think my dad wanted me and I dont think he wants me now. I dont belong here.  My dad drinks whiskey every other night, sometimes 2 nights in a row. And then when hes drunk he treats me like im dirt. I know hes drinking because of me, hes drank my whole life, but I wish he wouldnt be so mean all the time. He never tells me he loves me, my mom doesnt either.  Theyve never really showed love at all as long as I can remember. I dont know how to cope with it, the way he is when hes drunk, he calls me names sometimes. He has even told me "go cut yourself some more!" I hear the saying "a drunk mans thoughts is a sober mans words" and that makes it worse. Because now I feel even more like he doesnt want me or love me. Any odeas how to cope?

[witheredrose]

I have asked him why he drinks all the time, and told him was making things worse but he didnt listen to me. They have never told me it was because of me, its the vibes I get from him when he is drunk that make me feel like that. I sense tension in him everytime.
I know it is probably very stressfull for them. Ill give it a shot talking to him one more time and see where I get with it  and I will make sure he is 100% sober!!
Thanks everyone! HUGSSS

[swabes]

Hey Rose! I'm proud of you for having stopped yourself from cutting and being so strong despite your circumstances!
I can really relate to you here because my mum behaves the same way as your dad does. I know how stressful it is living with someone who is drunk a lot and who says the cruelest things when they are drunk. It is so easy to blame ourselves for our parents faults but remember you are NOT to blame!
You are a young girl who is wonderful, you don't deserve any of this and you should not be blaming yourself!
Have either of your parents ever said that you're the reason for the way they are behaving, if not, don't jump to that conclusion. People become bitter and horrible when they're unhappy with their lot in life, but don't let that hold you back.
I'm really really sorry you're not living in the nicest of environments right now. As for coping I'd say visit relatives as much as possible, bid your time until your old enough to make your own decisions without your parents holding you back. You're a smart girl who's going places and just keep that in mind. And come on here anytime you need to talk, I'm always here if you need to and if you ever get the urge to cut. You're doing fantastic!

I know it's all so hard when you're so emotionally attatched to the people who are hurting you but hang in there!
HUGS!

[nursegirl6572]

THAT is the kind of stuff you need to think about when you're feeling down about your parents  Remember the good stuff.  

You also need not feel guilty because they worry about you.  That's their job.  You'll understand when you're a Mom one day.  None of us parents are perfect either.  It seems like your parents are having trouble coping.  

I don't condone your Dad drinking..but he's probably self medicating.  You said he is very sweet when he's sober.  Do you think you could approach him when he is and tell him that you're worried about his drinking?  Tell him that you love him and it worries you.  Tell him you think he has a lot of stress...and that he is trying to cope, but that isn't a good way to cope.  If you think it wouldn't go over well, don't bring it up...but if he is reasonable when he is sober...maybe you'll get through to him...and make him think.

You and your parents will muddle through and one day, things will be a lot better.  There's just so much stress with everything going on.  

[witheredrose]

I know :( I dont want them to feel like that because of me. I dont mean to.
I know they were really upset when I got sent to the hospital because they were powerless and didnt get the choice on whether telhey wanted me to or not. I was court ordered there. Sundays was visitstion and they came and visited me every sunday, because the facility I was in is just right outside of tkwn. The first one I went to, which was an hour away in Helena Montana, visitations could be whenever, as long as they called first. But they couldnt come visit me as much, but when they did, they would sneak me gum and candy and soda, and,i had a big bean bag in my rokm there that exposed allbthe bean thingys when unzipped, so I stashed all my goodies in there and buried them in the beans :) hehe. They never found my stash either, even when I got put on room search, they still never found my stashes

[4Maddie44]

I am so glad you love your parents and don't want to leave home.  You shouldn't even think about that at your age.  If it was abusive I would say yes.  Seems to me your parents have their own demons too.  

Try and show them how much you love them.  Believe me that means so much.  A loving household is a happy household.  

Try and look at things from your parents point of view.  Like Nursegirl says, your illness also makes you see things in a more negative light.

We cannot all tolerate our siblings.  Fact of life.  But parents I believe really do want is best for their children.  I bet your parents really worry about you.  Can you take the first step and give them and hug and show how much you care about them.  Do they care about each other?

You are a sensible girl, and I know you will do the right thing.  Please try and take the first step to making your household a more peaceful one.

love to you

[witheredrose]

I just turned 16, and the reason I want to stay is because..well there the people ive been with since I was born, there my mom and dad and I love them and despite everything I wouldnt wish for different ones. Sometimes I.would but I never mean it.
My dad doesnt do this to my mom, just me. Thats.how come I think he dont want me somtimes and never did