Aa
I feel like I am losing it!!!!
Hey guys. I am sure this is not going to be an upbeat post. I feel as though I am losing it, I mean truly. My faith, my strength, my power to overcome. I am so DEPRESSED I feel like all I can do is sleep. I want my heart to be normal but to us on here what is that? I get my monitor tomorrow. I am not thrilled about wearing it for a month and having to wait and be aggravated with this for a whole other month. I am worried that when I make a recording and call it in that they are going to send me packing to the ER and that would scare the **** right out of me. I wore one before but everything was okay. They never sent me. Now my heart is having more frequent ones than before the ablation but it is making me insane because I am worried it might be something that can't be fixed and I am going to be stuck feeling this way right on. If that was so I don't know how long I could put up with it,My compassion for life is great, but my inabilities to do anything but sit is really getting me down. I didn't take my meds last night I fell asleep and they couldn't get me awake long enough to shove it down me but when I woke up I felt good. No extra beats no skips. So I thought I won't take my morning dose either and just see if I can piece it together, That lasted until about 3 and they started, So I took 50 mgs instead of 100. ATENOLOL.That seemed to be okay but around 5 they were running wild. I started getting scared and started getting deeper and deeper breaths until I worked myself into one big mess. I am having them as I write but one about every 6 beat. I am wondering if my meds could be causing the severity of them. Does anyone know if the Beta Blocker could make them worse, I also take Xanax but if I didn't take it I would be crazy. I need some advice. I haven't researched my meds but there is a phamacist here that works with your meds and helps you see what works for you and against you. I know I am grabbing at straws. I want to call my doc and say I need help now, I can't wait another month. I guess she is doing all that I will allow her, I refused a stress test and an echo because of my experience before. I had both and was told my heart was A-OK and 2 weeks later landed in the ER 3 times in one day and ICU and then whisked off to the Cath lab for an ablation(Emergency). I think that they are basically unreliable. I want to keep the FAITH and be strong but my mind is not allowing me to do that right now. I want peace again. My family is planning a trip to the beach but if I feel like I do now I won't be going. I am to scared to go that far from home. Everyone please keep me in your prayers. I am scared of doing something foolish. I am a religious person but I am having bad thoughts. I know I need help.. It is the not knowing that is making me crazy, Any advice or thoughts on my prob will be appreciated.
Thanks guys for all your support,
Karen
Thanks guys for all your support,
Karen
I have been on Atenolol since 9-07. I can sympathize with how you feel. I'm just taking one day at a time. Hang in there.
Hey Karen
I’m sorry that you keep feeling like you are going down the slippery slope. When I too was having what you so quaintly call “bad thoughts”, you were there, along with a bunch of other truly incredible people on this forum to help me through.
I get the impression that you have become depressed, the real and proper chemical imbalance of the brain depressed, and I think that is something you need to deal with urgently. Taking Xanax is fine for when you feel you are about to lose it, but you need something which is going to rebalance the hormones in your brain (dopamine I think it is), once that starts working you should be brought out of this deep and serious funk you find yourself in. Please consider this and see your GP very soon. There are anti-depressants which don’t affect your heart. Don’t know if you can give brand names, but I take Cymbalta and oddly enough it seems to slow my rate down. I also have lots less incidents of heart-block when I’m on it. I don’t take it for depression, I take it for diabetic neuropathy, and also for the positive effects it has on pain caused by tension, and I really find it one of the better meds I’ve taken. Your doc will know based on your medical history which would be best for you.
Karen, remember that as hard as things get, you are a very strong woman. I suspect the reason you are considering suicide – lets not mince our words here – is because of the depression. As you know I was as down as you are, and some days I still get pretty close to it, but somehow something always snaps me out of it. Are you artistic? If you are why not ask someone to bring you an artists pad and some pastels or oils, and just paint something which makes you think of good times, a beach scene, your back-yard, your family, an animal from your past which has brought joy.
Sadly I am not artistic, but when I get really down, I get my Killer Sudoku book out and just withdraw from the world and do my Sudoku. It’s total escapism, and you feel so good when you finish one, it’s a big achievement when you get the really hard ones out. You need to get “into” something to help you lift your mood. I don’t know what else to suggest.
Keep your faith up Karen, you will be in my prayers, I’ll come back soon to see how you are doing. Unfortunately if this thread becomes all about religion and letting God do his thing, I’ll start e-mailing you directly. I have renewed my relationship with God but I feel some of these threads are becoming too religious. Don’t get offended, you know my feelings on faith and God, both are important to me, but I’d rather deal with issues in a way that lets us help one another, we don’t want to read more about people’s faith in God than about what is going on with them.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Karen, I think about you each day. You are going to get through this just like I do – one day at a time, sometimes even one hour at a time.
I’m sorry that you keep feeling like you are going down the slippery slope. When I too was having what you so quaintly call “bad thoughts”, you were there, along with a bunch of other truly incredible people on this forum to help me through.
I get the impression that you have become depressed, the real and proper chemical imbalance of the brain depressed, and I think that is something you need to deal with urgently. Taking Xanax is fine for when you feel you are about to lose it, but you need something which is going to rebalance the hormones in your brain (dopamine I think it is), once that starts working you should be brought out of this deep and serious funk you find yourself in. Please consider this and see your GP very soon. There are anti-depressants which don’t affect your heart. Don’t know if you can give brand names, but I take Cymbalta and oddly enough it seems to slow my rate down. I also have lots less incidents of heart-block when I’m on it. I don’t take it for depression, I take it for diabetic neuropathy, and also for the positive effects it has on pain caused by tension, and I really find it one of the better meds I’ve taken. Your doc will know based on your medical history which would be best for you.
Karen, remember that as hard as things get, you are a very strong woman. I suspect the reason you are considering suicide – lets not mince our words here – is because of the depression. As you know I was as down as you are, and some days I still get pretty close to it, but somehow something always snaps me out of it. Are you artistic? If you are why not ask someone to bring you an artists pad and some pastels or oils, and just paint something which makes you think of good times, a beach scene, your back-yard, your family, an animal from your past which has brought joy.
Sadly I am not artistic, but when I get really down, I get my Killer Sudoku book out and just withdraw from the world and do my Sudoku. It’s total escapism, and you feel so good when you finish one, it’s a big achievement when you get the really hard ones out. You need to get “into” something to help you lift your mood. I don’t know what else to suggest.
Keep your faith up Karen, you will be in my prayers, I’ll come back soon to see how you are doing. Unfortunately if this thread becomes all about religion and letting God do his thing, I’ll start e-mailing you directly. I have renewed my relationship with God but I feel some of these threads are becoming too religious. Don’t get offended, you know my feelings on faith and God, both are important to me, but I’d rather deal with issues in a way that lets us help one another, we don’t want to read more about people’s faith in God than about what is going on with them.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Karen, I think about you each day. You are going to get through this just like I do – one day at a time, sometimes even one hour at a time.
Hi Karen- my name is jlyrse2002- just read your message and I too am a christian and now I have just added you to my prayer list! I ran across Medhelp by searching for some answers about a recent lumbar sprain I have had this month- so I decided to join this site- I like it and didn't even know it existed- I feel like God led me to this site good reasons. I too- along with my back problems- have a heart problem and am taking a heart medicine 2x a day! If I get stressed or overworked then my heart palpatations and heart pains come back. I had to go on a heart pill in 2004 again after having been on them for what was mitral valve prolaspe then and my heart palpatations had started because I was pregnant with my twins! I then after they were born- the doctor discontinued my heart medication altogether. I discovered that when I had the first stress tests in 2004 that I should never have been taking off of the heart medication after my twins were born. I had heart pains and heart racing from 1987-2004 off and on. Never knew the reason at that time- til my blood pressure became a problem and my heart palpations got worse when I was working at a hospital in 2004 and lifting patients and working long hours. This was when I was referred to a good cardiologist- and he ordered me alot of tests- then they decided with my blood pressure going wild, and having heart pain and palpatations and short of breath it was time to put me back on the heart medications. Unfortunately, I had to pray about my health and rather I should continue working at the hospital- my family and I decided it would be best for me to resign and get an easier job. I am a certified nurse assistant and I love helping people and I find it a rewarding career for me! I took a little time off after I resigned from the hospital and I just celebrated on February 11th 2008 my one year anniversary in my new homehealth job at Comfort Keepers which is alot easier for me and not as hard as a nursing home or hospital job. I was not ready to apply for disability and fought the thought and had prayed for an easier job and still in healthcare! God blessed me with the homehealth job. Anyway, I can understand your situation- and now my prayers and heart go out to you Karen!! I hope and pray your health gets better- As I have read from others- it would benefit you to know what exactly is wrong with your heart and even ease your mind if you go ahead Karen and have your tests! That way you will know- My doctor and children had told me if I took the stress tests then theywould know just how to treat me or what to do. I took the 1st stress tests in 2005 and ot showed the doctors that putting me on the heart medicines would help me and in september 2007 I took another stress test and did 80% which the doctor was pleased because they were only expecting for me to do 70%- I firmly believe now that me being on the heart medicine for the past 2 years and 3 months now this helped me! I even wore a holter while I worked one day! lol- I figured that if I was moving around and working that if the heart problem was worse then it would have shown it rather I worked or not. I camoflaged wearing it with a looser shirt - cause my clients couldn't know - you know confidentiality and the hippa law- so my client never even guessed it. lol- Karen, I am inviting you to be my friend if you would like- in the mean time I said a prayer for you and your health and I hope you decide to go ahead and get the medical care you need- God is with you Karen and will watch over you so lean on Him!!!!! I did and still do and so glad I have God in my life!!!!!! Sincerely, jlyrse2002
First of all, if you ever getting so scared that you feel as though you are going to harm yourself do NOT be afraid to seek out counselling to help you work this out. There are excellent counsellers and therapists out there who can help you and never be afraid to seek help.
I KNOW that this is SO fustrating...I have lived with these things for 25 years...yes you read that right...and I have to say that I feel like there are cases where the cycle CAN be broken. I am arecent case of that.
As Celeste, Artaud and a lot of other posters know, I have had a MISERABLE 8 months or so with PVCs in the hundreds or thousands daily. There were times when I literally wanted to scream out loud or jump out of my skin. I could not function well at work or home.
The low point for me was a family trip to Disney in January where I spent many days feeling my pulse. I was unable to sleep at all on the trip (combination different beds/PVCs/uncomfortable) and the night we got back i was EXHAUSTED. I just passed out asleep, PVCs or not. Because I had off the next day, I slept 11 hours straight...I can't REMEMBER the last time I was able to do that. Well don't you know that the next day I did not have one PVC. So I finally felt like I had ONE thing that I could do to stop the damn things...sleep 11 hours...now since then I haven't slept 11 hours straight again but I always have had in the back of my head that I DO have a way out.]
I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY BUT EVER SINCE THEN, I HAVE BEEN FEELING MUCH MUCH BETTER WITH MANY DAYS WITH ZERO PVCS. I REALLY FEEL THAT AT LEAST FOR SOME OF US, THE KEY IS TO GET A FEELING OF CONTROL AT LEAST FOR ONE DAY AND THEN BREAK THE DAMN CYCLE.
I KNOW FOR a fact that these PVCs go in cycles at least for some of us and if you can break the cycle EVEN FOR ONE DAY it can be a springboard. My cardio is very supportive and he frimly agrees that a bad cycle can be broken. He calls it "getting the PVCs to calm down."
I KNOW WE ALL HAVE FAMILIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES BUT YOU OWE IT TO YOUR FAMILY AND MOST OF ALL TO YOURSELF TO TAKE AS MANY days as it takes and, if necessary, DO NOTHING UNTIL YOU FEEL GOOD ONE DAY.
This may sound crazy or stupid but it has worked for me for over a month and I'm sticking with it. If I ever have a day again where I get thousands of the things, I will come home from work, take a hot bath, curl up with a good book, and let my wife and kids fend for themselves...they'll survive and I'll be a better husband/father/provider for them the next day for it. They need a sane husband/father.
Be well and feel better and I hope this helps.
I KNOW that this is SO fustrating...I have lived with these things for 25 years...yes you read that right...and I have to say that I feel like there are cases where the cycle CAN be broken. I am arecent case of that.
As Celeste, Artaud and a lot of other posters know, I have had a MISERABLE 8 months or so with PVCs in the hundreds or thousands daily. There were times when I literally wanted to scream out loud or jump out of my skin. I could not function well at work or home.
The low point for me was a family trip to Disney in January where I spent many days feeling my pulse. I was unable to sleep at all on the trip (combination different beds/PVCs/uncomfortable) and the night we got back i was EXHAUSTED. I just passed out asleep, PVCs or not. Because I had off the next day, I slept 11 hours straight...I can't REMEMBER the last time I was able to do that. Well don't you know that the next day I did not have one PVC. So I finally felt like I had ONE thing that I could do to stop the damn things...sleep 11 hours...now since then I haven't slept 11 hours straight again but I always have had in the back of my head that I DO have a way out.]
I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY BUT EVER SINCE THEN, I HAVE BEEN FEELING MUCH MUCH BETTER WITH MANY DAYS WITH ZERO PVCS. I REALLY FEEL THAT AT LEAST FOR SOME OF US, THE KEY IS TO GET A FEELING OF CONTROL AT LEAST FOR ONE DAY AND THEN BREAK THE DAMN CYCLE.
I KNOW FOR a fact that these PVCs go in cycles at least for some of us and if you can break the cycle EVEN FOR ONE DAY it can be a springboard. My cardio is very supportive and he frimly agrees that a bad cycle can be broken. He calls it "getting the PVCs to calm down."
I KNOW WE ALL HAVE FAMILIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES BUT YOU OWE IT TO YOUR FAMILY AND MOST OF ALL TO YOURSELF TO TAKE AS MANY days as it takes and, if necessary, DO NOTHING UNTIL YOU FEEL GOOD ONE DAY.
This may sound crazy or stupid but it has worked for me for over a month and I'm sticking with it. If I ever have a day again where I get thousands of the things, I will come home from work, take a hot bath, curl up with a good book, and let my wife and kids fend for themselves...they'll survive and I'll be a better husband/father/provider for them the next day for it. They need a sane husband/father.
Be well and feel better and I hope this helps.
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