I feel like I am losing it!!!!

[Sunshine47]

Hey guys. I am sure this is not going to be an upbeat post. I  feel as though I am losing it, I mean truly. My faith, my strength, my power to overcome. I am so DEPRESSED I feel like all I can do is sleep. I want my heart to be normal but to us on here what is that? I get my monitor tomorrow. I am not thrilled about wearing it for a month and having to wait and be aggravated with this for a whole other month. I am worried that when I make a recording and call it in that they are going to send me packing to the ER and that would scare the **** right out of me. I wore one before but everything was okay. They never sent me. Now my heart is having more frequent ones than before the ablation but it is making me insane because I am worried it might be something that can't be fixed and I am going to be stuck feeling this way right on. If that was so I don't know how long I could put up with it,My compassion for life is great, but my inabilities to do anything but sit is really getting me down. I didn't take my meds last night I fell asleep and they couldn't get me awake long enough to shove it down me but when I woke up I felt good. No extra beats no skips. So I thought I won't take my morning dose either and just see if I can piece it together, That lasted until about 3 and they started, So I took 50 mgs instead of 100. ATENOLOL.That seemed to be okay but around 5 they were running wild. I started getting scared and started getting deeper and deeper breaths until I worked myself into one big mess. I am having them as I write but one about every 6 beat. I am wondering if my meds could be causing the severity of them. Does anyone know if the Beta Blocker could make them worse, I also take Xanax but if I didn't take it I would be crazy. I need some advice. I haven't researched my meds but there is a phamacist here that works with your meds and helps you see what works for you and against you. I know I am grabbing at straws. I want to call my doc and say I need help now, I can't wait another month. I guess she is doing all that I will allow her, I refused a stress test and an echo because of my experience before. I had both and was told my heart was A-OK and 2 weeks later landed in the ER 3 times in one day and ICU and then whisked off to the Cath lab for an ablation(Emergency). I think that they are basically unreliable. I want to keep the FAITH and be strong but my mind is not allowing me to do that right now. I want peace again. My family is planning a trip to the beach but if I feel like I do now I won't be going. I am to scared to go that far from home. Everyone please keep me in your prayers. I am scared of doing something foolish. I am a religious person but I am having bad thoughts. I know I need help.. It is the not knowing that is making me crazy, Any advice or thoughts on my prob will be appreciated.

Thanks guys for all your support,
Karen

[terri716]

Hi Karen
Your life sounds like mine. I've been having palpitations for over 20 years. I believe thats why I developed Panic Disorder. I've been on Atenolol for 18 years. I also take Xanax when I need it, which is alot lately. It seems like the older I get the worse this condition gets. I know it does not help to worry. That just makes it worse. I know it helps me just to have someone to talk to who is understanding.

Terri

[acjviolin]

As you knew already, you have alot of friends who care about you!!!   I have been where you are ...and back.   Do you have any funny movies readily available?  Do you find comfort in the scriptures?  I have resorted to screaming fits into my pillow-works pretty good,too.  Please, please, please hang in there.  Do what all the girls here have said, and you will get past this!  You'll be coaching each of us out of OUR next "hole"!  I'm so sorry, though, that you are feeling such misery right now.  I'm asking the Lord to especially keep YOU in HIS watchcare tonight.  Remember- He's the Good Shepard and we are His sheep.  He is with you, Sunshine.

[steph4501]

Hi Karen~

I am pretty new here, but just wanted to say I so feel your pain!  I haven't had these but maybe 8 noticeable months, but they do wreak havoc on a person and make them think is ways they never thought they would.  

My last Holter a week ago showed 4,280 in ONE DAY!  That's a lot and it was very hard for me to handle.  I would cry my eyes out while my husband looked at me like I was nuts.  he tries to reassure me, but unless you actually feel them and go through these on a day to day basis, it's easy for someone else to say, "Just ignore them."  If it were that easy, I would and I am TRYING so HARD to do just that.

Today I started getting some bad ones about 1:00, after waking up with only a few.  I immediately thought, oh my goodness here they go again and panic rushed in.  Then I said, the heck with this ****!  I am not going to let these get me down for the rest of the day.  I know if I start panicking and crying (SO HARD NOT TO THOUGH) I will get even more and the cycle will continue for days and days as more adrenaline pumps through me.  Then it takes that much longer to settle them down again.

Just repeat to yourself over and over what the Dr's have told you, and others on this board.  

1. PVC's are scary but they are in no way dangerous!!!!
2. Everyone gets PVC's, but not everyone FEELS them, like we do.  Sucks I know!
3. You have been through these before and are still here and you will still be here for a VERY LONG TIME!!!
4. These feelings are no different than what I have had before, so I can get through them again!
5.  YOU WILL BE OKAY and one day these will again burn themselves out!  

I can tell you are having a rough evening and I am very sorry!   My husband is taking Thursday and Friday off (since my daughter is on Spring break from school, she is in 1st grade) and he was asking me what I wanted to do...  he mentioned going out of town.

My first reaction was that I was scared to leave home and be away from the hospital in case something happened and my heart really got outta whack.  but then I thought about it and told myself, I am not going to let these ruin my life and the FUN I could be having!

remember that most BAD things we have thought about, NEVER HAS HAPPENED!  

I have to go right now as I have to make dinner, but I wanted you to know you are so not alone and that I do, too care, even if I don't know you that well yet.

Hugs!!!  

Steph

[WvMomof3]

Hello my Dear Friend...

I am so feeling the same way u are....I feel like I will never be me again....I know that I am doing a lot of this to myself...but...how do I stop?  I am going to ask the Dr to change my depression/anxiety meds...see if that helps...I sure hope so...

I hope all goes well tomorrow for u Karen and me also...I do pray each night that both of us will receive peace...

May I ask why u had to have the first ablation...was it just for PVC's and why did u end up in ICU...If I am being too nosey...please tell me so...

I do think of u often my friend and u are in my prayers...God Bless...Love ya...*Huggs*

[Jerzeegal]

Hi Karen,

I to know what it's like to feel like you are at the end of your rope.  But trust me when I say there is light at the end of the tunnel. Do whatever you need to do to get through this, whether it's getting mad, praying or having a good cry from the sheer frustration of it all. Once you have done that... pick yourself up, put one foot in front of the other and keep going.  Do the tests she recommends you have done, you may not feel they are 100% accurate but they are a "marker" of what's going on and what can be done to fix it.

You can get thru this.

Jerz

[finetilthree]

Please do not do anything foolish.  Karen, think about it...you are afraid of death and at the same time considering it.  I know how you are feeling, believe me, I have been exactly where you are right now.  Sometimes I felt that if I would just die and get it over with, at least I would not be terrorized,  I know that is what you must be feeling.  Take the tests Karen.  Whatever they find they can treat.  It might mean another ablation, but you will be fine. The strangest thing is, I have had to just accept that I might drop over and die, then I had to try to get over the fear of actually dying.  I just tell myself the worst thing that can happen is if I drop over dead.  Then I had to find some faith and realize that if that happened, I would be safe in the hands of God.  I have a good email I'm gonna send to you.  Read it and I hope you feel more peaceful after reading it.  Hang in there.  Celeste is right. This too shall pass.