I feel like I am losing it!!!!

[Sunshine47]

Hey guys. I am sure this is not going to be an upbeat post. I  feel as though I am losing it, I mean truly. My faith, my strength, my power to overcome. I am so DEPRESSED I feel like all I can do is sleep. I want my heart to be normal but to us on here what is that? I get my monitor tomorrow. I am not thrilled about wearing it for a month and having to wait and be aggravated with this for a whole other month. I am worried that when I make a recording and call it in that they are going to send me packing to the ER and that would scare the **** right out of me. I wore one before but everything was okay. They never sent me. Now my heart is having more frequent ones than before the ablation but it is making me insane because I am worried it might be something that can't be fixed and I am going to be stuck feeling this way right on. If that was so I don't know how long I could put up with it,My compassion for life is great, but my inabilities to do anything but sit is really getting me down. I didn't take my meds last night I fell asleep and they couldn't get me awake long enough to shove it down me but when I woke up I felt good. No extra beats no skips. So I thought I won't take my morning dose either and just see if I can piece it together, That lasted until about 3 and they started, So I took 50 mgs instead of 100. ATENOLOL.That seemed to be okay but around 5 they were running wild. I started getting scared and started getting deeper and deeper breaths until I worked myself into one big mess. I am having them as I write but one about every 6 beat. I am wondering if my meds could be causing the severity of them. Does anyone know if the Beta Blocker could make them worse, I also take Xanax but if I didn't take it I would be crazy. I need some advice. I haven't researched my meds but there is a phamacist here that works with your meds and helps you see what works for you and against you. I know I am grabbing at straws. I want to call my doc and say I need help now, I can't wait another month. I guess she is doing all that I will allow her, I refused a stress test and an echo because of my experience before. I had both and was told my heart was A-OK and 2 weeks later landed in the ER 3 times in one day and ICU and then whisked off to the Cath lab for an ablation(Emergency). I think that they are basically unreliable. I want to keep the FAITH and be strong but my mind is not allowing me to do that right now. I want peace again. My family is planning a trip to the beach but if I feel like I do now I won't be going. I am to scared to go that far from home. Everyone please keep me in your prayers. I am scared of doing something foolish. I am a religious person but I am having bad thoughts. I know I need help.. It is the not knowing that is making me crazy, Any advice or thoughts on my prob will be appreciated.

Thanks guys for all your support,
Karen

[Celeste77]

Sorry to hear that your having such a bad day. I've been there and it's not easy.
I hate to say so, but most of the beta's I tried just about tripled my PVC's.
I believe I'm one of those people that get increased pvc's and nsvt with a lower HR. When my IST is acting up, my pvc's lower by about half. A good day for me would be around 10,000.
Have you tried Sectal yet? It's a beta blocker that has intrinsic sympathomimetic activity, which means it actually speeds your heart up a bit. It still blocks the adrenaline, lowers blood pressure and helps the heart beat more effectively, but it won't lower your hr too much. Sectral also has years of research behind it showing that it actually reduces pvcs, helps reduce multiform pvc's, as well as helping prevent nsvt in most patients.
Most doctors don't prescribe it because it's an older drug and newer drugs get all the kick-backs. If you haven't tried it, why not suggest it to your doc and give it a try?

Don't give up, this too shall come to pass (as they say). One thing that helps me is to get mad about it. I walk around saying things like, come on, show me what you've got, or rolling my eyes at the big runs and thinking, yeah, that's right, it's still beating isn't it?!
I know it sounds crazy, but really, taking the fear out of the nasty buggers really brings about alittle peace and helps reduce them in the long run.

Sending hugs your way! Were all here for you.