Girlfriend says she love me but needs space...

[july107]

So this is going to be a confusing one...  My girlfriend(ex) went to europe for a month and before she left our relationship was going really well.  I mean we had mini fights every once in awhile but nothing crazy.  When she left I felt the most comfortable I ever have with her and was 100% sure of her love for me and mine for her.  You see we've been together 4 years and we've had issues with trust at least on my end.  She has requested space on three occasions and every time I'm left felling like this could be the end but I support her.  The last time we were separated for 3 months and it was hard because she always told me she loved me and that we were meant to be together.  Finally one day she came around and I moved to the city where she lived as opposed to living 50 miles away.  We started our relationship again with talk of marriage etc. but wanting to take it slow because she still had some things to do like graduate college and go on these many trips with her friends culminating in the Europe trip.  She said after that she still might need time on her own...  So this was in January and reassured her that I would give her all the space that she needed and that things would be okay.  You see I know we both love each other very much and both know that we want a future together so I thought it would be okay.  So fast forward to June.  Things are going great.  She had been on many trips with her friends and graduated college and I never questioned her as far as me trusting her.  We were in love although my biggest problem is being affectionate because I guess I am unconsciously scared to fully open up because of all this "time" stuff we've been through.  I assure you its not that i don't want to be affectionate.  This was one thing she had troubles with.  So she leave to Europe and like I said I never felt more sure of us but slowly as the time past and our communication was very little because of the obvious I started to worry.  You see she planned on moving in with these 2 girls who are very single and still living up the party life.  I guess as the time went by I started to worry about her coming back wanting this time.  So I figured I would give her the space...  I still don't fully understand why but I thought that things were so good between us that we could survive a couple of months and it would bring us closer.  The two things left on her slate were finding a job and moving in with these friends so i figured if she could do those things without my constant attention that maybe she would feel confident and sure.  Then at the same time I could get rid of this "her needing time" fear as well.  So when she got back I knew I had to do it right away or I wouldn't follow through so I told her.  I know really bad timing!!  I will never forgive myself for that.  She reacted really badly and didn't want to talk to me.  I tried to tell her that I wasn't set on it but she withdrew and wouldn't change her mind.  My big insecurity in our relationship is that I always felt like I fought for her.  Everytime we took a break I never gave up and I always felt that if I didn't do that that things would just fade off...  So we had some heated emails where she said many mean things that she has since retracted but in the end she said she would contact me when she was in a good place.  2 weeks after she sent me a text wanting to meet up and talk and I sent a message a couple hours later because I was in a meeting accepting.  I then went out with a friend who was in town to see her with her friends but most notably with another guy.  This broke me.  A couple days later we talked and I was really angry.  She told me it wasn't anything but it was nice to be wanted...  She also revealed to me that when she came back from Europe that she was ready to take our relationship to the next level and that she was ready at the time.  All of this blind sided me because she never told me that at the time.  She again told me that she knew in her heart that we where meant to be together but that she wouldn't jump back into it.  Since then I have found out that she has slept at that guy's house a couple times supposedly never doing anything physical and she assured me that there was nothing there! She said they have nothing in common, that it was just nice to not have anything serious, that he was fun to hangout with and that he pursued her.  Everytime telling me I had nothing to worry about that she still loved me and that she still knew that we would be back together but for some reason she was unable to be with me now.  It has something to do with the hurt that I caused when she came back from Europe.  I am so confused and lost.  I never thought that this would turn out like this.  The last time we talked she said she just wanted to make her own decisions and needed time to do that... I told her that I supported that and would be here for her but I just can't get the fact out of my head that she is with this other person even though she assures me its nothing.  I am so lost! What do I do?

[megochick101]

Oh and just to add:

If she really did LOVE you, she would not need more space! She would want to be with you and to spend time with you and no amount of time with you would be enough for her! She would want to be with you as much as possible. You should look at yourself to know this is true. you love her so you are sacrificing your own happiness to try and make the relationship work, she is not doing the same with you. i do believe you truly love her because you would not have put up with all this otherwise, so i'm sorry to say but she does not feel the same about you. You need to find a woman who would do for you what you have been doing for this girl. If you truly love someone you do your best to make the other person happy, and she is not doing this. Wake up, she doesn't want the relationship, and she sounds immature to me.

[megochick101]

Ditto to Judy and Jo! This woman is stringing you along. Like jo said re read your own post and there are many red flags. I don't blame you at all for not trusting her. I would have been outta there a long time ago.

[jo929]

After reading your post, my soggestion would be get out of the situation, she still wants to play around, also this is my opinion, and i think she has been using you . try reading your post and try as a stranger if you can and you will see why that i say this   there are to many red flags    luck  jo

[Judy246]

Having read your post, I immediately caught all the red flags to this relationship, but when a woman tells you that she needs her space, that means she no longer wants to be with you at that point.

Here are a few of the red flags that I caught immediate:
* Trust issues (the foundation of a relationship is respect and trust, without trust, you
  really don't have a relationship it's in trouble)
* She requested for "space" 3 times (She really does not want to be with you, but
  doesn't know how to not hurt your feelings. She cares and loves you, but is no
  longer in love with you, especially if she is hanging out with a new guy) .
* Traveled with friends ( I was in Lourdes, France and that was a get away without
  having to ask him permission and proving her independence from you...in other words,
  I can come and go as I please with my friends and you really don't have a say).
* Talked marriage, but take it slow: Nice thought, but you both are not ready for
   this serious, lifetime commitment.
* You admit not being affectionate and have some fears: A woman must be hugs,
   kissed, hold her hand, tell her how important she is too you ..get it. This
   alone could destroy your relationship. if you are now showing her affections,
   she went elsewhere to find it!
* You always felt you had to fight for her: Love is easy and simple. If you find yourself
   always struggling to maintain your relationship, the relationship in reality is gone.
   If you stop fighting to keep this relationship, it would be over. She would go her way
   and you would be left with a broken heart.
* Saying mean things to each other: This is one of the most distructive actions in a  
  relationship, why? because when couples say things that are mean and hurtful, the
  words are like a video recorder that is remembered and played over and over.
* You saw her with another guy: Your relationship in reality is over. She has not
  been honest with you. Has met someone else and doesn't know how to tell you
  without hurting your feelings. She cares and loves you, but is no longer in love
  with you.
* She told you it's nice to be wanted: This lack of affection on your part has made her
  seek it elsewhere.
* She has slept at the guys house a couples of times, but nothing happened: She has
  been intimate and is possibly being intimate with this guy. Don't believe it for moment
  that nothing has happend. Once again...she' doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
  She liked the attention this guy is giving her and don't believe for a moment when
  she said, "we don't have anything in common", yet she slept in his apartment a few
  time. She is being unfaithful and I think deep down inside you know it. You have to  
  listen to that inner voice that tells you when something is wrong.

You seem like a great guy, who has his head on his shoulders. You are a good thinker with a good heart. This relationship is over. She is being unfaithful, but cares about you, loves you, but is no longer in love with you. You have choices. You can privately seek out the guy and have a talk with him and find out what is going on (like adults), but either way, dump her. She is breaking your heart and you deserve better. Never let any woman take advantage of your good nature. Hang in there....Judy