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Afraid of WD but want to stop pain killers
I have been taking Norco/OXY for about a year now consistently. I have come to the realization that if I don’t stop im never going to be happy and also may die. It started with major ankle surgery and believe me the pain was almost un bearable. But now, the pain is fine and almost non existent. I only take it because of the “high”. It puts me in the best moods. Like I’m superman and can tackle anything. When I’m off of them I am the worst person to be married to be around and the worst father to my children. I get extremely irritable, grumpy whatever, and at the end of the day I HATE myself. Can’t even get through this post without crying/being upset with how I let this get out of control. I have lied to my wife/best friend about it and am afraid to come clean yet again with her and lose all trust or worst yet, my marriage/kids. I am scared beyond all reason. I am at a loss. I never in my life thought I would get to this point. Worst yet is the fact that I went without for about 10 whole day…it sucked but I made it. But then I played a softball game and to be honest…I ached afterwards. So guess what first came to mind? Yes…Norco. And the fact that it is so easy to get doesn’t makes things better. So not only did I re-lapse but I am taking more now than I ever did…..I am up to 35/30 5mg oxy’s or 15-20 norcos per day. I know…it’s bad. But I have it in my head to quit once and for all and made my friends swear they wouldn’t give me any more. They are very helpful and the fact that I don’t pay for it makes me believe that they will truly stick by their word. I also told them that my Doctor thinks it’s eating a hole in my stomach. I told them this t scare them into not giving me anymore as well. It worked =)
So now I want to quit but am terrified. I could use some support. I understand I am a bad person and have made peace with the fact that I made mad decisions as well. I am ready to start over. Not just for my but for my 4 and 6 year olds as well. My wife deserves someone better for sure, but I am sure as hell going to try. Please don’t feel bad for me as I brought this on myself. I need only your support and suggestions please. With all my heart, please help. Thanks
So now I want to quit but am terrified. I could use some support. I understand I am a bad person and have made peace with the fact that I made mad decisions as well. I am ready to start over. Not just for my but for my 4 and 6 year olds as well. My wife deserves someone better for sure, but I am sure as hell going to try. Please don’t feel bad for me as I brought this on myself. I need only your support and suggestions please. With all my heart, please help. Thanks
Best Answer
You will feel such an amazing freedom in not counting/chasing after pills anymore. After the initial first few days or so, the time does start to speed up and then you don't find yourself thinking about them as much and the cravings minimize. Focus on each day is one day closer to being free. Each minute, hour, day you are clean is a celebration! One day at a time is our motto! (and it really does get better).
Hi & Welcome! I can hear your desperation ringing through. We have all been where you are at now, so no need to feel bad or continue beating yourself up. Those pills turn us into crazy people that make us say and do things we never imagined. You can get your life back and you made the first step by admitting you can't do this alone.
Look on the right or bottom of this page for the Thomas Recipe. The immodium will help with your tummy problems and the other items will help with the discomfort of withdraw.
You did the right thing by telling your sources not to give you anymore. As long as you have some or know you can get some, it's very tempting to take just one to ease wd. Know that if you do, your reset the whole process and I know that's not what you want. Stick with us, post often and read lots of posts for good advice and support. We are with you!!
Look on the right or bottom of this page for the Thomas Recipe. The immodium will help with your tummy problems and the other items will help with the discomfort of withdraw.
You did the right thing by telling your sources not to give you anymore. As long as you have some or know you can get some, it's very tempting to take just one to ease wd. Know that if you do, your reset the whole process and I know that's not what you want. Stick with us, post often and read lots of posts for good advice and support. We are with you!!
I have been sitting by the screen waiting for a reply. Thank you for the support! I Will check out the Thomas Recipe and yes my stomach already hurts. I already messed up and found some left over morphine pills from along time ago. I took those to ease the cold sweats from today. They are time release so they may be here throughout tomorrow. But now that I know I can't even do that without resetting everything, I will never take anything again. I know I can do this. I now have nothing left...not one single pill..it's weird...I usually have something left for emergencies (like the morphine tabs). I will stick with you guys if you stick with me. I will post daily. I will be faking the flu over the next few days so that my wife doesn’t find out. How long can I truly expect for the WD's to last? Especially since I have let my problem get so much worse. Oh and today it has only been the 90mg morphine...nothing else...it's been 12 hours since my last does of oxy. I know it sounds bad but I want to be honest throughout this process. Can't tell you enough how grateful I am for a response. Thanks =)
You definitely can do this... we have all been there in one shape or form. Pick a date, get the ingredients for the Thomas recipe and post away when the wd starts! You are not alone in this. Im at 107 days clean from oxy... and completely changed my life around! Sleep and sweats were the initial hard physical wd... then the mental battle! But I feel as good today as I felt high on oxycontin! Hang tough! Andy
Hi Wilson
The good news is that you were only on them for a year. Many of us get sucked into the crap for a lot longer than that before we realize that it's killing us physically and emotionally.
We have all been where you are so don't think that you are a bad person.
The pills are very addicting and you became addicted. Simple as that.
You have made it 10 days before so you know what to expect.
Make sure you get Imodium, drink lots of fluids, eat as much as you can, and take a good B complex vitamin. I drank gatorade, ensures and boosts.
Bananas and crackers were my meals for a couple of days.
Some people live in the bathtub as taking hot baths with epsom salts really helps with the withdrawals, aches and pains.
Keep postin for support. You can do this.
The good news is that you were only on them for a year. Many of us get sucked into the crap for a lot longer than that before we realize that it's killing us physically and emotionally.
We have all been where you are so don't think that you are a bad person.
The pills are very addicting and you became addicted. Simple as that.
You have made it 10 days before so you know what to expect.
Make sure you get Imodium, drink lots of fluids, eat as much as you can, and take a good B complex vitamin. I drank gatorade, ensures and boosts.
Bananas and crackers were my meals for a couple of days.
Some people live in the bathtub as taking hot baths with epsom salts really helps with the withdrawals, aches and pains.
Keep postin for support. You can do this.
WOW, your story is SO much like mine....I know just how you feel. Believe me! I could have written your post. I am only 23 days but I can tell you that my life is so much better. I can finally look in the mirror and am starting to feel like myself again. You are not a bad person....you got addicted and lost control. Now you need to get control back one day at a time. Really you cando it. I wasn't going to tell my husband (again) but I had to after a day and am glad I did. I needed to be accountable. I am so glad that I stuck it out....you will too. I promise! If I can help you, please let me know.
If it wasn't for the people here and there support, none of us would be here. You will find the most understanding people in the world are those of us who have been exactly where you are at. You are right, withdraw is like bad flu. It does get better. The first 2 to 3 days is usually the worst of it. Starts with the sweating, nausea, bathroom, hot/cold, restlessness, anxiety, etc. You should start feeling noticeably better withing 72 to 100 hours. Just be patient with your body...you didn't get here over night. I just kept reminding myself that I never wanted to go through this again and put faith in what everyone else says that I would feel better and start to feel like myself in time.
After the initial physical withdraw, as you experienced 10 days later, your mind starts to wander and you think you can control it. Mental and physical cravings happen. We are powerless over our addictions and we can never ever use again...unless prescribed by a Dr and someone else is helping us with the meds in case of a serious need. I am a chronic relapser and everytime you have to go through this, it just gets worse. Don't waste years of your life chasing after these evil pills. They take our lives away from us spiritually, emotionally and physically.
After the initial physical withdraw, as you experienced 10 days later, your mind starts to wander and you think you can control it. Mental and physical cravings happen. We are powerless over our addictions and we can never ever use again...unless prescribed by a Dr and someone else is helping us with the meds in case of a serious need. I am a chronic relapser and everytime you have to go through this, it just gets worse. Don't waste years of your life chasing after these evil pills. They take our lives away from us spiritually, emotionally and physically.
wow...I would have never guessed so many of you would respond. Tears...that’s all I can tell you what’s going on in front of my computer right now. I will do this...I can do this. Tomorrow starts day one...wish me luck and I will post everyday I can. Maybe a few days of nothing due to me having the "flu" but I will post asap. I finally stopped telling myself I had pain. I shattered my right ankle a year ago but honestly their is no pain that I can't handle. I just tell myself that its worse than it really is. Truth is i'm an addict...i like the high....well no more! I'm done living a fake life full of fake happiness. I'm ready for the real thing now.
Thank you all. You're all angels.
Thank you all. You're all angels.
Your a good person for doing this. Thank you. I will never forget your/everyones help. I will continue to post my progress and believe me I am not done needing your help..lol. Thanks and wish me luck...maybe a few hail mary's coulnt hurt. Thanks all!
Let's get you through the withdrawals... rest, drink lots of fluids, find some comedy, music, this site, anything you can to distract you from thinking about how you feel. In some ways withdraw is a good thing so we can remember how awful it is. Going through withdraw is sometimes the easy part...it's staying away from the stuff that is hard.
I've had my battle with this stuff off and on for over 5 years now. I have gotten clean I don't know how many times in the past 6 months, but my latest stint was right at 30 days and I thought I could handle 7 little pills. Boy was I wrong! Not only did they make me sick, but 7 led to an additional 60 plus over 2 weeks. Then I had to go through the wd's again 17 days ago. Let me tell you...nobody could make me feel worse than myself. I learned something valuable from it, and if I can keep anybody else from experiencing that, then my hail mary's count for something! :)
Sometimes it's slow here, but hang on...someone will come along and respond to your posts. Glad you are with us!
I've had my battle with this stuff off and on for over 5 years now. I have gotten clean I don't know how many times in the past 6 months, but my latest stint was right at 30 days and I thought I could handle 7 little pills. Boy was I wrong! Not only did they make me sick, but 7 led to an additional 60 plus over 2 weeks. Then I had to go through the wd's again 17 days ago. Let me tell you...nobody could make me feel worse than myself. I learned something valuable from it, and if I can keep anybody else from experiencing that, then my hail mary's count for something! :)
Sometimes it's slow here, but hang on...someone will come along and respond to your posts. Glad you are with us!
Hi an welcome Wilson!!! Its amazing how u realized u had a problem! IMO I think You should discuss this with you wife . If it weren't for my husband and this site I would have never made it to 4 months clean. Try and stay as active as u can through out WD bc it will Malibu feel sooo much better. When someone told me tht I said no way I don't even want to get off the couch but one day I was in WD really bad and I went for a walk well guess what I felt better than I did sitting on the couch!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! You are stronger than u think! Have u thought about so sort of after care? Name meetings or therapist can really help u. Anyone could get clean but it takes a lot to stay clean. ( I'm not trying to scare you) just what I was told. Good luck and stick with it and u will b surprised how much better the clean life is!!! Keep posting as well. Any questions or if u just want to get something off ur chest were here for u!!!! =]
Thank you. I looked up NA meetings around here. There is one about 20 miles up the road. I would feel comfortable going to that one in hopes of not being recognized....I know that sounds awful but it's the truth. I am ashamed as I know most of them are as well....but last thing I need is for this to get out and for my wife to find out that way.
I imagine that once I am clean and thinking clearly again I will talk to my wife about it. That will truly be my biggest hurdle. Plus I know if my wife hears the words "addicted" she will be inclined to help rather than distance her from me. It's just the fact that I have lied to her about it so many times and for long. I just don't want her to give up. And god forbid she does give up on me I want to be clean so I’m not so tempted to use again. But if i know her as well as I think I do, I know she will come around and be supportive. Atleast I hope. A friend of mine offered me ambian so the sleep part should be ok (in thery). Thanks again everyone. I can't tell you all enough the boost you have given me. To know that their are so many other people out there that got through it is a big help.
I imagine that once I am clean and thinking clearly again I will talk to my wife about it. That will truly be my biggest hurdle. Plus I know if my wife hears the words "addicted" she will be inclined to help rather than distance her from me. It's just the fact that I have lied to her about it so many times and for long. I just don't want her to give up. And god forbid she does give up on me I want to be clean so I’m not so tempted to use again. But if i know her as well as I think I do, I know she will come around and be supportive. Atleast I hope. A friend of mine offered me ambian so the sleep part should be ok (in thery). Thanks again everyone. I can't tell you all enough the boost you have given me. To know that their are so many other people out there that got through it is a big help.
I agree with Maria. I really thought there was no way I would be able to get off the couch. I did and it will make you better faster. You can do this!
Day 1
Haven’t felt too much of the WD's but again, I took the 90mg of time release morphine yesterday so it doesn’t surprise me. However, I am at work now and am starting to sweat even though its freezing. I get anxious for the symptoms to begin and scared at the same time. But I know I can do this. I finally have it in my head to quit. I have been waiting for this mindset for a long time now.
I have definitely noticed that my energy is quickly depleting. I have no drive and no patients. But I expected this. I will keep you guys posted on a daily basis. Tomorrow is my Birthday and my wife is having a few people over. I am worried because I know by tomorrow night the WD's will be at their worst. To be honest I thought about taking some pills just to get through Christmas and quitting on Jan 1st (a news years thing). But I decided against it and told myself that I am quitting this time no matter what. So with that being said, tomorrow should be interesting. If I get the WD's tonight I can possibly pull the "flu" excuse off and therefore cancel the party (best case scenario). But I wanted to wait until my "flu" like symptoms are at their worst because 4 days of the "flu" and my wife will no doubt make me go to the Doctor. So once the "flu" symptoms are at their worste I will come home from work sick. So we will just take it hour by hour. I havent been sick in over a year so I'm due for an illness of some sort ;)
This is the longest I have gone without taking a pill in approximately 6 months. It is hour 22 now and I am just now starting to sweat. I feel tummy issues beginning to happen (yuck) but took a lot of your guys' advice and got some amodium. So if it gets too bad I will pop some of those.
Feels good to say that I haven’t taken a pain pill in almost 24 hours...now let the WD's begin. I'll keep you guys posted as much as I possibly can. Thank you. You all will be in my prayers. God Bless
Haven’t felt too much of the WD's but again, I took the 90mg of time release morphine yesterday so it doesn’t surprise me. However, I am at work now and am starting to sweat even though its freezing. I get anxious for the symptoms to begin and scared at the same time. But I know I can do this. I finally have it in my head to quit. I have been waiting for this mindset for a long time now.
I have definitely noticed that my energy is quickly depleting. I have no drive and no patients. But I expected this. I will keep you guys posted on a daily basis. Tomorrow is my Birthday and my wife is having a few people over. I am worried because I know by tomorrow night the WD's will be at their worst. To be honest I thought about taking some pills just to get through Christmas and quitting on Jan 1st (a news years thing). But I decided against it and told myself that I am quitting this time no matter what. So with that being said, tomorrow should be interesting. If I get the WD's tonight I can possibly pull the "flu" excuse off and therefore cancel the party (best case scenario). But I wanted to wait until my "flu" like symptoms are at their worst because 4 days of the "flu" and my wife will no doubt make me go to the Doctor. So once the "flu" symptoms are at their worste I will come home from work sick. So we will just take it hour by hour. I havent been sick in over a year so I'm due for an illness of some sort ;)
This is the longest I have gone without taking a pill in approximately 6 months. It is hour 22 now and I am just now starting to sweat. I feel tummy issues beginning to happen (yuck) but took a lot of your guys' advice and got some amodium. So if it gets too bad I will pop some of those.
Feels good to say that I haven’t taken a pain pill in almost 24 hours...now let the WD's begin. I'll keep you guys posted as much as I possibly can. Thank you. You all will be in my prayers. God Bless
Awesome! Just a suggestion, but try taking the immodium now before it really hits. You will feel sweaty, then hot/cold for a couple days and very lethargic. It's all part of the process. You have the right mindset, so just embrace each symptom as it occurs as part of the process of freeing yourself from those demon pills. Then one by one, the symptoms start to ease up day to day. I went to work hrough my withdraws...it kept me from sitting around thinking about how I felt. Sometimes it felt like I was in a fog and had a hard time concentrating. Keep us posted and Happy Birthday!
Remember that this won't last forever. Drink lots of Gatorade to replace electrolytes due to sweating and take the suppliments and vitamins because it will make you feel a little better. Just take it little by little and if you have to cancel your plans it's okay! You dont want any extra pressure on yourself. Hang tight....you can do this.
Congrats on Day 1 and the decision to take your life back.
Keep posting for support.
We're here if you need us.
Keep posting for support.
We're here if you need us.
Hi Wilson,
Just want to throw you some support. I have been tapering from a high dose before jumping off CT, I admire your courage and we are all here to support you. You're doing the right thing. Keep moving forward. Don't give up. No one will blame you for "having the flu" so just go with it as if you DO have the flu. Let yourself be sick and lazy. All the best.
Just want to throw you some support. I have been tapering from a high dose before jumping off CT, I admire your courage and we are all here to support you. You're doing the right thing. Keep moving forward. Don't give up. No one will blame you for "having the flu" so just go with it as if you DO have the flu. Let yourself be sick and lazy. All the best.
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