Day 1

[ribs2k]

I haven't been looking forward to posting this. So many people believeing in me and supporting me, but I slipped up yesterday and I can't lie. I have seeked out more treatment and prayed alot, but all I can say is that I am starting over and I am going to do my best. Day 1
Randy

[ribs2k]

You are right, why am I ambivalent about my decision to quit. I say it and I want to believe it, but you are right, somewhere deep down I am thinking,"do I really want to quit", "what's on the other side that is so great", "was my life worth a crap before?". Those answers are what I am struggling over. I don't know how to come to the realization of how much better my life can be without these drugs. It makes me feel like I have not fully committed to many things in my life, but this is something I need to, but I am struggling FULLY convincing myself how important it is. What is my problem allready????!!!
I am searching... I am attending AA/NA I have a therapist. I enrolled in a 9 week course yesterday at a recovery place here in Springs. I pray, I don't know what is holding me back.
Randy

[carrierr4]

Looks like we both slipped at the same time. Day 1. Lets do it, we got this:)

[ribs2k]

Thanks Car- stay strong

[ImDONENoMore]

And that's where aftercare comes in - most of us need therapy because we need to understand.  We have to understand to move forward right?  Living in this confusion is so hard - believe me, I know.  Enrolling in this recovery course is a great idea - I'm not exactly sure what this course entails, but if it's someplace that allows you to begin to understand the reasons why you're abusing in the first place, it will make a huge difference later on and you can begin to deal with life, well, on life's terms.

Nothing is perfect - NO our lives don't magically change overnight into a state of bliss - life will never be perfect.  But how we react to our lives can make all the difference in the world.  Once you decide that you ARE worth it - eveything else will begin to make sense.

[Sonrissa]

Hi Randy, I'm so very sorry to hear this! It is my understanding that the detox process does get more difficult each time we go through it, and the older we get. So I am assuming that when you started again this time you still had access to your pills? You didn't set yourself up completely for success. As others have said you have not come to the place in yourself where you want to be clean more than anything. And as you said you must figure that part out! I do know that for me, flushing my remaining pills, and having no way to get anymore helped me to stay strong and focused! The good news is that you have support here no matter what! I pray that you find the self understanding and strength you need! I know that you will get there! I hope that you will get there soon! Take care Randy! Still supporting you!

[thewaz]

Randy, I will still hold you in my prayers and heart.  Do not feel a need to apologize to us.  Only you can decide and it sounds as if you're taking some very positive steps to figure all that out.  You know the obvious as my good buddy Sonrissa has pointed out. If they are there we will take them.  Because we are addicts.  If they are not there, we can't take them no matter how badly our brain is f'ing with us to do so.  I will not go away. I will continue to support you.  One day at a time.  But this is all about you buddy.  But you know that. If you stand back and beat yourself up, it's not going to get better. So put on your big boy pants and let's get to this!