Aa
Day 1
I haven't been looking forward to posting this. So many people believeing in me and supporting me, but I slipped up yesterday and I can't lie. I have seeked out more treatment and prayed alot, but all I can say is that I am starting over and I am going to do my best. Day 1
Randy
Randy
Ouch. That is honest but scares me. Maybe there isn't hope for me. Honesty *****.... I don't know what to do.
Randy, I agree with ImDONE in this case! I simply do not know how you will be able to go to work and face this guy every day and stay clean! Especially since now you say that you were the one to seek him out this time to get your pills. Do you see the confusing messages you are sending this dealer! First, you tell him not to give you pills when you are week, and in fact you tell him to lie to you! Then he refuses to do that, to lie to you! Then you move your desk to get away from him, and then while you are off work, to detox, you seek him out and get more pills! I simply don't know what advice I can give to help you! Prayers is all I have at this point! I hope someone else who is smarter than I will help out here!
As someone, who is well respected here has often said, death waits for us at the end of this terrible road! Death is patient, and always lurking for it's chance! Please don't die Randy! Time to find another job, perhaps?
As someone, who is well respected here has often said, death waits for us at the end of this terrible road! Death is patient, and always lurking for it's chance! Please don't die Randy! Time to find another job, perhaps?
no tomorrow is day 1
Is today still day 1? I don't understand.
What do you mean? You used again today?
Randy - what makes you think the situation is going to magically change when you return on Monday? I don't know what to say now... honestly, I'm not sure I understand anymore what's going on here. You say you want to quit and yet you maintain a relationship with this person at work. How the hell do you think you're going to avoid him with your in full-blown detox on Monday?
Help me understand, Randy. I'm at a loss.
Randy - what makes you think the situation is going to magically change when you return on Monday? I don't know what to say now... honestly, I'm not sure I understand anymore what's going on here. You say you want to quit and yet you maintain a relationship with this person at work. How the hell do you think you're going to avoid him with your in full-blown detox on Monday?
Help me understand, Randy. I'm at a loss.
Yes I got the pills from the work dealer again, I was driving to visit my dad and he is on the way,(totally my fault seeking him out).
Completely off subject :Funny story, I spilled my guts to my boss and told him I needed time off to detox off of pain pills that I have become addicted to,(earlier post). I also told him I was being supplied by someone at work, that is why I moved my desk. It has to be clear who it is as there is noone closer to me than "Cody". So boss decided to give me the 2 week "Hiatus" to recover. He actually is a reasonable guy and understands I just got through 6 months of Chemo treatment and struggling through putting my dad into assisted living and gave me the time to get my head straight, but also explained I will need to prove myself upon returning in order to keep my job. Well, a fellow engineer found a better job and decided to leave our company immediately. So... suddenly my value became better recognized and they want me back tomorrow,(Wednesday). This throws a wrench into my detox plan but makes me feel better that my job is secure. Apparently they seem to be not concerned about having a dealer working for them, so that is something I will have to work out on my own. By the time I get police involved I could be in just as much trouble as him. My point is, it is my responsibility to not approach him.
So I told my boss I can't come back until next week. This gives me 5 days to physically detox from the pills,(as I used again today). So... my hurdle as it stands, is to go back to work on Monday and not approach the dealer,(no matter how badly I feel on day 6 of withdrawal). So... as I see it, the ball is in my court. Suck it up the next 5 days mentally prepare and start the suffering tomorrow. I need the strength to stay away from Cody on Monday. 1 day at a time. So this is where I stand. Aftercare is a given. I have found a decent AA meeting I like. I also have you guys.
Thanks for sticking with me and being concerned. I see how much you empathize with my situation. I can't make any promises but I truly want to get clean 1 day at a time, and this is where I stand. Thank you for the prayers! I need them...
Randy
Completely off subject :Funny story, I spilled my guts to my boss and told him I needed time off to detox off of pain pills that I have become addicted to,(earlier post). I also told him I was being supplied by someone at work, that is why I moved my desk. It has to be clear who it is as there is noone closer to me than "Cody". So boss decided to give me the 2 week "Hiatus" to recover. He actually is a reasonable guy and understands I just got through 6 months of Chemo treatment and struggling through putting my dad into assisted living and gave me the time to get my head straight, but also explained I will need to prove myself upon returning in order to keep my job. Well, a fellow engineer found a better job and decided to leave our company immediately. So... suddenly my value became better recognized and they want me back tomorrow,(Wednesday). This throws a wrench into my detox plan but makes me feel better that my job is secure. Apparently they seem to be not concerned about having a dealer working for them, so that is something I will have to work out on my own. By the time I get police involved I could be in just as much trouble as him. My point is, it is my responsibility to not approach him.
So I told my boss I can't come back until next week. This gives me 5 days to physically detox from the pills,(as I used again today). So... my hurdle as it stands, is to go back to work on Monday and not approach the dealer,(no matter how badly I feel on day 6 of withdrawal). So... as I see it, the ball is in my court. Suck it up the next 5 days mentally prepare and start the suffering tomorrow. I need the strength to stay away from Cody on Monday. 1 day at a time. So this is where I stand. Aftercare is a given. I have found a decent AA meeting I like. I also have you guys.
Thanks for sticking with me and being concerned. I see how much you empathize with my situation. I can't make any promises but I truly want to get clean 1 day at a time, and this is where I stand. Thank you for the prayers! I need them...
Randy
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