Day 1

[ribs2k]

I haven't been looking forward to posting this. So many people believeing in me and supporting me, but I slipped up yesterday and I can't lie. I have seeked out more treatment and prayed alot, but all I can say is that I am starting over and I am going to do my best. Day 1
Randy

[Sonrissa]

This is my opinion and the others may not agree, and that's ok cause I still have a ton of respect for all of them! If you truly want this and you are really ready!  First of all, you are now off work for 2 weeks right? So you have no access to this dealer guy now, right? You will not see him for approximately 2 weeks, right? You do not have his phone number to call him, right? OK, then use this time to physically detox from the pills! Get through it! Then, when you return to work you tell this dealer guy, that you have quit! Over, done, amen! You tell him that if he approaches you about pills, you will to to your boss and turn him in! If your boss doesn't do anything about it, then you go higher until something is done! If, after all that and he still approaches you, then I would call the cops! The thing is you must also stop approaching him when you feel week! This is an extremely difficult thing to do, which is why you must want to be clean above all else in life! You must be truly committed and truly ready! You will need to look inside yourself and be completely honest! If you are not completely committed and not ready, then you are not going to follow through and you will continue to put yourself through this over and over again! I know that this is the most difficult thing! I completely understand how hard it is! The hardest thing I ever did was flush my pills, but it was also liberating! I can't tell you how many times I've thought, crap! I wish I never would have flushed! I don't know what else to say except I pray for you every day! I will be here to support you no matter what! I can't stand to see you struggling so hard! I wish you the very best!  By the way, was the dealer the one who gave you the pills this time? I may have missed something.

Again, this is what I personally, would do and not everyone will agree! Others may have better suggestions that will work!

[ribs2k]

Man I don't know that I deserve all of the support and love but I appreciate it. I have definately burned the pharmacy and Family dr routes of getting pills, but this guy I work with continues to be a persistant "easy access" dealer for me. I asked him to tell me he is out if I ask for any and he said, " I won't lie to you, you know I always have plenty". He even told me he was worried about how many I was taking while he was taking my money and giving me pills. This is my fault and I am not making excuses, but I don't know how to burn this bridge... We sat very close to each other at work and I finally was able to move my desk. I even told my boss at work I had a substance abuse problem and I need some time off of work to take care of it, and I am supplied by someone from work, that is why I moved my desk,(without giving him his name I made it obvious who I got the pills from). I can't rely on this source going away so I have to figure out how to have the strength not to seek out the pills. I guess easy access will not be my excuse.
Randy

[thewaz]

"I get by with a little help from my friends"  Beatles.  Crank it.

[Fireby29]

Randy, look man, we have your back know that.  I relapsed four times also since January.  All I can do is point to my own experiences, and I am on day 47 for only one reason.  It is not aftercare, prayer, worry about my health, reaching a "decision" to quit, or suddenly disliking opium.  (I only reached day 15 or so previously).

While all of that has stuff has real value, some of it more to some then others, I am clean for 6 weeks because early on I made is hard as hell to get pills.  So now, when I get weak, when I would get to that point that caused a relapse, I can't get any and I get through it.  I am finding my desire to protect that clean time with each day is also growing.  Sure, I was also sick of the appointments, counting pills, and these things controlling my life.  But I felt that way in January too.  So again, what is the difference?  I'm now labeled an addict, and I cannot get pills.  I never did the dealer thing, but telling your pharmacy is just as hard, or at lest I think so.  If someone called me now with pills, I like to think I would tell them to go jump off a bridge.  Now if someone put some in my hand?  No, I'm not there yet, but I'm gonna get there, you WILL too.  

Bryan

[samari]

Although u slipped up, u made great effort b4 that  so u already have accomplishment under your belt, so just as the others have said,  keep pushing u got this! :D

[jc1002]

Randy, You slipped up.  You were on the right track and fell off the horse.  The important thing is that you jump right back the horse and ride her again.  We are all imperfect, incapable of doing everything right all the time.  Take this as a lesson and use it to your advantage.  This slip up in some way can make you stronger, just focus and use it that way. Its awesome that you came here and fessed up.  Shows something about you!  You are a good, strong willed person.  You can do this.  Dont let this little tiny slip up ruin your progress.  Lets do this!!!  I know you got it!

jc