Aa
Help me please. I think my boyfriend is doing drugs.
I know this is very long but please read this I need help!
I am having a lot of trouble here and need an outsider's opinion on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now but have known him much longer. He was always very carefree, lived day by day, never seemed to care about himself or anyone else. He was almost reckless. He went thru a phase where he drank heavily everyday with his best friend. He would drink to the point where he would black out, drive home, wake up, go to school, and do it all over again. He continued this pattern for over a month. He also went thru a brief period of cocaine use. I think he only used cocaine a handful of times but it is still a huge deal to me. He then got into doing pills (crushing and snorting them) which became a problem for him. This took place around the beginning of our relationship. He recently finished a methadone program and to my knowledge has been clean. He was also selling drugs (I don't know what) around 2 months ago but stopped because I threatened to leave him if he didn't.
I am now highly suspicious that he is using heroin. This is killing me. I am losing sleep and have no motivation at all to do everyday things, which is so opposite of how I normally am. I am so unlike my boyfriend. I am anti-drugs. I occasionally will drink at a party. I've smoked pot but hate the stuff, it makes me bug out. Drugs scare the **** out of me and I hate everything that has to do with them. This is making me so worried and I'm really terrified about what could happen if this is true.
I truly believe that he has been injecting himself with heroin. I've felt this way for about a week now. It's not just one thing, it's several factors that just add up in my mind. For one, his friends are all scum bags. I hate them. They are grimy. There have been rumors in my circle of friends that the guys he hangs out with have been doing heroin. I have heard this several times from my closest friends.
I became suspicious one night at his house when he spent a long time in the bathroom. He told me he was taking a **** and I was standing outside the door because he asked me to come talk to him. When I was talking to him I felt like something wasn't right, I just had a gut feeling. I remember him telling me that when he would do pills he'd go into the bathroom and I wouldn't know. While I was taking to him he asked me to go get him a q-tip because "he had something in his ear." When I brought it to the door he opened it and was completely dressed. Then after a little while longer he told me I could go away because he was going to start making noises. I just felt like this was very odd because in the past he would just go to the bathroom with the door open and not even care. When he came out he seemed to be acting very weird. I heard him rummaging in his room in a plastic bag and when I came in he asked me to get out and yelled when I wouldn't. He said it was because he didn't want me to know where his money was but he NEVER had a problem with that before because I am completely trustworthy and he knows that. He appeared to be acting very odd and seemed high but I never like to jump to conclusions. He had difficulty counting his money and remembering numbers which is never a problem for him. The next morning before he left for work I heard him rummage in another plastic bag before going to the bathroom and spending a lot of time in the bathroom again.
That night I went thru the same sort of thing except I was outside with some of his sister's friends so I am not sure how long he was in the bathroom for. He told me he'd be out in a little while and when he came outside he seemed high again. He also took a hit off a blunt which is a red flag to me because I know he ONLY smokes weed when he is ****** up because he hates it and bugs out. He appeared sweaty, very tired, and I noticed he had trouble urinating. The next morning I heard him rummaging in that bag and clanking around in the bathroom. He thought I was half asleep and wouldn't notice. After he left for work I did some snooping and found syringes in that bag. One or two were used and there was also a q-tip. In the bathroom I found a folded up picture (which I took) with white powder on the back next to a cup. I also found a belt on the floor which was all wound up tight.
When I confronted him about the needles he told me they were his friends. He told me a few days before that he was holding needles and steroids for his friend and even showed them to me. The ones I found were in a different spot and he told me he didn't want to hide them all together. This honestly did not convince me.
Over the past week I noticed him seem high once and I also noticed a couple times that he had vaseline on the crooks of his arms. He is tired all the time, which isn't unusual because he works very early in the morning everyday, but it does seem that he is sleeping more than normal. He also refuses to cut his hair. This could be nothing but of course with everything else it worries me. As far as our relationship goes he is completely normal, treats me well, and nothing has changed.
Today I got around to testing the substance I found in his bathroom. I used an at home test I bought at a drug store. According to the test it is heroin that I found. For me this was like total confirmation that all my suspicions were true. I tried to talk to him but I am getting nothing out of him. I told him I am not trying to argue, I am not mad, I am just trying to talk. I told him I know the truth, it's right in front of my face, that I found heroin in his bathroom. I even showed him the test but he just denies, denies, denies. He claims the heroin must belong to one of his sisters friends who were at the house that night. He even showed me a mark on his arm and told me he scraped himself with something at work. I don't know what a needle mark looks like really so I couldn't argue that. I told him over and over that I know the truth and I don't believe him and I wish he would stop lying but he tells me he's not doing anything, and "thank you for caring so much but nothing is wrong and the conversation is over."
I just don't know what to do. Even thought I am so sure in my mind that he is using heroin there is still the tiniest part that believes him. After writing this whole thing out I feel that I am stupid to believe what he tells me. How do I get him to confess? I don't want to break up with him. I just want to know what's going on and I deserve to know the truth. I need him to admit this to me so I can know that I am not crazy and so that I can help him. I am so scared because I know the risks that come with using heroin. Do you agree that I am not a psycho, I am not making this up in my mind, that this is for real? How can I get him to admit this to me? He has had a hard time talking to me about drugs because I just don't understand because I have never been there. Should I try being more compassionate and understanding? Or should I be more assertive and tell him not to talk to me unless he plans on telling me the truth because I just can't take this anymore? Any type of advice would help here really. Thank you so much if you read all of this.
I am having a lot of trouble here and need an outsider's opinion on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now but have known him much longer. He was always very carefree, lived day by day, never seemed to care about himself or anyone else. He was almost reckless. He went thru a phase where he drank heavily everyday with his best friend. He would drink to the point where he would black out, drive home, wake up, go to school, and do it all over again. He continued this pattern for over a month. He also went thru a brief period of cocaine use. I think he only used cocaine a handful of times but it is still a huge deal to me. He then got into doing pills (crushing and snorting them) which became a problem for him. This took place around the beginning of our relationship. He recently finished a methadone program and to my knowledge has been clean. He was also selling drugs (I don't know what) around 2 months ago but stopped because I threatened to leave him if he didn't.
I am now highly suspicious that he is using heroin. This is killing me. I am losing sleep and have no motivation at all to do everyday things, which is so opposite of how I normally am. I am so unlike my boyfriend. I am anti-drugs. I occasionally will drink at a party. I've smoked pot but hate the stuff, it makes me bug out. Drugs scare the **** out of me and I hate everything that has to do with them. This is making me so worried and I'm really terrified about what could happen if this is true.
I truly believe that he has been injecting himself with heroin. I've felt this way for about a week now. It's not just one thing, it's several factors that just add up in my mind. For one, his friends are all scum bags. I hate them. They are grimy. There have been rumors in my circle of friends that the guys he hangs out with have been doing heroin. I have heard this several times from my closest friends.
I became suspicious one night at his house when he spent a long time in the bathroom. He told me he was taking a **** and I was standing outside the door because he asked me to come talk to him. When I was talking to him I felt like something wasn't right, I just had a gut feeling. I remember him telling me that when he would do pills he'd go into the bathroom and I wouldn't know. While I was taking to him he asked me to go get him a q-tip because "he had something in his ear." When I brought it to the door he opened it and was completely dressed. Then after a little while longer he told me I could go away because he was going to start making noises. I just felt like this was very odd because in the past he would just go to the bathroom with the door open and not even care. When he came out he seemed to be acting very weird. I heard him rummaging in his room in a plastic bag and when I came in he asked me to get out and yelled when I wouldn't. He said it was because he didn't want me to know where his money was but he NEVER had a problem with that before because I am completely trustworthy and he knows that. He appeared to be acting very odd and seemed high but I never like to jump to conclusions. He had difficulty counting his money and remembering numbers which is never a problem for him. The next morning before he left for work I heard him rummage in another plastic bag before going to the bathroom and spending a lot of time in the bathroom again.
That night I went thru the same sort of thing except I was outside with some of his sister's friends so I am not sure how long he was in the bathroom for. He told me he'd be out in a little while and when he came outside he seemed high again. He also took a hit off a blunt which is a red flag to me because I know he ONLY smokes weed when he is ****** up because he hates it and bugs out. He appeared sweaty, very tired, and I noticed he had trouble urinating. The next morning I heard him rummaging in that bag and clanking around in the bathroom. He thought I was half asleep and wouldn't notice. After he left for work I did some snooping and found syringes in that bag. One or two were used and there was also a q-tip. In the bathroom I found a folded up picture (which I took) with white powder on the back next to a cup. I also found a belt on the floor which was all wound up tight.
When I confronted him about the needles he told me they were his friends. He told me a few days before that he was holding needles and steroids for his friend and even showed them to me. The ones I found were in a different spot and he told me he didn't want to hide them all together. This honestly did not convince me.
Over the past week I noticed him seem high once and I also noticed a couple times that he had vaseline on the crooks of his arms. He is tired all the time, which isn't unusual because he works very early in the morning everyday, but it does seem that he is sleeping more than normal. He also refuses to cut his hair. This could be nothing but of course with everything else it worries me. As far as our relationship goes he is completely normal, treats me well, and nothing has changed.
Today I got around to testing the substance I found in his bathroom. I used an at home test I bought at a drug store. According to the test it is heroin that I found. For me this was like total confirmation that all my suspicions were true. I tried to talk to him but I am getting nothing out of him. I told him I am not trying to argue, I am not mad, I am just trying to talk. I told him I know the truth, it's right in front of my face, that I found heroin in his bathroom. I even showed him the test but he just denies, denies, denies. He claims the heroin must belong to one of his sisters friends who were at the house that night. He even showed me a mark on his arm and told me he scraped himself with something at work. I don't know what a needle mark looks like really so I couldn't argue that. I told him over and over that I know the truth and I don't believe him and I wish he would stop lying but he tells me he's not doing anything, and "thank you for caring so much but nothing is wrong and the conversation is over."
I just don't know what to do. Even thought I am so sure in my mind that he is using heroin there is still the tiniest part that believes him. After writing this whole thing out I feel that I am stupid to believe what he tells me. How do I get him to confess? I don't want to break up with him. I just want to know what's going on and I deserve to know the truth. I need him to admit this to me so I can know that I am not crazy and so that I can help him. I am so scared because I know the risks that come with using heroin. Do you agree that I am not a psycho, I am not making this up in my mind, that this is for real? How can I get him to admit this to me? He has had a hard time talking to me about drugs because I just don't understand because I have never been there. Should I try being more compassionate and understanding? Or should I be more assertive and tell him not to talk to me unless he plans on telling me the truth because I just can't take this anymore? Any type of advice would help here really. Thank you so much if you read all of this.
Hey Jenny, Yes someone can be addicted to heroin after a month easy, people can become addicted in less than a week, even a few days. It doesn't take much and by the time you can admit to yourself you have a problem it is usually too late to stop easy. I am currently in the process of getting off oxycontin which I have now been addicted to for almost a year. Oxy and heroin are very similar (funny what the pharmaceutical companies give us) and they can and WILL completely control your life if you let them.
Unfortunately as an addict myself I know better than anyone that your boyfriend will not even attempt to get off until the bad of the addiction far outweighs the good. Its just the way it is. Its so much easier to just get high and forget about your problems and addiction, to just put it off and relax your mind. And as long as he still enjoys the way heroin makes him feel he wont want to listen to you, or anyone. The point when every addict realizes they have to quit and get help is when everything about the drugs they use to love depresses them. If i even look at an oxycontin now I feel an incredible sickness and disgust with who I became as well as guilt for my girlfriend's sake(if solely for her), and I'm only in my first week.
Personally, up untill a few weeks ago I didn't even want to quit. It made me feel so alive and positive all the time, like a better person. (do you notice your boyfriend is strangely happy or tired at times? and other times very grouchy and angry?) I became broke, no job, no money, lost nearly all of my old friends, and had to sell drugs to buy the ones I needed in order to live and operate like a normal human being. The only thing I had left was my girlfriend and she was the single most important thing that helped me(I'll get into how incredibly important having her is later). My life became a constant game of cat and mouse, finding things to sell, or people to buy drugs from me just so I could get even just one pill. This ended up being how I spent my time all day every day. I didn't see any of my friends, didn't participate in activities I use to thrive for, I did anything I needed to in order to get my drugs and get by. It basically becomes survival of the fittest, how far your willing to go and how bad your willing to become just to live...and it differs in every addict. I just couldn't take it anymore, constantly chasing that high just to be able to live...it lost ALL it's fun. It wasn't even about "getting high" anymore, it was about being able to function and live.
Once I started selling some of my most prized possessions I own to get money for the drugs(because I was broke with no job), I realized just how much it controls ever aspect of my life.
Unfortunately 99% of the time, an addict wont even want to think about quitting until they hit rock bottom. I heard it from friends who had beat addictions, people online, TV shows, anywhere... Of course I didn't believe it, thought I could quit when I wanted but that was the farthest thing from the truth. I had tried quitting atleast 3 times seriously in the past, every time failing because it was too hard and I'd rather just find a way to get high and relax. I couldn't quit then because I just didn't want too. It was still so fun to me and at that point wasn't as hard to access.
Anyways, eventually the only thing I had in my life that made me naturally happy without the help of drugs was my girlfriend. Nothing else but her and Oxy. That really started to scare me, realizing my whole life was based around taking this drug, and it was the only way i knew how to have fun. I had betrayed friends I had since i was a very young boy because of my problem and had no one but her(i never betrayed her, i even always paid her back when she lent me money, hopefully your bf is the same!).
Of course she has always wanted me to get off but never really stressed it as hard until the last few months where I've been extremely broke. She told me that she loved me and would do anything in her power to help me out of this illness, but if i didn't promise to atleast try and get help she would have to eventually leave me. That scared the **** out of me. I knew if I lost her I would spiral down into a horrible depression and my addiction would get 10x worse with such little hope for getting clean. This is why I have to recommend that you DO NOT break up with him! That would be the worst thing for his problem, only making it much worse. But at the same time you can't let him stay like this. Basically you should tell him that you know he has a problem and that he can't convince you otherwise, and that your willing to do everything in your power to help him off, but that you wont be sticking around unless he tries to help himself. Unfortunately as i said for most addicts the point in which they finally want to quit is once they've hit rock bottom. For me it was once i became broke and spent every day constantly trying to get money and drugs and never stopping the chase. It became so bad that I realized waking up in the morning and being free of my addiction would be better than ANY high it could ever give me anymore. The stress i experienced every day was so severely crippling that to be free of it would be the best high ever. To me that was rock bottom. I had lost everything and was about to lose the person i love most in this world. I couldn't take that. To know that my addiction lost me my girlfriend and my only form of natural happiness, probably would have brought me to suicide in a month or two.
What i suggest to you is basically the same thing my girlfriend did for me. Just let him know you'll do everything you can to help him but you wont sit around watching him self destruct.
Unfortunately as I said for 99% of long term addicts the only way they will quit is when they want to. And sadly if your boyfriend always has lots of money and un-cashed cheques, getting high is probably still too fun for him. Your boyfriend needs to hate heroin, he has to feel guilty and ashamed every time he sticks the needle in his arm. If not for himself but for the fact that he's letting you down. That's what it all came down to for me, I hated myself and didn't care about what i did, but i cared very much about my girlfriend and losing her. If your boyfriend is a good guy and really loves you he will force himself to quit because he knows you are natural happiness and drugs are not, they're all fake and you are very much real. I suggest you tell him something along the lines of "do it for me, etc.." let him know you wont be along for much longer till he gets help. your gonna have to threaten him with something very important to him (hopefully yourself), because if he constantly has money and a steady job like you say, he will only keep putting it off and getting high. He needs to realize that its no longer all fun and games and that there are serious consequences not just to his health but his social life aswell.
i wrote out lots more but this is already a novel-like response, i'm sort of just venting myself. Anyways, just to let you know jenny, i myself am 19, and so is my girlfriend, so i very much understand what your going through and am willing to offer any support i can.
Unfortunately as an addict myself I know better than anyone that your boyfriend will not even attempt to get off until the bad of the addiction far outweighs the good. Its just the way it is. Its so much easier to just get high and forget about your problems and addiction, to just put it off and relax your mind. And as long as he still enjoys the way heroin makes him feel he wont want to listen to you, or anyone. The point when every addict realizes they have to quit and get help is when everything about the drugs they use to love depresses them. If i even look at an oxycontin now I feel an incredible sickness and disgust with who I became as well as guilt for my girlfriend's sake(if solely for her), and I'm only in my first week.
Personally, up untill a few weeks ago I didn't even want to quit. It made me feel so alive and positive all the time, like a better person. (do you notice your boyfriend is strangely happy or tired at times? and other times very grouchy and angry?) I became broke, no job, no money, lost nearly all of my old friends, and had to sell drugs to buy the ones I needed in order to live and operate like a normal human being. The only thing I had left was my girlfriend and she was the single most important thing that helped me(I'll get into how incredibly important having her is later). My life became a constant game of cat and mouse, finding things to sell, or people to buy drugs from me just so I could get even just one pill. This ended up being how I spent my time all day every day. I didn't see any of my friends, didn't participate in activities I use to thrive for, I did anything I needed to in order to get my drugs and get by. It basically becomes survival of the fittest, how far your willing to go and how bad your willing to become just to live...and it differs in every addict. I just couldn't take it anymore, constantly chasing that high just to be able to live...it lost ALL it's fun. It wasn't even about "getting high" anymore, it was about being able to function and live.
Once I started selling some of my most prized possessions I own to get money for the drugs(because I was broke with no job), I realized just how much it controls ever aspect of my life.
Unfortunately 99% of the time, an addict wont even want to think about quitting until they hit rock bottom. I heard it from friends who had beat addictions, people online, TV shows, anywhere... Of course I didn't believe it, thought I could quit when I wanted but that was the farthest thing from the truth. I had tried quitting atleast 3 times seriously in the past, every time failing because it was too hard and I'd rather just find a way to get high and relax. I couldn't quit then because I just didn't want too. It was still so fun to me and at that point wasn't as hard to access.
Anyways, eventually the only thing I had in my life that made me naturally happy without the help of drugs was my girlfriend. Nothing else but her and Oxy. That really started to scare me, realizing my whole life was based around taking this drug, and it was the only way i knew how to have fun. I had betrayed friends I had since i was a very young boy because of my problem and had no one but her(i never betrayed her, i even always paid her back when she lent me money, hopefully your bf is the same!).
Of course she has always wanted me to get off but never really stressed it as hard until the last few months where I've been extremely broke. She told me that she loved me and would do anything in her power to help me out of this illness, but if i didn't promise to atleast try and get help she would have to eventually leave me. That scared the **** out of me. I knew if I lost her I would spiral down into a horrible depression and my addiction would get 10x worse with such little hope for getting clean. This is why I have to recommend that you DO NOT break up with him! That would be the worst thing for his problem, only making it much worse. But at the same time you can't let him stay like this. Basically you should tell him that you know he has a problem and that he can't convince you otherwise, and that your willing to do everything in your power to help him off, but that you wont be sticking around unless he tries to help himself. Unfortunately as i said for most addicts the point in which they finally want to quit is once they've hit rock bottom. For me it was once i became broke and spent every day constantly trying to get money and drugs and never stopping the chase. It became so bad that I realized waking up in the morning and being free of my addiction would be better than ANY high it could ever give me anymore. The stress i experienced every day was so severely crippling that to be free of it would be the best high ever. To me that was rock bottom. I had lost everything and was about to lose the person i love most in this world. I couldn't take that. To know that my addiction lost me my girlfriend and my only form of natural happiness, probably would have brought me to suicide in a month or two.
What i suggest to you is basically the same thing my girlfriend did for me. Just let him know you'll do everything you can to help him but you wont sit around watching him self destruct.
Unfortunately as I said for 99% of long term addicts the only way they will quit is when they want to. And sadly if your boyfriend always has lots of money and un-cashed cheques, getting high is probably still too fun for him. Your boyfriend needs to hate heroin, he has to feel guilty and ashamed every time he sticks the needle in his arm. If not for himself but for the fact that he's letting you down. That's what it all came down to for me, I hated myself and didn't care about what i did, but i cared very much about my girlfriend and losing her. If your boyfriend is a good guy and really loves you he will force himself to quit because he knows you are natural happiness and drugs are not, they're all fake and you are very much real. I suggest you tell him something along the lines of "do it for me, etc.." let him know you wont be along for much longer till he gets help. your gonna have to threaten him with something very important to him (hopefully yourself), because if he constantly has money and a steady job like you say, he will only keep putting it off and getting high. He needs to realize that its no longer all fun and games and that there are serious consequences not just to his health but his social life aswell.
i wrote out lots more but this is already a novel-like response, i'm sort of just venting myself. Anyways, just to let you know jenny, i myself am 19, and so is my girlfriend, so i very much understand what your going through and am willing to offer any support i can.
something that stuck out that you wrote..you said-
"""I don't really care about my issues right now. When you're in a relationship it isn't all about you.""""
Im trying to think of a way of putting this so you dont take offense....right now...you basically are in a relationship ALONE right now because on the other end....the line is dead... right now he is consumed by addiction. His whole life right now is getting high and when/how to get his next fix and trying to sloppily cover his tracks (and i mean that both figuratively and literally)..
I definitely think talking to his mom is the best option you have at this point...and btw how is it she came to be a drug counsellor? Im wondering if maybe she used to be an addict herself? Many times that is the case. Im not sure what the actual percentage is but I know a great number of drug counsellors are former drug users and once they get clean they are driven to help others do the same... so she may have greater insight than you even think on this matter, also there may be some hereditary issues going on with the addiction gene if you are still looking for that silver bullet to explain why he is an addict when he seemingly shouldnt be..
good luck to you and please keep us posted
"""I don't really care about my issues right now. When you're in a relationship it isn't all about you.""""
Im trying to think of a way of putting this so you dont take offense....right now...you basically are in a relationship ALONE right now because on the other end....the line is dead... right now he is consumed by addiction. His whole life right now is getting high and when/how to get his next fix and trying to sloppily cover his tracks (and i mean that both figuratively and literally)..
I definitely think talking to his mom is the best option you have at this point...and btw how is it she came to be a drug counsellor? Im wondering if maybe she used to be an addict herself? Many times that is the case. Im not sure what the actual percentage is but I know a great number of drug counsellors are former drug users and once they get clean they are driven to help others do the same... so she may have greater insight than you even think on this matter, also there may be some hereditary issues going on with the addiction gene if you are still looking for that silver bullet to explain why he is an addict when he seemingly shouldnt be..
good luck to you and please keep us posted
Hi Jenny! i just read your post this a.m I woke up thinking or your sit. and wondering if you had the chance to talk to him and I see you haven't,which gives you more time to come up with your plan..I totally think a letter (which sm 1 sugg) is a great way to get through to him. that way you can get out EXACTLY what you want him to hear and your not fumbling and rambling for the write words, and he has no choice but to hear your side w/o interuppting or exploding on you! Think about it the curiosity of what is in that letter will most likely get the better of him and I'm sure he'll read it!! It does sound your boyfriend cares for you and I'm sure respects what you have to say or are feeling, Just because he 's using doesn't make him a completely insensitive monster that you don't know anymore (although in time it COULD come to that) Best of luck and stay strong!P.S I thought alot about ppl posting RUN RUN and GIVE UP well if my non-using ppl in my life gave up on me and turned my back I truly don't no where I would be today,and would have just validated my low self-esteem at the time when I thought I was hopeless and a loser I thank them ALL the time for believing in me long enough until i could start believing in myself again!!!
Good morning, hope you got at least a little sleep. The ultimatum route is only effective if you are willing and able to follow through. Otherwise it's an idle threat. I commend you for wanting to stick it out but I still question the reasoning. If you started dating when he was using it seems like you liked something you saw when he was using. The question is what's left when or if he makes the changes you want?
Obviously my thoughts are biased by my experiences so I'll explain as best I can. After a slew of failed relationships and attempts to find stability in my life I finally figured out a pattern. When I would become more responsible the relationship would start having problems. Looking back I can see that I brought a certain excitment into things and when that was gone I lost my appeal, relationships ended, responsability fell off and abra kadabra I'm marketable again.
I still think Al-Anon is the way to go. Get yourself healthy and find people who are also dealing with loved one's addictions. It'll help weather you stay in this relationship or not.
As far as if he's an "addict" or not. Addict is a non-diagnosible term, he seems to meet my definition but possibly not his own. Addiction is about continuing use despite life problems caused by use. When the consequences out weight the reward it's addiction. Only the person themself gets to decide if they're an addict or not. This applies to relationships also. Only you get to decide when the consequences outweigh the rewards. If they do and you still stay well...
Obviously my thoughts are biased by my experiences so I'll explain as best I can. After a slew of failed relationships and attempts to find stability in my life I finally figured out a pattern. When I would become more responsible the relationship would start having problems. Looking back I can see that I brought a certain excitment into things and when that was gone I lost my appeal, relationships ended, responsability fell off and abra kadabra I'm marketable again.
I still think Al-Anon is the way to go. Get yourself healthy and find people who are also dealing with loved one's addictions. It'll help weather you stay in this relationship or not.
As far as if he's an "addict" or not. Addict is a non-diagnosible term, he seems to meet my definition but possibly not his own. Addiction is about continuing use despite life problems caused by use. When the consequences out weight the reward it's addiction. Only the person themself gets to decide if they're an addict or not. This applies to relationships also. Only you get to decide when the consequences outweigh the rewards. If they do and you still stay well...
What does it take to make an addict stop....nothing. Unfortunetly he or she will have to deciede when enough is enough....It took me almost a year and 20 plus relapses , my wife kicking me out, and being confronted by everyone that loved me to realize that i had a problem. It was me and only me who could deciede when to quit. Remember he wont quit for his parents,his friends, or even you. He can only quit for himself. I know thats very hard to grasp because he loves you, but addiction is the devil. Someone not addicted to opiates or never having an addiction themselves seem this could be easily fixed with a little work and support. I would never in a million years wish an addiction to opiates to my worst enemy. It is a living hell and you need to keep your guard up. Be safe be strong and know when enough is enough .
I didn't end up talking to my boyfriend tonight, but I told him I want to talk to him tomorrow. Does anyone have any advice on how I should go about discussing this and giving him an ultimatum?
Also, what does it take to make a person want to stop? My worst fear is that he needs to experience first hand the horrible effects of the drug before he will have the urge to stop.
I cannot sleep over this. I feel like I am going crazy. I hope someone is out there to read this I really need some sort of discussion right now, I need to occupy myself instead of lying in my bed thinking and crying.
Also, what does it take to make a person want to stop? My worst fear is that he needs to experience first hand the horrible effects of the drug before he will have the urge to stop.
I cannot sleep over this. I feel like I am going crazy. I hope someone is out there to read this I really need some sort of discussion right now, I need to occupy myself instead of lying in my bed thinking and crying.
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