Aa
Help me please. I think my boyfriend is doing drugs.
I know this is very long but please read this I need help!
I am having a lot of trouble here and need an outsider's opinion on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now but have known him much longer. He was always very carefree, lived day by day, never seemed to care about himself or anyone else. He was almost reckless. He went thru a phase where he drank heavily everyday with his best friend. He would drink to the point where he would black out, drive home, wake up, go to school, and do it all over again. He continued this pattern for over a month. He also went thru a brief period of cocaine use. I think he only used cocaine a handful of times but it is still a huge deal to me. He then got into doing pills (crushing and snorting them) which became a problem for him. This took place around the beginning of our relationship. He recently finished a methadone program and to my knowledge has been clean. He was also selling drugs (I don't know what) around 2 months ago but stopped because I threatened to leave him if he didn't.
I am now highly suspicious that he is using heroin. This is killing me. I am losing sleep and have no motivation at all to do everyday things, which is so opposite of how I normally am. I am so unlike my boyfriend. I am anti-drugs. I occasionally will drink at a party. I've smoked pot but hate the stuff, it makes me bug out. Drugs scare the **** out of me and I hate everything that has to do with them. This is making me so worried and I'm really terrified about what could happen if this is true.
I truly believe that he has been injecting himself with heroin. I've felt this way for about a week now. It's not just one thing, it's several factors that just add up in my mind. For one, his friends are all scum bags. I hate them. They are grimy. There have been rumors in my circle of friends that the guys he hangs out with have been doing heroin. I have heard this several times from my closest friends.
I became suspicious one night at his house when he spent a long time in the bathroom. He told me he was taking a **** and I was standing outside the door because he asked me to come talk to him. When I was talking to him I felt like something wasn't right, I just had a gut feeling. I remember him telling me that when he would do pills he'd go into the bathroom and I wouldn't know. While I was taking to him he asked me to go get him a q-tip because "he had something in his ear." When I brought it to the door he opened it and was completely dressed. Then after a little while longer he told me I could go away because he was going to start making noises. I just felt like this was very odd because in the past he would just go to the bathroom with the door open and not even care. When he came out he seemed to be acting very weird. I heard him rummaging in his room in a plastic bag and when I came in he asked me to get out and yelled when I wouldn't. He said it was because he didn't want me to know where his money was but he NEVER had a problem with that before because I am completely trustworthy and he knows that. He appeared to be acting very odd and seemed high but I never like to jump to conclusions. He had difficulty counting his money and remembering numbers which is never a problem for him. The next morning before he left for work I heard him rummage in another plastic bag before going to the bathroom and spending a lot of time in the bathroom again.
That night I went thru the same sort of thing except I was outside with some of his sister's friends so I am not sure how long he was in the bathroom for. He told me he'd be out in a little while and when he came outside he seemed high again. He also took a hit off a blunt which is a red flag to me because I know he ONLY smokes weed when he is ****** up because he hates it and bugs out. He appeared sweaty, very tired, and I noticed he had trouble urinating. The next morning I heard him rummaging in that bag and clanking around in the bathroom. He thought I was half asleep and wouldn't notice. After he left for work I did some snooping and found syringes in that bag. One or two were used and there was also a q-tip. In the bathroom I found a folded up picture (which I took) with white powder on the back next to a cup. I also found a belt on the floor which was all wound up tight.
When I confronted him about the needles he told me they were his friends. He told me a few days before that he was holding needles and steroids for his friend and even showed them to me. The ones I found were in a different spot and he told me he didn't want to hide them all together. This honestly did not convince me.
Over the past week I noticed him seem high once and I also noticed a couple times that he had vaseline on the crooks of his arms. He is tired all the time, which isn't unusual because he works very early in the morning everyday, but it does seem that he is sleeping more than normal. He also refuses to cut his hair. This could be nothing but of course with everything else it worries me. As far as our relationship goes he is completely normal, treats me well, and nothing has changed.
Today I got around to testing the substance I found in his bathroom. I used an at home test I bought at a drug store. According to the test it is heroin that I found. For me this was like total confirmation that all my suspicions were true. I tried to talk to him but I am getting nothing out of him. I told him I am not trying to argue, I am not mad, I am just trying to talk. I told him I know the truth, it's right in front of my face, that I found heroin in his bathroom. I even showed him the test but he just denies, denies, denies. He claims the heroin must belong to one of his sisters friends who were at the house that night. He even showed me a mark on his arm and told me he scraped himself with something at work. I don't know what a needle mark looks like really so I couldn't argue that. I told him over and over that I know the truth and I don't believe him and I wish he would stop lying but he tells me he's not doing anything, and "thank you for caring so much but nothing is wrong and the conversation is over."
I just don't know what to do. Even thought I am so sure in my mind that he is using heroin there is still the tiniest part that believes him. After writing this whole thing out I feel that I am stupid to believe what he tells me. How do I get him to confess? I don't want to break up with him. I just want to know what's going on and I deserve to know the truth. I need him to admit this to me so I can know that I am not crazy and so that I can help him. I am so scared because I know the risks that come with using heroin. Do you agree that I am not a psycho, I am not making this up in my mind, that this is for real? How can I get him to admit this to me? He has had a hard time talking to me about drugs because I just don't understand because I have never been there. Should I try being more compassionate and understanding? Or should I be more assertive and tell him not to talk to me unless he plans on telling me the truth because I just can't take this anymore? Any type of advice would help here really. Thank you so much if you read all of this.
I am having a lot of trouble here and need an outsider's opinion on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now but have known him much longer. He was always very carefree, lived day by day, never seemed to care about himself or anyone else. He was almost reckless. He went thru a phase where he drank heavily everyday with his best friend. He would drink to the point where he would black out, drive home, wake up, go to school, and do it all over again. He continued this pattern for over a month. He also went thru a brief period of cocaine use. I think he only used cocaine a handful of times but it is still a huge deal to me. He then got into doing pills (crushing and snorting them) which became a problem for him. This took place around the beginning of our relationship. He recently finished a methadone program and to my knowledge has been clean. He was also selling drugs (I don't know what) around 2 months ago but stopped because I threatened to leave him if he didn't.
I am now highly suspicious that he is using heroin. This is killing me. I am losing sleep and have no motivation at all to do everyday things, which is so opposite of how I normally am. I am so unlike my boyfriend. I am anti-drugs. I occasionally will drink at a party. I've smoked pot but hate the stuff, it makes me bug out. Drugs scare the **** out of me and I hate everything that has to do with them. This is making me so worried and I'm really terrified about what could happen if this is true.
I truly believe that he has been injecting himself with heroin. I've felt this way for about a week now. It's not just one thing, it's several factors that just add up in my mind. For one, his friends are all scum bags. I hate them. They are grimy. There have been rumors in my circle of friends that the guys he hangs out with have been doing heroin. I have heard this several times from my closest friends.
I became suspicious one night at his house when he spent a long time in the bathroom. He told me he was taking a **** and I was standing outside the door because he asked me to come talk to him. When I was talking to him I felt like something wasn't right, I just had a gut feeling. I remember him telling me that when he would do pills he'd go into the bathroom and I wouldn't know. While I was taking to him he asked me to go get him a q-tip because "he had something in his ear." When I brought it to the door he opened it and was completely dressed. Then after a little while longer he told me I could go away because he was going to start making noises. I just felt like this was very odd because in the past he would just go to the bathroom with the door open and not even care. When he came out he seemed to be acting very weird. I heard him rummaging in his room in a plastic bag and when I came in he asked me to get out and yelled when I wouldn't. He said it was because he didn't want me to know where his money was but he NEVER had a problem with that before because I am completely trustworthy and he knows that. He appeared to be acting very odd and seemed high but I never like to jump to conclusions. He had difficulty counting his money and remembering numbers which is never a problem for him. The next morning before he left for work I heard him rummage in another plastic bag before going to the bathroom and spending a lot of time in the bathroom again.
That night I went thru the same sort of thing except I was outside with some of his sister's friends so I am not sure how long he was in the bathroom for. He told me he'd be out in a little while and when he came outside he seemed high again. He also took a hit off a blunt which is a red flag to me because I know he ONLY smokes weed when he is ****** up because he hates it and bugs out. He appeared sweaty, very tired, and I noticed he had trouble urinating. The next morning I heard him rummaging in that bag and clanking around in the bathroom. He thought I was half asleep and wouldn't notice. After he left for work I did some snooping and found syringes in that bag. One or two were used and there was also a q-tip. In the bathroom I found a folded up picture (which I took) with white powder on the back next to a cup. I also found a belt on the floor which was all wound up tight.
When I confronted him about the needles he told me they were his friends. He told me a few days before that he was holding needles and steroids for his friend and even showed them to me. The ones I found were in a different spot and he told me he didn't want to hide them all together. This honestly did not convince me.
Over the past week I noticed him seem high once and I also noticed a couple times that he had vaseline on the crooks of his arms. He is tired all the time, which isn't unusual because he works very early in the morning everyday, but it does seem that he is sleeping more than normal. He also refuses to cut his hair. This could be nothing but of course with everything else it worries me. As far as our relationship goes he is completely normal, treats me well, and nothing has changed.
Today I got around to testing the substance I found in his bathroom. I used an at home test I bought at a drug store. According to the test it is heroin that I found. For me this was like total confirmation that all my suspicions were true. I tried to talk to him but I am getting nothing out of him. I told him I am not trying to argue, I am not mad, I am just trying to talk. I told him I know the truth, it's right in front of my face, that I found heroin in his bathroom. I even showed him the test but he just denies, denies, denies. He claims the heroin must belong to one of his sisters friends who were at the house that night. He even showed me a mark on his arm and told me he scraped himself with something at work. I don't know what a needle mark looks like really so I couldn't argue that. I told him over and over that I know the truth and I don't believe him and I wish he would stop lying but he tells me he's not doing anything, and "thank you for caring so much but nothing is wrong and the conversation is over."
I just don't know what to do. Even thought I am so sure in my mind that he is using heroin there is still the tiniest part that believes him. After writing this whole thing out I feel that I am stupid to believe what he tells me. How do I get him to confess? I don't want to break up with him. I just want to know what's going on and I deserve to know the truth. I need him to admit this to me so I can know that I am not crazy and so that I can help him. I am so scared because I know the risks that come with using heroin. Do you agree that I am not a psycho, I am not making this up in my mind, that this is for real? How can I get him to admit this to me? He has had a hard time talking to me about drugs because I just don't understand because I have never been there. Should I try being more compassionate and understanding? Or should I be more assertive and tell him not to talk to me unless he plans on telling me the truth because I just can't take this anymore? Any type of advice would help here really. Thank you so much if you read all of this.
Hello and welcome to the forum.. from everything you described I would venture your boyfriend is a Heroin Addict.. The scrap on the arm he showed you would not look like 1 puncture with a needle but a line that is raised and can resemble a scratch to someone that does not know what they are looking at...
Pin point pupils nodding falling asleep at inappropriate times.. You found the drugs the needles (do not handle the needles as hep C is common with IV users and when we try it the first times like this we usually do not have our own rig ) handed him the q-tip the belt to tie off with on the floor.. don't see where you can get more proof then that.. In your situation having him confess to you or forcing him sounds a bit like folly at this point.. Heroin is a drug that will take you down quickly and any who are standing close.. I would be getting real with him regarding his addiction and where You stand.. I wish you well.. lesa
Pin point pupils nodding falling asleep at inappropriate times.. You found the drugs the needles (do not handle the needles as hep C is common with IV users and when we try it the first times like this we usually do not have our own rig ) handed him the q-tip the belt to tie off with on the floor.. don't see where you can get more proof then that.. In your situation having him confess to you or forcing him sounds a bit like folly at this point.. Heroin is a drug that will take you down quickly and any who are standing close.. I would be getting real with him regarding his addiction and where You stand.. I wish you well.. lesa
Yeah sure does sound like you have a heroin addict on your hands. Addicts are great liars. Unfortunately you can't get him to admit it or do anything about it unless he is willing.
My advise would be to get out of this relationship as soon as possible. I know that might sound harsh, but how long are you willing to put up with the lying. Your boyfriend has a long hard road ahead, even if he ever has the desire to get clean. He is putting your health at risk also. You say his friends are scum and he might just be sharing needles with them.
My advise would be to get out of this relationship as soon as possible. I know that might sound harsh, but how long are you willing to put up with the lying. Your boyfriend has a long hard road ahead, even if he ever has the desire to get clean. He is putting your health at risk also. You say his friends are scum and he might just be sharing needles with them.
Well you allready know he's using and it sounds like you've decided to stay at least for now so now you have to figure out how to take care of yourself. I would look into Al-Anon meetings for support. You may consider setting some clear boundaries with regard to sex. As 10356 said Hep C is a concern (over 80% of Methadone clients, think heroin addict) as is HIV both can be transmitted by needles and/or sex. He may or may not be more honest in time, likely he will go back and forth. Education is the best thing available to you at this point. Not to blame the victim but you might want to look into what drew you in to a relationship with someone who was actively using when you started dating him. Again Al-Anon or possibly some counseling might help with this.
God bless.
God bless.
I have never even seen street drugs but my exboss and friend had a lifelong problem and we had long and honest talks because he knew I would not judge him. I caught him slower than I should have because like you, I was nieve about the signs. I confronted him after I had to show up at work 4 hours early to do his work. I made coffee and drank a cup and needed more. By this time another employee showed up and I was making my coffee and talking. I stirred the coffee took a big gulp and then realized I had stirred the coffee with a bent spoon. Ok, I am not THAT nieve....spit coffee everywhere and took a closer look at the spoon. It had been bent and cooked and I had used it for my coffee...ugh! Anyway, my point here....love for you will not make him quit. I am sorry, it's just the nature of the beast and not you at all. I may catch some heat here but I don't care. If you think he is dealing you need to go talk to the police and tell them what you have told us. He is in too deep to help himself and I dont think treatment will stop him at this point. I think he needs a good dose of reality by having to answer for his ill deeds.
Girl, I can read your hurt and I know you are devestated but is this really a man you want to be the father of your babies? The only chance this man has is to let him go, make him accountable and see if he comes out a better man but chances are not on his side. I could be wrong and I hope that I am but either way. WHY would you put yourself in harms way? You are not married and in for a long anmd painful ride with this man and chance that he would ever be truthful with you are slim.
Sorry if I pissed anyone off but this has been my experience with addicts like this. Run, Run, Run...you deserve better and you can not help this man. He will only bring you down......GL, Marty
Girl, I can read your hurt and I know you are devestated but is this really a man you want to be the father of your babies? The only chance this man has is to let him go, make him accountable and see if he comes out a better man but chances are not on his side. I could be wrong and I hope that I am but either way. WHY would you put yourself in harms way? You are not married and in for a long anmd painful ride with this man and chance that he would ever be truthful with you are slim.
Sorry if I pissed anyone off but this has been my experience with addicts like this. Run, Run, Run...you deserve better and you can not help this man. He will only bring you down......GL, Marty
although I agree with everyone except calling the cops.. Not only does this really do no good but you also forget he has friends and these people can make your life pretty unpleasant especially if you have anything of value. You may consider cutting your losses.. as I agree what drew you to someone with a drug problem in the first place.. You may want to work that one out with yourself..
well it does not sound good................
perhaps you might explain to him that heroin wd's in prison are real bad?
if hes buying smack, theres a very good chance he will get popped by the boys........sooner or later.
we sure do hear stories of heroin use becomming epidemic, maybe it always has been?
perhaps you might explain to him that heroin wd's in prison are real bad?
if hes buying smack, theres a very good chance he will get popped by the boys........sooner or later.
we sure do hear stories of heroin use becomming epidemic, maybe it always has been?
sounds like your boyfriend has quite a history with drugs...swapping one addiction for another. aahhhh...the nature of the beast.
you state that everything is fine now...your relationship...his job. if his use continues...it WILL get worse.
there are three scenarios here that you really need to see:
your boyfriend admits he has a problem...seeks help...commits to continued aftercare...and lives a life free of drugs.
your boyfriend denies everything...refuses support from loved ones...and continues his way of life. your relationship suffers...he looses his job...everyone turns their backs on him...he is forced to the streets. your boyfriend has NOTHING...not a penny to his name...no home...only the clothes on his back. STILL he refuses help. DRUGS ARE HIS LIFE. he will steal from the ones that love him the most to support his habit. he will do whatever it takes to score.
your boyfriend gets help...is on the right road. you marry this man and have kids. eight years down the road he runs into "an old friend" and is offered drugs. BECAUSE he is an addict...he is tempted beyond belief...KNOWING what is at stake if he uses just one time. BECAUSE he is an addict...he uses...he's hooked. now, not only is YOUR life afftected...but the life of your KIDS. the house that you had is lost...the car that you are driving is picked up...your kids do not have adequate care...not enough food.
maybe my examples seem extreme to you...but just maybe they are not extreme enough. i would take a looooooooong hard look at YOUR life and decide what you want for your future. the world of addiction is not a pleasant one. there ARE ppl that are successful at getting and remaining clean...but then again there are those that are not.
you state that everything is fine now...your relationship...his job. if his use continues...it WILL get worse.
there are three scenarios here that you really need to see:
your boyfriend admits he has a problem...seeks help...commits to continued aftercare...and lives a life free of drugs.
your boyfriend denies everything...refuses support from loved ones...and continues his way of life. your relationship suffers...he looses his job...everyone turns their backs on him...he is forced to the streets. your boyfriend has NOTHING...not a penny to his name...no home...only the clothes on his back. STILL he refuses help. DRUGS ARE HIS LIFE. he will steal from the ones that love him the most to support his habit. he will do whatever it takes to score.
your boyfriend gets help...is on the right road. you marry this man and have kids. eight years down the road he runs into "an old friend" and is offered drugs. BECAUSE he is an addict...he is tempted beyond belief...KNOWING what is at stake if he uses just one time. BECAUSE he is an addict...he uses...he's hooked. now, not only is YOUR life afftected...but the life of your KIDS. the house that you had is lost...the car that you are driving is picked up...your kids do not have adequate care...not enough food.
maybe my examples seem extreme to you...but just maybe they are not extreme enough. i would take a looooooooong hard look at YOUR life and decide what you want for your future. the world of addiction is not a pleasant one. there ARE ppl that are successful at getting and remaining clean...but then again there are those that are not.
Thanks so much to everyone who replied. This is all helpful information.
At this point I am not willing to just remove myself from this situation. If I was in someone else's shoes and was giving myself advice I would say "get away, you don't need him, he is not good for you." And I know you probably wonder how I got involved with "someone like this." Sometimes I wonder the same thing. There is good and bad to everyone, though and I am not going to give up on someone I love because of the bad. Leaving him is just not an option. Right now I am trying not to focus on myself, but on him and the help he needs. If I was to leave him I know it would only make matters worse for him and myself. I love my boyfriend so much and giving up on someone you love is impossible to do.
Does anyone have any insight on what makes a person do drugs? I really want to understand him. He just does not fit the profile for someone who uses. I don't know what leads a person who has a completely normal and comfortable life to start doing drugs. He has a very loving family who cares about him very much and he knows that. To my knowledge there is no history of drug use in his family. He hasn't lost a loved one or gone through anything traumatic. Could he have some type of emotional problem? His mother is actually a drug counselor, so do you think I should consider involving her in this? This would be very uncomfortable for me, but I'll do what needs to be done. Should I threaten him with telling her? Would it be crazy to drug test him? I'm afraid this would almost help his side, because I know heroin does not stay in the system for very long.
I would also like to know more about the appearance of track marks, if anyone could make it more clear to me. And about how long does it take for them to go away?
I'm worried that now, having confronted him, he is just going to become more sneaky instead of turning himself around. Do you think snooping and spying is taking things too far? Are there any other red flags I should look out for?
Thanks again for all of your help. I know there are a lot of questions here, I am just very desperate. Even if you only address a few I will be more than grateful.
-- Jenny
At this point I am not willing to just remove myself from this situation. If I was in someone else's shoes and was giving myself advice I would say "get away, you don't need him, he is not good for you." And I know you probably wonder how I got involved with "someone like this." Sometimes I wonder the same thing. There is good and bad to everyone, though and I am not going to give up on someone I love because of the bad. Leaving him is just not an option. Right now I am trying not to focus on myself, but on him and the help he needs. If I was to leave him I know it would only make matters worse for him and myself. I love my boyfriend so much and giving up on someone you love is impossible to do.
Does anyone have any insight on what makes a person do drugs? I really want to understand him. He just does not fit the profile for someone who uses. I don't know what leads a person who has a completely normal and comfortable life to start doing drugs. He has a very loving family who cares about him very much and he knows that. To my knowledge there is no history of drug use in his family. He hasn't lost a loved one or gone through anything traumatic. Could he have some type of emotional problem? His mother is actually a drug counselor, so do you think I should consider involving her in this? This would be very uncomfortable for me, but I'll do what needs to be done. Should I threaten him with telling her? Would it be crazy to drug test him? I'm afraid this would almost help his side, because I know heroin does not stay in the system for very long.
I would also like to know more about the appearance of track marks, if anyone could make it more clear to me. And about how long does it take for them to go away?
I'm worried that now, having confronted him, he is just going to become more sneaky instead of turning himself around. Do you think snooping and spying is taking things too far? Are there any other red flags I should look out for?
Thanks again for all of your help. I know there are a lot of questions here, I am just very desperate. Even if you only address a few I will be more than grateful.
-- Jenny
OK, you have decided to live with a Heroin addict. You love him and want to help him, but first things first... Now you must prepare, protect and educate yourself.
Unprotected sex with this man is just down-right dangerous. HIV & Hep C should be a major concern for you. Do not trust if he says he's OK. If he is out and about and high, he may have sex with others, he may not, but he may. Protect yourself.
Do not be surprised if he steals money from you or your family. Hide your money or valuables. He may not, but he very well may. If his friends come to your home, they may steal from you....money or anything they can pawn to get their drugs. Eventually he may start borrowing money from you too, then he'll start stealing it. Prepare for this and protect yourself.
If you are in a car with him or out in public or even in your home, he could get busted and you, right along with him.
Go to Narc-Anon, they will teach you how to cope with an addict and give you the support you need. You can google it and find one near you.
You ask how can you make him be honest with you?, you can't. You obviously have all the proof, other than seeing him shooting himself up. Trust us, he is doing drugs. Don't be fooled by his lies. He will lie to you a lot. For some twisted reasoning, addicts think people will believe the stupidest lies. They will also lie to themselves....and believe it.
You can't "straighten "him out. He has to want it. You can only support his efforts (not financially).
Why do people become addicts? There are a million reasons, everyone is different. Perfectly normal, happy people can become addicts. Your boyfriend obviously has had a long time, on and off problem.
Yes, you should involve his mother in this, especially if she is a drug counselor. Don't threaten him with telling her, just tell her. He will need all the help and support if he ever decides to get help. His mother may be able to help him admit to his problem. Get together with his mom and talk about all this, you'll need her support too.
Should you drug test him? You could try, but he'll probably refuse saying "you" don't trust him. He'll probably turn it around on you with anger.
Trying to deal with an addict on your own will be to much to bear. You're gonna need help.
Put your seat belt on, you're in for a long, hard ride.
Sorry you're going thru this.
Unprotected sex with this man is just down-right dangerous. HIV & Hep C should be a major concern for you. Do not trust if he says he's OK. If he is out and about and high, he may have sex with others, he may not, but he may. Protect yourself.
Do not be surprised if he steals money from you or your family. Hide your money or valuables. He may not, but he very well may. If his friends come to your home, they may steal from you....money or anything they can pawn to get their drugs. Eventually he may start borrowing money from you too, then he'll start stealing it. Prepare for this and protect yourself.
If you are in a car with him or out in public or even in your home, he could get busted and you, right along with him.
Go to Narc-Anon, they will teach you how to cope with an addict and give you the support you need. You can google it and find one near you.
You ask how can you make him be honest with you?, you can't. You obviously have all the proof, other than seeing him shooting himself up. Trust us, he is doing drugs. Don't be fooled by his lies. He will lie to you a lot. For some twisted reasoning, addicts think people will believe the stupidest lies. They will also lie to themselves....and believe it.
You can't "straighten "him out. He has to want it. You can only support his efforts (not financially).
Why do people become addicts? There are a million reasons, everyone is different. Perfectly normal, happy people can become addicts. Your boyfriend obviously has had a long time, on and off problem.
Yes, you should involve his mother in this, especially if she is a drug counselor. Don't threaten him with telling her, just tell her. He will need all the help and support if he ever decides to get help. His mother may be able to help him admit to his problem. Get together with his mom and talk about all this, you'll need her support too.
Should you drug test him? You could try, but he'll probably refuse saying "you" don't trust him. He'll probably turn it around on you with anger.
Trying to deal with an addict on your own will be to much to bear. You're gonna need help.
Put your seat belt on, you're in for a long, hard ride.
Sorry you're going thru this.
Hi Jenny! I am a recovering heroin IV user (87days clean) and will try to give you alittle insight on this. First though I will say addiction does not discriminate... I do not fit a "profile" of an addict, I have a comfortable life and look like the girl next door I don't consider myself a scumbag or think I llok like 1 so just making clear we come in ALL walks of life... I was wondering how his mother got into the field of addiction w/ no addicts you know of being in the family? Also I do think you may want to talk to her and she will probably have great perspective on this,I am sure if she see's your bf regularly she may have suspisions already, but she would be a great help in helping her son seeing she's educated,anyway track marks (mine anyway) are usually in the bend of the arm,top of feet,on hands.wrists they tend to look like a scratch if he's been using the same spot a couple of times..if he switches spots regularly they may not be as glaring but you will definately notic red marks w/ a tiny pin ***** in the center(often addicts scrape that off) which will cause a red spot. The marks will not heal over night and like I said depending on the places he uses and how often some will be more noticeable than others,he also could be shooting in his feet so keep a watch on that basically if all of the sudden he has "scratches" from work alot or alot of red bumps and scratches your probably right on... I would not recommend calling the police on him at this point that could just backfire on you and make him very angry at you,himself and sink deeper into his addiction. It sounds like your bf has been an addict for some time just different drugs and like myself it has unfortunately progressed to this point,I don't think you will be able to make him admit anything until he's ready but please keep your gaurd up! I can tell you heroin addiction will make you lie cheat and STEAL anything and everything form the one's we love the most,It's an awful addiction that will take EVERYTHING AWAY AND FAST. Be very aware of any valuables you may leave around(jewelry etc) You may also notice his sex drive go down,appetite change,pinned pupils, all the signs seem to be there unfortunately,I wish you the best of luck hang in there if there is anything more you need to ask me feel free GD LUK JENNY : )
flmagi is absolutely right, i couldnt have said it better myself. i was in your shoes, had an addict boyfriend and i myself knowing nothing of drugs. i had made up my mind to move away and get out because no matter how hard i tried he wouldnt admit anything, even when i had obvious proof. he lied, stole, did whatever was needed to get his next fix. thank god he came to me last night and said he had a problem and he needed help... he has to want to fix himself. and my honest advice is until he's willing to do that, get out. write a letter explaining you love him, cant watch him destroy himself. sitting there while hes on drugs and keeping your mouth shut to keep things at a civil level is only going to enable him. if you keep throwing things in his face he will get angry and possibly violent. i wish you the best of luck, its not an easy thing. you're in my prayers.
I am also curious, how quickly does a person become addicted to heroin? At this point I've figured out that he has done/is doing the drug, although he will still not admit to it. However I am not sure if he is considered an addict. Reading these comments it seems that a lot of you have classified him as that. It's a hard pill for me to swallow, I never really considered that it has gotten that far. Do you think it is likely that if he only starting using in the past month or so he is already addicted to the drug?
Many have mentioned the possibility that he will start stealing from myself and loved ones. I haven't really seen a change in the amount of money he has. He always has money on him and has many checks he hasn't cashed from work. Do you think it's safe to assume he is selling again?
Obviously this is the only thing on my mind and is greatly worrying me. I have so much to ask and it really helps to have someone else's input as I cannot share this with my family and friends. It's comforting to know that someone else agrees with me on the situation and that I am not making crazy assumptions in my mind. Thanks to everyone who gave me their help. I really appreciate it.
Many have mentioned the possibility that he will start stealing from myself and loved ones. I haven't really seen a change in the amount of money he has. He always has money on him and has many checks he hasn't cashed from work. Do you think it's safe to assume he is selling again?
Obviously this is the only thing on my mind and is greatly worrying me. I have so much to ask and it really helps to have someone else's input as I cannot share this with my family and friends. It's comforting to know that someone else agrees with me on the situation and that I am not making crazy assumptions in my mind. Thanks to everyone who gave me their help. I really appreciate it.
is he an addict? hhhuuummmmm...he's locking himself in the bathroom and lieing to you about what he's doing...what do you think?????
I don't know. I guess there is a part of me that doesn't want to believe it's that serious. I'm just not very familiar with this. I thought it was possible that he was doing heroin purely for enjoyment and not because he NEEDS it. Obviously I know that consistent use will lead to addiction, it's just hard to accept that maybe this is something he needs to do already.
Im sorry to hear about your boyfriend and what your going through...Heroin can be one of those drugs you use and it just takes that one time to get addicted...I know you dont want to believe it but from what i seen you write, i am completely 100% postivie that he is using heroin. With the trackmarks they just dont simply go away. So if you still need proof just keep checking, and i promise you will keep finding....You may not want to hear this but there isnt much you can do with getting him clean. HE has to want it or its no use. If you do tell his mom you should think about having a intervention with some of his family (this can open addicts eyes sometimes and makes them realize that there an addict) please be careful as you move forward with this sometimes drugs make people do herendous acts to there own loved ones. Educate yourself, be prepared for the worst, if he is not willing and your just his girlfriend im sorry but get the hell out of there!!!! before he brings you down with him
(sometimes addicts need to hit rock bottom before they get back up)
PS
This WILL NOT last...This CANNOT last...
(sometimes addicts need to hit rock bottom before they get back up)
PS
This WILL NOT last...This CANNOT last...
He's absolutely an addict. And not just mentally addicted, but physically addicted too. You said he had successfully completed a methodone program- then supposedly stayed clean then just started using a little while ago. I am willing to bet that he probably stayed on the methadone (or other opiod pills) after the treatment was through and then switched to heroin recently because it is cheaper than the pills.
He's probably been addicted to opiods and/or heroin for a long time now. I mean, do you really think he wasn't using any of the drugs he was selling?
I'm sorry for your situation, but it's plain as day to me as well as the other addicts/ ex addicts on this site- he is ADDICTED and you are wasting your time. You can't make somebody get help. You shouldn't let HIS addiction ruin your life too. You will regret it if you stay with him- trust me. If down the road he decides to get clean on his own, and the two of you reunite, then great. But you would be a complete fool to sit around waiting for him to get clean. Sorry to be harsh. I'm just being honest.
He's probably been addicted to opiods and/or heroin for a long time now. I mean, do you really think he wasn't using any of the drugs he was selling?
I'm sorry for your situation, but it's plain as day to me as well as the other addicts/ ex addicts on this site- he is ADDICTED and you are wasting your time. You can't make somebody get help. You shouldn't let HIS addiction ruin your life too. You will regret it if you stay with him- trust me. If down the road he decides to get clean on his own, and the two of you reunite, then great. But you would be a complete fool to sit around waiting for him to get clean. Sorry to be harsh. I'm just being honest.
It doesn't take very long to become addicted and if there is a prior history of addiction, all it takes is once or twice and "Bamb !" , you are addicted again. The mental part of addiction is really the hardest thing to recover from and some people never resolve the mental issues. They can be very deep issues that require intensive therapy, counseling, NA etc. Did he do any of those things while on the methadone program?
you REALLY need to go to some alanon meetings. what i hear is alot of justification and excuses from you. open your eyes...see what is right in front of your face. your boyfriend is a HEROIN addict.
i know that what we are telling you is not exactly what you wanted to hear. i'm sure you would like for us to tell you how to save him...well you cant.
listen to me. i have lived the life of addiction through my three sons for the last 15 years...IT IS NOT PLEASANT..and one of my sons contracted HIV as a result of his addiction. from someone who has been there, done that...from someone who thought she could save them...i can honestly say that it wouldnt matter how much i LOVED my BOYFRIEND...if i found out he was shooting heroin...I'D RUN LIKE HELL ! ! ! ! !
i know that what we are telling you is not exactly what you wanted to hear. i'm sure you would like for us to tell you how to save him...well you cant.
listen to me. i have lived the life of addiction through my three sons for the last 15 years...IT IS NOT PLEASANT..and one of my sons contracted HIV as a result of his addiction. from someone who has been there, done that...from someone who thought she could save them...i can honestly say that it wouldnt matter how much i LOVED my BOYFRIEND...if i found out he was shooting heroin...I'D RUN LIKE HELL ! ! ! ! !
I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND THE ABOVE POST...SORRY but that's just plain cruel and unless you've walked a mile in his shoes you would no how completely crazy this sounds..not to mention you could end up in JAIL..I would definately get his mother's advice seeing she is educated in the field!!!Getting her on board to helping her son will be a great relief to you, best of luck Jenny
While he was on the methadone program I thought everything was going great with him and to my knowledge he was clean. I know that they tested his urine several times and he was always clean, but I also know that heroin does not stay in the system for very long.
After all of this and seeing everyone's opinions, I am starting to second guess whether or not he was clean all along. I truly believed that he was but now I am not sure.
After all of this and seeing everyone's opinions, I am starting to second guess whether or not he was clean all along. I truly believed that he was but now I am not sure.
how old are you guys?
not trying to rag on you both, but just trying to figure out whats the deal........
you seem to have a pretty laid back attitude about a guy that was on blow for a while, then was snorting oxies, then went on a 'done program, now is apparently shooting up heroin?
crying out loud, I had a gal I was with(before I got wrapped up in pill poppin) that caught me smoking weed, then warned me.one more time.......and she caught me again, and she broke up with me for good over it !
you said you cant stand even weed or any drugs but your pretty laid back about this dude and his major addictions. I do wish you all the best.let me say, I think its great for him that you are concerned........
on a side note,since you asked. many people do become addicted due to severe injury,or diseases. some from stress. many from the desire to experiment and some from hanging out with the wrong people...............it effects the wealthy, the educated,the famous, the middle class and the poor. it likes everyone. often people make the mistake,thinking .......I would not fall for that,like those addicts !!! even such nice ole gals like betty ford have fallen prey to narcotics !!
not trying to rag on you both, but just trying to figure out whats the deal........
you seem to have a pretty laid back attitude about a guy that was on blow for a while, then was snorting oxies, then went on a 'done program, now is apparently shooting up heroin?
crying out loud, I had a gal I was with(before I got wrapped up in pill poppin) that caught me smoking weed, then warned me.one more time.......and she caught me again, and she broke up with me for good over it !
you said you cant stand even weed or any drugs but your pretty laid back about this dude and his major addictions. I do wish you all the best.let me say, I think its great for him that you are concerned........
on a side note,since you asked. many people do become addicted due to severe injury,or diseases. some from stress. many from the desire to experiment and some from hanging out with the wrong people...............it effects the wealthy, the educated,the famous, the middle class and the poor. it likes everyone. often people make the mistake,thinking .......I would not fall for that,like those addicts !!! even such nice ole gals like betty ford have fallen prey to narcotics !!
You are only fooling yourself Jenny if you think things are going to get better. they will not unless he gets honest and gets help.
The sad part is that your self esteem is such that you think this is acceptable and you don't know that you don't deserve this. If you get help for YOURSELF then you will learn that you don't have to live like this.
Be good to yourself.
The sad part is that your self esteem is such that you think this is acceptable and you don't know that you don't deserve this. If you get help for YOURSELF then you will learn that you don't have to live like this.
Be good to yourself.
I have to agree with every one above, I too believe him to be a addict. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone you can't trust? Love is based on communication and honesty first and foremost. Just the fact that you don't believe what he is telling you is a complete relationship deal breaker. If you want to try to help him as you sever all ties and run for the hills, tell his mother everything you suspect and share this forum with her. She may want to stage an intervention and have the connections to do this. Don't waste one more minute of your time. It is better to be healthy and alone than to be in a disfunctional relationship (he checked the mileage?). Do you want this to continue until you contract a disease or perhaps accidently become pregnant? Step up and do the right thing!!!!
I would like to add one more comment in a statement you made that caught my eye that he has pay checks not cashed and money.. He use to sell ? well it sounds like he is selling again.. I can tell you from experience that living with a dealer can be a very dangerous environment to be living in.. it can also be very surprising when your front doors are shattered at 4 am and you have guns pointed at you.. Hope you do what is best for you for as of right now.. You are barely a blip on his radar as far as how you feel about anything he is doing.. I really do wish you well for yourself and that maybe his mom can take the reins as you seem very passive aggressive in protecting yourself..
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
