Is my son a heroin addict?

[matthew1989]

I know little about drug addiction just the stuff I've read here on the computer.  My son is now 19 almost 20.  Since highschool he's had a problem with addiction.  Around 6 months ago he moved back home after a hard life of drug use living with drug users.   He really wanted to go to college and I wanted to give him a chance.  So I signed him up and he attended for maybe a week or two than withdrew.  Had been out of work for months finally finds a job that I believe he may have loss yesterday on his 5th day.  My husband and I went away for 2 days and come back to find him sick.  Throwing up,pupils so tiny I could bearly see them and having a hard time even walking.  I've seen this before maybe twice and he's always swore he was sick from eating something bad.  My question is is this throwing up and sickness from withdrawal or from just coming down off of the drug?  He's really been trying the past few weeks.  He's with us all the time.  I don't see signs of what I would think to look for in a heroin addict.  But than again I don't know what to look for.  Why the sickness only some of the time?  I've seen it like a total of three times.  But I also know that he lies pretty much non stop.  I tried to tell myself he has had no money so how can he be doing drugs but than again I just don't know.  Today when he got home looking a little better I got my keys and said lets go take a drug test. First he said ok than he finally said " fine I was coming down off of heroin." So I than told him to get off of our property until he's ready for help.  I have three other young boys here and we have just been through so much else in front of them.  He"s really a sweet hearted kid.  Two weeks ago he begged for help told us we should move.  He was saying he was addicted to pot.  So thats when we said ok we can't move but no more going to friends.  We tried to watch him but prove to be impossible.  My husband is extremely hard on him and doesn't want to hear a word from him.  Well, as the mother I am having such a hard time.  It's ripping my whold family apart.  My husband and I cant say one word to each other about my son.  It's like he has no heart when it comess to him.  ANY ADVICE would be great.  Thanks, one broken hearted mom.

[matthew1989]

there is no way my husband will let him stay here any longer.  yesterday my 8 yr old found a pipe with pot in it.  he asked my husband if it was  a crack pipe.  we have dealt with this stuff for a long time.  and afterhis overdose the other night i really hoped he would see the light but hewent right back to hangin with the same drug addicts.  Ive begged him to go to meetings withme  and he swears he has no problem.  I even asked him to just get on here with me to read what some other people have gone through and he says no way.  we tried telling him if he is to live here you have to NOT hang with the drug addicts anymore.  but the minute we turn around thats where he's at.  When your old enough to not listen to your parents what so ever and to tell us how stupid we are and that we need to shut up and mind our own business well than its' time for him to live on his own. If it were up to me I would give him a little longer being that he just started his job and hasn't even gotten a pay check in but my husband won't go for that.  Years ago when we found out he was doing drugs we should have gotten him more help.  Yes we did go to meetings than and stuff but the minute he would say he didn't need it anymore because he would never do any of it again.  I would believe him all the time.  Huge mistake!!!!  bad bad parenting on my part and believe me i will die with that being one of my biggest regrets.  but i can't change the past.  in 6 months when my son ends up dead of another overdose i will than more than likely see that making him move out was a huge mistake.  you have your drug addicts out there and you have your good hearted people out there like me that seems to mean well but screws up all the time. Im in this position i have been with my husband since the age of 14  i love him dearly  we have 4 boys together  he's a very hard worker and its taken very hard times and work to get to where we are today.  We provide a great home for my kids lots of family time lots of hugs and kisses lots of support in things they do.  I stay home with my boys.  So i could move out and not be able to afford to feed them and try to save my 19 yr old.  which last year i did move out to a great place in the moutains where my son could have gotten away from all of his friends.  He wouldn't even come with me.  Well he said he would visit if he could bring his addict friend which I said NO.  so it seems i will either lose my 19 or lose my whole family.  I hate that it sounds like im choosing one over the other but i don't really know what the heck to do.  If i leave my husband my other kids will not take it well at all.  i just don't know if me leaving my husband will save my son.  if i knew for sure he would move with me and start a new life i would do it in a heartbeat.  but I just don't think he would.  I think he wants me to move out of here but get a place close by so he could live wiith me but he would not stop hangin with the same people i have no doubt about that.  so really thats not fair to my other kids are my husband.  u cant' keep giving when all the other person does is take.  when I had some control and could have made him go to rehab i choose to believe and listen to my son.  stupid stupid stupid but i had never dealt with drugs and really thought my son would not ever be in this situation.  i have no control any longer.  i ask him everyday to get help and tell him how much i love him.  i tell him about the stories ive heard on here.  im not the only person parenting my other boys so i have to respect my husbands wishes.  the whole thing makes me sick.  thanks for any advice because every word helps,  Dawn

[buprenex]

Dear Mom,

If your son is using Heroin then he is a Heroin addict. Qualifying the level is not really help full except in determining the help he needs. I suggest not kicking him off your property until you have actually done an Intervention with someone trained/ AND highly skilled in doing them.

It is maybe you will have stay away but do not do that until he is really offered the help he needs, and he turns down the help he needs during a planned intetervention, a plan for him. Turning him away is a last resort not a first resort. I realize you already did it, but go get advice on presenting a planned intervention.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

would be nice to hear from matt .................................

[Dylan465]

theeagle gave a great answer. My heart goes out to you. My son is 21 and in the Navy, lost his dad at 9 but by the grace of God stayed away from drugs as far as I know and I believe I am right. I wish I had his head at his age, I was a mess with so much potential.
I went into a hardcore long term drug facility that saved my life. There's no ***** footing around this stuff but I would say to see if they even have those facilities like they did in the 70's and before. These easy rehabs imo are a joke but the boy needs support too.
To the other mom who posted, my heart goes out to you. I can cry for you. I can't imagine how hard it is for you women and your husband's need to hug them back but also set them straight. God knows them and I will pray right now for their recovery and your peace. God bless you.  

[Helter_Skelter]

I too am a mother of an addict. He is about your son's age. We have gone through alot in the past 4 years. I am divorced from his father and we have not included him into the problem.
My best advice is not to give up! I think he has a better chance of recovery in a place that he feels safe and not the streets. If you have somewhere you can send him-relative, etc that is a good "solution" but the relative needs to know all the details before agreeing to your son moving in with them. And consider which is more important your sister thinking your son is bad or getting your son well?
Pot will not make him throw up from withdrawals! He may be crabby at best. He is coming down off of something. I am not familiar with heroin just pain killers and have seen my son very sick from withdrawals.
From one mother to another I know your pain. You are not alone. You have done nothing wrong. It was his decision to take whatever. It can be your decision to help him get better but you need boundaries if he stays at home because of the other kids. He needs to know that. He needs to know what you are willing to do and not do. I wish that I had taken a stronger stand earlier and maybe we wouldn't have taken so long to get to where we are now.
Always keep the lines of communication open with your son.  If you can't talk with your husband please talk to someone. I learned many years ago that everyone has problems. No one has a perfect family. Just fine someone that you can talk to and preferably someone that knows the problems. Consider Al-Anon. That can help you with your decisions. You have to stay strong to help your son.
I wish I knew the "magic formula" to make everything better to help you but I am in the same boat. Remember there are always others that are in the same boat. You are not alone!

[10356]

I agree with catt.. if you could get your son on with us.. it may help. as addicts have traveled his path and may be able to reach him.. I'm very very sorry for the pain and fear you must be feeling.. the situation with your husband must be heartbreaking also.. if your son could just sit down and read the post and responses on the forum it may as it did me.. give him the support he needs to get clean.. Please take catts advice for yourself.. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...