New here, help please!

[Back_2_life]

I have been addicted to oxycontin for 3 yrs. I snort about 140 mgs a day. I quit before cold turkey. Felt like I was dying and even fainted at one point. I lasted about a month but couldn't stand the depression. I've always suffered from depression and anxiety but this was really bad. I relapsed and now I'm thinking about using methadone to get off these things and maybe by doing a taper off methadone the depression won't be as severe.. I hope. I could never taper off oxy but feel I can off methadone. I get no high from methadone (I have several methadone pills stashed for when I run out of oxy) so I think I could use it short term to get off oxys. Has anyone tried this? I'm afraid to go ct again, I don think my body can physically handle it and I think this might be the best option to finally get off pills. I am the mother to two beautiful kids and feel so much shame from what I've become. I really hate myself and if not for my kids I think I'd just kill myself rather then go through this living hell anymore. I'm just so sick of it. I don't even get much of a buzz of the stupid things despite the large amounts I do. I get a prescription for my back pain but of course that's gone in a few days and I have spent so much money it's sickening. I just want to be free from them but the mental hell that awaits really is discouraging me from breaking free but I know I have to try. I really hope I can lessen the depression by tapering off methadone as opposed to ct. Please give me some advice. I feel like such a hopeless case.

[Back_2_life]

Just to clarify I don't want to stay on methadone long term, just a few weeks to taper off. And I wasn't expecting instant attention but after an hour of no responses I wanted to make sure it was working because I posted twice by accident and thought something messed up.

My plan is to go to a methadone clinc and tell them my plan and see if they'll help me. Vicky I think your idea about loading up on vitamins is great. I currently don't take good care of myself. I don't eat right at all and do way too many pills. I just want off this roller coaster from hell. I've been through a lot trying to get off and just can't seem to. Like I said I did get clean for a short while but I think going ct as opposed to taper makes the depression that follows way worse. My theory is that if I wean off methadone maybe, just maybe the depression won't be so intense. I don't wanna live like this anymore but some days I think I'm too far gone and feel so hopeless!!

[Back_2_life]

Do you think that going on methadone just for a couple weeks to taper is bad? It seems like my only choice. I could go ct but I know that the depression that follows will be really really bad. Not "I feel sad" depression, more like if I had a gun I'd use it depression. My idea is that by using methadone short term I could taper and maybe the depression won't be as severe. I don't know for sure but I think it's worth a shot.

[Dav125]

Hey, most everyone who has found this site where in a state of hopelessness. Myself included..But guess what? It isn't hopeless! It really isn't..Its a combination of the ill feelings of wd's and the depression. If you made it a month once though, the depression issue is more than likely the one you need to focus on with a doctor once you get by the oxy wd's..Sure, the oxy's helped keep the depression in check, but its not a long term solution..So change that thinking..There is hope!

[Dav125]

Really, on the taper methadone question you need to get with a doctor, clinic or some health care proffesional..I tell you this because the forum people have placed a "no,no" on answering your question about if we think it would be ok...Thats a big rule in here....A remember,,there is hope!

[ymerej]

I really hope you get a hold of the self-loathing. It will do you no good. Right now your chemicals are out of balance and they are controlling your mood. As everyone has said, this is completely possible. I was in a very similar situation as you. I just sent you a message with my personal experience. I hope it helps.

Just be careful with the self destructive words. You are a very important person to those two kids of yours. You are definitely NOT a hopeless case. If I can do this so can you.

All the best.

[gnarly_1]

HI.... well I dont think you will beet the post withdrawal depression with methadone and the withdrawal off methadone is a lot more sever then oxy....now we have had a few members try short term methadone but none have stayed in touch with me so I cant tell you how it is long term coming off it that way.....I can tell you this once your on it at a clinic they tend to want to keep you on it and its very ez to stay on it long term and thats when it will become a huge problem coming off it...I can also tell you this... those that took it short term came to the forum
seeking shelter from the hard withdrawals asking questions like how much longer till I feel better so the withdrawal is sever if you stay on it any amount of time...after being on it for 6 1/2yrs I tell people to run the other way unless you jamming a needle in your arm it dose save lives but it is oversubscribed now you and only you know how bad your oxy habit is...if your able to kick C/T then do it ....I dont think methadone is a good fit for you
if all your trying to do is beet the depression...just know this depression is just part of the withdrawal experience for many if it dosent go away after a mo or 2 you can go to a doctor and get put on an antidepressant...just know that it may take a wile to get well not everybody come bouncing back after a month...it took me 90days to start to feel better after I quit the methadone  that why im telling you to stay away from it...just be realistic about your recovery it can be a wile b/4 your well again you dident become an addict over night you wont recover overnight ether....I wish you the best of luck on your recovery...also to truly recover it takes aftercare you need to retrain the brain how to think both N/A and A/A have good programs and there both free if not that a addiction therapist or consolor can help but you need to seek help to learn the tools and skills that it takes to stay clean...getting clean is the ez part it staying that way that take the work
keep posting for support and reading the post...if you have any other questions consirning methadone ask them and I will try and answer them for you.....Gnarly