Please help me if you have an alternative to me leaving my husband

[KAG71]

Where to start.....  For those of you that don't know me my husband is on oxycontin for severe back pain.  He was on 640mg a day, and is currently tapering this down.  He has managed to taper to down to 440mg in the last month which the doc says is very good.

However, the problem is with his sleeping (or lack of it).  He has always had problems sleeping but since being on oxycontin it has got much much worse.   We have both mentioned it to the doc who tells us that it is because of the oxy, however, since tapering it has just got worse.

Since xmas day there has been three separate occassions when he has become so tired that he has literally fallen asleep round peoples houses, eating, on the floor etc etc.  Not only this but he hallucinates, he talks a load of nonsense and treats me like **** (which is soooo different to the "normal" him).    I love him so much and have tried so so hard to help him but it just keeps happening over and over again despite him saying it won't.    It has now happened two nights in a row, which is odd because he (after several hours of confusion etc) did finally crash and actually sleep last night.   I have now reached the end of my tether and really cannot take any more, I have now ran out of options and the doc just won't help us.   My husband is falling apart before my very eyes and our marriage is crumbling.  Please if anyone can help us I am desperate!!!

Thanks for listening guys.

Karen

[SmartYetStupid]

He'll be okay.. Walk away to another room if you cannot handle it.  My mother is not as supportive as my husband, and she tends to offer advice, which makes me lash out at her.  

Just get away for a while.  You're going through a tough time too.  Our hearts go out to you.  However, he really does need you right now.  Business be damned. When you die, do you want your husband next to you or your business?

It's all a matter of perspective.

[usarmymedic1]

step back and look walk away to another room even for you same thing think to yourself normal reaction to abnormal situation think about that saying you will understand what it means and aply it.  best way is to make sure you make time for yourself even if it is an hour a day to unwind. or get a punching bag sounds funny but you get mad you start to fly off the handle go hit the bag 10- 15 min you will feel 100% better

[KAG71]

Thank you so much for the advice.  I will certainly try and walk away, it certainly won;t be easy but I will give it a go.  However, what if I feel he is in any danger where he is at?

[KAG71]

I have been with my husband for 6 years and he has had health problems for about 2 1/2 years of that.    During this time I have been with him to every hospital appointment (which is not easy as I run my own business and hence any time off is unpaid).  I do try and support him in any way I can but I know that sometimes I just mess this up.   I have a temper (due to a previous relationship) and hence I do tend to fly off the handle uneccessarily sometimes.  I know that a lot of the problem is in the way that I handle the situation.   Any views on how best to cope with him in this situation would be appreciated.

Many thanks.

[usarmymedic1]

by walking away you are defusing the anger or the out burst even if it is walking into another room a defferant part of the house defuse his actions by not reacting. during my time with combat stress unit in the army I learned that sleep, food and shower is the 123 of copeing with a bad situation just remember he is haveing a normal reaction to an abnormal situation ie the withdrawals support but do not let your self be abused or your daughter it sounds like he won't do that but keep it on the side and when he falls asleep let him sleep were ever he is at in the house and that is the time for you to do somthing for yourself hot shower long bubble bath somthing to bring up your spirit

[SmartYetStupid]

Think of the worst possible thing that could happen to you.... And think of what your husband would or would not do to support you.

I can tell you he's going through hell.  He doesn't want your advice or lectures.  He needs to be consoled.  

Listen to him, pet him, hold him, tell him it's going to be okay.  

That's what my husband has done for me these past few days of detox, and I love him more for it.  He hasn't lectured, or tried to even understand.. He's just held and petted me and asked me what he could do.  That's all you can do right now.

If you don't love him, then screw it, leave him.  If you do?  You'll do the right thing and suck it up and work it out.  We're human and that makes us imperfect.  Love your husband.  He NEEDS YOU!  He needs you more than he ever has in his life.