Will all addicts use if they have access to pills?

[Pat1956100]

I am really wondering about this.  I know if I have access to pills I will take them.  They will haunt me and I will end up giving in.  I have learned that because I have done it over and over again.  I have no control when I am offered pills.  I have no control when I know that they are available to me.
Does this get easier?  Do you reach a point where you can walk away?  If you had pills now would you take them?

[VICourageous]

Well now..This is where we have to put up some Boundaries..We have to stay away from people, places and things. You have to know that since this Addiction is a Brain disease that if we just try to take that "One" that Pleasure part of the Brain will remember the pleasure and play the tape back again and again using every excuse for just one more then in a blink in a eye it can be 100000000 down the throat. Sometimes things will happen in life where the pain is so out of control, like if you had surgery or in a car wreak. This is when we must have them handed out to us and try to keep a lid on our addiction. My Dr told me once if I do not need them that bad and could do other OTC then I would be better off..He said even in if I have a little over a Year, I could still find them any where if I want more..Even if I did get some to be handed out..This is where you must keep up the Support in all areas..When we crave we must call someone in AA/NA, Church Sponsor Family, Friend any body who can help us..It will only take a minute to want one and a minute to redirect yourself. We know the drill and we must keep are Armour on at all times..One bite can lead back to a big open wound. I always say the detox is the easy part (hard) but it is staying clean that is the hardest. So you must try to stay Safe and not even walk in them coals becasue you will get burned. SO it is best to stay away from every where or anybody who has them if possible..Yes turn and run..Do not walk RUN!! Your life depends on it.
Bless

[meegWpaw]

Sometimes, when I am in a very rare and confident place, with a good deal of peace of mind and resolve, I will turn away from pills.  In fact, I think I did this maybe two years ago at a gathering at a friend of a friend's house.  I looked in the medicine chest in the bathroom, took out the bottle, opened it, and put it back.  But I really think this was a freak event, that I was able to put them back.  I am pretty certain that if I had pills now I would take them.  If they were within reach and I resisted them, I believe I would eventually give in.  I have the desire to use all the time, and the saving grace is I don't have easy access to pills.

[Pat1956100]

Hi Meegan
You sound so like me.  I have realized that I have no power at all over them and it really upsets me.  I don't want to take them but I think about them so often and I can so see me going into a friend's medicine chest looking for pills.  
They just always seem to be calling my name.  Even when they aren't there.

[kyle505]

A very timely post…I'm pushing two years clean, but I still think about pills every day. If I'm offered pills I won't take them (because I'm afraid that my wife or family may find out), BUT, what is very dangerous for me, is if I'm at a house where I know pills are in the bathroom, etc. That's my temptation. So, I tell my wife what I'm thinking, and she looks in the bathroom for me. Sounds pitiful, but I KNOW my weakness, and I still have to have help.
I is getting a bit easier. Thanks again.
K

[Sonrissa]

I'm not sure how to reply to this. The answer for me is yes, no, maybe. I guess it depends on where you are at in recovery. It was easier for me cause I had no access but my doctor. I had no dealer, no family that takes them, no friends that would even think about offering me anything like that. My doctor is aware that I abused my prescriptions for a long time. When I broke my leg I was freaked out and in complete denial because I was scared. I knew my leg was broken, but I didn't tell anyone for a while. When it finally got so bad that I went to the doctor I was in near hysterics. I'm kind of rambling, but I never worried about pills much, yes I craved them badly, but I had no access. I think that if someone offered me pills out of the blue, like a long lost friend that suddenly called & offered them, I would like to say no! But, honestly I just don't know what I would do. Thank goodness I've never had to find out.

Good post, Pat. And yes, very timely!

[Pat1956100]

Hi my dear Kyle.
I guess being alone in this fight is why I have been isolating myself.  I am afraid of the world out there with all the pills.
Funny story.  I was sitting in the drug store waiting for a prescription for blood pressure to be filled when this elderly lady sat beside me.  She was visiting from England and fell and injured her arm and was in a lot of pain.  She had gone to the ER here.  The pharmacist came over to talk to her and explain her script.  Yup it was Percocet.  I sat and listened to how she had to take them.  They gave her a whole freaking bottle full.  Thoughts of how I could probably get them away from her in the parking lot crossed my mind.  I mean she had one arm in a sling and she was pretty old.  OMG.  I know, I don't think I would ever do that but that whole bottle of pills.  OH wow.  
I worked in bank for years and never took a dime and nor was I ever tempted but when it comes to pills.  Wow.  Scary stuff.

[kyle505]

Pat - I won't tell you about some of the things I've thought of just to get pills. One thing I will share was once when I was driving our old car years ago, I thought about how easy it would be to do a low speed crash in to a light pole. I'd get drugs, and we were planning to buy a new car anyway. I didn't do it, but I came within seconds of doing it. Crazy.
K

[Pat1956100]

Oh Kyle, I get it.  I feel so powerless.  I really do.  I am clean right now and I guess that's a good thing but I am afraid of every tomorrow when I guess I should just be thinking of today.

[spider6]

Hey Pat,
just wanted to chirp.......I think I would take them......sad.
Lucky for me I am secluded and unarmed.  hugs to my fellow
Canadian.

[VICourageous]

Hi Pat..I did not notice this post was from you..It is hard not to think of them when I am Hurting so darn bad that I waste my time under a heating Blanket. Or all the things I have on my plate right now..BUT I still have to be as safe as I can and try to kind of hide, sort of speaking..It seems like every where I turn some one is on something and this makes is so much harder. But now that I have used for so so so many years I find myself telling myself this is pure poison and that I will die if I go down this road one more time.
Be Safe!! You have come to far..
Nice Post.
Bless

[Pat1956100]

Thanks so much
Your posts are very inspiring.
I think you are right.  I "romance" pills.  I should really be thinking of them as poison.  Maybe if I used that word it would be helpful to me.
I sure know how hard it is when you are hurting.  I still reach for them and they aren't there.  It's so automatic.  
I just find I am triggered so easily and wondered how others were feeling about it.  It's just nice to know you're not alone and that others are feeling the same way.

[brandiroars386]

Hi Pat.  First I wanna say this is a great post, makes you think about the reality of things, and we need that.  I hate to admit it, but I think I would take them too.  If I could get away with it and nobody would know, I would totally do it.  That being said, I wouldn't be able to continue to get away with it, as I'm sure someone would quickly figure it out.  I also have triggers, it's important to identify them too, and have a plan in place when it happens.  Good luck to you, and you are not alone

[msdelight]

On day 3 of wd I started a new position. It is "management " Guess who is in charge of "the keys ".  Thought about it a few times. Finally checked it out. TG all pills peel packed. Never ever ever took anything from work. Don't ever plan to. But if my "friend " ever offered or a med cab was looming, IDK.  Today would not be a good day for that!

[OpenMind24hours]

I'm an alcoholic and I got the bug real bad. I used street drugs only to enhance my drinking back in the day. I once tried quitting alcohol on my own using weed only, didn't work. I still craved alcohol. Trouble with alcohol is the fact that it's readily available world wide. The only thing that worked for me was AA. And it took some time, but the cravings completely stopped and I actually got to a point to where the thought of a drink didn't even enter my mind. And my wife drank (socially + as best described) all through our almost 25 year marriage and she still does.

Enter into my life prescribed opiate pills 4 years ago for a blown out back. I immediately got hooked. I stopped going to AA almost completely, but it still took me 2 years on pills before I started drinking again. And the pills enhanced my drinking experience to a dangerous level for a 66 year old. That, and a shattered ego for blowing all that sobriety kept me out until a year ago. The only thing that has been saving my life now is AA/NA, working the program they lay out for me, and making sure I check into this web site every time I get a chance. Even now, a year later, I still think of the pill/booze combo. Just as Kyle so honestly shared here. (I think of others medicine cabinets!) But it does get better Pat. The longer I stay clean the better my recovery gets, yet again. Do I really have a good 2nd recovery?? Dunno. That's why life is taken one day at a time by me. Today is good so far. I'm not responsible for my disease but I'm responsible for my recovery. So every day I participate in my recovery the best I can. I surround myself in the atmosphere of recovery. So far it seems to keep the craves at bay...but I still expect them to come every now and then, and they still do.

Have faith that you're going to be okay, just for today Pat. Tomorrow's another day.

[ROSYouralright]

Its weird with pills bc you never know when you are going to run into them! Literally.... In the beginning it really freaked me out....now I know to extract myself from any situation that is uncomfortable or tempting...

[ricart70]

That's kind of the way I am Rosy. I also try to think about being different and try to concentrate on wanting to live without a chemical crutch of any kind. and just be a clean operating person. It helps but there are times when moods drop and things become less predictable. I definitely steer wide of any of the blatant areas where I have gotten into trouble before. This is a great post.  Thanks Pat

[Kbusymom]

Thanks for the post, and at this time in my recovery- I don't know.  I would like to think I wouldn't use, but don't know if I'm that strong.
My sponsor  has me working on triggers and what to do about them.  One of the biggest ones for me is isolation; it seems to be a big one for all of us.  Since I can't get to many meetings, she told me to call a person in recovery every day so I can get used to reaching out.  It is so hard to reach out!!  She said if I get in the habit of doing this, when I am craving and having triggers that it will be easier to call someone for help. I will be in the habit of reaching out and won't jump head first into a bottle of pills.  

[needhelp144]

Yes lets just say all addicts will use stay far far away from any pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sonrissa]

Great reply, OpenMind! Very honest and insightful. Thanks.

I love this post!

[Ben727]

My heart has always gone out to alcoholics because of the access issue. Booze is everywhere, especially if you live in a western state. I think OpenMind really captured that struggle. This is why I never counted on a lack of access to be the thing that prevents me from using. I "built in" to my own recovery a series of roadblocks that I'd have to clear before using, because I assumed (correctly) that access would happen periodically.

If I were you, I'd spend some time talking to recovering alcoholics about how they deal with the access issue. I think everyone's recovery should have contingency plans to deal with access if and when they comes up.

[Pat1956100]

Thanks to all of you for sharing and for being so honest.  
Like I said before it's nice to know that my feelings are "normal".
I truly admire all of you that have so much clean time and I know it hasn't been easy for any of you.  

[ActingBrandNew]

I guess your question boils down to where an idividual is at with themselves and in their recovery. I mean, its probably best to avoid all situations no matter how long you've been clean but I will say there is no one size fits all answer to your question. There are probably addicts who need to stay away from pills for the rest of there lives...whereas there may be some that can handle being around them. I think the key is just understanding and realizing your limitations and keeping somebody in the loop that will hold you accountable.

I can only speak for myself. My mom takes narcotics and it a chronic pain patient. I visit her every weekend and see her pill bottle sitting out on the counter. I have not once thought about taking any....My dog had surgery and the vet prescribed a bottle of 50mg Tramadol....I never once thought about taking them....

So can it be done....sure. But you just have to be honest with yourself. Ive been clean for almost 4 years. I was not in these situations at 1....2 years clean. This is years later....so, I guess Im just answering your question from where Im at in life.

I dont fantasize about using or none of that stuff anymore. The more distance I put between myself and the last time I used....the easier it gets.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving

[VICourageous]

Hi Again..Openmind reminded me about my drinking days..It has been about 9 years and I do not crave that at all..The thought makes me sick..But last summer when I went to that concert it triggered the drinking days..I did not drink and from there on I have not. OK so today I get a bad call about my Dad. He will be gone anytime now..They sent him to the Hospital..So I put the phone down and all I could think of was I wish I had a pill to numb me. I jumped on here for support and to read. I also called a few friends. So the thought can come when life is not going to good too!!! I will be heading out praying all the way for my sobriety and how proud he is of me right now.
Bless

[dominosarah]

Have you thought about writing a goodbye letter to those pills?  I see you spending so much time romancing them.  Try and refocus.  Spend that time on recovery Pat.  You deserve that~