Seeking encouragement on my journey to FREEDOM - tapering from Suboxone AGAIN

[KLB84]

I am in the process of tapering from Suboxone long-term use. I'm down to almost 1 mg. I've done this before but got scared when it came time to jump and made a bad decision to get some short lasting opiates to help thru the bad parts then got back on Suboxone and spent the last four years maintaining. But a lot has happened since then: a divorce from an abusive husband, moving to another state, finishing College, buying a house and getting a good job. I feel beyond ready now. Just tired of this monkey on my back. After reading my previous posts from 4 years ago I was discouraged to see how close I was to being free when I messed up and reading other people's posts about the horrors of Suboxone was also discouraging. No wonder I was so scared to jump! so I'm moving forward! No one in my life knows except my doctor so I thought it was time to join the community again. I felt good yesterday I took about 1.2 mg. today I've only taken 1 mg and I'm feeling pretty rough. I've been taking 1/3 of a 4mg strip, so 1.33 mg for about a month but it seems like the lower my dose gets the harder each taper is. From what I read this is normal I'm starting to try to work out and I've also started taking a nutritional supplement full of vitamins including B vitamins to help with the energy because that seems to be one of the worst things. I also had my doctor write me a prescription for Gabapentin (a low dose) which I know helped me tremendously before with restless legs. For the last few days trying to get down to 1 mg I feel my anxiety increasing. I'm not really hurting bad but I feel like I'm getting the flu. My life is pretty stable right now emotionally and spiritually so I feel like it's a good time to get off - that and I just hate being on this medication that has such a horrible stigma, that I have to keep hidden and that I'm bound by. I guess the one bad thing is I work a professional job and cannot skip work. I have to go (and perform well) even when I don't feel like it. Also this time around I've been on it almost 5 years  not just one like last time. So anyway, encouragement is welcome.  And if you have any insight into what may help with the flu like symptoms. I've read a lot and been through it once but your input and encouragement are still very welcome to me.

[Ambercrystal]

try kicking with CBD oil it is non-addicting and relaxes you no high.. Google: Kicking methadone and CBD oil. You can buy it on-line without prescription. Also cures cancer and are using it for Children seizures and autoimmune diseases,etc.

[Starlicia49]

I’ve been on suboxin for four years ,taking 1/4 of a piece a day the smallest piece the eye can see why is it so hard for me to get off ?

[Starlicia49]

Any pointers

[KLB84]

Just keep moving forward! Every taper is one step closer! When you're ready you can do it. One more month and I'm jumping! I think you have to want freedom bad enough to go through the pain. if we can go through the pain of tapering this far we can jump. Are you on 1/4 of an 8mg or 4 or 2?

[KLB84]

Ps. And it's hard for you to get off because suboxone is strong! It's hard for most people to get off after being on it this long. But it is possible! I posted a good article on this thread from a dr. Who successfully tapers people off. It has a LOT of good info. Scroll up some and if you can't find it I'll repost after work. It talks about the chemical aspect of getting off Suboxone and what to expect.

[KLB84]

www.pbod.org/detoxing-suboxone-fear-caused-lack-knowledge/

[Starlicia49]

I have took my self off completely, but I’m going through it how long will thi last

[KLB84]

I don't think there an easy answer - everyone is different. From my research the physical pain isn't but a week or so. The longest lasting symptom is lethargy. I've read the average is 30 days from a low dose.  How many mg. Did you jump from? What symptoms are you having?

[Starlicia49]

I used a corner of a strip a day , the smallest piece u can see with your eye

[Starlicia49]

I can’t smell, heart racing headache , how long does this last?

[Starlicia49]

I jumped completely off on the 7th of March, am I almost there yet

[Ben727]

I scanned in like 100 pages of documents and sent them off to my accountant this weekend. I always wait until late in the season, so that means tax time is almost done! One piece of advice I wanted to share is something I got from an addiction specialist when I quit back in 2012: There is a big piece of your life that is involved in the finding, storing, measuring, administering, and tracking of pills (or strips or bags or whatever your DOC is). I can tell by the way you’re so specific about dosage amounts that you’re very organized about this stuff (as I was as well). Finding a healthy hobby or pastime or activity to fill that void might serve you well. I was really proactive and tried several things at once, but what worked for me was carefully tracking, planning, and analyzing swim workouts. Art, music, crafting...there are any number of things that will give your mind something to seize on as a substitute.

One other thing: My observation based solely on years of reading this site is that you’ve tapered far and away more than most people do before jumping. I respect your methods and understand your constraints around work. But there will come a time when you’ll be simply prolonging your suffering by continuing to taper without jumping. Once you’re out of crunch time, make the jump! It is scary, but you can do it!

[KLB84]

I'm back down to .125 mg and I don't think there's another taper left (not much lower I can really go) - as soon as crunch time is over I'm definitely jumping! I'm ready. If I've made it this far I can jump - less than four weeks left which seems like eternity but it will be here before we know it.

[KLB84]

Took .125mg the last two days. Woke up this morning feeling like I was going through full-blown opiate withdrawals and thought what the heck why did I ever get on this stuff?!?!?!

[motye51]

Because we thought it would help us, that's why!!! Lol How are you doing so far...you've come such a long where i KNOW your nit going to turn back now. Are you taking good multivitamin and eating uber heathy? Water, water and water!!! At this point i am going to suggest music...good, happy, up beat music (it helped me tremendously) also watching comics (things that will make you laugh really hard), that will help as well. You see the light, at the end of that tunnel....i know you see it....keep moving forwards...like a knight!

[KLB84]

I am taking a multi vitamin and drinking water and listening to good up beat music! It helps but this still sucks. I'm just dragging myself thru the days. probably tmi but I'm an accountant and it's tax season which is why work is so brutal and impossible to miss so I went back up to .18 mg every 24 hrs - nothing crazy just trying to manage (and this amount is) - think maybe I got too zealous about being off this and thought maybe i was ready to jump... (waited 20 hours between .0625mg doses! but not quiet ready  yet I guess- It was diarrhea aches nausea and all that mess) if i have to wait another month until tax season is over to "jump" when I can miss work its not the end of the world - trying to give myself a break and stop stressing so much. I'm going to just keep stretching out the hours between doses to make the jump as easy as possible (though not anticipating painless). I'm so close I'd rather take it slow than fail. I'm not trying to prolong the misery - just waiting for the right timing. My timing on this sucks. It's just so crazy - I could have felt this bad for less time 5 years ago jumping off hydrocodone - but we live and learn (sometimes the hard way) and never go back! I don't have cravings or want to "use" I just want to be done with this and feel like a normal human again! I really hope jumping at this low a dose won't take as long withdrawing from as some stories I've heard. We'll see. Thank you Melissa for your advice and encouragement. It means more than I can express.

[KLB84]

that's POINT 18 btw not 18mg. I know it sounds crazy but slowly seems to be working for me.

[KLB84]

Finally stabilized on .25 mg Day 2 on .18 mg... really don't think I can jump yet working so many hours but I'm not going backwards. Just taking one day at a time doing the best I can and seeking strength and peace from God. He's bigger than my giants. I pray he'll take this burden away if it's His will but understand too if it's something I just have to endure to come out stronger and never go back.

[KLB84]

It's a roller coaster ride with ups and downs with in the same day- sometimes the same hour. I CAN'T WAIT TO BE FREE AGAIN! But I do wait because I can't miss weeks of work so I just keep struggling through the days knowing it won't be like this forever (slowly but surely). I'm so close. I REFUSE to go backward. I'm 33. Too much of my life and energy have been spent on this. I'm ready to move FORWARD.  I'm struggling physically but I have hope and I have not lost faith. I'm at .25mg per day. Very soon I will jump. One hour at a time...

[motye51]

I wanted to give you a piece of advice I was given around 6 months into recovery.
"ANYTHING, you put in front of your recovery......you will eventually loose"

I was at a time when I felt like well, things are getting back on track, bills are being paid (on time I might add, lol) but husband wasn't.  He was starting to feel a bit neglected b/c I jumped into recovery head first.  So to appease him I started slacking off on meetings and step work.  It wasn't long before I found myself in a situation where I wanted to use....REALLY FREAKIN BAD!  I called my sponsor and she was like well...been going to meetings (nope), been working your step work (nope), been in touch with other addicts (nope)....what did you expect.  I have to remember that I have all of these things, husband, children, work, yoga, friends, family, etc....a good freaking life....because of N/A.  Your recovery must come first....If you take care of yourself, it makes you a better partner, lover and friend!  Just a tidbit....

Much Love,
Melissa

[KLB84]

Oh Melissa, I know you're right. This was probably one of the reasons I failed last time - I was juggling school work and a demanding husband. At least this time it's only work. And my bf knows and luckily understands my recovery needs to come first. He reminds me sometimes too. even though he's never been through this. It's just tough - juggling things. Its tough even when you aren't an addict! I can't say work is all bad though- it keeps me busy and I can't imagine sitting at home all day just thinking and hurting. Just wish the hours weren't so long right now. Still, I wouldn't get so stressed if I didn't put work right up there in priorities with recovery - i think part of its a mind thing. I'm too hard on myself when I can't do everything 100 percent - it's like you've said, gotta be ok with not being ok for a little bit.